Whats your order of DADT ?

[Debs]

In what order in your life did this happen, mine is :-

when I first met my wife I told her I dress from day one, then it was amazing for a couple of years, I could dress, she took me out dressed, we went for meals etc, then slowly she stopped coming out with me, I could still dress in the house , couldnt go out on my own and hide from the neighbours, then another couple of years or so of me dressing whenever I wanted to dress, became you look disgusting, dont do that in front of me, I explained that it was part of me and I cant stop even if I tried. even if hide it from you it will continue, to my current life where she accepts I cant stop it, I can dress in the house with full makeup, I can book a few days away to dress, I can leave my stuff all over the house, but must clear up if we have guests coming, but never let the neighbours see me, when I go away for a few days, I can leave the house fully en femme, we have a garage with electric doors, so I leave the wig off, put on a big coat and wear sunglasses to cover makeup, drive out to a remote car park half a mile from home, take coat off, put wig on, then am fully dressed for my few days away. She now tollorates this, no questions asked. It doesnt seem to phase her at the moment, but who knows, Im enjoying me freedom to go out overnight away for the time being, how did it happen in your life ?

[Heather76]

I started CDing only 27 months ago. We are approaching our 39th anniversary. I told her I had started wearing panties after about 5 months of doing so. She pretty much told me she'd rather not see me wearing panties. I slowly added stockings and nighties to my wardrobe. She didn't see me in them; but, she knew I had those things. Fast forward to the first of this year. I started dressing in front of her at home. She would prefer I don't CD at all; but, has no objection to me dressing. She has told me she doesn't want to see me with makeup on. I interpret that to mean wig and jewelry as well. She definitely doesn't want our neighbors and friends to know. She is well aware I often times wear a bralette out of the house with inserts and forms. However, I only do so when there's no chance of running into anyone we know. I also remove the forms before I go into any business establishment. I have only been able to out dressed in public on 2 occasions. I didn't tell her I did this; but, she isn't a stupid woman. I was gone for 6 days this summer of which I spent 2 nights in motels in 2 towns there was no chance of anyone knowing me. Since I had taken a travel bag with me that I keep some of my femme stuff in, she could easily add 2 + 2. If I were to tell her I was taking a couple days to go off by myself, she'd quiz me as to why. If I told her I was driving about 100 - 200 miles away so I could dress completely, she'd likely tell me if I really feel I have to then go ahead. I dress almost every night an hour or 2 after dinner; and, I've been wearing a bra, forms, nightie, and stockings to bed every night since January first of this year.

[Stephanie47]

When my wife and I were newly married I bought her a white ankle length (on her) peignoir. I got women's sizing wrong and got her a medium. It swam on her which gave her a chuckle. One night my love of nylon arose and I don the nightgown and was in the kitchen getting a class of water. She walked in and found me wearing it. Why? I liked the feel of the fabric. A nightgown or two with some hosiery and garter belt ended up in the bedroom as a little kink. It wasn't an every night thing. After our first child was born she asked me not to wear the nightgowns as our son's crib was in our room, a one bedroom apartment. OK. Fast forward a couple of years and a relocation to the west coast. My love of nylon grew and I added some nylon slips and panties. A bra came later. One day our second child opened the bottom draw of my armoire and yanked out a vivid red Vanity Fair bra. "The Talk" ensued. There was a rough patch we went through. I pestered her in the hopes she would be more accepting and participating. Nope. I had coaxed her into going with me to Mervyn's to buy some panties for me. It was torture for her. I realized what I was doing bordered on mental spousal abuse. That was the last time I bothered her.

I accumulated an extensive wardrobe over the years. I think she played possum when I slipped out of the house fully en femme for evening drives or on Halloween. With hindsight I cannot believe she did not feel my absence from my side of the bed. When she was away working I had femme time. If I traveled for work I took a wardrobe.

There were times when I failed to put away a garment (bra, panty). She would police it up, place it out of sight and tell me calmly she had found it. No yelling, no crying, no remarks. We sleep apart due to medical issues; two bad backs and a lot of snoring. I sleep in a nightgown, bra, panty and slip. I do not know if she knows. Due to Covid she had not gone to babysit overnight. If that happens in the future, it will be a return to an evening drive and stroll.

On the bright side, when she was cleaning out her nightgowns that no longer fit, she told me to take what I wanted. I took that white peignoir I bought her in 1971. Definitely vintage.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Debs, Its non accept full stop.I never told my wife when married. Daughter found stash in 2011 Enforced purge but I then came out to my mother. Dressed at her home at least once a week until 2020 when she passed away.No makeup just clothes.Cleared her house and purged again . Opportunities now limited. With only a few items of clothing.Wife has health issues so wont burden her but it is frustrating.Would love to do what you do in Blackpool but only in my dreams for the foreseeable future.

[kimdl93]

in most recent marriage, we began with an acceptance of underdressing but no tolerance for being seen in full womens attire. That went on for a decade, until at my request, she tolerated full dressing in her presence. It proved to be extremely stressful for her, although she denied being bothered by it at the time. Then she had a breakdown of sorts, we sought counseling, she again professed to be fine with it, but asked for a break from my dressing at home. After 18 months of no discussion, she asked for a separation and then a divorce.

[SaraLin]

Back at the turn of the century, I met my now wife and before things got too serious, I told her ALL about me.
We negotiated some "ground rules" of what was and was not OK. Panties and nighties are OK around her. Anything else, she wants no part of - and NO GOING OUT!!!

Now, after 22 years of marriage, it's now: Panties and nighties are OK around her. Anything else, she wants no part of - and NO GOING OUT!!!

Glaciers move faster.

[GretchenM]

It is a kind of DADT that is OK with me. Because gender identity is a mental state of being it cannot be denied without denying yourself. And if you are denying yourself then you are just asking for trouble. For me my identity is a type of behavior and thinking that involves my relationship to the world around me. My male-like and female-like traits and characteristics that define the sense of self are collaborators and function as a unit; it is just that I have a lot of female-like traits and characteristics that I tried to rid myself of for decades and produced suicide attempts and deep clinical depression that sometimes made me unbearable to be around.

I accept my wife's thinking about the dressing that it is something that would fracture her traditional view of her husband. I get it. Turning the table around and I would likely react in a similar fashion. But she likes the changes in my behavior and appreciates them - a kinder, gentler person. For me the dressing is a bit of a treat that expresses that female-like aspect to my total identity. And that part of me does not want to create friction - I view that as being very male-like and a bit like being part of the patriarchy rather than a more equalized view and action.

She does allow me to wear flats around the house and wear shirts in strong feminine colors. And sometimes I wear panties - they are just underwear. She likes that as it still says male even though to me it says female. Those colors of men's shirts are hard to find as not many males wear those colors. People notice that and by their reactions they get the message that something is up in my gender department.

So it is a DADT arrangement. Nobody can take away your thoughts and your perception of who you are which controls how you function in the world. I function in a female-like way most of the time. And it is completely consistent with neurological theories of gender that is based on neural nets that produce our behaviors that allow us to interact smoothly with the world around us. There are male-like neural nets that produce male-like behaviors. But the female-like and intermediate neural nets, all together, also define us to ourselves and to others. The dressing is just clothes - it is what is in your brain that defines the nature of your life and who you are as a person. Clothes are important but to me about the least important.

But if dressing is a need that you have then by all means fulfill that need to the extent that you need to and makes you feel whole. But for me that is not essential. Nevertheless I love it when I am able to do it in peace - it adds so much. But, for me, it is not necessary for me to happily be who I am. I am that person even when I am naked or buried in multiple layers on a really cold winter day.

[Bluesman]

We are way beyond DADT at this point, but it has been a long journey. It was kind of piecemeal over time. I hinted at it very early on, like maybe a month or so into the relationship, describing a crossdressing fantasy in a letter (we were long distance for a while), occasionally wearing lingerie during sex play. During that time lingerie and fantasy were the extent of my CDing; I didn't really think of myself as a crossdresser, just a little kinky. Over time the desire waxed and waned, still just lingerie & fantasizing, Eventually I bought a skirt and blouse and then a dress, wearing them secretly in private, a few purges along the way, keeping it mostly hidden. After about ten years or so I accepted that I was a crossdresser and the only thing wrong about it was hiding it from my wife so I stopped hiding and started being more open about it. There was a brief period of kinky openness, but she eventually retreated and we went through a prolonged DADT period. I would dress when she was out and change back before she came home. Usually she would let me know she was on the way, but occasionally there would be a mis-communication and I would scramble to change when I heard the garage door open. Once I left a pair of heels out and she just said, "Those are cute, are they new?" A few times she would catch me as I was changing and eventually said, "You know, you don't have to change for me." I took that as a big break through, and while I continued to mostly change when I knew she was on the way home, sometimes I would stay dressed and it was okay. I would stay dressed for a little while, and then change. Things have progressed now to where I periodically sleep in a chemise, wear a dress, undergarments, sometimes forms while we are at home together. My legs and torso are shaved, I put on lipstick and gloss and often have painted toenails. If I do heavier makeup when alone, I still remove it or subdue it if she comes home. I push the envelope occasionally and also occasionally back off from dressing even if I'm in the mood. We seem to have a good equilibrium now. I always change into drab before dinner and evenings at home together, but I'm hopefully working up to being able to stay dressed even then.

[Kris Burton]

Like Heather, I've only been actively CDing a short time, for me just a little over a year now. I came out to my wife almost immediately, and as such never really had a true DADT. She actually participates with me up to a point - notably helping me with makeup. I think my wife sees feminizing my face as something of a challenge. She also helps me choose photos to post, and has seen virtually all the pictures i have taken of my alter ego from the beginning - both good and bad.

Having said all that, there are elements of DADT in our arrangement as it currently stands. Although she has seen all of my pictures, she has only seen my fully dressed "in person" a couple of times, once completely by accident. She prefers I not dress around her, and that works fine for me, I would prefer not to anyway so we are in agreement there. I always wait until she is out of the house for dressing or doing a photo session, and I always let her know when I am going to do it. I also use the very early morning hours for the same purpose. It is not a problem if she does see me, she just prefers not to, and that suits me as well. She does seem to be warming to the possibility though, and it could happen soon especially as I have requested more direct makeup help, and she has agreed.

Our biggest DADT element or boundary is going outside. She does not want me to do it at all, and I have said that I want to do this. I am quite sure that she realizes that I have been outside, right in our own neighborhood, in the early morning hours or late at night. She has asked that I not do this, but has said "I don't know anything" when she see s a photo I have obviously taken outside. My next step is to suggest I go out a long distance from our home, but that may be some time away because she is more worried for my safety than anything else. I'll know when it is a good time to bring this up; but we are not there yet. Until then, both of us remain quiet on the subject.

[Pumped]

My wife and I have gone the whole route from "Hell no!" to I dress when ever I want and everything in between.

Today I will dress and I generally get no or very little reaction from her. If I buy something new I will get a "that's cute!" or perhaps if it is a bit trashy she will comment. She knows I like to dress a bit on the trashy side, tight bodycon dresses and faux leather.

I don't venture outside fully dressed, but I do have some woman's jeans and boots I wear with her approval.

[Annajose]

First I was totally in the closet, then I started showing a bit of preference for PH pretending I liked them for the compression (which is also true). One time, long ago, my wife found by mistake in my I pad some spam messages I was getting because of the sites I was visiting, they were not as respectable as this site, so we had the talk.
This was followed by a few difficult years, fortunately for me, my wife give more weight to our love so we continued married, but in DADT, she still knows I love to dress, at this point she is clear that I do not want to engage in other relationships, and that I am not trans (which is true as far as I know), but that I love wearing female things. She still does not want to see me dressed, however I can wear PH, panties, female shirts, tees and trousers ever day, as far as they are not overly feminine, she is still worried about the effec this might have in my job and also, since we are in Latin America, on my safety and security.
She knows I dress and practice makeup when she is away, we talk abot it, I believe she understands, but still does not want to see me dressed as a woman, which I totally understand, I believe we are no longer in DADT, but we are in a possition in which we both try to understand each other needs and concerns and we try to accomodate.
At some point I thought she was going to ask me to stop completelly, and I was going to do it, she is the best part of my life, but I am fortunate that she did not ask to stop, so I am happy to accomodate her needs.

[docrobbysherry]

1. Wife found my bra and I confessed to dressing. (It was minimal and I was still in the undies and a few things only, stage)

2. Separated from wife and began dressing at my leisure when kids at her house.

3. Teen daughter moves in full time. I tell her about Sherry. We created a DADT routine so she never has to see me dressed.

4. Daughter moves out. My entire house, garage, and guest apt. r littered with Sherry clothing and props!

5. Sherry is known around the world but I don't go out dressed near my home. I drive from my house during daylite outings with a ball cap, sunglasses, and man's jacket so neighbors won't know!

[Karren H]

I we have been married for 46 year and I have been dressing for over 60 years. I never told her and never expected she would find out. I was dressing when she was not around and on business trips for the last 20 plus years. About 16 years ago she found a pair of heels and a few skirts I left in my closet. I was out of state for work and I confessed to crossdressing over the phone. When I got home she had left my clothes and shoes in a neat pile on the bed. She really did not want to talk about it at all.

So I continued to dress on business trips for another decade. I am certain she knew but did not mention it except for a few passing derogatory comments when ever we went shopping. She even did it tonight when we jwent to Macys. She said I do not need you assistance choosing her clothing but I could come upstairs and get her when I was done with my shopping. Lol

After I retired (6 years ago) the business trip dressing stopped and she did not go out much. Then the pandemic hit and we were together 100% of the time. She started having some health issues and I was (still am) having prostate problems. So we agreed that I could sleep in the downstairs bedroom. Which turned out to be an amazing thing for my dressing. At first I thought she might try to sneak down and catch me but she has said more than a few times that she will not come down until I am awake and dressed (in drab). So she knows I sleep enfemme but not to what extent.

Or that I have been also working on my breast growth. I mean some mornings I show up to breakfast and look like I had a boob job over night. But she says nothing.

Kind of a long story for me but that is where we are. Don?t ask, don?t tell, don?t want to know, don?t eat to see!

[Jillcder]

I often wonder when reading about others on this site if DADT will be my situation or will she be somewhat accepting of my Jill side. Since retirement this year my dressing on out of town business trips has stoped I have definitely missed those opportunities to dress and be out in public.

[_jenni_]

It?s interesting how long and windy a road like this is. 100% DADT. She knows I?ve got a penchant for panties. Tried to talk to her about from the beginning. The response want exactly warming. Never explicitly given a line in the sand but based off the last two decades pretty sure I know where she stands. That isn?t to say she hasn?t walked in to me putting laundry up, or like the other day walked in while I?m getting ready and standing there in lavender boy shorts. She just eye darted snorted and moved on. So we just won?t mention the makeup skirts forms wigs and shoes. But are always sure to count the blessings when she goes on those girls trips. Luckily she is one that always texts when she is returning. Which has always given me the sense she knows.

[Jane G]

I have known my wife since school. I was a cross dresser long before I met her though. Several of my family/relatives knew, but my wife to be was never told. She only found out after she caught me fully dressed one evening a few years after we were married. She went home to her mum. I chased after her and won her heart back. That was a bad introduction for both of us. We discussed we took councilling we had kids and family life was good. After I left the RN my work life meant I could dress away from home. After a successful move to a new job, we got that comfy family home and my wife was a lot more accepting at home. It's still dadt and keep it from the rest of the world. But we each know the other in minute detail and it works.

I know I should have told her before we married, but we were young and I was immature. It's hard to regret it though, life has been and continues to be good. Cross dressing is but a part of it, a part of who I am. There is so much more.

[Christie ann]

My wife has known from the beginning some 46 years ago. She has never been a fan. She wasn’t amused when she came home while I was watching the babies and I was wearing her top and bra because our crying kids were comforted by her smell. I thought it was a great story. There were many many years where anything from the girl side of the store was taboo. Now, I see some headway has been made. Panties 24/7 for years. It helps that I do all of our laundry so it’s not in her face. I think she might be surprised at how feminine some of them are. Now, all of my shorts and (sorry Karren) jeans are womens. Capris pants and leggings have some how made the cut and I wear them often. A few years ago, she asked me why the hair on my legs was so patchy. A combination of age and walking a lot in long pants wearing away the hairs. She said they might look better without the patches of hair. They were all gone by the next morning. So, Womens shorts with shaved legs!
What is DADT is anything that is strictly female, dresses, skirts, of course bras and anything considered cute.