hello Kandi,
what you write is so true.
But for many of us it is not that easy to break the chains of our upbringing,
stay healthy!
Luv J
hello Kandi,
what you write is so true.
But for many of us it is not that easy to break the chains of our upbringing,
stay healthy!
Luv J
Since I wrote my first post (#3) I have been out twice. I dressed to blend and not stand out with an everyday look yet hopefully stylish and femme. Nervous the first time, much less so the second, far more confident. No one noticed me at all, and attracted no undue attention. I pretty much forgot about being dressed and just enjoyed the experience. Looking forward to doing it again. So thanks Kandi - your philosophy and approach works big time!
www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/
Kandi, I think you make some good points. But others also make good points that it can be dangerous. We are still in a world where there are some who cannot stand it when someone is different and strays from the perfect match to a concept that sex and gender are the same thing and they make no bones about letting you know they don't like you. The problem is, it is really hard to identify who that is, but they sometimes do show some certain characteristics that give you a bit of a bad feeling. The problem that the people we encounter is a very randomized process and you must keep your wits about you at all times, just as GGs do.
Ten years ago when I was in attending group therapy meetings we were often taught over and over to use this rule. You can reduce the probability of being attacked by simply being aware of what GGs do to stay safe and doubling it. These are words from those who had been attacked and one was attacked by 5 bigots and spent 3 months in the hospital. She was lucky to be alive. But she is now deaf in one ear and has mild speech problems as well as some internal damage that can't be repaired - such as to her heart. She knows she was in the wrong place and she paid the price for going there.
Things are much, much better today, but once again there is a certain probability that anyone, and I mean anyone, will be attacked by some nut you cross paths with. Nobody needs to be paranoid, but we should always be aware of our surroundings and react properly to the signals we see. The fact is that between the sorry social environment with its extremes in some parts of the country and the world and the effects of the pandemic causing some to lose contact with reality, be careful, especially if you are different from the run of the mill person. The world is slowly recovering from about six years of craziness, but it still has a long ways to go.
As others have stated, one has to do what women would do when out and about. Unfortunately, the country is sliding backwards and it is fair game to terrorize sexual minorities. Too many feel emboldened in some parts of the country to pester or attack people who are different. With that possibility engraved in someone mind it really puts a damper on a positive feeling. When I have the opportunity I have gone out for an evening drive and a stroll in a safe neighborhood. Yes, where I go is safe and I have never been accosted by anyone, but, after a while it does get boring. It's, "OK, I've done that. Now what?" To do something to just say I did it is not my lifestyle.Originally Posted by Kandi Robbins
Thank you all for your input. I may not have made my point the exact way it was meant.
If one wishes to go out and experience the world as a woman, obviously exercising all safety measures any woman would exercise, then they should concentrate on making that experience the best they can have. If you chose to dress in private, please do what makes you the most comfortable.
There are four simple rules for going out: be smart (don't put yourself at any greater risk than any other person in that circumstance); be appropriate (dress for your age, body type and circumstance so as not to draw any unwarranted negative attention); be confident (any human being acting nervous may draw unnecessary negative attention in this day and age of mall shootings, etc.); and be visible. For those of us comfortable in doing so, we owe it to those that came before us to continue the gradual tearing down of the issues that have plagued our sisters in the past.
Nothing in life is easy, nothing. But being yourself can be done if you do it right. I know from significant personal experience as I have been out over a thousand times, been to tens of thousands of places and been on display for many thousands of people by now as I have not shied away from doing what I want and that is usually in a very public and giving capacity.
I wrote the initial post when I read someone else's post (with pictures) who seemed to only focus on what she perceived others thought of her and probably didn't enjoy the experience like she should have (and she looked lovely). When I say no one cares, pay attention to others, a significant majority of people are so self-absorbed as to not know what's going on around them and to many, especially the younger generation, being non-binary is truly no big deal
Okay, off my soapbox. If you want to find a problem with anything in life, you certainly can. I prefer finding solutions and the joy in others.
Be well all!
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
Kandi, I would stand with you if I could.
Kandi, the 'It never happened to me, so that means it doesn't happen anymore', attitude isn't reality.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I guess we all have our own since of comfort.
Some of us feel comfortable going out, others may not
Myself, they way I prefer to dress. )as in my avatar)
i don't think I would ever feel totally at easy out.
People are going to look and talk.
I spent too many years feeling totally self conscious of myself.
I don't need to go out in public asking for it.
But to each his/her own
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
I never said it doesn't happen anymore. Please don't put words in my mouth. But there are ways to get out and mitigate the risks.
There are risks being black, being in school, being in church or a synagogue, going to the mall, being in the wrong place at the wrong time etc. Being a human being in the United States is a risk these days. Being trans/CD is no greater a risk than being anything else. If one were black and took your view point, they would not go to the grocery store anymore.
Life is a risk is the unfortunate reality.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
Quite so, but at the same time, the threat is way overblown most of the time.
No, the US is not sliding backwards. It is safer today to be LGBT than it EVER has been in the past.
There have always been bullies who pick on those who are different. But on all sorts of measures, young people are more tolerant than any prior generation.
A vast majority approve of same sex marriages, up substantially from the pre-Obergfel days.
Does everyone understand why certain individuals in the positions of power pick on trans kids? Because they know the cultural change is happening before their eyes and they are desperately trying to hold on to power.
Again, if you are a POC and trans and work in the sex industry, you are at greater risk. For the rest of us who visit this board, no, there is not any greater risk.
As I write this, I am sitting on a Amtrak train in a (cute) yellow dress. Thursday I walked around my old college campus, yesterday and today downtown Chicago, and tomorrow Pride in St. Louis. Issues? None.
No, it doesn't mean it can't, but the risks just aren't there.
I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:
https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/
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