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Thread: Do people really in the real world actually care? Are they bothered?

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  1. #1
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    Do people really in the real world actually care? Are they bothered?

    Ok, first up I'll say I'm in the UK, so things may be different elsewhere. That I accept. But to answer my own questions: You know what, I don't think they do. The world has moved on. Being Trans or out and dressed these days is not unusal, it's part of the new normal. You don't have to pass, being able to blend is good enough. Dress appropriately for where you are, don't push bounaries that CIS women can't pass, treat people with respect, in fact, just be a normal girl about town and country and you'll be fine. You'll be surprised, there's nowhere you can't go and nothing that you can't do. You don't have to confine yourself to the LGBT quarter and gay bars and clubs, they of course have their place mind. I know that I'm lucky with my SO, my family, friends and work, and that's to my good. I know other people struggle and don't have a SO that is accepting, that's bad and it's hard and I feel for everyone in that position. But, for those who want to get out, for those who can get out, then do. Just do it, go out in the world, the real world, the normal world and you'll be surprised as to how quickly you feel comfortable, how normally people treat you and what a wonderful feeling of liberation that it gives. They say every journey starts with a single step which may be true for the rest of the world but for us, the hardest part, our first step is to get over the 6 inches inside our own heads that stops us from acting.

  2. #2
    Junior Member sometimes_me's Avatar
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    maybe someday my SO and I still need to work through some steps before we get to that point

  3. #3
    Senior Member Emily in the south's Avatar
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    Being one of the new girls here, and from my inexperienced perspective, I would be much more apt to do more normal everyday things if I had the option of sharing those times with a CD friend.
    For now, the positive support I get from being in this online community of great girls will have to suffice. It has helped me immensely.

    Emily

  4. #4
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I live in the same town the former grand dragon of the NC KKK lives! I am out 24/7/365! I can count on one hand any bad reactions to Lana! I shop in most of the stores, pharmacies, pay my water bill, etc. I get greetings from people asking how I am etc. I take my car to be serviced! Positive reactions everywhere! I am out at work! My neighbors wave and say hello and good morning! I do not go to certain sections of town but most ciswomen wouldn't either! Situations vary a lot and you must do what you need to do for various reasons! Do what makes you feel right!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  5. #5
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    Most people really could care less. If it doesn't directly affect them, they may not even notice.
    Sara

  6. #6
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    Definitely the biggest obstacle to going out and experiencing the world is what goes on in our own heads. beyond that, use good judgement with regard to your own presentation, when and where you go, and how you conduct yourself.

    In more than a dozen years of being out and about I cannot recall a single occassion when anyone expressed any hostility or even open disapproval of me. That includes time spent at an auto repair shop in an GM dealership near Muskogee and getting a trailer tire replaced at a U Haul in Wichita KS. Of course, I cannot know what the people might have been thinking, but I was treated with courtesy and properly gendered.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 09-14-2022 at 01:09 PM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Suranne, what you say is true in some areas, but there are areas in some states where being a CD is dangerous. Kim’s comment on being aware of when and where is very important.

  8. #8
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    Laura, yes I know that we're lucky in the UK and it's different in (parts of) the US.

    I've been out for a few years now and have been all over the UK with no problems anywhere. I put this thread up because I see a number of posts from people here who seem to be in the same position that I was in before my door burst open. If I can help with my experience and I hope that I can, then that's to the good. Also, I want to let people know that it's not a thing any more with the public at large. Other people out in the world are far too bothered in their own world, with their own problems to be bothered what the person who just walked past them, or bought somehting from their shop, or is sitting on the other side of the bus, or is in a cafe having their lunch, is wearing. I see too many posts here where people are far too over cautious or where people over think it.

    And you know what the most surprising thing is about it all? There are loads and loads of people out there who actually like to see it, to see people who are comfortable in their own skin pushing boundaries and who are comfortable kicking against societal norms. I can think of four times that anyone has said anything negative to me when I've been out, but as for the nice things, the "That's a lovely dress", "I really like your shoes", "Can I say how lovely you look?" Things like that? They're far too many for me to remember them all.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Nobody cares. Here is my latest example.

    Yesterday was my usual start, shower, shave then dress as Natalie. Almost full makeup. I put on lipstick, mascara and eyebrow pencil. In a few hours I received a call about a property I have for rent and can I show it this afternoon at 1 PM.

    I finished what I had to do for work in my home office. Then I changed into drab motorcycle clothes for the 125 mile trip to the rental. I spent 2 hours with the couple. Drove back home arriving at 10 pm. I washed my face and I realized I never removed my makeup. They must have thought that I was something else but there was not a word mentioned and even a side look. Well maybe the wife noticed it. I saw her looking intently at me at one moment when we were inside the home. She could have been thinking. "where did this guy learn these great makeup skills".

    My response again is the issue with being seen in public is really in your head.

  10. #10
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Your words ring very true in the general sense and even in some of the disagreeable places it is still true in general. Each place has its own characteristics. I don't think I would be very welcome in most of the small towns on the eastern plains of Colorado, but I doubt anything would happen there. I would just not be welcome if I got clocked which I probably would. Very conservative in those places and anything out of the ordinary is viewed with suspicion. But even there it can vary from town to town. Even wearing a mask during the pandemic that was clearly feminine in pattern produced a negative reaction in some teenagers while older folks accepted and some even complemented on it being a pretty mask.

    The problem can be that as we move around we pass through different neighborhoods with people with different attitudes. In other words, we do not live in the general perspective but rather in the specific, individualized perspectives. But the fact that even in most of those places tolerance has evolved to some degree toward the generalized perspective is a good sign. In a sense we move between places that are effectively operating in different times. Attitudes are not consistent with it being 2022 everywhere. In some places it is like being in 1955 with hints of 2022 popping in here and there as well as many years in between. Attitudes and beliefs vary tremendously geographically.

    That said I think your post is an excellent perspective on the subject and it is good that you recognize it is not the same everywhere. Thanks for bringing it up.

  11. #11
    Reality Check
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    I think you are experiencing the "pink fog".

    While you probably won't be beaten up or killed for wearing women's clothes in public, you will be looked at as a pervert and someone to stay away from. Your neighbors will stop inviting you to their parties, your and your wife's friends will become distant, your neighbor's children won't be allowed to play with your children and you may find it hard to find or keep a job.

    Life in the "real world" is far different than life on the Internet. Sorry.
    Krisi

  12. #12
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Most don't care. Some are enthusiastic supporters. A very rare few will show hatred outright.

    I've told this story before... A friend (also trans) and I were returning from a conference in Midland, TX. We stopped for lunch in Mason, TX. Necks don't get much redder than in that part of the state. We opted for a barbecue joint (one of only two open restaurants open that Sunday afternoon). The hostess greeted me, and her eyes got wide when she realized she had two transwomen in her restaurant. You'd have thought that she thought Rue Paul and just stopped in. She was flustered, but polite. That was it. That was the extent of the attention we received in a dining room full of hunters and the after-church crowd.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  13. #13
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    My worry is that there are enough knuckle dragging testosterone driven Neanderthals still rolling around out there. I think its a case of know your environment.

  14. #14
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    It varies by location. Generally I find this to be true. Unfortunately there is a minimum standard of how you look and act that will get you way more acceptance. Some of that has to do with your level of comfort. A nervous nelly might raise a lot of concern regardless of your presentation. The more you are out, the less you will over think it and the more you can get away with.

  15. #15
    Reality Check
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    My worry is that there are enough knuckle dragging testosterone driven Neanderthals still rolling around out there.
    If we are asking for or hoping for tolerance, we must be more tolerant ourselves. Calling other people names doesn't move us any further towards acceptance, it has the opposite result.

    Think about it!
    Krisi

  16. #16
    Heather loves heels Heather2die4's Avatar
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    I agree with you. People have just moved on. I travel, go to restaurants and museums, check into hotels, and just generally enjoy being a girl about town. I've been spotted many times as I am over six feet tall (>183 cm) but it has never come to confrontation.

    I think CDers who try to get picked up are asking for trouble as that is unconsensual and puts the man in the akward situation of public humiliation. Some CDers just like the drama of being the victim and bring it on themselves. Then there are a few frat brats who have something to prove, but most people have just moved on.

    Of course, it helps to walk with condifence and carry yourself with dignity. If you can do that, confrontations should be a once in a decade thing. If they are more frequent, the girl should take an honest look at herself and fix the internal problem.

  17. #17
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    While we love the town where we live, around 40,00, it?s very conservative and traditional, but nosy, gossipy and judgmental. Consequently, I/we must be very careful, which is very frustrating especially when the pink fog swoops in. In spite of the risks, I?ve ventured out. So far, no problems.

  18. #18
    Member TAG's Avatar
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    I agree with Sherry on a lot of points and Suranne as well.
    No matter how well you think you pass there are always male markers you have that some people will notice.
    Not many people really care but there are some that will make a scene.
    A lot has to do with how we treat people we come in contact with.
    I have found if you treat people with respect things go well.
    Demanding they use certain pronouns and you being a jerk in general people will give you problems.
    Some CDers have a fetish about looking like a hooker and that is well and good at home just be sensible don't go out in public like that.
    If you do you are asking for trouble.
    I get more comments/looks about being fat than being transgender. Some good some not so good.
    So do people care?
    Not really they are too wrapped up in their own lives.
    Last edited by TAG; 09-12-2022 at 01:33 PM.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Spot on, TAG!
    Most of us, by far, can not "pass", once that hard-wired assessment of our gender has been triggered. The good news is that once the surprise wears off, we will almost always be treated according to the decorum and bearing we display. Dress like a hooker, or in a party dress and pinafore, and you can expect some snickers or guffaws, at least. Dress appropriately for venue and your age, and comport yourself as would any cis woman and most will "play along", at least.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  20. #20
    Senior Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Suranne,

    I have to disagree in that there are plenty of people who for various reasons would react badly to finding out that someone is a CD. And reacting badly can range from mild verbal abuse up to a life-threatening beating. I do agree that a good portion of the general population really doesn't care but even then, as Stephanie said, don't confuse tolerance with acceptance. That same salesperson or waitress who was pleasant to you in the brief interaction at a store or restaurant may not want anything to do with you outside of their job in their personal life.

    And some of that nervousness you perceive in some CD's hesitant to go out in public may just be because no matter what they do with clothes, make-up or mannerisms there is no way in heck that they could ever come close to passing as a woman because of the way they look or the way they're built. This opens them up for instant ridicule or worse as opposed to other CD's who can more easily pass through most casual interactions as a woman. Everyone's situation is different.
    "Care about what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu

  21. #21
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    I've gone shopping and have made it known that the clothes, panties bras were for me. Only one time with an elderly woman have I had any issues. I have only started pushing the envelope just a tad. Recently, I went with my wife to pickup a to go order, not realizing she wanted me to go with her, I was wearing all enfem clothing, shorty shorts, female tank top, hair in a high ponytail, 1 earring and painted nails and a B cup bra. then she asked me to go in the store. Last time we did this she made me sit in the car. Anyway, as I was leaving I held the door for a lady coming in, she said thank you hun. I held the door for another gentleman and he replied thank you sir. So, who knows!!!
    Last edited by DeeDee67; 09-18-2022 at 09:10 AM.

  22. #22
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Given what I have read here over the last couple of years, and combined with my own experiences, I think it is true that most people really don't care. I don't think I pass, but I have gone out to stores a few times and never got the disgusted 'humph,' or dirty looks or stares. For my own reasons, I wear a covid like mask and I think I get more negative reaction to that. I detailed my most recent excursion in the photo gallery and again, no reaction.

    That being said, say 90% of people don't care. That leaves 10% who do, and it is there you may have concern. It only takes one radical extremist to turn a pleasant outing into a nightmare. It is important to be selective to where you go. For example, I went browsing around a supermarket, Big Lots, Walmart, Target and even in the License Bureau without a bad reaction. Would I go to a redneck bar dressed? Absolutely NOT!

  23. #23
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    It doesn't help that a significant number of "Muggles" think CD, Homosexuality and Trans are ALL the same thing. So if they hate on one group they hate on ALL of us with the same amount of ignorance and illogically- fueled fury. I personally prefer to avoid any trouble by staying "closeted".

  24. #24
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Mod note:

    I you have already given your opinion in this thread, don't go back and forth. Take it to PM if you feel the need to continue a discussion.

    Everyone has their own thoughts about this topic.
    Last edited by char GG; 09-18-2022 at 09:03 PM.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    You were right they are wrong, it's really that simple.

    I have been all over where Sherry lives and never had any problems whatsoever.

    I live in the vanilla world I don't go to gay clubs. I have lots and lots of friends. Very active going out all the time.

    I've been living as Jean for years now. Most of my friends including my best friend are GG's.

    I like to play pool. I do okay as I usually win. I have a number of guy friends I play pool with , along to with some of my girlfriends
    and my bestfriend.

    I look just like my avatar, that picture was taken at a friend's house in OC. She has since moved and now lives in Reno, I keep meaning to go visit, I just don't have the time.

    Yes I'm different, and people do treat me differently. They're generally nicer.

    Love Jean

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