After reading another thread about someone's first HRT appointment, I looked in my calendar and found that I reached 10 years on HRT on Aug 2. I'm still the same old me, of course, but with shifts, some subtle, some not, in personality, emotional profile, and the psychological fallout of growing up trans. Depression is under control between hormones and anti-depressants. Physical changes for the most part simply make me feel normal and for the most part I don't really notice them any longer. Facial and body hair was a huge trigger. Electrolysis was a relief and hormones mostly took care of the rest of that. Anti-androgens removed the volatility and I attribute the integration of my emotions to E. Far less dissociation, which was profound. Most of all, the longer I continue on HRT, the more I apprehend the long-term nature of the changeover, of being E dominant rather than T dominant, seeing effects in terms of evolution, maturation, and interplay over years. Most of the emotional drama of the early stages, positive and negative, was just that and frankly more due to taking down T levels than the changes that E brings over time.
Every once in a while I remember a question my doctor at that time said she asked herself (she's TS) ... "Did I really have to do this?" I wonder the same thing. But that's normalcy for you. As the memories how I was recede, especially the deep, creeping darkness and being constantly at the brink of suicidality, the greater the wonder. The few times I've questioned whether I still need the meds, someone usually has counseled that physical need is just that. I.e., take the meds ... and so I continue.
For those seriously considering HRT and patient enough to read this far, I hope this encourages you to take the long view. Outside of the medical considerations, which you should treat as unique to you and which are fodder for your (hopefully competent) physician, there is really little to fear, despite the apparent magnitude of the decision. (I do remember THAT.)
Thank GOD for modern medicine and HRT, for saving what is left of life.
See you in 2032!