Whew! This is kind of scary!
Looking back, my most recent post was on4-21-21. At the time I was explaining why I'd been away for almost a year. I'll not attempt to go through all that's happened during the time lapse. I do want to become active in this community again, so I'm sure a lot of it will come up as I comment/post.
I talked about in that long ago post how it was like a switch had been flipped. I've been living so completely on the "other side" (my male side) that I've almost forgotten what it's like to dress. I still color my hair, still shave (albeit about once a month or less instead of every day), still wear panties. That's about it. I've had my nails done (best I can remember) twice in the past couple of years. The last time was a couple of weeks ago. That's something I'd done every 6 weeks or so for the last few decades. I do not own a skirt or a dress (except one I kept as a keepsake. No way I'll ever fit into it again). I don't own any makeup. I haven't had my brows done in at least a year and a half. I still sleep in something feminine when the need/desire arises. I have one bra. My hair is short and thinning. I put on more weight than I'll ever admit. Thankfully I lost most of it. The only good thing that came of that is some of the weight I haven't lost is in my boobs.
I've been out with my polished toes showing a few times since I had them done (I took the polish off my fingernails before I had to go to work). Even that caused me a lot of anxiety. I look back on the things I've done and wonder how I ever did it.
I'm not the same person I was at the height of my crossdressing (or whatever it was). I'm not sure where on this spectrum I'll end up. I'll admit that in a lot of ways it's been kind of nice to fit in better than I ever have in my life, to not be looked at "funny", to not be avoided in social situations. I had become numb to some of that over the years. It is noticeably absent in my present mode.
I feel like I'm starting over. I'll do it gradually, but I'm going to do it. I need it. I want it. My purse (the only one I have left) is literally sitting in the closet untouched from a couple of years ago. One of the first things I'm going to do is to start carrying a purse again(outside of work). I'm going to continue to get my nails done regularly. I'm going to get my brows done this week and continue that on a regular basis. I'm going to rejoin this community in some positive and meaningful way. Baby steps.
I look forward to being a regular contributor again!