Jealousy, I think...

[Debra Russell]

Another vote for extreme envy, just love the thought of what it would be like to be a woman ............................Debra

[traciJ]

What a great topic and all the responses seem heartfelt. I probably spend too much time observing the GG's with envy and in my lowest moments I am actually very jealous. I think I gravitated to my first girlfriend because she was a lot of what I envy, very pretty, curvy, sexy clothes, and overly friendly. During the two years we were together she got so much attention from the boys/men, they hit on her hard with everything, drugs, trips, money and sex. Most guys have to work hard to attract a woman, but some women have to work hard to fend the guys off. My inner girl was and still is so jealous of that inequity. I still practice I few womanly habits I picked up from her and I am always on the look out for new ideas on clothes, shoes and makeup from the women I come across.
Traci

[JennyOpalstar1]

Okay, you girls are all simply lovely, ya know that, right?

If I ever meet any of you RL, you are getting a big hug from me.

[CDSophie62]

If I'm honest with myself I'm mostly envious of the end results in the LOOK of a woman but I also recognise that those results are themselves down to a lot of effort.
e.g. a good skincare regime, taking care of their hair, making sure they eat & drink less than a male partner if they are smaller.

Until recently most of my dressing is just focused on the clothes & I'm easily frustrated when I buy something new & then I can't look anything like the model.
Lesson learned for me is you have to do the work to look good.


I'm 'just' a Cross-dresser so although I may try to empathize with GG's including my wife, I can never truly understand what it means to BE a woman including their emotions & how their bodies feel to them.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenny Welcome to our Forum, When you are here , You are Home,

Any questions that you have at least one or more of us will Probably have an answer for you,

Your story could fit so many of us, >Orchid**OO**

[DianeT]

Jenny, the way you explain it, these words ("I just want to feel pretty"), uttered in a moment when your work was stressing you, may lead to two interpretations:
- You were overwhelmed, and imagined that, had you been a woman, you wouldn't have to deal with that much pressure
- You were overwhelmed, and imagining being a girl, looking like one, was the escapism you needed to relieve some of the pressure
It goes without saying that women have their share of problems and pressure to deal with, so the first explanation would build from false premises.
Assuming the second is closer to your situation, you seem to be wanting out of your male condition (the job, the male body), so there seems to be an element of gender dysphoria there. If this is a recurring pattern and it makes you feel miserable, you may want to talk to a specialist about it.
I too can sometimes fancy being some woman I saw who impressed me, in real life or in fictional works, for one or more reasons (beauty, looks, class, poise, outfit, anything). I experienced this since I was 11 or so and it started my crossdressing story. Wanting to have the same outfit, the same body, long hair, breast, curvy waist and thighs... but just for a moment, to live the physical experience, but not to live the life, not to be in her mind or feel all her inner sensations. Just make a trip inside what is more an allegory of a woman, a quintessence of femininity as seen by the eye and mind of a cis male. This was (and is) a fantasy born from my love of the female body and wardrobe. For this reason, if I ever had the chance to live such an experience, I'd need to transplant my het crossdresser mind into that female body, since this would be the only way to enjoy the experience. Otherwise, if I somehow switched to that female brain too, I would end up being not excited a bit about what I'd see and feel. My hair would get on my nerves on a windy day, my boobs would make me sweat in that hot summer, the bra would be the first thing I'd long to take off, and that wrong sized pantyhose constantly riding down
would drive me crazy. Unlike women, I'm sure many crossdressers will crave experiencing these things.
This is the paradox for crossdressers like me for whom the thing is only a fantasy: if our wish to become a girl ever got granted in full, we would carry on our life as a girl, and that would be it. No magic, no extraordinary experience.
All the mythical aspect of being a girl would only work for us if that magical transformation was very selective and incomplete. Just the enveloppe of a girl so to speak, and our crossdresser's mind transplanted in it so we could count our blessings (see here for a good example).
Again, speaking for my own type of fantasy, your situation may be different.

[Maid_Marion]

I put in a lot of work with diet and exercise that allows me to look good in clothes designed for thin Juniors.
As well as wearing a wide brimmed hat and wearing sunscreen when I'm out in the sun.

I've read a blog on how a girl went on a diet to get rid of her muffin top for one special occasion. I can wear clothes like that all the time!

Mariuon

[Cheryl T]

I'm sure most everyone would love to be a little " ..... " (add your own here). Even most women, especially with all this social media pressure today.
I am not envious or jealous, I simply wish to join the parade.

As for things I would have liked ... well, I wish I had experienced puberty as a girl. That is something we will never know.

[KatieV]

When I look at another woman I see her style. I might covet her dress or shoes or figure, but I don't feel envy or jealousy. I don't want to be anyone but me - a more feminine me, with all my flaws erased, but still me. What I feel is regret - that when I was young (sigh) I didn't have a clue. What I might have done if I had known then what I know now. I never considered all the possibilities. My evolution has taken so long. That's what I regret.

[Debs]

I dont envy but love to join in or be part of there group and be accepted as one of them, I go to my seaside town and there are plenty of Hen parties out, I have been invite out with them on many occasions just from being around them when they are in a pub or a club I am in. I was even sat in the pub one afternoon after a going shopping sipping my beer, a Hen party was in full swing in the afternoon, I was in my blend in shopping clothes, they saw me on my own dragged me across to there group, I spent the afternoon with them. They all then took me back to my hotel and waited in the bar while I changed into something more appropriate for the night to come clubbing. What a fantastic day and night I had. So for me is being accepted as one of them rather than envious of them. The best part when we where all in the loo together all in a line by the mirrors doing our lippy, lol

[JennyMay]

Hi Jenny. I’m really interested by the responses to your post. It shows what a wide community we are, but also (I hope) how accepting we are of one another. We each have our own life experience and genetic makeup that makes us who we are. I read recently (in New Scientist) that the chance of there being a person identical to you is 1 in 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 68, which corresponds to 1 followed by 100 million trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion zeroes. We are all unique! which, to me, is a good thing.

I’m not sure jealous is the right word but I feel something like it, an ache that says, “wish I could be like you.”

I’m aware I have male privilege, white privilege, and western privilege, and I’ve asked myself if I would be willing to give up the latter two in order to give up the first - in other words, would I want to be a woman living in poverty or oppression. The answer is, of course, no. I’m hugely grateful for the life I have, but the ache is still there

[Patience]

I see what you're saying, but consider this: If it feels that bad to not conform to female beauty standards as a man, how much worse must it feel to not conform to these standards as a woman? Because let's face it, a great number of women don't. The cosmetics and clothing industries have entire product lines designed to address those needs. Fortunately, those products are available to anyone who wants them.

So, yes, I feel the desire sometimes, but no life crippling jealousy, fortunately. I'm happy to just be an impersonator, thank you. Good luck.

[ReineD]

I’m so sorry that so many of you are jealous or envious. Some of you claim that we GGs feel the same way about the GGs who are prettier than we are, but you’re wrong. Most of us are not Cover Girl material, yet we are confident in who we are - in our abilities, our accomplishments, our relationships, in short just the way that we deal with the world that we live in. Most of us are not envious of someone who is curvier, younger, or prettier than we are. Because we all know that these things are just the surface. They’re just a very tiny part of what forms the essence of a person’s being.

I do however want to address this comment that I find rather insulting to women in general:

If it feels that bad to not conform to female beauty standards as a man, how much worse must it feel to not conform to these standards as a woman? Because let's face it, a great number of women don't.

According to who? You?

You don’t seem to realize that we all have different beauty standards. Yours, apparently, or at least according to your avatar, is long, curly hair, tons of makeup including red, red lipstick, and big boobs.

Please believe me when I say that this is NOT the average woman’s beauty ideal … else she’d certainly be wearing the red, red lipstick, boob enhancers and hair extensions, together with short dresses and stilettos, or whatever you’re wearing in that pic that is not shown.

I personally feel that the epitome of beauty is being natural. Unadorned. Long or short hair. Blue jeans or a dress. And certainly not wearing makeup to the point where it looks as if she is wearing makeup. I think a woman is beautiful when she likes herself for who she is.

As to your claim that the cosmetics industry addresses "those needs" (what needs … women who don’t look like the way you want them to?), women indeed are increasingly wearing less or no makeup, precisely because they don’t feel there’s any need to wear it.

https://civicscience.com/makeup_is_losing_its_luster/

And have you heard of Melisa Raouf? She is the first ever finalist in the Miss England beauty pageant to compete without wearing any makeup at all. It’s about time and good for her!! It has always irritated me when some people did not consider women beautiful unless these women hid who they naturally were behind a fake face and hair that was put through a tortuous regime just so it would conform to someone else’s beauty standards. Not fair, when handsome men would be considered gorgeous just for appearing as they were!

[Stephj]

I don?t comment very often but Reine D you are very right I work in a very hot factory and the women that work there don?t wear makeup I have even been to gatherings with these women after work they just show up in jeans and a shirt. There all different body types just ladies going about there business and lives. Thanks for in sight well put

[sometimes_miss]

I see what you're saying, but consider this: If it feels that bad to not conform to female beauty standards as a man, how much worse must it feel to not conform to these standards as a woman? Because let's face it, a great number of women don't.

This is a huge part of why I could never even contemplate transitioning. Most of us often desperately want to be beautiful; I could never even remotely come close. I could never even pass, in a coal mine, during a power failure, in the middle of the night, during a full eclipse.
Plus, being a woman would just be exchanging one set of problems, for another. My major issue as a crossdresser, is that almost always constant feeling that I'm in the wrong outfit, the my body isn't what it should be, that I'm not behaving as I should, that my whole life is wrong. Sure, as long as my attention is focused on some activity, my mind pushes all the CD/TG stuff into the subconscious, but as soon as it's able, I become aware of all those feelings again.
I work with mostly women; as such, I get to observe all the difficulties that are inherent in being a woman, not to mention the things that are NOT obvious (intimate unmentionables, of course).
Life is not any piece of cake for women. Sure, there are some advantages, but those are outweighed by all the issues that make their lives so much more complicated.
So, envy? Yes. But feel empathy for them, too, because 'the grass isn't all green on the other side of the fence'.

[Jessica Secret]

I know exactly what you mean Jenny, I am also jealous of GGs bodies and how clothes look on them. I don't let that jealousy prevent me from enjoying wearing clothes myself though.

[Patience]

Warning: Long Post. May be edited as needed.

[...] I do however want to address this comment that I find rather insulting to women in general:

If it feels that bad to not conform to female beauty standards as a man, how much worse must it feel to not conform to these standards as a woman? Because let's face it, a great number of women don't.

According to who? You?

Well, I have always said that the world would be a better place if more people listened to me.

All kidding aside, one can't question me on "who gets to arbitrate beauty standards" and then make a reference to a beauty pageant, AND then go on to say:

[...]Most of us are not Cover Girl material[...]

I am sorry, but it seems you don't want to argue seriously. You just want to argue, seriously.

You don?t seem to realize that we all have different beauty standards. Yours, apparently, or at least according to your avatar, is long, curly hair, tons of makeup including red, red lipstick, and big boobs.

Read this very carefully: You can't judge a Crossdresser's complete concept of beauty and femininity from a single avatar! The woman one longs to be is more often than not quite different from the one one is actually able to become with the tools available at one's disposal, especially when one is a beginner.

When crossdressers start becoming more serious, they usually have very limited knowledge of female dressing/makeup technique, which means they have little control of their actual look. One gets what one gets and so one has to search for a look that works and build on that.

Since you commented on it, my avatar is over two years old was taken on the day I had a makeover and bought that wig. I had no idea what I was going to look like at the end of my makeover, but I felt they did a good job bringing out the femininity in my face.

I chose that wig primarily because of all wigs that matched my own hair color, I felt that one looked the nicest. It was the best I could do at the time and I still feel quite good about it, but do I look like that all the time? Of course not. Do I think all women should aim to look like me? Well, some could do a lot worse...

If you take the time to think about it, there are folks on here who have decades-old avatars (I see no problem with that. You may feel differently). I hope you are not taking their avatars as a definitive representation of their feminine selves.

About the boobs, I don't remember which forms those were, probably my 42Ds, which were my first boobs and the only ones I happenned to have at the time. I picked that size because I'm 6'2" and thought they would look proportional. Like other CDers, I got them discretely through mail order and could not try them on beforehand.

When I saw what the boobs looked like on me, I thought they were larger than I would have liked, but not unrealistically so, and seeing as I was (and am) a work in progress, I simply adjusted my self-concept to encompass the notion that my fem self simply is large-breasted and that I had to accept and live with my big boobs like biological women have to do with theirs and deal with it accordingly.

As a matter of fact, experiencing the world as a fairly large-breasted female impersonator brought some eye-opening revelations. Among other things, some strangers seem compelled to comment on my bosom with a strange familiarity. On my very first outing, some drunken kid kept telling me to "show my fat tits".

...Then we have comments such as yours.

Please believe me when I say that this is NOT the average woman?s beauty ideal ? else she?d certainly be wearing the red, red lipstick, boob enhancers and hair extensions, together with short dresses and stilettos, or whatever you?re wearing in that pic that is not shown.

I think I did a pretty good job explaining how my fem look came about. Please show me where I ever presented myself as a beauty ideal. (Other than the joke in the paragraph about my avatar.)

I personally feel that the epitome of beauty is being natural. Unadorned. Long or short hair. Blue jeans or a dress. And certainly not wearing makeup to the point where it looks as if she is wearing makeup. I think a woman is beautiful when she likes herself for who she is.

That is your opinion and it's fine. I don't think I said anything to the contrary (although you may have misunderstood it as such) and the reason you felt so compelled to share that opinion with me when you could just have volunteered it in a post of your own is not immediately apparent.

As to your claim that the cosmetics industry addresses "those needs" (what needs ? women who don?t look like the way you want them to?), women indeed are increasingly wearing less or no makeup, precisely because they don?t feel there?s any need to wear it.

Ok, now you are being unfair. The needs I refer to are precisely those crossdressers use to enhance their own femininity. And again, when did I ever suggest I was the arbiter for anything?

I am sorry, but I am sensing that here you are projecting some seriously misplaced aggression. Please look into that.

Going back to the clothing, This is not something I expect GGs would think about, but unlike male clothing and accessories in general, a great many female products are designed with the specific intent to conceal female physical flaws. Female clothing can be and are designed to lift, separate, support, tuck, minimize, push up, enhance, compress and generally reshape a woman's particular physique so that it looks generally nicer than it actually is. And female clothing has been like that for decades. I am sorry if that reality offends you. It has nothing to do with me.

Then you have the cosmetics, whose names themselves elicit duplicity in presentation, "Concealer" and "Mascara" being two obvious examples that come to mind.

You keep acting like I am imposing some unrealistic standard upon women when all I am saying is that bringing out femininity on some females can be as laborious a process as doing so for a person who is biologically male.

And have you heard of Melisa Raouf? She is the first ever finalist in the Miss England beauty pageant to compete without wearing any makeup at all. It?s about time and good for her!! It has always irritated me when some people did not consider women beautiful unless these women hid who they naturally were behind a fake face and hair that was put through a tortuous regime just so it would conform to someone else?s beauty standards. Not fair, when handsome men would be considered gorgeous just for appearing as they were!

No, I had not had the pleasure of hearing of Melisa Raouf until now. As I am not currently residing in the UK and take very little interest in beauty pageants generally, that information has escaped me. Yet, in spite of that handicap, I have managed to live.

Just one thing: if she is the first one ever, doesn't that make her, for the time being, literally the exception that proves the rule?

I?m so sorry that so many of you are jealous or envious. Some of you claim that we GGs feel the same way about the GGs who are prettier than we are, but you?re wrong. Most of us are not Cover Girl material, yet we are confident in who we are - in our abilities, our accomplishments, our relationships, in short just the way that we deal with the world that we live in. Most of us are not envious of someone who is curvier, younger, or prettier than we are. Because we all know that these things are just the surface. They?re just a very tiny part of what forms the essence of a person?s being.

What you're not getting here is that there are different kinds of jealousy and envy.

When crossdressers say they are jealous of women, they don't mean the malicious, toxic, destructive kind of jealousy you seem to be thinking of. It's the constructive kind; the kind for example felt by Brian Wilson when he created Pet Sounds after hearing the Beatles' Rubber Soul. It's the kind of jealousy that makes one aware of something that makes one want to do better.

Lastly, I will admit my quoted post basically neglected the existence of transmen - females who make a conscious choice to present as their opposite sex. I wonder if it's not lack of acknowledgement such as this that has made the once thriving transmen section of this site into a basically dead forum. For that, I apologize.

Thanks for reading.

[Annajose]

I have the feeling often, I also think how would my life be if I had been born a female? My conclusion, I cannot complain at all, I have had opportunities that, if I had been a female, I would not. I like to think that I can have the best of being male and a bit of being female. We are lucky to be able to live in this time, where we can express ourselves and enjoy certaing freedoms tha did not exist some years ago.
Of course, I still curse when I cannot find nice female shoes in size 12 and at a low price!

[char GG]

I do believe this thread has run it's course. Any further back and forth comments should be taken to PM