Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 26 to 37 of 37

Thread: Not A Man

  1. #26
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,712
    Quote Originally Posted by Jade P View Post
    My wife saw an old picture of me the other day and said, thats when I liked being married to you because you were a man. I said I still am. She said No you are not. I thought about what she said and she is right. I am neither a man or a woman, I am in between both, I am half man and half woman. A little background. I came out to my wife of over 30 years 4 years ago. I under dress in panties and pantyhose daily but want to wear more feminine clothing. I also shave my body. I dont want to have surgery but I would like to dress more often in private and be more of a woman around the house. My wife isnt attracted to me anymore, she has told me she likes masculine men. We are married friends, but she is unhappy and feels stuck in our marriage.
    Both you and your wife are confused. You are still a "man".

    You may be a man who likes to wear women's clothes, but you are still a man.

    I'm sorry your wife isn't attracted to you anymore, but this often happens in marriages. Perhaps counselling would help or perhaps a divorce would be the best thing.
    Krisi

  2. #27
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,140
    Discovering feminine things about her mate, can lead to all sorts of insecure feelings for a woman. After all, most women get part of their identity from the traits of the man they marry; what he does for a living, what he looks like, his status in the community, his financial assets, his family's place in the world, all matter. Physical security is important too, as she will want someone who will protect her from harm should the need arise. And, of course, someone who will provide income, support, and a stable home for her and her children.
    So when you introduce the girly part of you into the equation, it can kill off the sexual desire she feels for you; once that is gone, she will want to replace that with someone else, and once she does, your relationship is essentially over, or at best, reduced to being 'just friends'. Sex becomes something that you have with each other just because it's convenient, the only 'legal' option, or for religious reasons.

    IN short, women want masculine men, and men want feminine women. (usually, there will always be a few who want other things, but not enough for all the crossdressers to be able to find a woman of their own, who is turned on by a feminine man).

    OTOH, Men primarily look for someone that they want to have sex with; everything else, comes a distant second.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  3. #28
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    Posts
    1,545
    Sad to read the original post. It's something I have spent my married life trying to ensure never happens. I'm me, there is a woman inside and a male appearance outside. Not much I can do about that without screwing up the lives of myself and others. I like to think I'm intelligent, so I live a massive compromise. My wife has been my rock my purposes for so many years. Her life/happiness matters as much to me as my own, it gives me a focus away from my personal desires, so I know I will never go further and accept what is. We have achieved so much together. No amount of personal achievement could ever surpass that. We are a team.
    Last edited by Jane G; 07-27-2022 at 04:33 AM.

  4. #29
    Junior Member Jade P's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2020
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    88
    Biologically yes I am a Man. I am so feminine sometimes that both my wife and I feel I am not a man but also not a woman. I accept and love being gender fluid. I wont have surgery because I am fine with my body. My wife though isnt attracted to me, she wants a normal man. I agree with many that couples counseling may help but my wife refuses to go. I have gone to therapy and it helped. I understand this has always been a part of me and I should have told my wife before we married. Like many here, I try to compromise but also need to be who I really am and that can damage relationships.

    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    Both you and your wife are confused. You are still a "man".

    You may be a man who likes to wear women's clothes, but you are still a man.

    I'm sorry your wife isn't attracted to you anymore, but this often happens in marriages. Perhaps counselling would help or perhaps a divorce would be the best thing.
    Last edited by Jade P; 07-27-2022 at 06:33 AM.

  5. #30
    Member ronny0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    South West USA
    Posts
    397
    We all change as we age, although shifting from male to female may be a deal breaker for some if not many.
    On the same note, 30 years ago I was 30#'s thinner, and to some that weight might be a deal breaker.
    Best anyone can do is try to live the life they feel will make themselves and others happy.
    To stay in a relationship BECAUSE...... Isn't health for anyone......
    Come to think of it. Back in the dark ages and up till who knows when, women (many times) were stuck in what ever relationship they started off in.
    Still today some people stay married for lots of reasons including love, but not limited to that.....
    Considering the way the world is spinning, apparently MM or FF relationships are now considered as normal as MF.
    So who is to say what is normal what is OK or what tomorrow may offer.....
    SORRY for the rambling....
    To say you are still a MAN might be stretching what society wants to define as a MAN.
    If that were 10K % True, then we all would be able to wear whatever we desired w/o any fear from what others think.
    And for most on this site, what others think of us holds us back from what we feel we want to wear in public.
    Good Luck, you are in a no win relationship, might be time to move on...
    No guarantees as to what tomorrow may bring.

  6. #31
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,712
    Quote Originally Posted by Jade P View Post
    Biologically yes I am a Man. I am so feminine sometimes that both my wife and I feel I am not a man but also not a woman. I accept and love being gender fluid. I wont have surgery because I am fine with my body. My wife though isnt attracted to me, she wants a normal man. I agree with many that couples counseling may help but my wife refuses to go. I have gone to therapy and it helped. I understand this has always been a part of me and I should have told my wife before we married. Like many here, I try to compromise but also need to be who I really am and that can damage relationships.
    OK, you are at a crossroads with your marriage. You have to decide if you love your wife enough to make some changes in this "gender fluid" thing. Perhaps therapy would help, perhaps you can make the necessary changes on your own or perhaps you care more about "who you really are" than your wife and marriage. You don't have to be "so feminine", it's in your mind and being in your mind, it is something that you can change if you want to badly enough.

    It's up to you.
    Krisi

  7. #32
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,564
    A spouse that is unwilling to go to counseling is a spouse that is not wanting to be in the marriage. Counseling is not torture. It's not a death sentence. It's simply an expenditure of time and effort. If a spouse isn't willing to do that, they do not value the relationship in any meaningful way.

    It's unfortunate that you didn't tell your wife before you married. But, that's the past. It can't be changed. There's no do-over.

    Thing is, we are what we are. We don't suddenly become feminine because we put on a pair of pantyhose. Whether you are dressed as a woman to the hilt, or dressed as an unshaven man heading off to the grocery store on a Saturday morning, you are you and have always been you. Your wife fell in love with you, and whether she wishes to acknowledge it or not the reality is she fell in love with a man who has feminine aspects.

    I can understand her view; there are many women who can't un-see their husbands dressed en femme and lose attraction for them. That's not a logical choice. It's an emotional one. Logic and emotion don't speak to each other.

  8. #33
    Senior Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Tampa
    Posts
    1,198
    Fortunately I told my wife before we were married. The first time I got a makeover she was shocked. I think she thought I would just look like a guy with makeup. She did go to a few cd parties with me but told me it really was not her thing. So she accepts my dressing and the fact that I am gender fluid. She just asks that I not wear feminine attire when we go out. This, in my opinion, is a reasonable request. I shop for women's clothes and makeup with her and we have a lot of laughs. Overall I am lucky she is so open minded.

  9. #34
    Junior Member Jade P's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2020
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    88
    My wife has told me that the only reason she stays married to me is because of our family. We are empty nesters and grandparents. So living as married friends is the result. We do have good times and bad mostly related to me being gender fluid. Separate bedrooms and no intimacy. My wife did agree to marry a man 30 years ago. My need to be feminine just increases over time. I accept and love the way I am.

  10. #35
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    Posts
    1,545
    Being feminine is less important that simply being yourself. My wife caught me dressed years after we married. She married the man. She still loves the man, but crucially she knows me. Who I am, that I won't change. So I can still be the man she loves and she accepts there is much more to me than that.

    I hope you two can find that balance.

    I first went to a councillor alone. Crucially my wife eventually attended one session, where a third independent party was able to tell her what she already knew. That I was a bit different to most men and would never change. That single session was a vital point for us. It was 30+ years ago.
    Last edited by Jane G; 08-01-2022 at 10:36 AM.

  11. #36
    A Brave Freestyler JohnH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Irving, TX
    Posts
    1,831
    My wife tells me in a good natured way, "You are not a man".
    John (Legal name)

    Used Johanna in the past but no longer.

  12. #37
    Junior Member Jade P's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2020
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    88
    My wife isnt good natured about it but she isnt being mean either. I think she is just being truthful that she doesnt see me as a man anymore.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State