Girlfriend Threw a Fit Last Night

[ChrisP]

You've done the right thing by telling your GF about CeCe. And I think you've done the best thing by not dropping it all on her at a single time.
You also are doing the right thing by acknowledging what's important to you; you make use of breastforms (not a crime) and if the relationship is to continue your GF will see
CeCe wearing them eventually.

It's a mistake to fundamentally change who you are and suppress your desires IF it's simply to please a what a significant other wants. If you love a woman who's vegan, and she tells you
that she can't be with an omnivore, that's a simple enough choice to decide that it's worth giving up meat because of your desire to continue the relationship. But that's not the choice here.
Your enjoyment of femininity involves more than just clothes and that's who you are. You will not be able to keep a lid on this if you're being honest.

Your GF probably thought this was a minor kink, not intrusive into the relationship, and easy to manage. She needs to read more, and maybe find a support group (assuming she wants the relationship to continue).
I think you handled this well, and never criticize the good by comparing it to the perfect.
Much better to cross this bridge now that further down the line.

Make sure you have positive support too.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

It seems obvious to me that the OP is absolutly going to be dressing to the 9s quite soon, and the OP's girlfriend is not ok with that and may never be. The next step, IMO, is to decide how important it will be to dress to the 9s in front of her or if rules could be set up and obeyed if she's not going to be cool with it. We all know you're not going to be able to squash the desire to dress, and we all know you'll never force her to accept what she can't accept. More honest talking should be in your immediate future.

My wife set a few lines a few times and I obeyed them until SHE removed them, but that's me, and I don't have the same desires/needs as you. (And she was already my wife, not a 2-month girlfriend) (sorry if I sound like I'm belittling your relationship, that's not my intent.)

ChrisP ^ There is NO WAY I could give up meat for any woman, even my wonderful wife, and I've told her as much as the topic has come up a few times. Giving up crossdressing would be quite a bit easier.

[DianeT]

Your GF probably thought this was a minor kink, not intrusive into the relationship, and easy to manage.

She didn't think so. She was told so. That's the problem with the drip, drip method that you encourage ("you've done the best thing...").

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Cece,

I have played down the extent of my crossdressing with her because I know my interest and activity in crossdressing is hard for her to take.

and

[...]so she could decide if she wanted to pursue a relationship that would have no secrets or surprises.

do not add up.

As for this

I am still trying to sort out how to handle my personal and communal experiences with crossdressing, and wouldn't it be awesome if I could be open and honest with her about my journey in real time?

it's only up to you to decide if you want to be fully honest or keep things from her. If you keep doing the drip, drip method, your girlfriend will keep making uninformed decisions she may regret later.
Also, if you don't know where your journey is taking you, that is an information you must share with her as well.

The problem with not telling a SO everything at once is that you are preventing said SO from making educated decisions. You are controlling the facts s.he bases her decisions on. In effect, you are manipulating he.r using deception, putting this person in the role of the child and yourself in the role of the adult, effectively depriving he.r from her/his free will. This is absolute power over somebody. And in spite of that, taken very lightly by some CDers in forum discussions. Maybe if their SO returned the favor we would hear a different tone.

[Valerie Louise]

The only thing not being mentioned here is that CDs often are convinced themselves that they can stop, or only take it part way. I didn?t give up resistance to the obsession until I was in my late 40?s.
So I guess all CD?s could stay alone until they come to terms with who they are, but I think that?s not going to happen.
I agree the drip drip approach is bad. I told my wife after 30 years of marriage and was able to unload the whole thing because I knew there was no hope of moderating it somehow. Huge risk.
But when I married, I was sure I could walk away from it. As a young person, I was sure of myself, but of course I was wrong. I didn?t tell her then, and it was a lie, a sin of omission. From there, the usual hiding/purging things went on until I accepted that I couldn?t stop. But that was many years later, with no forums like this to help.
I guess the point is, if those of us CDs that lied initially, knew then what we know now, well I think the outcomes would be different. We weren?t inherently liars. We believed we could stop.

[CeCe]

A million thanks to this community for your valuable feedback. I respect that you have more experience. I have not had a girlfriend in many years, so this is the first time I am disclosing my crossdressing to a female partner. Your insights have been revelatory for me, and have refocused and reshaped my mindset and approach to the matter in ways I could not have imagined.
The forms will arrive in just a few days, and this arrival seems like it will be the right time to re-introduce the topic with her. This will give me a few days to crystallize my full disclosure. I am making a list of bullet points so I do not forget or downplay any part of this. If she does not want to hear this, I will honor her choice. At least I will be ready to provide her with the truth.
I already shared with her my history, and the future remains totally unknown, so perhaps I may need to clarify only the present.
*When I am home alone, never in public, I sometimes wear a bra and a dress, and now I will have forms.
*I remain in masculine mode while dressed, and feel no inclination towards feminization or transitioning.
*I am basically a man in a dress. I have no interest in wigs, makeup, jewelry, perfumes, heels, etc.
*She does not have to experience my crossdressing in any way. She does not have to ever see it or hear about it if that is her preference.
Is there anything I should add to the list?
CeCe

[Lacey New]

Just think of things in terms of balance. It?s good that she knows about your cross dressing and that so far, she seems to accept it at some level, albeit small. But quite honestly, if you push too hard, you might lose her. So go slow but also make sure she knows and understands your desire to dress from time to time as well. Hopefully the two of you will reach a point where you ar both comfortable.

[Paulie Birmingham]

i too am a miad. heels are kind of fun. lol. maybe dont rule them out.

[Krisi]

I don't think this relationship is going to last. If you want to take crossdressing further and she doesn't like it, the relationship is doomed.

Think about ending it before it goes any further.

[Pumped]

Krisi, that is certainly a fatalist point of view!

It seems to me that conversation is still open and perhaps some sort of acceptance from the SO might happen.

As long as everyone is still communicating, who knows. CeCe and her SO may come to an agreement and at least accept the CD'ing to some degree. After all, my wife was in the "Hell no!" crowd for a while and did a complete 180 degree turn on her acceptance level, so it does happen.

CeCe, keep talking, keep an open mind. Both of you may have to weigh out the importance of the relationship.

[Valerie Louise]

My only concern about your list is that it is limiting.
When you put the forms in, are you sure the new look won?t motivate you for more? Try to make the upper half more feminine with a wig?
I think it?s better to say you are at THIS point now, but that you MAY explore wearing more items to make your presentation more complete.
I also worry about saying you?ll never go out. At your age, maybe that won?t happen. But to the points made by the cis women in this thread, it?s better to communicate the whole thing, than drip it out. Today it might be no wigs ever. But yesterday it was no forms ever.
I?d make your list indicate that in private for now, you may attempt to present fully as a woman, and while you are closeted now, you might want to go out someday.
Just my opinion, from my own experience. You get one shot at this.

[Di]

I agree with Valerie and would say this is what I do now.
Ask if she wants to be part of it , if not explain there are ways to compromise and get her input.
Explain it is a part of you, and common
Sometimes hard to talk about/ you can remind her what you told her before.
Please really does not have to be a big deal.
Talk when you have time alone , remind her you are still the same person
I do not agree it is hopeless, sometimes the initial reaction, but key is being open, give her time to think and ask questions.
And work out something you both can live with.
All of us GG mods and administration here figured things out , several have transitioned partners.
Plus all of the GGs here on the forum are here to make their relationship work , learning and understanding.
Many members here have found what works for their relationships be positive, you are not doing anything wrong.
Best Wishes

[docrobbysherry]

CeCe, u asked if there's anything u should add to your list? I think, yes, absolutely!

But, nothing from any of us here. We can only speculate! The only important comments will be come from her!

[Jazzmin]

Krisi, that is certainly a fatalist point of view!

It seems to me that conversation is still open and perhaps some sort of acceptance from the SO might happen.

As long as everyone is still communicating, who knows. CeCe and her SO may come to an agreement and at least accept the CD'ing to some degree. After all, my wife was in the "Hell no!" crowd for a while and did a complete 180 degree turn on her acceptance level, so it does happen.

CeCe, keep talking, keep an open mind. Both of you may have to weigh out the importance of the relationship.

I have to disagree with you, Pumped. based on the original post, the communications stopped being two-way, when she said that she didn't know how she would feel, seeing him in a bra & forms and his response was to say, "it's going to happen". I can only picture the following late-night talk to consist of him telling her what he wants to do, over her objections.

And while the OP states that they have reconsidered their approach and honor HER wishes if she wants to drop the subject, which I find admirable, I cannot help but think that the OP will continue to push the issue. Regardless of the crossdressing issue, the OP states that they are 70, and yet they still haven't learned to respect others limits and boundaries????

I agree with Krisi, this relationship won't last. And I sincerely hope that the OP proves me wrong, by changing their self-centered attitude.

[SaraLin]

*She does not have to experience my crossdressing in any way. She does not have to ever see it or hear about it if that is her preference.
Is there anything I should add to the list?
CeCe

I don't know about adding to the list, but I think that this part needs to be reconsidered.


In a way, she already has experienced your crossdressing - and no doubt will again.
She has been told about it. It'll always be a part of her awareness about who you are - whether she ever SEES anything or not.

Think about how you'll have to manage your dressing with her in your life, especially if you someday decide to move in together.
Will you have to hide your prettier things, or will it be OK to have them hanging in the closet?
When you want to dress, will you have to sneak in some time do to it, or will you be leaving the house to dress?
How much time will your dressing take away from being with her - or will being with her take away your dressing time?
Whenever you're apart, will she be wondering if you're putting something on?
When you're together, will she be on the lookout for something "extra" under your boy clothes?

Her finding out about your dressing has already changed the whole nature of your relationship. Now, it's time to figure out how -or if- the two of you can find enough common ground to actually build a long-term relationship upon. I see a LOT of long, serious talks ahead. While I remain doubtful, I wish you the best of luck and hope that the two of you can find happiness together.

All my best wishes,
Sara

[char GG]

Lots of good advice here.

It sounds to me like you are "playing it down" too much. Panties are usually hidden; breast forms are obvious.

You may be trying to do the drip drip drip method of attempting acceptance from her. Meaning that you may think that adding a little bit more at a time will get her "used to your crossdressing". My opinion but I believe that method usually backfires. "Slowly adapting" is not acceptance, it's more "putting up with" until she possibly can't deal with it any longer.

Your relationship is fairly new. If you want to continue the relationship, maybe it's time to tell her the extent of your interest in HER and in CROSSDRESSING so you don't waste your time with her, and she doesn't waste her time with you if your needs are not acceptable in her eyes. Please don't play games.

[KristyPa]

Like some mentioned, the desire to dress as a women more than likely will not go away. Us girls have to deal with that if it is a issue for you.
I would never expect any female to except I dress as a female. Each of us has to except that.

[Diane P]

I have to agree with what has been said here by just about everyone. My wife of 28 years just passed away in July. I never had the desire, or thought, to cross dress during the years we were married. I have worn thong underwear off and on over ther last wenty years, whch my wife never knew about. My full cross dressing has only started in the last two months when I suddenly wondered what I might look like in a dress. I feel that if I get into another relationship with a woman, some time down the road, one of the first things that will need to be discussed is my cross dressing. Right now I don't know how I'd do that, maybe trying to talk about women's fashions. The point is that it will need to be discussed and if the other person doesn't accept it then ending the relationship will be the healthy and wise thing to do.

[Genifer Teal]

Dressing in women's clothes is one thing and can relatively easily be brushed off as no big deal by the girlfriend or wife. This can Loosely be compared to women dressing in men's clothes. When you want to have boobs real or otherwise you're crossing a line into wanting to be a woman. This is the big difference to them. Know what you're getting into do what you need to do for yourself it may not be right for her.

[CeCe]

Thanks to all of your insights and comments, I am learning a lot that is helping me navigate this new episode in my life. This is my first girlfriend since I began identifying as a crossdresser.
So far, she says she is okay with my crossdressing because I do it home alone. We are a long way from talking about living together, so me crossdressing under those circumstances may be a discussion for later. Right now, the relationship is too new for us to foresee us living together.
I wear lace underwear when I am with her, several of which she has bought for me. She seemed to approve the two times so far that I have worn a bra under my shirt while out with her. She was the one who suggested I wear a bra when I am with her.
We both seem to be okay now. She asked me once, early on, about the breast forms, and I described my first experience. Neither of us have brought up the topic again. I wear them when I am dressed alone at home, and am happy that this not a secret.
She seems to draw the line at me presenting as a woman in public, but I have no desire to do that.
I think the only thing left unsaid by me so far to her is the quantity of femmewear I own. I will approach the subject soon. She also has not seen me yet in full femmewear, so I guess I need to ask her again how she would feel about the possibility of seeing me with boobs wearing a dress. When I first revealed my crossdressing to her, she simply said she did not know how she would react.
The important positive update is that we are communicating about my crossdressing and we are still together. There is no easy way for a crossdresser to begin a new relationship with a woman, and I am encouraged that so far we have been successful. I feel blessed.