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Thread: A little update after comming out to my SO.

  1. #1
    New Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    A little update after comming out to my SO.

    Hi all, i'm still new here and recently joined this site after comming out to my SO a few weeks ago.

    Today i'd like to share a bit of what has happend since i came out. the past few weeks have been mostly about talking with eachother and getting to grips where this might lead and our fears and doubts and trying to sort through them as best as we can. these talks even extended to a lot of other stuff in our lives that were put on the backburner and were sorting through those as well now. to sum it up we have both upped our communication game like never before.

    along the way i did make a little mistake, which caused my SO some discomfort. at this point she has not yet seen my stuff or seen me dressed. after comming out i decided to move my stuff out of it's hiding place to my closet. and i had told her about this and all was well. a week or 2 later i rearranged the closet to make more room for my SO to store her suff and give plausible deniability for my stuff being there. this was something my SO came up with so i went ahead with it.

    my SO is staying over at my place more and more so she needs to have more clothes on hand here anyway. one night in a hurry so opend the drawer with my stuff by accident and had a quick peek. which resulted in the in the you have prettier stuff then i have thoughts. she didn't tell me that directly but we talked about it the next day. and im pretty sure my stuff isn't prettier then what she has herself.

    anyway she needed a bit to process after that mishap. i suggeted we both go have a look and see what i realy have in there when she is ready for it to have a good look. and thats what we did last weekend. we had a nice sit down and i showed her what all my stuf actually is and that went realy well. must say i was verry nervous through it all. in the end we both felt verry good about it. after that we both agreed she will let me know when she's ready for me to start wearing bits and pieces in her presence.


    in the same period another thing that happend is that when i came out i told her that i wanted to learn makeup to get my presention as good as possible if we get to the point where going out dressed becomes a option. were not sure if we'll ever get to that point but we agreed to take it step by step and find out together where our limits will be. a few days later she hands me a box with all her makeup stuff and suggest i go experimenting. because she never uses any makeup. even went together to get some new makeup brushes.

    a bit after that she suggested we start watching Glow UP (show setting chalenges for makeup artists and 1 person getting eliminated each week) so that i might pick up something. and we both like these kind of shows. after watching and discussing what we have seen in the show i found out that the reason she never uses makeup herself is that she never realy took the time to learn to do it for herself after a few bad comments at a young age. but has always stayed interested. there and then we decided were both going to learn to do makeup properly together. and soonish well go to a store to get fresh foundation matched for both of us en and fresh new supplies. atm im realy looking forward to start learning this with my SO and finding out what we both can achieve with makeup.


    think these were the mayor points of the last few weeks i wanted to share.
    have a good day everyone

  2. #2
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    This post makes me very happy.
    As hard as it is , the rewards are huge being open with each other , listening, understanding and talking.
    What a bright wonderful thing to read this morning.l
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    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  3. #3
    Member BrittanyB's Avatar
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    So happy for you. Communication is so important and it sounds like you both have embraced transparency. I'm sure others will chime in with similar advice...take it slowly. This is something you have had far more time to process than she. Three weeks is a very short time and you are already sharing a closet and talking about going out together. My wife has known for 6 years and although we've come a long way, we are still not to this level and may never be.

    It is so heartwarming to hear about your progress. Please keep us posted as acceptance inevitably ebbs and flows...speaking from experience. Openness and respect for each other will be key to building and maintaining a wonderful relationship.
    Last edited by BrittanyB; 09-12-2022 at 05:13 AM.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Great post! Its's wonderful to hear about mutual communication. It sounds like both of you are involved in sharing and learning.

    Best wishes to both of you.

  5. #5
    New Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    @Di
    Thanks for your kind words

    @BrittanyB
    i might not have been clear enough about it. but she already had a part of my closet before i came out. were dating for 2 years now and both have our own homes. but were sharing our homes more and more over time. i got my own pile of drab cloths at her house. when i came out to her i wanted to avoid the trickle truth trap and told her about possible scenarios where this might lead. that included going out dressed. but at that same time we agreed we'll take 1 step at a time and that way find out where the comfort levels are and what won't be ok for either of us. i don't know where those levels are for myself either because if have never been able to fully express myself before. so we take a step at a time and the result might be that ill never go out dressed and stay indoors or maybe we'll keep it to renfairs dressed or anything beyond. we dont know yet where the limit will be. were verry much at the start of this journey.

    and thank you as well


    and thank you char GG as well
    Last edited by sometimes_me; 09-12-2022 at 05:29 AM.

  6. #6
    Junior Member DaniellaUK's Avatar
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    Happy, happy thread.

    Glow Up, thank you, never seen this before, guess my evenings are now taken care of

    Look forward to reading about how things progress x

  7. #7
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    Sounds like you and your SO are off to a good start. Make sure you keep the line communication open and you go at a pace she is comfortable with. As simple gesture of appreciation maybe to take her lingerie shopping so she feels her "stuff" is just as pretty as yours.
    Jill

  8. #8
    New Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    @DaniellaUK

    enjoy, some endresults are true works of art.


    @Jillian Faith

    that was my thought as wel. already planning on taking my SO to a high end store just for her.

  9. #9
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Wonderful. It is great to see newcomers recognize each other as individuals and seeking the areas of compatibility while minimizing conflict through effective conversation. A happy melody.

    I think you two have followed an excellent, honest and open pathway with a lot of give and take with lots of open communication. But speed bumps and rocky sections of the road can still happen. When you come to those slow down and pass through that with care and respect. Avoid the tendency to try and dominate the pathway forward and that goes for both. Rather adapt and adjust before moving forward. And accept that situations WILL appear where there is little agreement on some little aspect that looms large even though it is actually minor. Compromises when that occurs usually work but sometimes exclusion of that aspect is the only way to find resolution. That is OK. Nobody gets everything they want on either side. It is a matter of finding a comfort zone where you both function smoothly with respect to each other and your individual difference.

  10. #10
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    It is so good that the two of you have communication paths opened up so well. This will help in more than just dressing. Wish you the best with it.
    Roxie

  11. #11
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    You have a great partner - keep talking even when it is uncomfortable

  12. #12
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    A good response to "your stuff is prettier than mine" would be yes but I will never look as good in them as you would.

    Some woman have inadequate feelings when their SO comes out like, why was I not enough woman for them. I also heard that "you might be prettier than me."

    So, great luck working this through. Please make sure she gets plenty of reassurances.

  13. #13
    New Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    thanks again everyone. were trying hard to keep our communiction as good as it is right now and make that the new standard for us. i do reallise there will be speed bumps and rough patches down the road. but we'll deal with them as they come. at least thats my intention.

    @natalie5004

    i'll keep that in mind thanks.

    i can understand the inadequate feelings and that they will pop up sometimes. i do try to reassure her in any way i can. best te keep talking and staying honest when it happens.

    in the end she'll always remain the real deal and i want to make sure she knows and i want her to stay happy as well.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Your story is one that most all of us dream to have.

    ("i found out that the reason she never uses makeup herself is that she never really took the time to learn to do it for herself after a few bad comments at a young age")
    I have only one suggestion. Why not offer to pay for her to get a makeover by a professional. I suspect she would learn a lot and would enjoy being pampered just a bit. My initial thought was for both of you to get a makeover together; but, then I realized neither one of you are likely ready for that. Anyway, a makeover should shorten her learning curve and she can pass what she learns on to you.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Thank you for updating us on your progress. You & your SO are off to an excellent start & I wish you the best.
    YOLO

  16. #16
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    Maybe you should buy your SO some ? prettier ? stuff. Making her feel you want her. You want to see her in her ?prettier things?.
    Yiu must make her feel good about herself. It will take time for her to digest this hold thing. One step at a time

  17. #17
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Nice post sometimes_me. Your SO and yourself seem to have a very good communication. Very happy for you.

  18. #18
    New Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    @Heather76

    your probably quite right were not ready yet for a full makeover. atm we plan to sit down together with some youtube tutorials and try to get some basics down and just experiment together. and once we have some experience maybe look for a workshop for the both of us.


    @JackieD

    already planning on doing just that.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    sometimes_me, I'm glad your SO is coming around. Best of luck on your journey.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  20. #20
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I paid for my wife to get a complete makeup lesson from a professional that worked at the Trish McEvoy shop. It was great to watch the transformation. It cost me $550 to buy the products for my wife. After all I encouraged us to go in.

    I hope to go and see that same professional for me at some point.

  21. #21
    I like to be pretty Joanne Curl's Avatar
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    Believe me, there’s nothing like getting your make up done. Ultra is a great place to go and they won’t care who you are or how you’re dressed.

  22. #22
    Senior Member
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    and its important to not let her forget that, despite all the dresses and make up, underneath it all we are still heterosexual men who married our wives because we love them

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