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Thread: Curious: What do GAYs get out of Cross-dressing?

  1. #1
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Curious: What do GAYs get out of Cross-dressing?

    I am not trying to be a "wise guy" here, but I am serious. As a Heterosexual Male who cross-dresses (definition of crossdresser) I am aware of the erotic element of what I do, even though there are other elements also involved, ----Not to mention the question we ALL hear if we should reveal ourselves is "Are you gay?" I fail to see a reason why Gay people (attracted to the same Biosex) would ever want to cross-dress. Yet we see it quite often. Indeed, 90% of drag queens are gay, but then again, is Drag Queening REALLY cross-dressing as we know it?

    Now I can understand just WHY a person who IDENTIFIES with the opposite sex (Transsexual) cross-dresses, as THAT is who they are, psychologically, but Gay cross-dressing seems to be a puzzle to me (and perhaps many of us) as the erotic element crossdressers(noun) seek would not be there. Nor would the reverse "identifying" element. ---And then there is the Public "muggles" perception that ALL crossdressers are gay.----A LOT of stuff does not make sense here.----Us non-Gay crossdressers have a LOT to learn about what else might be going on.

    For what reasons does the gay community engage in cross-dressing? Answers here might be useful in helping ALL us to understand what motivates us.

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Personally I think the motivation is the same for all of us, love of female clothing or love of female form. Regardless of sexual orientation, Coming out as a cross dresser is seen as being a bad thing by others, maybe worse for gay males? Many in here have expressed their fear of coming out to their gay partner. Just the Same as coming out to our straight partners. I always thought that gay cross dressers were more common than straight and had an advantage over us straight CDs especially when it comes being the total woman. Or emulating them.
    Last edited by Karren Hutton; 08-29-2022 at 10:14 PM.
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    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Because Identity is completely different than sexuality. That is, who you are is a completely separate issue from who you’re attracted to.

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    Member TAG's Avatar
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    Micki is on the right track.
    I came out as gay in 2008 and found CDing made it harder to find a partner.
    Gay men want a man not a man that dresses as a woman.
    Quite a conundrum.
    I have never regretted going 24/7 or having BA surgery.
    I did find a partner that is fine with me being who I am.
    Last edited by TAG; 08-29-2022 at 08:10 PM.

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    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I am not sure you can apply a binary switch and say all crossdressers are either hetero and attracted to women or they are gay and only attracted to men. I have spent a lot of time talking to people in LGBT clubs and bars. My take on it is that almost all men who have hit on me were married and bisexual. Conversely I would say a number of crossdressers likely lean toward the bi side or at least fantasize about it if nothing else.

    I suppose one could argue that if you are attracted at all to any males, that would make you gay, but I am not sure that is an accurate representation. It is just not always cut and dry. I have met women who after being married and having kids, decided on a lesbian relationship. The world is complicated.

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    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    It's a performance, just like you do. The difference is they want to be the center of attention. This would be somebody like a very close friend of mine who identifies as a gay man and only wants another gay man for a partner.

    I think where you're getting confused is the people who are bisexual. I find most of my boyfriends are like me, bisexual.

    You want to put everybody in one box or another it just doesn't work in real life. You need a separate box for each person with a list a very long list.

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    I agree with Karren in that female clothes are more interesting. Better choices of colors and style cuts, and in many ways more revealing and sensual. The one thing about a gay man who has shared his sexuality with the world, is that he doesn?t care or seem to have fear in wearing anything. I do love that, and hope I could be that comfortable. Jonathan Van Ness can absolutely rock a skirt and beard, so why can?t we?

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    The same thing all other variations of sexual preference get out of cross dressing.
    What I get is different than what you get and I'll bet our sexual preferences and gender identity are different, too. Yet here we are.
    None of this is binary.
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

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    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I was reading a review of my local gay club - the main complaint - to many crossdressers.
    On the other hand, someone who is fully embracing their idea of a female - it would be easy to justify (less guilt) way of having gay sex - she had sex with a man, not he had sex with a man.
    And justifying is a major thing with humans, like how many people do things they feel are not justified, even killers have to self justify their action regardless of how dumb that justification is.
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    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    It seems to me that the prevalence of Gays in the CD'ing community is about the same as the general population. It would therefore not surprise me if amongst the Gay community, there is the same percentage of CD'ers as the general community.

  11. #11
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Yes, I admit that I AM simplifying things, and in the case of Bisexuals I see that they would have more in common with heterosexual cders. I know in MY case that the erotic element in CD is a big hetero factor, but I will admit that my main reason to CD is to temporarily "Escape" from my (male) self. The erotic effect is, however, a very big "incentive" and "extra-benefit". I would think it would be different for Gay men, not having that element. What I am thinking about is some sort of CORE motivation that Cross dressing people might share that would be present regardless of sexuality. Of course there would be several different ones as there are several types of cross-dressing (e,g, "escapists", "Fetishists", "humiliationists", etc.)---I would think that Gay crossdressers could provide other motivating factors than us Hetero CDers might not be aware of, After all, the erotic element in our case might often blind us to the important, less obvious.

  12. #12
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    This conundrum is perhaps the best evidence that in the world of the muggles there is a massive confusion about gay, crossdressers, and transgender people. Because they tend to be so locked into the idea that gender and sex and sexual orientation are joined at the hip they think in those terms. It is obvious that there is a linkage but science has shown that linkage is weak at best at the biological level. It is a misconception and in a way we have been sold a bill of goods that is untrue.

    I find it quite curious that the general population thinks in terms of gay men and crossdressing men are strongly related. Strangely they rarely include gay women in that mix as if women are immune to all of this stuff. They are not. Homosexuals (the all inclusive term) are attracted to people of the same sex just as heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex. That is sexual orientation - not gender. But I find it strange that the thinking is that a crossdressing or transgender male is attracted to men. Are crossdressing women attracted to females? Sometimes, but not often. They identify as men and want to associate with men to boost their sense of self as actually being male. The individuals themselves have it all figured out for themselves and it is what it is for each person.

    The point is that when we separate the conceptual focus of sex being the be all and end all of everything we do in terms of gender and gender presentation, gender behavior, and sexual orientation one comes up with a very different and far more realistic image of what is going on at the natural level. Many in the general public are starting to get that, but the large proportion are still fixated on the ancient and erroneous conception that humans are driven mostly by sex. We are sex fiends and we need to purify ourselves to keep that from happening. Talk about scams and hoaxes! That is not even close to being the truth.

    I sense that the young people today are getting it as they seem to be so much more accepting of the great diversity created by separating these three elements. And they understand that when the three are separated there is so much more freedom to explore in accordance with your personal preferences, inclinations, and curiosities. I find it amazing how clinging to the gender binary concepts that are so simplistic can screw up the realities and create such gross misconception and confusion about something as simple as biology. Especially so when one considers that many "less developed" cultures, whatever the hell that means, have none or very little of this confusion that Western Civilization seems to be plagued with. That is, until they get sucked into the Western Civilization thinking on this subject. Encountering Western thinking is almost like encountering the Borg in Star Trek - "You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile." Fortunately, many of the younger people in the Western world have found the key to resisting assimilation into the Borg collective. And a few of the older people, me and thee, have also seen the light. We often live in a different world. The Borg is an illusion.

  13. #13
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    TAG has it right.
    There's a phrase I heard many years ago in this vein regarding crossdressers being gay.

    "Too much woman for the gays, too much man for the straights".
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  14. #14
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    I think men simply see it as, you are dressing in a way they find attractive so you must be trying to attract men.
    There is a local gay drag event where everybody dresses in drag for half the day. As soon as it finishes, the men change back and continue the all day party. My friends and I did not change back. They knew we were different. In this situation the men are doing it for fun and for the art.

  15. #15
    Member NaughtyMichelle's Avatar
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    "I fail to see a reason why Gay people (attracted to the same Biosex) would ever want to cross-dress."

    Sorry Marina, but that kind of blows my mind a little. I'm bi, not gay, but my answer would be because we like it. I enjoy the total deal, looking/acting/smelling/feeling the opposite from the day-to-day. Even without the sexual element, I like the clothes and getting dressed just relaxes me. Guy-me has always been reserved, kinda macho and somewhat stoic. Michelle is flirty, outgoing and fun. When a guy is pursuing her it's amazing what kind of power the female form can wield. I've even had some very mannish lesbians hit on me in Michelle-mode. Totally unexpected, but pretty cool.

  16. #16
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Both of mine were/are very very bi.. one was open and honest , the other did like alot here do- deny deny deny yet was the worst about other men/gay/ dresser porn .Never looked at women just men in various forms of dress and once tried to tell me they WEREN'T men.. I had to remind him that yes they are in fact men with chest implants.. he could not face that and left the room . Its a sexual thing. AGP'ish.

  17. #17
    Member 1Ladyjade's Avatar
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    They do it the same reason you do. They like it. I have a former coworker who is gay and cross dresser. Not drag queen but classy little bit sassy cross dresser. Like us all.

  18. #18
    ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️ Patience's Avatar
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    Not being gay, I wouldn't presume to speak for anyone; but having read a text or two on the subject, it seems they mostly do it for fun and because they can.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  19. #19
    Member Donna St. Marten's Avatar
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    I'm sure that gays have the same question for heteros.

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    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience View Post
    ...because they can.
    I think Patience has a point. My gay friends seem to worry a lot less about what other people think than the rest of us.
    That seems to give them a freedom most people don't have, however than manifests
    Maybe they've just been through the fire and know what other people think doesn't matter.
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    Shelby

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    I avoided wading into this topic, but it seems to have gone much better than I had originally expected. My take on the subject is that just like heterosexuals, some gay men enjoy cross dressing and some do not, and just as heterosexuals, cross dressers may be motivated by different drivers. Some GM gay males may be transgender or somewhere along that spectrum, and find dressing expresses their gender identity. We know that some gay males enjoy the performative aspect, as per RuPaul and many other gay drag performers can attest. And I suppose there are some gay males who are interested in the fetish or a sexualized form of cross dressing.

  22. #22
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    I am bi. I never dressed to justify having sex with men. In saying that I did like having sex with men when dressed as to me that was all part of the illusion of being feminine. I have always dressed as that is just part of who I am going back to age 4 or 5. I don't think Cross Dressing has anything do with being gay or straight or bi.
    Just another man in a dress

  23. #23
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Having started this thread, let me say that I am basically trying to see if there is some kind of "common core", "Deep reason" all of us who cross-dress might share, regardless of our sex, gender or orientation. of course us different types of people will relate to more to aspects related to our sexuality, etc.----But is there something more deep, more basic in us that we might share that drives us to cross-dress? But I do not expect it to be any ONE thing, heck even those of us who are alike in gender, sex and orientation will have different reasons for cross-dressing. But there might only be a "handful" of reasons, like 3 or 4 deep reasons that might be at the root of it in ALL cases. ----I think it would be a worthwhile endeavor to find out. Yep, some people "just like to do it", that's cool if you are happy with that, but many of us have a scientific curiosity and would like to learn more. I have already learned a lot just by reading other people's answers.

  24. #24
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I always come back to what a speaker said at one of our transgender group meetings: "When you meet one transgender person, you've met one transgender person." In other words, everyone is different.

    The statistics based on surveys show that most MTF crossdressers are heterosexual. But most doesn't equal all, so there are bi and gay (and likely asexual) CDs too. Why do they do it? Why do WE do it? Because at some point, a little voice told us we wanted to dress like the opposite gender.

    In fact, from a sexuality viewpoint, why would heterosexual men CD? If you are only sexually attracted to women, then is it really the optimal strategy to attract women as sex partners to dress like one? Probably not. There are at least a few women who ARE sexually attracted to CDs, based on just the odds alone, but likely not a good strategy.

    Why are "admirers" sexually attracted to CD's? I don't know. Certainly a gay man who CDs could find a potential sex partner in an admirer. I remember reading an article a while ago about guys who crossdress to attract men.

    We can all speculate, but it comes down to we are all different and we all have our own reasons, and trying to find patterns where likely none exists is probably a loser's game.
    Last edited by TheHiddenMe; 08-30-2022 at 11:48 PM. Reason: Damn auto-correct.
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  25. #25
    Junior Member crobeson96's Avatar
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    This might make an interesting story for a book or for a movie - a gay man who secretly crossdresses despite his committed partner and their gay friends hating the idea. The protagonist's one acquaintance who knows is a heterosexual drag queen that sympathizes and consoles his friend. The drag queen is a fascinating character as his hobby must be kept secret from the world since he is a fundamentalist minister with a large successful church.
    Comedy-drama with lots of close calls. I think the poignancy would be the variety of motivations and perspectives seem realistic given the answers to this topic.
    Excellent question!
    Last edited by crobeson96; 08-31-2022 at 11:08 AM.

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