why can't I wear a dress in public?

[jacques]

hello all,
I have been cross dressing for many years. You could probably describe me as a "man in a dress". I think I prefer the term "gender fluid". I like wearing women's clothing and make up and perfume. I have no wish to transition or even present as a woman. I am me and want to dress the way I want to dress.
At home I can wear whatever clothes I like in the house. Out of the house I can under-dress in crowded places (wear panties and tights under my men's clothing). I have even gone for a walk with my wife, both of us wearing women's clothing at quiet times of the day (I wore jeggings, tee shirt, hoodie, sexy underwear, pale makeup, bland jewelry and flowery perfume).
I see role models on the television and see people on the street who present as a woman. Some who don't present so well and attract glances and comments behind their backs; but the comments are more sympathetic than hostile.
But why is it still unacceptable for a bearded man with short hair to wear a dress in public?
I would love to read your comments and suggestions.
Stay healthy!
luv, Jacques Hughes

[char GG]

There is a bearded man with short hair and wears a dress, who walks around our small town every day.

In short, you can be in public. Only you know your comfort level.

[Crissy 107]

Char is correct, our level of dressing and where we go and do goes to comfort level and of course confidence. Maybe they are the same.

Char, Maybe that is Jacques on vacation you see walking around.

[Di]

Well you can
We have some here at the forum that do one very famous one on magazines covers ect.
I think the older generation felt shame and hid it many still in the closet even now as it was hidden many people were shocked by it as it was not understood.
I have hope for the future going forward ( in fact Dutchess and CharGG wrote about it , there is freedom to be yourself in the younger generations.
I in fact have family ( and their friends) in mid twenties grands that dress freely .
It is not hidden , out in the open and accepted.
My DIL has students that as long as it is in within the dress code can be themselves.and this is in Texas.
In a sleepy little town in Canada I have a friend who’s grandson wants to be addressed as she, her and dresses appropriately…..granted it took the grandparents a bit to understand and accept and it is learning process especially for the older generation. So just in my life I have many so that is very encouraging.
I encouraged Sher to be herself .it took a bit as she was from the generations that were ashamed and hid it but at first it was nerve wracking for her but it just became our life l
True friends will accept you and you could teach / show / educate people so it will be the norm like it is starting to be in the younger generation.

ADD
For those that want to stay in the closet that is your right and why this forum is needed . But it gives me hope for the future with the generations upcoming.
No one ever has to go out if they do not feel comfortable doing it, and there is a lot of people that because of it being hidden it seems odd or scary because it is not understood .
Not a race do what you feel is right for you and yours.
I just see hope where this will be a non issue in the future.

[alwayshave]

jacques, Over the last weekend I saw a man with a beard in a dress. The one caveat is that I live in a city.

[MonicaPVD]

If you live in a midsized or large city, wearing a dress is not an issue. Small town with small minds may be different. Most people today fall somewhere between accepting and indifferent.

[GretchenM]

Follow your heart. We are a variable group and no requirements necessary to be a member. Everybody's identity is unique. Some go far because that is the way they are and it fits their needs. While others remain in a less pronounced expression because that also fits their needs.

It is true that in some places a bearded man in a dress will be a spectacle and that will be totally contrary to social standards and potentially dangerous for the person. We do have to keep safety in mind. And social perspectives do change in various ways that come out advantageous for us and sometimes more deleterious and hazardous. But it appears that identity shifting has now become far more acceptable than even 10 years ago. That leaves a lot of room for us to experiment in our ventures into the public eye. However, your personal preferences when it comes to clothes is always the 800 pound gorilla in the room. You should, for the most part, wear what is comfortable for you in terms of psychological comfort. Char and Di have beautifully expressed how it is.

[Stephanie47]

A person can do anything he or she wants to do with the only proviso is he or she must bear the consequences of their behavior. It comes down to societal norms and expectations and whether a person wants to adhere to those norms and expectations. Actually, since this site is for males who wear women's clothing, there is a built in bias. You need to poll those who look askance at a bearded man or not bearded man wearing a dress. Individuality has its limits.

[Heather76]

You can wear whatever you want so long as YOUR mind doesn't limit you. My mind limits me because I know if I wore a dress in public my wife would be uncomfortable about it, and I could never bring myself to purposely cause her discomfort.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

The consensus is, of course, that you ARE allowed to wear a dress. Legally, at least, provided you live in the US or another country that doesn't criminalize it. But we all know what you're really talking about, we would like society to accept us wearing a dress. We would like our friends and family to accept it. We'd like our coworkers and our customers to accept it. And most of us aren't anywhere near that place. So we wear in private, or we (meaning many of you, not me) try like crazy to appear as if we're actually women so as to look normal in that dress.
But we aren't women. And society does not approve. True, most people won't openly say anything, out of politeness, or out of professionalism, or out of fear of losing the sale,
or out of fear of looking like a knuckle-dragger, but they still think "what a weirdo".
This isn't right, but it isn't wrong either. This is called reality. Sometimes reality can be a bummer.

[Maid_Marion]

Woman constantly get judged by how they look.
There is a TV commercial by a local plastic surgeon that implies women will live alone unless they look good.

If you wear women's clothes you should expect to be judged just like any other woman.
I am quite confident in how I present and routinely get treated quite well. Better than as a short guy.

I bought a yellow summer dress to wear at annual pot luck party I attend but it got cancelled due to excessively hot weather.
Maybe next year.

Marion

[Aunt Kelly]

We (humans) are hard-wired to identify the gender of those we encounter. How we respond to that process is a product of our cultural "conditioning", for lack of a better term. Deliberately presenting as a "man in a dress" is going to cause at least some internal conflict in most people. There's nothing stopping you from going out that way, if you're OK with the responses, but it is what it is, i.e. you're going to get looks, glares, and rude comments.

[Krisi]

You can certainly wear a dress in public if you want to, but you will have to deal with the consequences.

[Heisthebride]

Acceptance is a tough one to answer, it’s not black and white. Waking down the street you could encounter plenty of accepting people and plenty who don’t accept it. It also depends on your level of comfort. I have worn a skirt to work a few times this summer while the rest of my look was male based and had no issues. I feel we need to advocate for ourselves. The more we can get out and normalize wearing what you want, the less it becomes “unacceptable”

[Genifer Teal]

As many have said we set our own limits. Some for safety reasons some to just be realistic and many times because of our fears how we might be perceived by others. Take your pick they're all common choices we make. Wear it with confidence and pride and you can get away with quite a lot.

[JennyOpalstar1]

Hello Jacques.
I think I can relate to your situation, sort of, I think.
I am not going about my daily life CD'ed, but I do enjoy the physical sensation of wearing bras and panties under my Masc. clothing. I've figured out that the sensation of the bra around my ribcage is almost comforting (like a thunder-vest, perhaps), and panties are just more comfortable in general.
Since my CDing is still a very private thing, the only time I ever get all done up is when I know that I'm going to be alone in the house (wife, son, and daughter here with me, usually) or when I am out trying to cosplay for Halloween or Con's, like FanExpo in Toronto, this weekend.

(my 2cents' worth)

[Bea_]

I've been frustrated by the same question for years now. My final answer is that it's all just a cost/benefit analysis. You have to imagine what the final costs of any behavior might be and decide whether the benefits are worth the drama that it might cost. Of course, you can't know what the final costs will actually be ahead of time and you can only approximate the potential benefits. "Pink fog" probably gives a false sense of what the benefits might be and maybe there's a gray or black fog that overemphasizes the costs.

The potential cost of publicly wearing a dress is very real rejection by some subset of everyone you know or might encounter. The benefit is a more authentic presentation of who you are, in whatever form that might be presented. The people who love YOU in a dress are actually loving YOU and not some artificial presentation of who you want to be seen as.

So far, for me, the benefits haven't seemed to outweigh the cost and I'm still closeted. I am also counting the cost of being perpetually closeted and trying to come to a place where the cost/benefits are more evenly distributed. I'm not sure if that will ever be a dress in public, but I do think that it will be less traditionally male in the long run.

[Maid_Marion]

Yes, cost to benefit analysis.

There aren't any advantages to being a short guy besides having access to bathrooms with much shorter lines.

I spend a lot more in clothing, but since I enjoy shopping, I consider that a plus, and not a minus!
It is no fun saving money because there is nothing that fits you.
Female XS clothing is really cheap on ebay as the supply greatly exceeds the demand.

I've been wearing skirts at work as it is pretty clear what is work appropriate. I may wear dresses after I figure out what is appropriate for me to wear and find some good deals on ebay.

Marion

[docrobbysherry]

Us older dressers think of the old days. When women made attempts to dress pretty, even sexy!

So, when we oldies think of seeing a woman in our mirror? We want to see an attractive, possibly sexy woman there!

Women seem to care more about comfort than beauty these days. So, young dressers r free to present female to the degree that they wish and r comfortable that way. With a bearded man being an extreme androgenous look!

But, like it or not that's the way crossdressing is headed! Not my cup of tea? But, these young CD's dressed partially r way more comfortable out dressed in Vanilla land than I'll ever be!

[JackieD]

Unfortunately so many woman just don?t wear dresses. You stand out in a dress. Like anyone stands out. If more people would wear dresses it would be better