I've been over the fear of going out for many years now.
It was thanks to my friends in our support group who introduced me to the public eye and pushed me through my fear. As to how I look, well of course I put my best foot forward. I don't try to overdo things as we live in a rural area. My clothing is typical of what women here would wear so basically I blend in and that's always what I've wanted. I'm not a wall flower, but I'm not the leader of the pack either.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Funny to look back how scared I was in the beginning. Now I dress much of the time. Pretty much like you. The bucket list of things I haven't done in a dress has gotten very small. not sure there's anything left. if there is it's kind of like a challenge how quickly can I go do that next? LOL
I was terrified, and never been out (with people...plenty of walks/drives to the mailbox) until a old friend (and the only person who knew) pretty much insisted that I go to a Christmas party with him. He was awesome, his friends were awesome, and it was one of my best experiences in recent memory. And it opened up a whole new way of thinking for me, literally overnight, and opened up new possibilities I'd never even considered.
Last edited by Rachel Anne; 08-28-2022 at 12:32 PM.
Thank you all for your responses.
The support group I attend is a trans support group. Their level of fear is very low. I was surprised they had any at all.
A friend, actually more of an icon in my world. She told me that her nephew just came out as trans and asked me for advice. I told her I know of a support group but I first need to go visit them. This is why I went to the group meeting.
Where I live the climate is mild, I can wear a dress year-round.
Love Jean
I have been out so many times, I now find it trivial.
I will admit I still do my best to avoid neighbors when leaving home dressed, but that's it.
When haters hate, I celebrate!
I've got better and a bit more daring but no, I will never get past the fear.
No. Even if I had no fear, my wife has a great fear of me being found out as a crossdresser. I might not care myself, but I have to keep her concern in mind. I don't want to disappoint her.Have you gotten past the fear of being outdressed in public, worrying about the acceptance of others?
Krisi
Jean, great question with no definite answer!
For me it seems to come and go, just last week I went and picked up an order at JCPenney, was very nervous until I got out of the car and started walking, each step was a bit better than the last and finally I was inside, at the counter, talking with the SA as she found and bagged my order. I actually had to go back to her when my order kept setting off the alarms at the door, she asked if it was OK to go through the order and then proceeded to pull out the bra, bracelet, sunglasses and finally the white boots! If I wasn't comfortable before that, I now had absolutely no choice; she handled it so well, very politely running each item through the device, commented on how nice the boots will be when winter gets here, etc.
Following such a good experience I continued shopping and stopped in a number of other stores but I can know that each outing requires a bit of build up, it's getting better but still can be a challenge.
So I'll say that the "fear" is always there, of running into someone who knows me as a guy, having an accident or otherwise having the two worlds collide, but it can be minimized so as to allow me to enjoy what this activity has to offer. My goal is just to blend as much as possible, be well dressed but as close to the surrounding women and still feel like I'm out in the world as Jamie.
Jamie,
We have all been there. It will get better the more experiences you have.
Unless you come out you will always have the fear of running into somebody who knows you, the others should subside.
I don't care for the word blending or even the idea.
I would suggest you find what clothing styles work best for you and your body , go with that. Develop your own sense of fashion. Be a fashion leader.
For me I prefer dresses that do not have a defined waist. Like an empire look. I like wearable fashion , everyday fashion.
I have only been out 2x and both were within the past couple of months. Both were at the beach. Yes my first time out was in my black 1pc I have been saving for this special day. This is a very quiet beach but I was extremely nervous. Was so nervous from the car to beach walking someone would say something. Nobody did. Not even the fisherman I walked past.
The second time there were more people. Again walked past other bathers and nothing. Even the rangers drove by and waved at me. A family walked past me and setup about 100 yards past me. Didn?t say a thing. Again I was nervous but no one seemed to care. Felt very thankful afterwards as was a great feeling.
Krissy,
Wow, you were extraordinarily brave to go out in public for the first time in a swimsuit! The first 2 or 3 times I went out, I dressed as "frumpy" as I could so people didn't look at me. I finally did get to go out in my 1 pc. swimsuit but that was after being out in public over 40 times. I went to the pool at a resort which was crowded and I was a little nervous but not overly so. It went well, I had a great time and I agree with you - it was a great feeling.
You have nerves of steel girl!
Fiona
"Care about what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu
I think I lost ‘the fear’ just a few months after going out in public as Ceera. The turning point probably was when the local lesbian community openly accepted me as female, even though I admitted I was only living part time as a woman, and still uncertain if I was a crossdresser or actually transgender. They, as have most people I have interacted with since then, could feel the ‘feminine energy’ in everything about my presentation. Four years later, I started medical and legal transition, and ‘burned my boy card’ forever. Never regretted it.
I’ve been living full time as a female for the last four years. Sure, some people ‘clock me’ as being trans, and occasionally I get misgendered. But most of the time, I am accepted as female, no matter where I go. I’m just living my life, and being the woman I was meant to be. No fear.
Last edited by Ceera; 09-06-2022 at 09:35 PM.
I would ask "what is it you fear?" If you're afraid that someone will know you aren't actually a woman, get over it. It's going to happen, and nobody really cares or reacts. I am certain to get 'made,' but, in my limited experiences, no one has ever 'dissed' me, I never saw someone give me the stink-eye, and I actually got complimented one time.
If you are afraid that someone you know will recognize you, that is legitimate, especially if you aren't out and open about it. Find ways to limit the risk by where you go and what you do.
Will you ever be completely safe from negative feelings or remarks -- not at all. But then, you can get the same thing from wearing team sports apparel, political slogans, or even religious phrases.
I don't know if the fear will ever really leave, but I went out as Jennifer to pick up an item at curb side. I am pretty much wearing female attire at home all the time, but I can't go full Jennifer (spouse). However, the opportunity came up and I just kind of went with it. I got my wig and purse and put them on in the truck. I drove to the store, spoke with the male worker, and got my item. It all went off without a hitch. Maybe I expected to be scared out of my mind but it was so fast and so unthinking that I don't think I had time to overanalyze it and get scared. When I got back home I realized what happened and the feeling was amazing. My confidence has gone up a notch and the world didn't end. Hoping for more "opportunities" in the future.
For me, it's like this, I get up, I get dressed, i go out. I'm fully out, at work out, sometimes with full make-up, sometimes with no make-up. I don't pass, I blend, but I bet most people who see me from more than 10 feet away think that I'm a woman and don't give me a second thought. People don't look and stare, only four people have ever made a negative comment and that's never been from a cis woman. I have no problems in shops or in public loos. Over the years I've had dozens of positive comments and nice things said to me by complete strangers. The world (UK) really is an accepting place out there never mind all of the nonsence that you read in the press or hear on the radio or on the telly, real people don't give it a second thought. So yes, I'm well past the fear and yes, it's best foot forward.
Cheryl I absolutely love your look in your avatar and your attitude!! Very wholesome attitude. Your situation seems a lot like mine. Riki
My fear has about 90% gone. I do go out to stores, banking, gas and other errands.
I have not gone to bars, clubs, or restaurants. I would love to. Maybe this Friday Night I will go out for dinner. My wife will be away and I can make a night of it.
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