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Thread: Shame and Embarrassment

  1. #26
    Member TAG's Avatar
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    Don't say anything is what I would do in a situation like that.
    Before I came out (long time ago) I had posted a pic to a site some of my co workers visited.
    The pic was up for 2 to 3 seconds before I deleted it.
    One guy sent me an email and asked if that was me in that pic.
    I said what pic? He said it looked like you in womens clothes. I said really I never saw it.
    He went on talking about something else and nothing was ever said about it from that point on.
    Now if you start making excuses and trying to talk your way out then everyone will know you were in feminine attire.

  2. #27
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    What did that babydoll look like exactly?

  3. #28
    Member helenejo's Avatar
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    I don't think I can remember what any of my colleagues have worn in one of the hundreds of zoom meetings I have had...I think you should be fine

  4. #29
    Member BaliGirl's Avatar
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    Another vote for not saying anything.

    I don't dress while WFH because I'm afraid of doing what happened to you.

  5. #30
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    One thing I would add is check the company's diversity policy.

    You may not need it but its good to know what it says if you do.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  6. #31
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    I all, thanks for you replies. Really appreciate the thoughtful responses.

    Tbh, I think I?be down this out of proportion and feel that?s its not the act of wearing something feminine and getting caught that?s the issue, but rather what that incident made me feel inside i.e shame and embarrassment. In conclusion, I knew I wasn?t this proud crossdresser but rather someone who?s doing something in hiding and keeping it a ?dirty secret?.

    I?ve not talked to my manager as that would off been too extreme. Here in the UK we are protected by anti discrimination laws. My current employer is very understanding of gender diversity issues and we are regular trained on it and also unconscious bias.

    I actually had to catch up with a few colleagues after the meeting and they didn?t say nothing - which I knew they wouldn?t. Also I?ve been back in the office and again, no one has said anything. Again this relates to the anti discrimination laws and also the current environment around the trans conversation happening in the world. So they wouldn?t want to say something that could be perceived as an attack. But mainly I think it?s because they feel it?s none of their business what I do at home Like what most people say about going out dressed - the general population don?t care as they?re too concerned about what?s going on in their own lives to be concerned about yours.

    Essentially this incident brought 3 things:

    -Shame and embarrassment
    -Placing too much of what people think of me
    -Being a control freak (not being able to control the situation and narrative)

    I think there?s a lot people who would like to go out dressed en femme and feel confident doing so. But if you work on the inside more I feel that this challenge wouldn?t be so much of issue of you have strong internal compass.

    Sam xo
    "I'm not a complicated girl, she laughed, I just want to run away with you, rob a bank, fall in love and eat ice creams in Paris." M. Faudet

  7. #32
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    I didn't out myself while dressed; but, a woman who works where I volunteer asked me if I had bought a dress at Ross Dress for Less. It seems she saw me there. I told her yes and then she asked if my wife liked it and if I often buy my wife clothing. I simply couldn't lie; so, I told her I CD and the dress was for me. I was nervous outing myself but not at all embarrassed. I just owned it. We've had a couple very nice discussions since then about my crossdressing.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  8. #33
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Although companies typically have a non-discrimination policy, when you are teleworking, you are still considered at work and dressing decently is generally expected from you as an employee, especially if you are participating in remote conferences with other colleagues and/or customers and partners. If you don't comply with the etiquette, whether you are wearing male or female clothes isn't relevant, it can be held against you as unprofessional behavior, no discrimination there. If you wear decent female attire, it shouldn't be a problem.

  9. #34
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    If it were me in this situation, I would not say anything, and just respond as needed it it comes up. Ur lucky, as Halloween is coming up and makes for a potential excuse....

  10. #35
    Member Jane P's Avatar
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    Sam, I try to deal with my internal guilt and shame and embarrassment everyday( some days more than others). Intellectually I can accept this is something that many people enjoy, other people. For me it's a love hate relationship, while I love dressing and feeling feminine, I have very deep rooted feelings that I should be stronger and get over it already.

    Like others have said I don't think you should bring it up ,but rather be prepared in case any of your colleagues do, and if they do , then own the hell out of it, because in the end who damned well cares but you.

    Best of luck to you. I am sure all will be well.
    I don't know why , but I am .

  11. #36
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    I'm curious, its been 3 weeks.

    Any blowback?

  12. #37
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    No nothing (just as I thought) I just overthought and ruminated on the whole situation way too much. Lol
    Last edited by char GG; 10-22-2022 at 08:43 PM. Reason: Not necessary to quote the post directly before yours

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