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Thread: Do you have a male or female doctor and should you come out to them?

  1. #1
    New Member traciJ's Avatar
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    Do you have a male or female doctor and should you come out to them?

    Continuing with a topic brought up in another thread - I am wondering how other ladies here address the topic of being a crossdresser with their physician. Since the pandemic it has been a while since I have seen my doctor in person. Since then I have lost weight, started shaving my body and private parts more. I started seeing my doctor at a large HMO many years ago and I specifically chose a female doctor because I am uncomfortable with male doctors. At my upcoming appointment I think it is going to be pretty obvious that I am going for a more feminine look. Should I just keep quiet and only discuss it if she brings it up or should I make a point of coming out to her? I am worried my care, which has been excellent, may change if she is uncomfortable or maybe she will recommend I start seeing a different doctor. I guess I should make a change if she is uncomfortable with TG's or gays in general. Best case is she draws me out on the subject and puts me at ease. In which case are there any relevant health concerns we should be discussing above and beyond safe sex practices? I have questions on my hormone levels decreasing with age, supplements, related stress and mental health, will everything be put in my medical record for anyone to see, in general how to safely pursue being more feminine. I welcome any thoughts or experiences you may have. Thanks,
    Traci

  2. #2
    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤ ️ Patience's Avatar
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    The doctor is unlikely to mention it if you don't. Physicians in your area are probably more used to this kind of thing than in certain other places.

    And crossdressing is not a disease. I don't believe it is absolutely necessary to discuss it with them. The question is, do you want to and why.

    Mydoctor is male. I have not felt the need to come out to him even though other people there have seen me dressed (lab work, pharmacy, etc).
    Last edited by Patience; 08-05-2022 at 01:39 PM. Reason: Added personal info.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  3. #3
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I have a female doctor. Over the years, I have changed providers as work and life have taken me to new places. Each time I seek out a female provider. I think, yes you should come out to your provider if it has the potential for affecting your health care decisions. I did and frankly both my provider and the support staff have been amazingly supportive.

    I added the emphasis after the fact. I will also add this further information: I have discussed my gender identification with my health care providers as part of a long and unresolved consideration of the risks and benefits of HRT.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 08-07-2022 at 01:26 PM.

  4. #4
    Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    I read a quote recently about CD's coming out to people that stuck with me - "If someone doesn't have a need to know, don't tell them." I think that's good advice and I wouldn't discuss it with your doc unless she brings it up.
    YOLO

  5. #5
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fiona_44 View Post
    I read a quote recently about CD's coming out to people that stuck with me - "If someone doesn't have a need to know, don't tell them." I think that's good advice and I wouldn't discuss it with your doc unless she brings it up.
    That would be my advice as well.
    Krisi

  6. #6
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    From a medical point of view, Kim is correct that you providing the information is beneficial if it affects your health. Otherwise, unless you are TG and wanting HRT, simply being CD is not a health issue. Mental health is another issue. If your physician brings up the question, be honest.

  7. #7
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I am a CD, not a trans.

    I think mentioning my dressing could only DISTRACT from my health care and needs. And, wouldn't help in any way!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Hi Traci,the old days of knowing your dr and they knowing you have long gone in the UK. Certainly where I live under the NHS. If you are lucky to get an appointment it is with whoever is available.So unless you want to share with several different Drs . Its in my view not worth the bother. Also as Fiona has pointed out. If they dont need to know, don?t tell them . If its a problem they will only refer you to someone elsewhere any way.

  9. #9
    New Member traciJ's Avatar
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    We seem to have a consensus building that it is better to not address the CD topic with your doctor unless there is a medical necessity. I guess I'll avoid intentionally bringing it up because 1) I am worried it may change our long standing patient doctor good relationship 2) it may compromise my privacy by being in my medical record 3) there is really no immediate medical need to. If she takes a look at me and starts asking questions, I'll have to decide in the moment how much I want to get into it. I suspect her only interest will be to decide if she needs to pass me on to the psych department just to cover herself. She doesn't know I have already done that privately with poor results.
    Traci

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    I'm in a unique situation. All my physicians, nurses, etc. at the VA know I CD. I have private practice physicians who do not know. The reason is they are the same doctors my wife sees, and I don't want to cause her any embarrassment by "our" doctors knowing. All my care givers are of the female variety. I have no male doctors. What's off is that prior to our move last fall all my doctors except 1 were male. I actually like the current situation better.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
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    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  11. #11
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    I have the same doctor since I was maybe 40. this was maybe 2004 or 5. I was wearing a yellow camp shirt, chic khaki shorts a bra and panties walking out of kmart, My doctor and his son were walking in, we met in the parking lot, he was looking to buy a blue tarp for his son's boy scout camping trip. I told him to go across the street to Harbor Freight, they'd have what he wanted. He placed his hand on my shoulder and patted me on the back. I know he had to have felt the bra strap and if not, he certainly felt the bra clasp. "You doing all right?" Sure I said and we went on our way.

    At my next appointment yearly physical he asked again if I was doing ok. I said sure and He said "We were worried about you for a while." well I'm better now. LOL Looking back, my wife and I were separated at the time and I was full blown into dressing androgenously. I still dress that way and I'm doing ok.

    I just went this week for my medicare yearly.... you know LOL, the one where they ask if you have fallen lately, do I feel safe at home, am I depressed etc. I passed. The week before the cardiologist took me off two of the three blood thinners I was on and, after a watchman device inserted and two cardio versions.... she told me I am doing fine and come back in three months.
    Last edited by Ann Simpson; 08-05-2022 at 09:10 PM. Reason: subject/verb agreement

  12. #12
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    My doctor is male. I have been to his office 3 or 4 times since his taking me on, and for my very first visit, I wore a skirt, heels and a nice top. As I always do, I made no effort to disguise myself as a woman. We discussed the issues I needed to discuss, and then it was over. There was no mention of my gender presentation by either of us. Not A Big Deal

    I'm sure that any doctor with minimal practice time behind them sees everything in the gender spectrum and has no issue with crossdressing unless the patient mentions it as a concern.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    First, are you kidding, you live in San Francisco. I'm sure the doctor has seen it all.

    The only real question is if you want to transition, and/or, want to go on hormone replacement therapy.

    She may recommend another doctor. If your answer is yes.

  14. #14
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    They're on a 'need to know' basis. If I feel that my crossdressing is in any way causing any health problems, I will tell them. So far, the only things I've mentioned, is the nerve damage I got from wearing shoes that were too small for my giant feet when I was growing up. They were so tight, that my toes were tingling, and eventually going numb after wearing them for too long, and eventually, the tingling didn't go away completely even after having taken off the shoes hours or even days later. If pressed, I will admit to wearing my sister's narrow shoes a lot when I was a kid. They never ask me to elaborate further than that.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I'm a crossdresser, so I see no need to inform my PCP of my status. Were I trans and things like hormones and other issues required it, I would.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    My wife and I share a GP and she has an iron-clad "don't tell people" rule, so I haven't said a word to him.

    Being a veteran, I primarily go to the VA doctors. I've had both male and female doctors, but since they seem to change with the seasons and I don't go very often, I haven't gotten into "personal" issues with any of them. I don't seen any reason to discuss it with them - at this point. If I ever lose my wife and if I then decide to once again pursue a more feminine path, I might reconsider. Until then - no.

  17. #17
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    My doctor is female and I have been seeing her for about ten years. The office I go to has a holistic approach to the care they provide, and I agree with that. Since I consider myself more trans in nature and not "just a crossdresser" I felt it was important as part of my overall care for them to know. So one day at my annual physical when asked to strip down to my underwear I also took off my socks too so my painted toenails would be on display. When my doctor came in she commented on the "nice color" which began a discussion of my thoughts and feelings on gender and such. She was a complete professional but not in a distant, clinical sense. Since that time some years ago I have been back twice a year on a routine basis and the care provided is just as good now as it has ever been and I continue to have a very good relationship with my doctor.

  18. #18
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, medicine today tends to be on the whole body approach rather than the individual ailments. After all, everything is connected and your sense of self greatly affects your health and visa versa. Especially if your gender "issues" act as a stressor in your life at times. In that regard your doctor should know about your psychological self as well as your physical self.

    However, I have not told my doctor about my gender variance. I guess it is the need to know policy that keeps me from doing it, but I also recognize that maybe there is a need to know, irrespective of whether it has any effect or not. Mixed feelings. It is probably better to tell and it not be of concern than your doctor not knowing and it is a factor in your health.

  19. #19
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    My DR has seen my toes painted and commented. We are pretty friendly. We talk fishing and I do not fish but he does.

    Anyway, Trans or dressing does not come up. But! This is a big one. His nurse was drawing blood for some tests and we were chatting away and she stopped dead in her tracks and asked me if I was on hormones. I said no and asked why, she said the blood would have to have a different color to identify that fact. I am not sure why she asked but I really wish my answer was yes.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth G View Post
    My doctor is female and I have been seeing her for about ten years. The office I go to has a holistic approach to the care they provide, and I agree with that. Since I consider myself more trans in nature and not "just a crossdresser" I felt it was important as part of my overall care for them to know. So one day at my annual physical when asked to strip down to my underwear I also took off my socks too so my painted toenails would be on display. When my doctor came in she commented on the "nice color" which began a discussion of my thoughts and feelings on gender and such. She was a complete professional but not in a distant, clinical sense. Since that time some years ago I have been back twice a year on a routine basis and the care provided is just as good now as it has ever been and I continue to have a very good relationship with my doctor.
    I do not hide the real me from my medical practitioners. Most of my doctors are female and I have two male doctors. I present as a feminine male so when they see me, they know that I'm gender nonconforming. It is not a big deal.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie5004 View Post
    My DR has seen my toes painted and commented. We are pretty friendly. We talk fishing and I do not fish but he does.

    Anyway, Trans or dressing does not come up. But! This is a big one. His nurse was drawing blood for some tests and we were chatting away and she stopped dead in her tracks and asked me if I was on hormones. I said no and asked why, she said the blood would have to have a different color to identify that fact. I am not sure why she asked but I really wish my answer was yes.

    Many males have painted toenails now-a-days. it is like earrings or tattoos.
    You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    I think you have anything which affects you in certain areas you have to tell your doctor.

    For example:
    Mental health
    Stress
    Anxiety
    Depression
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    I had the same doctor for over thirty years. When he retired and I had to find a new doctor it was after my wife had passed and I was still dealing with how to go forward as a single person. I had to fill out a new form listing my health issues and concerns. I decided was going to be completely transparent, so I listed gender dysphoria as one of several. My new doctor is a woman and I like her. She is both friendly and thorough, and has made what I feel are the proper referrals to deal with my issues.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  23. #23
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    I have 2 female doctors. I really see no reason to tell them
    Unless health issues arise from the crossdressing. Kind of unlikely.

    I did see a counselor with my ex-wife for a while.
    The subject of the crossdressing did come up then. But the counselor was very professional and saw the way bigger issues we had
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  24. #24
    Member Charla's Avatar
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    I always try to pick female doctors as I am more comfortable around them, although no male doctors have had an issue with my transgender status. I recently went to a female cardio and did the whole new patient work up. After a while, she came back into the exam room and asked if I had a preference in pronouns. I was presenting as male, so I said male pronouns, but I guess the presence of estradiol and progesterone on my meds was a giveaway, wasn’t it? She was respectful and said she wanted to be respectful if my choices.

  25. #25
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    I don?t think Doctor want to spend the time on a discussion on crossdressing. What do you want him to ask, why are you doing it? Do you enjoy it ? Discuss your panties color? Not right
    If you have a question they will either answer it or normally send you to the proper Doctor

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