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Thread: Crossdresser Wanderlust: Is it Actually a Thing?

  1. #1
    ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️ Patience's Avatar
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    Feb 2018
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    Crossdresser Wanderlust: Is it Actually a Thing?

    Hey, Y'all.

    Certain recent threads and posts have brought into sharp relief the contrast between those of us who go out in the world crossdressed and those who don't.

    This forum is here to provide entertainment, information and support, so it is not surprising that those of us who crossdress publicly would encourage others to do the same. It makes perfect sense: the more we normalize public crossdressing, the easier it becomes for all of us. Every new post that describes someone's outing is always met with enthusiastic, or at least polite approval.

    But is this desire to go out more than a need for fresh air or a symbolic (or not) act of political (or not) conscience? Are we, as we are drawn to don the clothing of women, drawn to go out (not necessarily being seen) wearing these clothes?

    In another thread, another member of the forum said her crossdressing experience felt incomplete if she didn't go out. I never thought of my own experience in those terms, but I must admit that now I'm used to it, I would feel I was missing out a lot if I were not able to "let the genie out of the bottle" anymore, so to speak. Some of us post videos of ourselves walking on public streets, others take pictures of themselves in parks (guilty!).

    So I am beginning to think that wanderlust (or whatever you want to call this urge to go out) is an actual thing and an actual part of being a crossdresser. Sure, not all of us can act on it and those who can't must add that to their already long list of frustrations, but for those of us who are drawn to go out and actually do it, what is it that moves us to go out and risk public ridicule and/or violence as part of our experience? Does making ourselves pretty have less of a point if no one sees that we are pretty? Are we quietly flaunting ourselves while we are out, acting like we just want to blend? Is it some kind of vanity?

    I like to think when I go out crossdressed that I am not only expressing my femininity but also exercising and testing the limits of my freedom, but I suppose some less charitable people could just say I'm being a show-off. If I am honest, I must admit I like to be seen to look good when I go out and that I put a lot of thought into how I look. On the other hand, I also want the people who find crossdressing outrageous to be outraged. I am open to any honest, non-violent reaction, but would really rather be left alone, which fortunately is what actually happens.

    I hope that lot made sense. I may have to clean this up. Thanks for reading.
    Last edited by Patience; 10-01-2022 at 09:20 PM. Reason: Typo. Still editing.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  2. #2
    Silver Member
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    May 2006
    I don't know about wanderlust, but I never dress to stay in. Never have. After we had kids I usually went out of town to dress. Two or three days in an out of town hotel. I'd get my hair done, get my nails done, shop all over town, go out to eat. That's about it. Every time. I could not resist dressing any time I was out of town. If I was out of town on business I dressed. If just my wife and I went out of town I dressed. Even when I didn't go stay in a hotel, I'd go a least a little ways out of town. I'd leave the house dressed but often drive 60 miles one way to get my hair done, then (you guessed it) shop, go out to eat. I've often that that my boring choice of activities while dressed was crazier than the dressing itself. Given the right clothes, makeup and hair, everything is exciting, I guess.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Jan 2022
    Coastal SC
    I'm in the category of those that would like to go out dressed quite often; but, to maintain harmony with my wife it just isn't likely to happen with regularity. I've been out dressed 2 evenings in July when I was on a trip by myself and out of state. I had no contact with others except for the 2 at the drive-yup windows at a McDonalds. In about 10 more hours I will make my 1st trip out and actually be in contact with others at a Pride festival. I certainly hope this group is CD friendly as I've been told by others these groups are often geared strictly to gay, lesbian, and trans folks. Anyway, while I'm out I plan to do some shopping in a few retail stores. After I'm back home, I'll have to determine if I want to continue going out dressed and how to accomplish it with my wife's agreement - which I do have for this trip in a few hours.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  4. #4
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Nov 2006
    North West UK
    I go out dressed a lot, I also dress at home, but its very rare if Im dressing at home to spend time on makeup, whats the point if no one is going to see you ?. I drive about 40 miles to my local seaside town where there is plenty of shopping including two mall or shopping centres, I always stay overnight so I can enjoy the company of my other girlfriends in the pubs and the clubs, I rarery agree to meet any of them, becuse no matter which pub or club I walk in I will know someone. Wonderlust yes its in my blood, love the feel of a skirt swishing round my legs, the click of heels, the weather on my shaved legs, it completely changes my mannerisms, yes I come a girl, but I dont get that feeling stopping in the house. I just stay in any hotel and will go in any pub during the day, but stick to the lgbt area at night for safety. I'm Going out with Helen Highwater to Manchester shortly, and probably will be going over to Leeds to meet another one of the girls off this forum. So yea bring it on, lets get out and about.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK
    Looking back over the years, from my very earliest outings, there was a desire to express my femme side. To be able to walk in heels more than a few feet down a hallway. To feel how it felt to be a GG out in the world.

    Simply being inside 4 walls was stifling.

    So OK, I don't get that much opportunity to go out. Most of my dressing is indoors these days but I know now what it feels like to be dressed in the big wide world.

    And as Patience points out, I along with others am one of those who having experienced being out want others to know those feelings as well. I do all I can to help and encourage others. To act as a chaperone, a guide to those seeking that first step into a new world.

    I don't think liberating does it justice but it comes as close as I can express to those first few times out and about. It is a genie you can't put back in it's bottle.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    I think a lot can depend on circumstances.

    Some in an DADT may find the opportunity on a business trip.

    Others may never go out, due agreements with their partner.

    Why should it be anything other than normal to go out.

    However.I would always suggest a few things first.
    Make sure you are happy with your presentation.
    Can you leave the house dressed ? If not where can you change.
    Where are you going.
    Any particular activity ?

    Most Important don't feel pressured to go out, just because someone else does it.

    I should add I go out anytime I need to.

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  7. #7
    Silver Member
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    May 2016
    Northern New England
    I go out about once every week or two. When I do my purpose is to present as and be perceived as a woman to the best of my ability. So I wouldn't call it wanderlust in my case. I used to think that I was "just a crossdresser". Now I understand that I am at a minimum non binary. When I go out I want others to see me as I see myself, a woman

  8. #8
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Gen is my social life. Pretty much evening fun is done by Gen. Now she even does regular things like food shopping and other errands. Just about the only time she doesn't get out is work. That's become more of a mixed bag lately. Definitely crossing some lines there. I don't see a reason to get dressed up to stay home. I don't see much point for makeup no one will see. I suppose if my house was made of mirrors. That could be fun!
    A friend (trans) and I were just talking how she hardly bothers with makeup any more and mostly just a little for her eyes when she does. I've reached that point too. I'm able to thanks to laser hair removal. I don't have anything to cover so to speak except age. LOL it's a big step even if it's just in our mind to feel comfortable with little to no makeup.
    I still enjoy playing with make up and continue to do so when going out to bars and events. I really enjoy the moment after I've decided what to wear and think let's see what I can create to go with that. And then set about choosing colors and thinking about makeup designs. For me there doesn't seem to be much reason to do all that stuff just to watch Netflix or whatever.
    Last edited by Genifer Teal; 10-01-2022 at 06:43 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Aug 2021
    New Jersey
    I made my two excursions into the outside world recently. I found the experience exhilarating, freeing and rather sensual. I have not tried to analyze it too closely, beyond the fact that the impulse to do so was great and could not be avoided any longer. For me, the desire to do something which feels so over the top (and get away with it) was/is part of the attraction. I suppose there is a bit of vanity or self flaunting at play here too. I know I do not "pass", but my goal was more to blend with style, which I would like to think is what I did. Perhaps I could liken it to a fantasy being acted out in the real world, or performance art.

    I also know it is something I want to do again - and again! Next up - to the park to take some pictures!

  10. #10
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    I don't go out fully dressed mainly because I rarely fully dress at all. But I am almost constantly showing some aspect of the feminine expression that is a vital and integral part of my total identity. It is mostly the colors I wear and people do notice that. But quite frankly I don't care if they notice it or not - I do that because it is an expression of who I am as a person. I am not on a quest.

    And I think we all pretty much do that which fits best because it is comfortable. For those who go out fully dressed that is their comfort zone; it is a comfort zone for those who go out in some other pattern that fits their identity and their circumstances. Psychologically, we are all usually seeking an condition where we are avoiding some kind of discomfort in how we perceive ourselves in the larger social context. Some may seek an experience where their comfort zone is in being seen as expressing a deeper differentiation in terms of gender or sex, whatever their personal concept is. That discomfort is technically called dysphoria and the concept applies to anything that makes we feel uncomfortable - spiders, snakes, seriously leaning trees, or wearing clothes that don't fit who you are. Dysphoria comes from a conflict between what you believe and what you are doing.

    The important thing is to respect however each person perceives what is comfortable for them. It is wrong to say that a person is not really a CD or a Trans person if they don't go out in the full expression. But the reverse is also wrong and disrespectful. Each to his or her own. The urge to form or belong to well defined groups is a double edged sword - that can be very fruitful or terrifying and traumatic.

    However, if the person is strongly gender reversed and they don't go out it is also possible that they are intentionally putting themselves in a dysphoric condition for some reason that may be unrelated to their gender expression. It really comes down to why they are doing that when they generally don't have to. It seems to me that is a different kind of dishonesty in identity and they are creating discomfort in themselves. That is not normal.

    The point is that how each person approaches the expression of their identity is a personal thing and pressure from others to do this or that on the basis of what is considered some kind of social norm for the kind of identity they have is disrespecting the person's personal choice. And that is really wrong.

  11. #11
    Junior Member
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    Oct 2021
    My wife doesn't want me to dress outside the house. A GG friend of mine enjoys Karen's company and I frequently dress there or arrive there dressed. Sometimes to spend an afternoon discussing fashion, or trying on clothes. Yesterday she helped me with fingernails which was a first time occurrence for me. That said, I do go out dressed and have been to a restaurant, a couple hotels on business trips, and even a tavern/club a few times. I have found each wonderful experiences. But, it has been a while since I have ventured more than a few steps away from the security of my home or my GG friends home. I find I have to muster a lot of courage each time I go into an establishment if it has been a while. The more often I go into an establishment, the easier it is.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
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    Jan 2010
    Going to seed!
    We are social animals so wanting to interact with others of our species is normal. And for people who are transgender, its equally understandable that we want people to see, tolerate, and hopefully in some cases actually like us for who we are. For me, at least, that means going out presenting as myself. Its become a daily routine, whether I go to the grocery store, the post office or coffee shop, or just out sight-seeing. these days I seldom go out at night. Maybe a dinner and drinks once in a while.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    I love to go out and expressing female. However, I don't go out to educate others or make it more acceptable. I tend to head to LGBTQ+ venues or hotels where there are meetings of local trans groups.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  14. #14
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    "Upstate" NY USA.... Site of the first crash of the "Vin Fiz"
    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth G View Post
    I go out about once every week or two. When I do my purpose is to present as and be perceived as a woman to the best of my ability. So I wouldn't call it wanderlust in my case. I used to think that I was "just a crossdresser". Now I understand that I am at a minimum non binary. When I go out I want others to see me as I see myself, a woman
    It's the same with me . I go out often as Barbara , shopping, to a movie theater etc .

    Fact is, I was always a bit gender dysphoric but, due to life events it was difficult to do anything about it when I was younger, except to dress in total secrecy.
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 10-01-2022 at 03:52 PM.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Jan 2022
    Going out in public en femme is for me the most significant, thrilling and wonderful aspect of my cross dressing life. The feeling is hard to describe to someone who hasn't actually experienced it. Having spent a bunch of money on clothes, wigs, lingerie & shoes ... etc, having learned how to walk, sit and maybe speak like a woman and having struggled to learn some make-up skills, it is natural to want to go out and show the public the results of your efforts. I enjoy it when people check out Fiona when she is out & about, it doesn't bother me in the least. Part of the thrill is also doing something society thinks is "taboo" and getting away with it.

  16. #16
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    I admire very much those who dare going out. If I ever felt the urge, I dont know if I'd be bold enough to try. But I don't feel it, and probably never will. I don't need or want my wife to see me or participate. I don't post pictures. I don't need anyone to tell me if what I do is done right or not by any standard that wouldn't be my own. I dress for myself, to fulfill a private fantasy and curiosity, and that is an intimate bubble that would pop if it had to be shared (coming out to my wife damaged it already to some extent - not a regret, just a fact).
    And oh, it doesn't make me any less social (I love to see people, just not dressed, since it wouldn't be the real me they'd be seeing) nor any less of a crossdresser.
    But again, kudos to those who consider that plunge and dare take it.
    Last edited by DianeT; 10-01-2022 at 04:52 PM.

  17. #17
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    U may have hit on something, Patience. Wonderlust, may be why I go out? But, it's not MY wonderlust!

    I don't enjoy going out to vanilla venues where folks may feel a MIAD is intruding on them and their business!

    But, I find great acceptance in bars and clubs. Where people r out to drink, have a good time, and NOT to do their business or get involved in hassles!
    So, maybe it's their wonderlust I enjoy?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  18. #18
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Again, everyone is different and YMMV.

    For me, it's a bit of the chicken or the egg.

    I love trying on clothes and seeing how they look on me. That means getting dressed, going to stores, picking out clothes, and trying them on. If I like them, I buy them.

    The next question I ask myself is where can I wear what I just bought? I belong to a social group with regular lunch and dinner meetings, I have GG friends I can meet and go out with, and I can do things solo.

    Is my experience any different if I go to a concert or play (by myself) as a girl or a guy? Not really, at the time. Before the event? BIG difference. I plan what I'm going to wear long in advance and look forward to it. The buildup (the wanderlust) is the big thing.

    Part of it is also the "because it's there" factor. Do I need to fly pretty? No. Is it a challenge to myself to prove I can do it? You bet.

    Do I want to be seen in public dressed? Yep. I'm a narcissist. Is it fun to have people ask you where you got your dress or have someone out of the blue tell you they love your top? Yep. Both happened last week at Pride.

    Because I've been out dressed--or prepping to go out dressed--I've had experiences I would have never had if I had not gone out. Like meeting my GG friends.

    Going out means the opportunity to have something fun that has never happened before. Isn't that what life is for?
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    Author Sagelllini (with three lower case "Ls") at

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member DanielleDubois's Avatar
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    Mar 2017
    Gold Coast , Australia
    Quote Originally Posted by DianeT View Post
    I admire very much those who dare going out. If I ever felt the urge, I dont know if I'd be bold enough to try. But I don't feel it, and probably never will.
    I’m of exactly the same opinion. Danielle is perfectly content being a stay at home girl. I am very flattered when people say Danielle should be out and about but for various reasons it has never been one of my crossdressing needs or desires. The exception would be if I was attending a crossdressing event and in that case it would be more about meeting and talking to other crossdressers rather than I was out in public at a hotel etc.

  20. #20
    Banned Read only
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    Sep 2009
    "Upstate" NY USA.... Site of the first crash of the "Vin Fiz"
    For those wanting to go out but have not had the nerve to do so yet, just try some 'baby steps' first.
    Once you learn that no one will point and/or laugh at you will really enjoy being a "woman" in etc.
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 10-02-2022 at 12:23 AM.

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