Thoughts if someone wants you to stop

[Helena J]

Haven't posted in a long time context 20 years ago there was this girl I was madly in love with she kept breaking my heart back then also back then she was a completely difrent person your tipical out of control and dating wrong guys etc any case didn't see her again after that for probably 10 or 15 years then we started messaging each other and just talking but she changed difrent personality and she really did let her self go doesn't even look the same anymore she was married and deforced whent extremely deep into religion etc so we talked and it was fine then she told me 1 day that I'm too dark and if I can't change that we shouldn't hang anycase thats not the point. So didn't talk for a while again think 5 years so in that time I lost my dad last year to covid so 3 days ago she pops back into my life so we started talking again I play open cards I tell her about my dressing up etc and sent her pictures etc she said that I looked better than her in woman's clothes and I looked exotic she seems fine with it but she thinks I must go for some church sessions (sozo sessions or something) with her to discuss this I told her honestly I'm not ready for that and I'm fine with this part of myself so we keep on talking.So we go to meetup for coffee for the 1st time again in ages she still let herself go even more we talked and it was nice reconnecting and just talking and being open about my dressing up so we say our good byes. Then she massaged me that she really likes me but that I have to stop dressing up if we do hookup. So my thing is I'm happier when I do dress up it's part of me and secondly I don't have those feelings for this version of her I fell in love with the old her now the difrence between the 2 versiona is like night and day am I wrong that I just don't find her attractive any more she has really let her self go badly also I will be unhappy if I force myself to not dress for her and resent her. Plus its wrong from her to expect that but she did say in her message that she doesn't want to be the person to make me unhappy. Haven't answered her yet really thinking hard about this am I wrong in thinking this way.

Update:
Replied to her told her that I can't stop and that it would make me miserable if I forced myself to not dressup and that this is part of me and it comes from deep down in my soul and that I am only looking for a friend and that I would understand if she doesn't want anything to do with me.
She replied basically that it was a moment of weakness and loneliness that she said that because she was dealing with alot of family drama and fighting etc. But here's the thing that really disappoints me she said that she didn't aprove about the dressing and if we are going to be friends that she's not going to pretend to be ok with it because she will feel like a fake. So now basically its the same thing just in a different way then it's still wrong I shared a really big part of myself to her I'm just not even going to reply to it and the biggest kick out off all of this is the fact that today is the 1 year anniversary of my dads passing and she knew this i told her when we met up for coffee she could have tough at least that I would be extra emotional because of that.