I just got back from a cross-country drive. I traveled totally drab, well except for my pony tail (below my shoulders). In the east, no problem, even though I was in a minority of men with hair this long. As I drove into the midwest, I noticed that I was the ONLY "older" male with anything but a military-style haircut or shaved head (except for a few young guys). In South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho (yeah, I was driving west on I-90) it was the worst. I tried to go about my business (just ordering food in restaurants, buying snacks at a truck stop, or using the restrooms) nonchalantly, but got nasty looks from all kinds of people - grungy old men, older women, and some middle-aged people. Even young children looked at me and seemed confused, perhaps thinking "he looks like a man, but he has a pony tail, so is he really a girl?" Now, the only exception to men with long hair (usually with pony tails) were biker types - and this is key - who also have significant facial hair. Aha, all I had to do to avoid the scrutiny of the puritans across the middle of our lovely country was to grow a beard and wear a leather vest! In fact, I stayed overnight in Sturgis, SD on the last day of the annual biker's festival, so there were plenty of them around! When I got home to the west coast, I finally felt comfortable wherever I went.
So imagine if I had traveled with the slightest femme article of clothing, or painted nails, or a hint of perfume! I've been reading posts on this forum for a long time, and I guess even in the most non-supportive communities there are places CDs can go to express themselves en femme, but in a general public setting, unless you can completely pass, feeling "uncomfortable" would be an understatement. I'm interested in hearing from those of you living in midwest and interior western states to find out what your experiences have been when going out in public, knowing you don't pass, and the reactions from people in your communities.