Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 36

Thread: Why Are We So Hard On Ourselves?

  1. #1
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Kandi's Land!
    Posts
    2,482

    Why Are We So Hard On Ourselves?

    I read posts here and I frequently see someone worrying that they are being "clocked" or if they "pass". It baffles me.

    I understand the way it used to be, I am sufficiently old enough to know.

    But we live in a different world now. If you go out, if you present well, if you have common courtesy, NO ONE CARES!

    Yes, we live in a troubled world, but those fears for safety are for everyone, not specifically us.

    I have been out well over a thousand times and I have never passed and I have never been made to feel uncomfortable.

    Just take a deep breathe and relax. You are a worthy human being and how you wish to dress yourself is not an issue.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  2. #2
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    NEPA
    Posts
    9,808
    I worried a lot when I first went out but that passed as time and experience did.
    That was nearly 20 years ago.

    Now the worry is different for many. We see these "hate" crimes every day. Someone being punched from behind for no reason, attacked as they stand on a corner because they are different. It's no longer total fear of discovery, now it's just fear because so many people feel they have the right to attack anyone for any reason.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2021
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,453
    Thank you Kandi. These words of wisdom I will be taking to heart as I am about to undertake my first extended outing en femme. Super excited and apprehensive at the same time, so your words are well placed and encouraging to me.
    www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/

  4. #4
    Member TAG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2022
    Posts
    261
    Kandi you are so right.
    Times are very different than 20 years ago, but dressing is not looked down on as much as it used to be.
    I came out in 2008 so 14 years in the world for me.
    Relax is great advice.

    Cheryl T I agree with your comments as well. There are crazy people out there.
    Last edited by TAG; 09-18-2022 at 09:17 PM.

  5. #5
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2022
    Posts
    29
    I think for me, it's an issue of privacy. There's people I don't want to know, because I don't want to affect them in some way.

    It may be something you do for you, in you spare time, unless you want to be totally out and I understand people who don't want that to come back on them or people they care about in some way.

    Sadly it's just not at the point where there's no difference between the men and women's sections at the store.

  6. #6
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Sacramento Valley
    Posts
    343
    Pretty simple, it's not just us, but it's the SO and how she will react. If press for more visibility, then CD at home and relationship will suffer as she is not ready to embrace more openness. I don't know how to effectively raise, resolve and move forward on this issue. And I suspect many are like me and happy to accept what they can accept. It's a compromise to living together.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    814
    It would be a wonderful world if no one cared. I live in a semi DADT relationship because my own wife can not tolerate the thought of seeing me fully dressed. She knows, but she cares, a lot. Transgender people are bullied in schools and are the victims of violence in communities every day. Murders of trans women continue to be a national tragedy. Some states continue to pass, or attempt to pass, legislation restricting the rights of trans people. Many states that have enacted laws banning trans girls from participating in girls sports have never had a trans athlete attempt to compete.

    Although, thankfully, in certain regions of the country or world there are pockets where few people care and many are tolerant, in general, crossdressing in public or being openly transgender remains something that violates general societal norms and can be risky. Too many people do still care. Nancy

  8. #8
    Member Debs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    North West UK
    Posts
    379
    Ive noticed a big difference in the last 5 years, I go everywhere shopping during the day, as long as your dressed sensible and walk with confidence, dont make eye contact, browse as though you dont care who is watching, but obviously I do have a glance round, and guess what, nobody is staring or watching me, I just avoid the obvious, gangs of youngsters or drunks etc, just as you would if you wasnt dressed. I dont think its a big a deal anymore. Dont forget, these days you may be a complete maniac with a knife for all they know, so they will stay away , lol

  9. #9
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Kandi's Land!
    Posts
    2,482
    Just to clarify, when I say no one cares, I am speaking of the general public. Of course, we all have our personal circumstances and our relationships with family and friends. That is a whole different discussion and is one I am sympathetic to very much.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  10. #10
    Member Emily in the south's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2022
    Location
    NW Arkansas
    Posts
    175
    Thank you for the post Kandi. Like Kris, I too am about to go on my first major out of town trip next month. Four days of adventure.
    Your words will be in my thoughts as I attempt to enjoy myself.

    Emily

  11. #11
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,595
    People do care. They may not make comments or threaten you, but they do notice. If they are strangers, it doesn't matter, but if you are recognized by a neighbor, someone you work with or go to church with, it can be a big deal with serious consequences.

    Don't let the pink fog cloud your thinking.
    Krisi

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    879
    Sign I saw in the window of a psychotherapists office in Milwaukee many years ago:

    "People spend too much time worrying about what other people think of them when they don't"
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2022
    Location
    Coastal SC
    Posts
    1,083
    Kandi, like Kris and Emily, I appreciate your post, too, as I'm about to make my 1st journey out where there will be lots of people who will see Heather. It's a Pride festival so I certainly don't expect any issues; but, I'm still nervous about being out in public fully en femme. I've been out 2 other times but had very little interaction with others.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    2,748
    With respect, I disagree. We do not see these things "every day". They do happen, of course, but with nowhere near the frequency that should give us pause because most of us are not sex workers. That group is virtually always in danger. The TG person who comports herself as would an average cis woman, including her choices of route and venue, need not worry.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

  15. #15
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    23,989
    I do not like getting clocked but it does not bother me that much. It just means I did not work hard enough on my appearance.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    lower right part of US
    Posts
    1,315
    A very interesting post Kandi. I've been wondering about something that is similar vein. Does our "male" competitive streak rear its head here? Wanting to be better at looking good?
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Going to seed!
    Posts
    22,467
    Honestly, I have been out a lot in both major cities and rural communities, daytime and after dark. I have no illusions about passing, (although I wish I could), and I have NEVER had a bad expereince.

    PS: but for spending some time at Houston trans-friendly night spots, most of my outings have been daylight or early evenings at places where the general public goes. And on the nights out, I made a point of parking close to the door, and limited myself to two drinks and then soda water. Simple precautions.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 09-20-2022 at 08:26 AM.

  18. #18
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    23,634
    #1. If u think u passed? U probably didn't . Because people treat u quite differently when they believe u to be a female without a doubt!

    #2. Because EVERYONE treats me differently, (see #1 above), I get stressed going out to vanilla venues dressed!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 09-20-2022 at 01:03 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Senior Member Davina2833's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    E TN
    Posts
    1,581
    Kandi,

    So true! thank you for your post.

    Davina

  20. #20
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Kandi's Land!
    Posts
    2,482
    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    The TG person who comports herself as would an average cis woman, including her choices of route and venue, need not worry.
    My point exactly.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  21. #21
    Junior Member Kerry Michaels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2022
    Posts
    51
    Statistically, if you move out of your immediate locale, I en of you pass someone who knows you, they are unlikely to recognise you,

  22. #22
    Member Debs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    North West UK
    Posts
    379
    Kerry, correct, I was in Manchester and one of my work collegues walked right past me, and i'd been working with him for several years

  23. #23
    Junior Member Kerry Michaels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2022
    Posts
    51
    I?m in warrington. We could have passed each other in the last week😂

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Fiona_44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2022
    Posts
    600
    Kandi,

    I was somewhat nervous the first 2 or 3 times I went out in public en femme but not as nervous as I expected to be. Since then I get out an average of 4 days per week and absolutely love it. I pass in most simple situations with a small amount of verbal exchange but I've reached the point where I don't care if I do or not. I've also been clocked and again really don't care. I'm just happy to be Fiona. I use common sense about where I go and have been out somewhat less than 100 times but have not had a bad experience so far.

    Fiona
    Last edited by Fiona_44; 09-19-2022 at 07:22 PM.
    YOLO

  25. #25
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Posts
    1,479
    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    With respect, I disagree. We do not see these things "every day". They do happen, of course, but with nowhere near the frequency that should give us pause because most of us are not sex workers. That group is virtually always in danger. The TG person who comports herself as would an average cis woman, including her choices of route and venue, need not worry.
    Bingo.

    I've been out probably 500 times in the last 6 years without issue. Kandi can attest there are worse things that can happen to you than being outed, and told the story recently that a few hours after running 14 miles with someone, that person did not recognize Kandi when they met face-to-face.

    Saturday Night I went to a rock concert with about 2,500 attendees and zero issue. I'm sure some noticed that I probably wasn't a GG, but if I cared I wouldn't have gone. And with all of the security, my personal risk because I was dressed was zero.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

    Author Sagelllini (with three lower case "Ls") at Literotica.com

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State