The last time I dressed up was shortly after my last birthday. I did a hot vampire thing for Halloween and that was it. Shortly thereafter, family came to visit and I was back to being the man they all expect me to be. And then things got weird... Big family fights, big deals made of small things, blow ups, shouting matches, then silence and peace once they all left. It was totay unrelated to my dressing up, just a perfect storm of imperfect events.
After they were gone, I was in go mode. I had quit my job back in September and finally had the time to dive into my business plan, making things happen as the Winter gave way to Spring.
This whole time, I had packed and hidden away all my clothes. I was getting more focused in my work, increasing my discipline and self-care. Inevitably, this leads to becoming more fit, and as a result, more masculine. It all started to make a little more sense to me, I guess...
In my natural state, at my optimum, un-edited self, this masculine form precedes me. My femininity, which I used to hide, or was rather unaware of, I now accept as part of me and my behavior. It has allowed me to be more comfortable with my Self. On the other hand, all this damn hair! With so much on my plate, the maintenance alone is overwhelming to me, so
I'm learning to love this beast in the mirror, full well knowing the beauty is in there...
This Halloween, I'm going to try and embrace the fluidity of my revelations by dressing up as Pan. Not Peter. Pan. Maybe over the holidays I'll have more incentive to switch up again ...
I don't really know, and I guess there's no right answer...
