Attractive...or attract?

[Krisi]

A big part of "getting hit on" is where you go and how you act. If you go to a bar and flirt with guys, you may get hit on. If you go to Walmart or the grocery store and avoid eye contact with men, you most likely will not have to worry about being hit on.

[Genifer Teal]

As for getting hit on, if you plan to get out to any regular extent, you will get hit on. It would be good to learn how to deal with it. One of the first times I was out in the city I got hit on and didn't know how to deal with it. Eventually I left the place. Looking back on it now, i can't belive I let a silly thing ruin my night. It's actually quite easy to say no. You can even thank them for the compliment. You'll start to realize how awkward guys can be towards women. LOL It's good to experience and be prepared for. It's likely to happen at some point.

[WildDaisy85]

I?d actually have to go out to worry about being hit on, but if the time ever came, I?d take it as a compliment while politely rejecting the advances. Never really be interested in guys but it?s the same as being hit on by a gay guy at a bar, some might find it insulting but it took a lot of guts for a guy to say something and nicely declining his advance was enough to send him on his way.

Now, unfortunately it?s not always so easy for women to dissuade some males.

[Stephanie47]

I want to radiate my style. I am strictly a wearer of dresses and heels and all that goes with it, although I shun hip and butt padding. The styles of dresses I wear conceals the lack of womanly hips, although, if you look around there are many women without a Barbie doll waist. I have not put myself in a situation where I would be hit upon. My forays outside my home are always in the evening for a stroll with no human contact. The way I see it, it is possible a cross dressing man may be hit upon by a wide range of strangers; guy realizing you're a cross dresser and he is into cross dressing men; men not aware you're a cross dresser because of a very good presentation; women who are attracted to male cross dressers or believe you're a woman. Is it any different for a cis woman going about her daily chores?

I think part of any angst for a heterosexual male cross dresser is a male, knowing you're a male cross dresser, hitting on you. It projects or reinforces the misconception of society that cross dressing men are gay. Men and women throw a line out to see what they catch. As a guy I have been hit upon by women and men. I did not fill with angst when a guy hit on me; just a quick brush off. The same with women as I am married to the love of my wife. I know men, if a gay man had made a pass at him, would explode in anger; "I'm not one of THEM reaction.

If you're out there in the wild you have to be aware you cannot control the actions of others.

[Rachel Anne]

Since I came out a few months ago, this is something that I've had to deal with. Fortunately, at first I've was out with others quite a bit, so that's helped some, but since then I've been out and about a lot more alone and that's a different situation. I just smile and say thanks and move on.

[Jessica Secret]

I'm closeted but I dress for both reasons, I love beautiful/romantic lingerie and how it looks and feels, and I also wear it for my boyfriend since he loves me in lingerie.

[TheHiddenMe]

We all want to look good. We primp, preen, pluck, powder and pad so as to be attractive in the mirror, attractive to our lady friends and, yes, attractive to men folk. As I am fond of saying, I wanna make the boys cry.

You forgot to mention running thousands of miles to be able to squeeze into smaller sizes and having great looking legs in heels and hose.

Yes, I want to look good. I do go out with GGs (including one who is gorgeous) so I don't want to look out of place because I know she is going to get attention. Do I want to be noticed by guys? Not necessarily, because you may get noticed by some Neanderthal who objects to you being out.

I like to feel sexy and desirable, even though I not really trying to attract someone. I'm not into guys, and when it comes to women, I'm married, and if I was looking for attention from women, dressing as one is not the optimal strategy.

In the end, I think it comes down to is I want to be attractive to the person who sees me in the mirror. Compliments from my GG friends are an added bonus.

But...from a distance, thank you! I'd be mortified to get hit on. I'm happily married, not into guys in any way, please keep your distance. Does that make me the ultimate tease?

I've been hit on once, leaving a casino at about 1:15 AM. The guy asked if I worked out (I was thinner than usual at the time and was wearing an attractive dress) and whether I was into black guys. I said no, and then added "not into guys". He took his shot and walked away.

Is it a compliment or further evidence of what GGs deal with constantly. Maybe a little of the former and a lot of the latter?

So, I want to be attractive...but not attract. How about you? Whatcha think?

Hugs, Michelle

And all this time I thought you dressed just to keep Sandy company.

[mbmeen12]

I dress for success.....for the date of for ever the evening brings.

[Sandi Beech]

Michelle,

I try to look as attractive as I can be when I go out. For restaurant attire, I wear things others might, but I definitely go for killer
looks when clubbing. I often draw attention but from both women and men. It comes with the territory. Judging by other's responses it seems I have more experience than most regarding being "hit on", but that is not my main goal. Some might suspect otherwise, but I really just like being the center of attention and the feeling of being pretty and sexy - a total escape from reality. Granted I am getting too old for that sort of thing, but it has not stopped me yet.

I do want to dispel some myths.

1. Being "hit on" has such a negative connotation. It is far ranging in scope. It could be something as innocent as someone politely offering to buy you a drink and have a nice chat, or maybe just wanting to give you a complement or a hug as they are leaving a bar. That is no big deal. Then there is the other extreme where they ask if you want to go out to their car for some action. The two are not the same, but we tend to lump it all together as unwanted attention. Some may want it, and some not. I prefer the polite attention obviously, but there is no need to freak out over someone asking if they can buy you a drink. It happens to me a lot, but drinks must always come from the bartender, not the individual paying for them. Never leave drinks unattended. Not for a second. If you do, get a fresh one.

2. Just like Char said, forget the idea that your ring will stop anyone. I have been to 31 clubs for likely over 100 total outings, so I have a very good sampling. The ones who are just being nice don't care to look at your ring either, because they do not want anything, so forget the effects of the ring. I never take mine off.

3. Don't think you are immune from being hit on because you do not pass. There are all kinds of people, and you can not judge a book by its cover. If you have legs you will get hit on at some point if you venture out enough. Just keep that in mind.

Being hit on in clubs does not bother me at all. I have never really felt afraid of anyone in any club. I did get mad at one drunk which I posted about some time ago, but that is it. Going to my car in a dark parking lot by myself at 3 AM when leaving a club - now that scares me. It is times like that where you are truly vulnerable. That is why I use Uber for drop off and pick up right at the front door of the clubs I visit.

I suppose you could say I am a tease - more like a show off, but it is from the standpoint of being seen with young women in short skirts a fraction of my age. We have a blast being the center of attention. It is some of the most fun I have ever had. - Next outing in a couple of weeks : )

Sandi

[sometimes_miss]

I want to be pretty.

I just want to FEEL as if I'm pretty. I know the reality, but as long as there aren't any mirrors, or anyone to upset the illusion, I feel just pretty enough, by what I can see and feel on me.

[JackieD]

We all want to be attractive. We want other people to think that woman is good looking. We don?t want to be the clown.
Even throw we dress for ourselves, we want to look good. Everyone wants to look good to fit in

[Ceera]

That is one reason I stayed in the closet and did not even consider leaving my house in visibly girly attire until after my wife passed away and I was single again. But I did do on-line roleplaying as a woman before that, sometimes in rather adult venues, and my girl on-line personas often got hit on. While in some cases I appreciated and enjoyed that attention, I always made it clear on line that regardless of anything my fictional gaming characters did, my real life was firmly monogamous and off limits.

Once I was single, I happily did go out looking quite convincingly feminine, and I definitely tried to be pretty. But at first, I wasn’t particularly trying to attract dates, so I also purchased and wore a reasonably realistic looking costume jewelry woman’s wedding ring. If anyone got too forward, I could call attention to my ring and say, politely, ‘Thank you for the complement, but I’m taken.’ That usually sufficed to keep would-be suitors at bay, of either gender. For those that persisted, I could do what any attractive woman does with unwanted suitors - get the bartender, or others, to intercede, and make it clear their persistent advances were unwelcome.

After a year or so of experience going out socially to bars and nightclubs as a woman, I decided I was okay with people of either gender flirting with me. I’m bisexual, with a preference for women, and by then I was mostly hanging out with and quite accepted by the local lesbian community. But I was still very careful to draw the line on how much flirtation I would accept, and I made sure that anyone who seemed to want a kiss or more ‘put it on simmer’ until I was certain they realized and accepted I was cross dressing. If they were cool with my situation, and if I liked them, then it might get more intimate. But I still usually didn’t let it go too far.

Four years ago, after four years of public cross dressing, I started full transition to female, and never went out again as a man. I’ve still been pretty picky about who I get ‘friendly’ with, and if someone I don’t feel attracted to gets too pushy, I politely fend them off before it goes too far, using pretty much the same defenses I used as a cross dresser. And I am still pretty careful not to even kiss unless I am certain the other person knows and accepts that I am a transgender woman. But I certainly do enjoy the attention, and even the flirtation. Some times, I accept the advances, regardless of the other person’s gender, and it has been pretty nice for me.

[SometimesNatalie]

"Attractive" for me, too. And it's more feeling attractive than looking attractive to other people. I just enjoy looking in the mirror and thinking yeah, I nailed it. That's not a feeling I get in normal dude mode.

[April Rose]

I always try to look the best I can, but that's a pretty low bar. The only times I have been out dressed to a club it was always packed with younger , better looking trans people than me. Not much to worry about there.

If I ever did get the attention of a pursuer, I'd probably be so flattered that I'd let them have their way with me.

I have no religious hang ups, and no one to answer to, and I'm old enough that the plumbing no longer runs the brain. I'm probably more dangerous than they are.

[nancy58]

Thinking about it, I would enjoy a kiss on the cheek from someone I knew well (and liked), but that's about it. Generally, my goal is to pass. I remember once years ago when I walked out of a bookstore at night, and the night watchman happened to be in the window of the store next door. He gave me a vigorous wave that was very gratifying in that it validated my success in passing -- but had he come out and asked for my phone number, that would've been more than I could handle. Now I'm a sexagenarian, so I doubt I have anything to worry about.

[Sallee]

interesting question I went to bar in Denver one evening I was dressed down and looking ok I guess because I got no negative or positive reactions Any way was in a college bar with a band. I was having a beer and getting no reactions So i was feeling very passable. Then some one asked me to dance what a thrill, getting asked to dance. I said no and left shortly there after.

[StephanieCLT]

Oh wow, yes! First, when I dress, I dress for me... to let the girl in me out. There's satisfaction, peace, and overall joy in that. Secondly, when I dress, I dress to blend. I may pass from a distance, but up close, I think I'd be hard pressed to actually pass. But if I can shop, dine, etc. when I go out without unwanted attention, then I'm still happy.

That all said, what girl doesn't want to be pretty? I feel validated by the thought of men in particular finding me attractive. But, like you Michelle, I'm married and not looking for a boyfriend, sex, or anything relationship-wise (no judgement for those who are - it's just not me). I've only been approached/hit on a couple times in many times out dressing, and surprisingly (or not), I am usually taken aback and politely decline any requests - though in my heart, I'm feeling very validated by these activities. Does that make sense?

[michelleddg]

Hello Lovely Ladies! Thanks for the energetic discussion. Lots of great takes, and an impressive diversity of perspectives.

Happy to share an amazing experience from a few years back. Sandy Clifton and I were walking back from our traditional
"Rich Girls Do Dinner" splurge in Las Vegas. We had our professional makeovers working and were dressed to the nines. We
weren't quite ready to call it a night so stopped off for celebratory drinks. Here's how it went from there:

Sandy’s Take

My feet got a chance to rest when Michelle and I stopped at the bar of Yolos (the restaurant we’d had dinner at two days prior). As we sipped our beers, a man sat at the stool next to me and told me that I was absolutely beautiful! It soon became apparent that this individual was extremely drunk, but he was nonthreatening and ceaselessly flattering, so I leaned in to bask in his attention.

He introduced himself as John, a doctor from Canada, and he very well may have been such. He was angling for a kiss, but I unambiguously set his expectations (he would not be getting to first base, or even leave the on-deck circle). Despite my parameters, he continued to chat me up and talk about his overseas travel. He claimed to be able to mimic foreign accents; after challenging me to choose a European country, I picked Portugal. He balked at that one (though I wouldn’t have been able to assess his performance – he should’ve called my bluff), so I tossed him a France softball, and he Charles Boyer-ed at me for a stretch.

I remained demure as he got rather graphic and specific about what he would do to me in private, were he to be given a plate appearance (note that he was aware of my anatomy and considered it a plus). Meanwhile, bored Michelle had been relegated to third-wheel status; she understandably extracted herself from John’s recursive ramblings and said hello to another bar patron. I’ll leave it to Michelle to share the unexpected turn that that conversation took.

John eventually abandoned his pursuit of me, and Michelle and I headed back to our room.

Michelle’s Take

Again, I followed Sandy’s example by carrying on in my sky high heels. We made it back to the bar at Yolos in Planet Hollywood. There sat a middle aged gent with a gray goatee working on a huge margarita, then an empty stool, then turn the corner and a row of empty stools. We took the two stools closest to the corner and ordered our now-traditional cleansing ales. Up walks John, immediately clocks us, and starts hitting on Sandy. He engaged me just a bit at the onset but soon enough I was third wheel. After perhaps 15 minutes I decided to move over next to Mr. Gray Goatee, who surprisingly was still there, and to see what he had to say.

Hello, are you enjoying this farce? Thanks for coming over. Yes, I am, and I want to tell you, I want to transition in the worst way. What??? We had randomly parked ourselves next to Mark from Chicago, a TS. What are the odds? Mark and I had a very pleasant sober chat about things of mutual interest over the next half hour or so while Sandy enjoyed the stylings of Dr. John from Canada. Well outside of both my and Sandy’s experiences, I tell you, but we amiably parted ways and headed back to Vdara via the Cosmopolitan, stopping for photos with some of the really weird art they have there.

[Ellie52]

I like to dress stylishly which I hope is in a way suited to the environment I am in.
We are like animals in the wild - we have to be careful as there are predaters everywhere. Like animals we need to blend in so the predators look elsewhere.
But saying that - that is what women put up with everyday of their lives.
If you want to live as a woman for a short time there may be times when a polite refusal or indication you prefer the ladies more than the men may be helpful.
As Daria said - "It can be a sick sad world" out there so whatever you do be careful but enjoy the time you have as a woman and always try to make sure you never go anywhere alone. Safe places dressed as a guy can be treacherous for a woman.
Finally - dont be selfish, if your married (and maybe have kids)- as many of us are, then think also of your wife and the betrayal to her if you decided to try the forbidden fruit.
If your single and that way inclined - Go for Gold but still be careful.
Thks
Ellie

[Sandy Clifton]

Ack, I didn't remember that I also used baseball metaphors when describing that previous run-in with an admirer! Isn't that a recommended stratagem for counteracting arousal: "think about baseball"?

Here's what attracted the guy in the bar...

Attachment 302149

and what attracted an admirer two days later in the airport:

Attachment 302387

I guess it follows logically that wanting to be attractive implies wanting to attract someone, at least hypothetically? I've never "come on" to a guy (and can't imagine a scenario in which I'd do so), but the default power dynamic (guys pursue gals but not vice-versa) means that I don't need to be the initiator, which (embarrassingly) is a good fit for my existential cowardice - I'm generally pretty passive, which is part of why I've never experienced much in the way of nonplatonic relationships. Overall, I think it's probably harder to be a woman than it is to be a man, but in certain contexts (assuming the man "behaves"), I think the woman has the upper hand, and I really enjoy being on the other side of that equation, for a change.

[Erika_M]

I had someone ask me what my feelings were about men seeing me as a woman. I'm pretty sure I had a decent idea of the answer he was hoping for but I said I didn't have any feelings about in particular. I was more about how I see and feel about myself.

[Raychel]

I don't really dress to attract or be attractive.
I dress how I feel most comfortable. just happens to be fully female from the neck down.
so if I happen to see myself in the mirror, that image looking back is how I feel I should look.

And my avatar is mostly like my mind thinks, Just confused.