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Thread: Why do you crossdress?

  1. #1
    Junior Member P_Alexis's Avatar
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    Mar 2022
    SW, Michigan

    Why do you crossdress?

    I have been asked by my wife since she has found out. Why do I cross dress? She thinks I want to dress as a woman all the time. That is not the case. I enjoy dressing en femme about three times a week. On the weekends I'm normally en femme in the morning until we have to run errands. I do it once during the work week in which I go to a local bar in full dress & makeup to have a couple drinks & enjoy myself. For me it's a fulfillment. I feel it makes me feel whole meaning the part of me that was missing for the longest time. I now find myself getting a little excited but not over excited. It makes me feel younger than what I am, currently 51 turning 52 this year. All my reasons to her are too vague. I'm trying to better explain myself to help her, so she accepts my cross dressing. What are your reasons?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Aug 2021
    New Jersey
    When i first came out to my wife, she asked the same question of me. I rather inarticulately bumbled through an answer, trying to describe the sensuous, euphoric feelings, living in the moment, etc. At one point she stopped me and said "Oh, you want to feel sexy!" I knew then she got it, and we were going to be OK.

  3. #3
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Area Zona
    So, they can see that it fills a desire and still have to ask.
    I think they need a reassurance that they are not the cause.
    Could she have possibly been hinting why so much?
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  4. #4
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Not everybody crossdresses for the same reason. Using a generalization that is way too generalized, we do it because it expresses the way we feel. Now that needs to be tied down better. The expression "I feel like a woman" ties it down a tad better. It is a motivation to dress in a way that matches the sense of self.

    But that is only for those that lean more toward transgender. For crossdressers who do not feel that identity shift it may be sexual or it may just because they like the look and feel of women's clothes which are usually more colorful and comfortable than is often the case with men's clothes. Perhaps the message here is that there is no single reason that fits all, but many reasons that tend to be pretty individualized.

    But if she accepts your crossdressing that is a big plus and not the usual pattern. Most women take a long time to reach the point of acceptance and I suspect a majority don't really get to that point. You are fortunate.

  5. #5
    Member Teresa.Smith.VA's Avatar
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    May 2021
    The reasons why I enjoy cross dressing evolved over time, but I have always been totally honest about sharing those reasons with my wife. It's fair to say that we evolved together, which had the benefit of her understanding and full support. In many cases, my wife was able to help me understand my own compulsions before I was able to fully understand it.

    The lesson learned was that the more I shared, the more support and participation I received. Of course many wives simply can not and will not even try. There are many understandable reasons for that which many times results in a DADT accommodation.

    I pinch myself every day that I am one of the lucky ones who enjoys the high level of acceptance from my wife, which results in lots of fun time for us both, instead of conflict, misunderstanding, and hurt feeling.
    Fact: Some members can never post pictures in their feminine finery to support their stories and experiences. Please be understanding and kind.

  6. #6
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    For me, I am not sure there is a good answer to this question. Might as well try to answer any similar question like "why do you like chocolate" or "why do you like sports" or "why do you the music you listen to". Some things in life are just personal preferences that really have no logical explainaiton. I suffered with trying to understand why I have this desire and never found an answer that makes sense. Once I gave up this effert to understand and just accepted my desire, life became easier. I enjoy my time enfemme and I am OK with not having the answer as to why I do. Once I accepted that my desire to dress does not make me a bad person the struggle to understand why left me.

    I also like steamed broccolli with butter and parmesan cheese on top. I still don't know why? Maybe you girls can help me solve that question.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    I find socialization intuitively obvious presenting female while it is awkward as a guy.


  8. #8
    Member AmeeJo's Avatar
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    Feb 2022
    Central Valley, CA
    Nothing makes me feel sexier than being dressed as a woman. I love the rush and the feeling of euphoria I feel when I am dressed. I am slowly expanding my experiences outside of my private comfort zone and so far it has been wonderful!! I am finding lots of acceptance as well as assistance from the limited exposure to my femme life out of the home.
    We can only achieve what we dare to reach for.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    Alexis, as my forum name states I always have. I stopped questioning why a long time ago.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  10. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    My wife asked this question during "The Talk." I fumbled around trying to come up with some plausible answer. I had to admit to her, "I do not know why I do what I do!" I my mind there is a difference between how I may feel when I am wearing women's clothing and the motivation to do it in the first place. Why would a man risk all the negative consequences society heaps on cross dressers? Why not some other outlet? Why repeat the activity once it blows up in a guy's face? Some can easily suppress the desire while other are constantly haunted by it.

    A counselor I see for combat related PTSD issues is of the opinion that each man or woman has some dna of the opposite gender within him or her. In some it is greater than others. I hang around with a combat support group of old guys. I am the sole guy who has not medicated with drugs and alcohol. In the past when I wanted to "escape" the demons of war, it was seeking calmness and serenity wearing women's attire brought on. That still does not explain why I as a single digit male child felt compelled wear my wear my mother's clothing.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    Jun 2005
    I prefer the clothes. I like feminine clothing. I actually look much better in make up and body shapers. A big part is that men's clothing is BORING. Women have a much larger choice of looks available to them. From style itself (dress, skirts, blouses, pantsuit, etc) to colors and patterns.

  12. #12
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    After decades of dressing and asking myself this question I still haven't found an answer.
    The only thing I can say is that it just feels right and makes me feel a way I have never felt any other way.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  13. #13
    Junior Member
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    Apr 2022
    It's as simple as this for me. Girl clothes are much prettier than guys, feel a lot better on my body and I am so much more comfortable in them. I may not look good in them but I love how cute the clothes are and how I feel wearing them. I am a straight male, think of myself as cis-male and have no desire to transition or pretend to be female. Just love the clothes.

    Like others have said - there are so many different reasons why folks dress.

  14. #14
    New Member
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    Jul 2022
    I remember two instances from my pre-grade school days. My mother, who was raised in a family of girls, had bought me these briefs that the front was like a pair of boxers and same material and the back was a regular brief. I hated those. I begged mom to buy me regular underpants. Not until these get worn out or too small. So I started damaging them. tried to cut them with a pocket knife. Mom caught me--I told her I hated those. She sweet talked me and conned me again.
    The second time we were in Woolworth's, she and I --- For whatever reason we were in the women's department. Remember how those bins or tables with glass dividers and panteis sorted by sizes? Mom was looking at something. In my mind I'm thinking bras, but I am probably projecting. I was standing by a center bin of panties. Some of them were colored. I was fascinated by a pair of yellow nylon panties. they looked so smooth and pretty compared to what I was wearing.
    I knew there was no way Mom would buy them for, now, almost 65 years later I suspect she might have if I would have asked. I thought about stealing them...but I'm a catholic and I just knew I'd walk out of the store with them in my pocket and get hit by a truck and go straight to hell Nope shoplifting was out. I'm standing there looking at them when a woman comes up and starts looking through the panties.
    After this I confined my panty feelings to looking at catalogues. When I was 13 I bought a 3 pack at Shopper's Fair. I told the cashier I was buying them for my girlfriend. I don't understand why I like dressing in women's clothing, I just feel better when I do.
    Last edited by Ann Simpson; 08-13-2022 at 02:05 PM. Reason: grammar

  15. #15
    Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    Jul 2021
    Why do you build a racecar in your garage? Why do you play guitar? Why do you learn to fly? Why do you learn to sew? Why do you bake amazing things? Why do you sculpt your hedges? Why do you wear dresses? Why do you............

    Because you like to.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Jan 2022
    My answer is like Teri Ray's - I really don't know why I dress. What i do know however is that once I gave up being ashamed at my dressing and stopped trying to understand why I did it, I truly accepted my being a cross dresser and quickly blossomed into dressing fully and going out in public en femme.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Nov 2021
    Merseyside UK
    I don?t know why but I like it. Think thats from a song but its true.Early days there was a sexual element. These days it is how it makes me feel which is good.It is a form of escapism and relaxation, When I dress I feel that I can forget all my worries.

  18. #18
    Amanda countrygirl's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    Sandston, Virginia
    Why not. I look into the mirror and I see a female looking back. It is me.

  19. #19
    Member IwishIwasTracy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    I have done it my whole life. So wearing female clothing just feels natural. My wife and I have been having a lot of discussions about my dressing lately. If I can relate it to something she is interested in she seems willing to listen and try and understand. Last week we talked about dopamine and how as a young person I probably got a dopamine charge out of putting on my sister's clothes and that has carried over to today. That made sense to her.


  20. #20
    Member Mackem Sue's Avatar
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    May 2019
    North East England
    I don't know.

    Resisting it made me miserable. Purging made me feel worse and those days are over. Accepting it made me feel better about myself. I've done it since I was a child and it isn't just going to go away. I feel better in women's clothes than men's.

    It's compulsive, addictive and enjoyable. And unlike other addictions, it doesn't harm your health. That's unless you twist your ankle when wearing heels.

    Some women present more en femme and some not. It appears to be the same for us crossdressers.

    Last edited by Mackem Sue; 08-13-2022 at 06:46 PM.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Happilymarriedguy's Avatar
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    Sep 2013
    Nebraska USA
    I've asked myself this question several times over the years.
    When I first started wearing women's clothing it was during my teenage years, and I used them more for a fetish thing than anything else.
    I have evolved over the years and now wearing women's clothing just relaxes me. I love the different styles, colors and fabrics that women's clothing offers.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2022
    Coastal SC
    My wife has asked me why. I honestly do not know why I cross dress. What I do know is what the results of my crossdressing are. I feel 100% calm. I feel 100% comfortable. I feel 100% at ease. I don't have a care in the world. I enjoy the feel and softness of the clothing. Wearing a bra and forms allows me to enjoy a lifelong boob fetish even when by myself. The feel of nylons hugging my legs is wonderful. There is simply nothing about CDing I don't enjoy other than my wife wondering what is wrong with me.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Davina2833's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    E TN

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same way.
    Especially your last part, "There is nothing about CDing I don't enjoy other than
    my wife wondering what is wrong with me"

    Truer words never spoken.


  24. #24
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
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    Aug 2007
    Pacific North West
    I am not sure and have discussed this with my therapist.

    Initially it was a sexual excitement thing. Not really any more.

    I do feel sexy when I dress as a woman. I do love feminine clothing so much more fun and soft.

    I wish they were not so expensive. lol

    Male clothing is boring

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    I absolutely agree with everything you said prene. You really and honestly can't get away from the sexual element to CDing. Same goes for me and no doubt many others as well. I would also add that womens clothes also have a much wider variety in terms of overall designs and patterns as well.
    Last edited by char GG; 08-14-2022 at 06:33 AM. Reason: Not necessary to quote the entire post directly before yours

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