Not as expected

[Valerie Louise]

Hi girls. This will be a long one, so pass if you like.
I've recently started going out as Val, having attended a Rori's Tea Party in Chicago, and my first shopping visit to a local Kohls. Last weekend I decided to attend a social event run by Chi Chapter of Chicago, which I've recently joined. This is held at a hotel bar, which is fairly well populated. I made reservations at the hotel so I could get ready without a lot of fuss.
I still do not have my feet under me as far as going out, but its quickly improving. A fantasy has been to go to restaurant, either by myself or with my wife. I envision myself relaxed, dressed appropriately, but in a dress, and attracting some attention, but not much.
As I got ready for this Chicago social, it occurred to me to suggest a dinner to the organizer, and while she had to decline, she connected me with another CD who has also wished for a sit-down dinner, instead of bar food. I'll call her Janet, because I don't want to use her actual femme name here. We texted, shared photos, she reassured me I looked good enough to go out, and we set up time and place to meet.
Things started to go off the rails as soon as I got to the hotel registration desk. My reservation was for the wrong date, and getting that sorted out took a long time. By the time I was in the room, I only had two hours left before Janet would pick me up. I'm still not skilled at makeup, so it seems to take forever to get to where I can barely accept it. Even though I've had some laser treatments, I still have beard on the upper lip, and I must've painted a pound of red lipstick and concealer on it, and it STILL showed through! Yes, I've successfully put on the magnetic lashes at home a couple times, but when the time came now, I failed miserably and could not make them reliably stay in place. As the clock ticked down, I had to dress, and gave up on putting my carefully painted press on nails, and almost forgot my jewelry. Wig on, quick brushing, some wig spray, pick up purse and out the door. I'm sure this panic to get ready, has only happened to me.
So, yes, out the door. Out in a hotel third floor corridor, as Valerie, and I'm going to the elevator. I don't have time to hesitate, I'm late for Janet. No time to think about - I'm in a small elevator with a man I don't know. No time to think about walking across a crowded lobby, but remember posture and manage the purse. Holy cow, I'm at her car and I climb in, hopefully as a lady would.
Janet was awesome, a couple years my junior, but she's been out and about a lot. She again reassured me, and off we went to the restaurant, which was close by. As we drove by, I realized it was in a cluster of nice restaurants which are tied to a shopping mall. It was absolute chaos outside, with the restaurant entries packed with people waiting. Janet had made reservations, so we step out of the car (I'm in broad daylight as Val in a crowded shopping mall parking lot), walk to the restaurant, chatting as we go, and we are seated! Its as if nothing is unusual. Now, I do not even come close to passing. But the wait staff, and more interestingly, the rest of the people, paid no attention to us, at all. I know this is written in many other threads, but really, nothing at all. Janet thinks of these outings as sort of an outreach opportunity to the community, so she made sure we were not in some dark corner. We were out there!
I was beginning to come down from the panic of getting ready, and tried to process where I was, how I was, and the events around me. It was far from the fantasy I had of a demure woman at a restaurant; I was pretty wound up and at times I felt like I was stumbling talking to Janet. She shared a lot of her experiences, and constantly was trying to make me laugh, which helped a lot.
Well, dinner over, and up we stand, walk out to the car, passing a lot of people, and again, it was all just pleasant. Off to the hotel, where we walk to the bar. There are several girls there already, and we had to keep adding tables through the night and by the end we were around twenty girls strong. The bar had the usual clientele, but no adverse interactions. I had some great conversations with girls who are all over the spectrum, from fully transitioned to CD's like me. Everyone was willing to share their experiences and steps they had taken on their journeys, and I felt like I was among my tribe. Along the way, I had to refresh my lipstick (some good-natured coaching), so more lobby and elevator time with people I don't know. I passed a young man sitting on a bench outside the elevator, and as I approached, he looked up at me and then right back to his cell phone. I think I got by him!
The bar closes early, so we all said our goodbyes, and I went back up to the room to change for the long drive home. None of it went as I expected. No harassment, and great company with Janet and the girls; but also I had not achieved the happy relaxed feeling I imagined in my fantasy. I think that means I need more practice! I've attached a pics of me in the room at the end of the night, and just outside the bar. I had the blue shrug on most of the evening.