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Thread: There is still hate in the world, Please be careful everyone

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Barbara Joanne74's Avatar
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    There is still hate in the world, Please be careful everyone

    Trigger warning: How I experienced trans-phobia and hate.



    girls day out.jpg

    2 girls having fun hours later (posted with permission of all involved)






    I have thought a lot about this incident and whether to share it or not, but finally decided to here. (it has been edited down a lot)


    Just over a week ago I was looking for a swimsuit and stopped at a store in the Portland area. I was dressed somewhat feminine(cute white capri pants, tank top and sandals, but without any makeup. As I began walking into the store some guys started talking/yelling at me things like "your a dude, dress like one", "You look like a f_g!" I tried to ignore them and continued into the store, but they followed me continuing to be hateful. At this point I am starting to get scared. I know that this store has a single restroom so I headed towards it to hide from them, but found it locked. They had continued down the hallway towards me still yelling things, and in a panic I bolted into the women's restroom, this set them off. As they continued yelling about the F_g in the women's restroom I was getting close to panicking. I ended up calling the stores number, within a minute there were 2 employees(the store manager and woman employee) at the restroom. The manager stayed out in the hallway while she came inside to check on me. They had already called the police. When the police arrived the haters were taken someplace else, after I calmed down and they took my statement, the woman police officer escorted me to my vehicle and watched me drive away while the other officer kept the haters at inside so they could not follow me.

    I share this to remind everyone that there is still a lot of hate in the world, even in LGBTQ+ friendly Portland Oregon. I am so thankful for the support I had from the stores managers and the police that responded. We must continue on in the fight for equality and justice.

    I am also so thankful for a friend/sister (pictured above) that I could go cry with after. Surround yourselves with people that love and care for you. Life is not always easy, but with loved ones nearby, they can help you navigate it.

    Barbara

  2. #2
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear you had to experience such behaviour.

    It cannot be denied that there are those knuckle draggers out there who think it's ok to be obnoxious, even violent. We always need to be aware of our surroundings. There are however positives to take from this. You did receive support and assistance from others around you. So many people not of our community know the actions of the thugs is wrong and step in to help.

    It would be too easy for our community to shrink back into it's shell but as post after post here testifies, the vast majority of the time we can go about our business like anyone else.

    And for the newbies. It might seem counter intuitive but going out in the daylight, somewhere with people about is far safer than a night time walk around a dark street where you're the only one walking.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  3. #3
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    There is a song from “South Pacific” that I have remembered for over 70 years, “You’ve Got To Be Carefully Taught.” The opening stanza is,

    “You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,
    You've got to be taught from year to year
    It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear
    You've got to be carefully taught”

    It was and is so true. We can hope that in each generation there will be fewer teachers of hate and more of at least tolerance. Perhaps that hope will give you some solace after your experience.

  4. #4
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I'm sorry u had to endure that Barbara!

    But, your post should serve as a warning and reminder for those that go out dressed alone to Vanilla venues.

    While I've never experienced anything that threatening? I've suffered thru enuff smirks, guffahs, wise cracks, and dirty looks to last a life time!

    As a CD without the need to present female that TS's have? Experiences like mine and Sara's r why I do all my Vanilla shopping, eating, and driving around in drab!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Wow,

    What a terrible experience. It is hard to believe anyone can act like that. Even so it is good that others stepped up to the plate to provide assistance when you needed it. Thanks for sharing your story painful as it may be.

    Sandi

  6. #6
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Barbara, I am so sorry that this his happened to you. I'm glad the store's staff and the police came to your aid.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  7. #7
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    The police should have made an arrest.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Wow, that is terrible. And in one of the most LGBT friendly cities in the USA.

  9. #9
    ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️ Patience's Avatar
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    It does not bode well for someone to only seem to acknowledge the existence of a problem if and when it affects them personally.

    Sorry this happenned. Welcome back to the real world, where even certain privileges have their limitations.
    Last edited by Patience; 08-22-2022 at 10:09 AM. Reason: Only a friend will help you with your grammar.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  10. #10
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear, but this is why i keep my dressing at home. Too many A-holes out there.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Barbara, Sorry to hear this but fortunately it ended with you ok. This should never happen but yet it does all too often, it should serve as a wake-up to our members to always be aware of things.
    Crissy

  12. #12
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    I am so sorry this happened to you. A sobering reminder that the world is still a scary place. Now I am thinking of carrying a little pepper spray in my purse.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    Sorry to hear, but this is why i keep my dressing at home. Too many A-holes out there.
    There are some out there but it's no reason to keep your dressing at home. Hundreds of thousands of people die in car accidents and that doesn't keep us from moving around in two-ton death traps.

  14. #14
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I am so sorry you were subjected to such behavior and it is good you kept your head about you and took the action you did to keep as safe as possible. Thank goodness for cell phones. I agree with Crissy and I hope they were arrested for harassment. Let it be a lesson to us all that danger lurks. Fortunately, most people these days are of at least the live and let live type. No need to go out in fear, but definitely be aware of your surroundings.

  15. #15
    New Member Megan77's Avatar
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    why weren't they arrested,so sorry to hear that but glad your ok

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    So sad! You handled it well. Not only is there still hate, but evidence that there is MORE hate. We are blocked from discussing politics on this forum, but we all know? Nancy

  17. #17
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    It is sad that people want to act so uncivil. Even though everyone is entitled to their own opinion, they aren't given license to harass strangers with it. If I saw some guy in cowboy hat and boots walking in a store, should I get on him with calls of "Hey Tex, you forgot the cows. You left your horse running in the parking lot. Look at Bronco Billy over there." Nobody does that. But let it be a feminine look, then low-lifes feel entitled to cat-calls and such, be it a GG or CD'er.

  18. #18
    Member 1Ladyjade's Avatar
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    I don't think that's true about it being taught. I grew up with a homophobic racist. Me nor my brothers are either of those things. Its easier to hate than to love. Love takes work. Hate is easy.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member
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    Hate is taught, but, it can be rejected. My parents were homophobic, but my brother and I rejected it. Unfortunately, what occurred to Barbara in not so uncommon.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear Barbara, I have been to Portland often dressed and no ill consequences.: but it does happen and glad you had presents fo mind to handel it the way you did .....................Debra

  21. #21
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    There are some out there but it's no reason to keep your dressing at home. Hundreds of thousands of people die in car accidents and that doesn't keep us from moving around in two-ton death traps.
    Pretty sure the chances of getting outed crossdressing is far above deaths in car accidents it you look at the numbers of people driving and CD'ing.

    As for me I wouldn't pass in a dark alley, so I am not taking any chances. For those the can pass at a quick glance, more power to ya!

    There was an effeminate male that got beat up here a few months back. A couple good ol' boys took offense to his appearance and he wasn't even CD'ing.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member
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    The unfortunate thing is that some people think freedom is the ability to bully those who the thing are weaker or fewer in number. I am gratified by the response of the store management and police.

  23. #23
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    I’m so sorry this happened to you. It looked for a while as though things were getting better but I’m afraid there had been a backlash. I don’t like the way the world is going ☹️.

  24. #24
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    These people are insecure dimwits. Chances are they were dimwit brats too as children, bullying girls, or boys that didn't look like them. Chances are they will expire after a life of dimwitness, full of bullyings and other enlightened contributions to the world that make them the pinnacle of evolution (in the dimwit branch, that is).

  25. #25
    its not important
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    it has been stirred up recently....but think of the many times you just got to be you with out any hassles....in the end your clever thinking made things end well....i think those fellows had a learning curve....."scared trans" perhaps



    Quote Originally Posted by 1Ladyjade View Post
    I don't think that's true about it being taught. I grew up with a homophobic racist. Me nor my brothers are either of those things. Its easier to hate than to love. Love takes work. Hate is easy.
    my dad said some awful things while my sis and i grew up.....think we turned out OK

    that said i find its easier to love than hate.....hate had these fellows wondering about theyre fate at the end events after all that extra effort.

    i see all kinds of expression out in the wild....ive seen the odd stare or double take but never saw anyone go through what you described here....good on you for prevailing with a kooler head....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

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