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Thread: A new chapter in my life

  1. #1
    New Member
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    Sep 2021

    A new chapter in my life

    I guess I knew it was coming. Our marriage had been tough for several years and when I came to her a few years back, it started to go down a little faster. We tried all sorts of things, romantic get aways, getting involved in each others hobbies and even counseling which ended when Covid hit with a yelling match between my wife and the therapist because she wanted the therapist to convince me to change my ways. About a year ago we redid part of the inside of our home which meant moving to the upstairs while they worked. When they finished I did not move back down as we were barely talking. I took my youngest to college for his freshman year 3 weeks ago and we have been alone in the house since. No matter what I tried I was being ignored until today. I arrived home and my phone range and she told me she filed for divorce and would be staying out of the house for a few weeks while I arranged to move out. I think I am still a little numb. I knew something was probably going to happen, but when it did I was still not ready. I truly do not know where to start - find a place to live, start packing, find a lawyer and still go to work. I know the next few months will be tough but I also know that afterwards there are so many things I want to do besides being open about crossdressing in my home that it will be better in the long run. I am glad I found this site and get to read all the comments and posts. Recently over the last few months I have felt alone and seeing that I am not the only one definitely makes life easier. Looking forward to being able to post successes and great things after this very short chapter called divorce ends and the new chapter of the awakening starts.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
    Sorry Wendy,

    That is probably not the outcome that you envisioned. Take care.

  3. #3
    Member Sandra_Dodds's Avatar
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    Aug 2017
    Sadly, you are experiencing what many of us dread or have encountered. Hopefully, this new chapter brings more opportunities for you to be a happier Wendy.
    My Flickr profile

  4. #4
    Member Valerie Louise's Avatar
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    Jan 2012
    SE Wisconsin
    My condolences, to both of you. I?m a stranger to you, but we are sisters in our obsession. I applaud you that you told her, as I told mine. Once it?s out, the dice go down the table, and in my case they came up intact, but yours say divorce. I could easily be in your shoes
    I have no experience in this, but in other posts with stories like this, the wife uses the cross dressing against you in the divorce proceedings. I strongly recommend you take some time off and focus on getting the best lawyer you can find. It might go amicably. It might get ugly. Be prepared.
    Last edited by char GG; 09-08-2022 at 06:50 AM. Reason: Talk of weapons is not allowed

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Aug 2021
    New Jersey
    Your situation is sad and painful Wendy, and my sympathies go out to you. I must say though that I agree with Valerie. For all the hurt you are feeling right now, it is important that you protect yourself and your reputation legally. My first wife filed for divorce quite unexpectedly, nothing to do with CDing by the way,and I was so caught by surprise and heartbroken that I left myself wide open for even more pain and loss by not challenging some of the accusations legally. If you have children, and a home of your own it is even more important. Be strong - and I think you will see better times are ahead.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    What to say in this situation? So sorry? But, if you are incompatible, isn't it for the best? I really do feel bad about what you are going through. My son's wife left him and he was devastated for months. Good advice about bracing yourself. If your dressing was the 'straw and the camel's back,' I would exercise extreme caution about your digital footprint and indulging in this peculiar pastime. Does your ex-to be know about this site or your activity on it? Definitely purge any photos from her access.

    I've known couples that kept things civil without one party taking advantage of the other - that may be a worthy goal.

    Through it all, hang in there. As you said, this is a new chapter for you. Things won't be the same, but it doesn't mean they can't be better than before.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    NJ, where else?
    Wendy, good luck and please reach out if you need help! I've seen some "easy" as well as difficult divorces, none were something anyone looked forward to but each and every person made it through the event, you will as well.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
    Sorry to hear, but to clarify, it sounds like your relationship was poor before your CD'ing was brought out to your wife. The CD'ing didn't help, but it sounds like it may have been over by then.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Jan 2022
    Coastal SC
    My first wife and I divorced after 17 years of marriage. My second, and current, wife have been married almost 39 years. There is life after divorce. In fact, my life is infinitely better than I ever imagined and probably a lot better than I deserve. My divorce had nothing to do with CDing as I wasn't doing that until just a couple years ago. From my experience, find the BEST divorce lawyer you can find and do it NOW. Everything else will work out.
    Last edited by Heather76; 09-08-2022 at 09:15 PM.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  10. #10
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Nov 2006
    North West UK
    Wendy, why are you moving out, tell her to do one, its your house , if you are paying the bills its yours, sorry a little harsh but your on your own now, deep breath look after yourself, she will take, take take if you let her. been there got the tee shirt watched the movie. it hurts, but stand up for yourself, I didnt but looking back I was just a big softie, wont happen again believe me.

  11. #11
    New Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    Aug 2022
    The Netherlands
    im sorry to hear you got to this point.

    but whatever you do don't just move out of the house. this can be used against you in divorce court.
    unless you both already have on paper how your assets will be split with a mediator.
    i know it hurts. i've been there but now you must take your actions to protect yourself.

    this is going to sound harsh, and i don't know your exact situation. but she is the one that's done so she can leave.
    if you can do this through a mediator all the better, if not it would be wise to contact a divorce lawyer right now for better advice then i can give.

    it hurts and the world is a mess right now, but you'll need to take action right now to get some mesure of protection for yourself.

    all the best

  12. #12
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK
    Sounds like this was inevitable.

    I too will say don't move unless she turns up with cash equivalent to half the current value of the house. She left, she made the decision to do so. Stand your ground. Marriage is a partnership with shared assets. Half of them are yours. The days of the wife getting everything have, in the UK at least, been long gone.

  13. #13
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
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    Jun 2012
    Southern US
    So sorry to hear it Wendy, That's our worse nightmare. It's the outcome we don't want and why so many stay in the closet as long as they can stand it. Best wishes.


  14. #14
    Member Annajose's Avatar
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    Jul 2011
    Very sorry for what you have to go through, I have no experience on this, but the advise given already seems very wise, do not give up!

  15. #15
    Platinum Member
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    Jan 2010
    Going to seed!
    I am very sorry to hear that your marriage has come to this. The details are different but the broad themes are very familiar to many of us. Best wishes as you go forward with your life.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    Jun 2018
    North Texas
    I'm sorry you have to experience this.
    If she has "left the house" to allow you to pack and then leave, dont leave! Talk to a divorce lawyer ASAP.
    By leaving, she is abandoning her right to the house. A local firm here advertises saying that men make a huge mistake when they move out.
    Half the house is still yours. Don't move out unless or until your attorney advise you to do so.
    As others have said, mind your online activities. It might be wise to stay away from anything to do with CD until the proceedings are completed. Personal, it would be difficult for me, but I would whatever I had to when the stakes are this high.
    I wish you a peaceful journey, and hope for your best outcome.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Nov 2019
    Southeast US
    I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I just wanted to add that I agree with the others that you need a really good lawyer ASAP. I sat on jury duty one time to divide up one million dollars in assets in a divorce case. Her lawyer was good, his was bad. Her lawyer said we could divide up the assets based on who was more culpable for the marriage falling apart. All he got was an old car he was fixing up and his tools. She got everything else. I thought it was unfair but no one went along with me so I gave in to the others on the case. Please get a good lawyer.

    Hang in there.


  18. #18
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    I agree with Sandi. A good lawyer is important. It sounds like your wife is the type of person who would do what Sandi saw as a juror in that case. She seems to have a pattern of demanding what she wants and getting angry when she doesn't get it.

  19. #19
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    Jun 2022
    Dallas area
    I went through a divorce years ago and my heart pours out for you. I've never been so alone and depressed in my life. I went I to a dark place in those days. Others have given some good advice about getting a lawyer. I know it can be difficult to think through some things like that now, but you have to. The best advice I can give is take care of yourself in every way, not just legally. Counseling may be good now, either a professional or just having a close friend to talk to. I isolated myself, and that was my mistake. It is hard to go through it even when you see it coming a mile away. My prayers are with you.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    I will agree with many others that you should contact a divorce attorney. Your wife assumes you're the one vacating the marital home. Why? She already moved out. Change the locks. If she had left message on phone or texts, save them to show she vacated. If push comes to shove, force the sale of the home. Your youngest is off to college. Frankly, Florida is a toxic environment for anybody who is LGBTQ+. If your wife is so non-accepting of you, even if you cross dress out of sight with no visual signs of body modification, I'd say any hope for change in misguided.

    Get that divorce attorney and change the locks before she does.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Nov 2021
    Merseyside UK
    Agree with the others . Stand your ground dont leave Sort it out in the courtroom with a good lawyer acting on your behalf.

  22. #22
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Renovations just before divorce? Let that figure into the legal proceedings. Hope all goes well.

  23. #23
    Junior Member
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    Jan 2022
    New York
    So sorry to hear this. Don?t know why it?s has to come to this. Best of luck in your new life

  24. #24
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    I'm saddened to hear of your issues, Wendy.

    I agree with the posters above in engaging a lawyer specialising in family law to learn exactly what your rights are. I learned changing the locks isn't allowed in my jurisdiction when an uncle and his wife called it quits.

    Around here, the courts generally look upon those who act reasonably with some favour.

  25. #25
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    This happened to me too, many years ago, Wendy. U sound like you're taking it much better than I did because you're already looking ahead!
    For me back then? It was like the end of the world!

    But, looking back now? It was for good for me, my kids, and Sherry!

    After I got over it, I realize it was the best thing that could have happened as the divorce let me move on with my wonderful life.

    Instead of sinking as she has ever since we split up!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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