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Thread: Are all CD's / TV's. TS in denial?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Transgender is a continuum, a matter of degree, rather than something you are or are not like you are alive or you are dead. I know that I am transgender. I have told my story on this forum more than once about first realizing that I was more than so called just a crossdresser. I, and others, have also been clear about why we have chosen not to transition. There is a category of trans referred to as: non transitioning transgender. Many crossdressers fit this category although many, perhaps most do not. But those of us who chose not to transition are not in denial. We know who we are and we have made a choice. Please respond that. Nancy

  2. #27
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    After a lot of thought about this I would say that I am not. I know I am a man. I have a wish deep inside me that l had been born female, but if a genie appeared and offered to change that now, I would say no. I love my wife, children and grandchildren and would never wish them out of existence. I’ve a feeling that if I had an ‘It’s a wonderful life’ moment and saw what it would have been like if I had been born female I would probably be glad I wasn’t, but that is about circumstances rather than identity. Life in my family growing up was bad enough. I think it would have probably been worse for a girl.
    Last edited by JennyMay; 09-02-2022 at 12:54 AM.

  3. #28
    Junior Member DaniellaUK's Avatar
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    So sorry if I caused offence to any of you lovely girls. Perhaps my thread was clumsy. I guess I was posting about my own situation. I'm mixed up like crazy atm and should think more about what I post xxxxx

  4. #29
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    I enjoy being a man. I also enjoy the challenges of presenting as a woman and am learning so much every time I attempt to. This I cannot deny.

  5. #30
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    DaniellaUK,

    You might as well ask if all women who "borrow" their man's shirts, jackets, or whatever - are TS in denial.

    The question is making a HUGE assumption. Not every man who puts something feminine on his body wants to BE a woman.
    It might be curiosity.
    It could be that they like the feel.
    Maybe it's a fetish.
    Perhaps it's some form of rebellion against the norm.
    MAYBE it's because they harbor trans feelings.
    Or it could be some other reason I can't think of right now.

    There are way too many reasons people do what they do for such a blanket assumption to have any value, so I suggest you throw it out and start over.

    I think you're trying to ask about what you're feeling and trying to figure things out. That's good, but don't fall for the "simple" answer. Your reasons are your own and the only person who can answer your questions is you, yourself. Now - counselling, if you can afford it, can be a great help. A good one will not actually give you any answers, but they will know how to ask you the right questions and help guide you in finding your own answers.


    As for me? I guess I'd put myself in the "non-practicing" trans category. I know what I feel, but I've accepted that for reasons of my own, I'm not acting on those feelings. Not yet, at least. Who knows what the future holds?

    So - while I don't think of myself as a CD or TV, I'm also not in denial. "on hold" maybe? How about "hibernation?" Whatever the term, I limit myself to dressing at home, and only within limits that are acceptable to my wife. She is my anchor, my safe harbor - and my warden. It's complicated, but I love her and I'm staying put.
    Last edited by SaraLin; 09-02-2022 at 06:37 AM. Reason: formatting for readability

  6. #31
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    No apology needed great question. I know Im a straight married Crossdresser my only denial is telling my wife.

  7. #32
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    This topic pops up frequently. A female counselor I see for war related trauma issues believes each person, man or woman, is born with some strands of dna of the opposite sex; in some it is more than in others. If I accept that premise, it wouldn't be we fall somewhere on that spectrum. I do not yearn to be a woman, although, if I was a woman that would be fine. In the beginning there was a lot of mental anguish around the desire to wear women's clothing which was also absent any desire to be a female. I was a rough and tumble little boy, then a teenager, then a young adult who needed to wear women's clothing. I fought the urge because wearing women's clothing was against societal norms and expectations. Once there is self acceptance for anyone, anywhere on the spectrum, then the problem is dealing with other people who have a problem accepting men and women who are different than themselves.

  8. #33
    Member Teresa.Smith.VA's Avatar
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    I totally agree with kimdl93 who makes a great point, that many merely make informed choices out of concern for their love ones.
    I honor my wife's request that I not post pictures.

  9. #34
    Always been a GIRL. Michelle1955's Avatar
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    I have reviewed the 3 threads you have started this year.
    Your profile does not mention your age, I was born in 1955, so seen a lot of terms over the years.
    Terms are confusing and many have become outdated.

    A friend and I switched underwear and panties at out the age of 5 in her bedroom.
    At 5 I had transgender issues, before that term was invented.
    I have always felt a female locked in a male body. My teenage years were very rough on me having male equipment.

    Sexual orientation is totally separate from being transgender. I been married to my wife for 43 years, so my head says I am female with male parts. So I am hetro with a lesbian twist I guess. I do feel a person can be say various % of male/female, the brain does funny things at times.

    I wear panties daily, do not own any underwear. Basically an A cup in a bra, a bra is my pacifier when my head says I need more than panties. Clothing is cloths I wear both male and females.

    My wife and I deal with my transgender, would I fully transition no, family and grand kids.
    Would I like to have B or C breasts in a heart beat yes very much so.

    I do not post much, but on forum daily.

    I things work out for you, get professional help if you and wife need that extra step.

  10. #35
    Junior Member DaniellaUK's Avatar
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    Some really interesting and helpful answers, thank you girls xxx I need to see my therapist again, I'm sooo confused right now.

  11. #36
    Just another 'Gurl'
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    No denial here. I really am little more than a man in a dress. I love dressing, however, at my core I am still a man.
    Just another man in a dress

  12. #37
    Ciara at the weekend
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misiokaku View Post
    Also no denial here. I have been in denial for a long time. Since I told my wife I have been expanding my feminine wardrobe. I am a straight guy who prefers the look of a woman so much that I also want to look like a woman. But I know I am not a woman.
    Couldn't have put it any better.... also, I like the pleasure I get from my man bits.

  13. #38
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    The forms of denial I see most often here, are those who refer to themselves in third person, as a means to distance themselves from feminine feelings/behavior, likely because of the huge stigma that we are instilled with when we are young, being told that to be feminine in any way, is the absolutely worst thing that a boy can ever be.
    The professing of their feminine mindset as 'my feminine side', is also just a way to deny that 'the REAL me is all male, all the time', the side that dresses up, talks like a girl, walks like a girl, does everything possible to emulate a girl, 'isn't the real me'. It's like an escape clause, to avoid believing what is obvious to everyone but himself.
    Then, is the group who insists that they are absolutely, positively heterosexual, even though they discuss and desire to date and possibly have/try sexually intimate behavior with a man, 'but only when I'm en femme / being [fill in their self assigned female persona name]. They cannot under any circumstances accept that they have any homosexual feelings, so they assign it to the created imaginary female persona that they need to use, to avoid accepting their own homosexual desires.
    I understand this. Many of us feel the need to bury feelings, desires, and memories deep in our subconscious, because they are simply incongruent with the values that we were indoctrinated with when we were growing up, as well as with the society we live in.
    This is especially reinforced, by the fact that admitting to femininity, or homosexual desires, will likely destroy any chances we have of finding a female SO. Despite the protestations of those who have managed to find a tolerant female mate, the odds are so great against the rest of us doing so, are even worst than trying to win the lottery, and, the social stigma that remains about feminine men, can make it even dangerous for us to admit to it.
    So let those who are in denial, stay that way. If they could figure out a way to deal with all the problems inherent with not being the 'all straight male, all the time' that it's likely everyone they know expects them to be, they would.
    For a lot of us, taking on all that, is just too much to take.
    Me? Sure, I know that my odds of meeting a woman who might be willing to date me knowing that I'm a crossdresser, might increase if I were out, and still had gay female friends who would bring me with them to the female gay bars when they went out, perhaps meeting a woman who was curious and attracted to femininity but not quite ready to date another woman, but my time for that is long past, for Though I once was, today, I'm no longer an attractive male, and appear absolutely grotesque when dressed as a female.
    To those in denial, treat yourself as good as you can. Get what happiness that you can out of this life, because it's all we have.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 09-03-2022 at 10:36 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  14. #39
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Do I have feminine traits, yes, but I have masculine traits also. Do I like to wear certain female articles of clothing, yes, but the same can be said of typical male clothing. Have I been to a rodeo, yes, but I'm not a cowboy either! Clothes taketh not a man, or woman.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  15. #40
    Senior Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    I am in the middle. I have no overwhelming drive to change my gender. Honestly I would like a pair of perky C-cups, but nothing more. But..... If I were to develop penile cancer and an operation that would end with a vagina instead ( not something that I have ever heard of obviously, this is just an example) I would not be crushed. So in other words, not looking for it but not opposed to it either. My wife on the other hand has made it quite clear that she has NO lesbian feelings. So it would probably be the end of my marriage. And nothing is worth that.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    My personal thoughts on this matter is. Yes, I am a Trans person. Will I ever transition? No. I feel so good when I start the day with a shower and clean shave, then proceed to full Natalie mode for the day. I am at the point I go out and do my outside errands.

    But I am too afraid to blow up my almost perfect life with my wife. She knows and has seen me dressed 👗. But she is not thrilled and has told me point blank she is gone if I transition.

    So, I if I were to rate my personna as 1 is male and 10 is female, I would give me a 3 to 4. We have women friends and more than one has said to me that I am such a girl 👧.

    I love it when they say that.

  17. #42
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    No one reference the old joke yet. What's the difference between a crossdresser and a trans woman? Two to three years. I think what that's really saying may not be denial it just takes us a while to become comfortable or figure it out or whatever and for some it's the right path but I would never say all. Maybe more than think it at first but not any significant number or not. Who knows where it's going to go but in a couple of years you may feel differently about it.

  18. #43
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Denial no.
    Indecision Yes.

    At this point in my life I know I'm transgender. Am I TS, I just don't know yet.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  19. #44
    Junior Member DaniellaUK's Avatar
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    I have unintentionally caused some kickback from some girls. I never said we all were/ are in denial, I asked the question. xxxx

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member KymG's Avatar
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    I personally am not in denial. Im attracted to women, I like to dress up as one, but I do not want to be one.
    Perhaps im lucky in that it didnt take a bigger hold on me, as it could have done.

    I do wonder why and try and excuse it to myself, yes, but there is nothing to deny. If society didnt make such a big deal out this then it wouldnt matter so much.

    In fact the only thing I deny myself is the chance of a normal relationship with a woman.

  21. #46
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    No. I think the percent who wish to transition is very small compared to those who just wish to dress.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

  22. #47
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    If you asked me in 2019 I'd have probably say no, not me.

    Cut to 2022, almost 2 years in on HRT wondering why I denied myself so long.

  23. #48
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    Full agreement!

    I think I'd be in a slippery slope if I started dressing full time. I can't do anything halfway.

  24. #49
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Nothing stopping me to do so in the whole 20 years of crossdressing and yet I have absolutely no interest in doing so. Why is that? Cause my crossdressing is an activity and has nothing to do with my gender identity. My crossdressing does not have anything to do with my sexuality as well.

  25. #50
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Before 2013 I was in denial, for like 50 years. But between 2001 and 2013 I was a bit less so. In 2013 I accepted the female-like identity that drove me crazy during all that time. I hated her and figuratively tried to kill her. Or at least rid myself of this monster. Never worked because it can't work.

    She made me think thoughts I did not want to have and do things I did not want to do, like live a secret life that I could not escape from. Several suicide attempts along the way and profound clinical depression. But I am not TS. More gender fluid. I explored TS and decided it was not for me - and my therapist even agreed that I did not fit the pattern usually seen in people who go that route. Once I accepted that I am a type of trans person my whole life changed.

    It was difficult at first but the last few years have been some of happiest years of my life because now I know and understand myself. The male-like identity and the female-like identity are blended into a single package that is based on caring and cooperation with each other and toward the world around me. The phony strong masculine is dead and buried. Never again. It only brought misery because it was contrived to fit social expectations. How foolish I was. Life is good. My dear wife of 53 years likes the behavior part but not the dressing part, but when it comes to identity it is the way you think that is more important than the way you look. But I do mildly blend clothing in such a way that most people notice that something is up. Life is good. I smile a lot.

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