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Thread: CD?ers, Did You Reveal Before or After Marriage?

  1. #51
    Member Charlotte Sparkle's Avatar
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    1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?

    I revealed my secret 8 years into our mariage. I was well and truly lost in the pink fog at the time and feeling suicidal. I confided in her because I had nobody else to turn to and couldn't cope.

    2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?

    It was a good decision for me because it no doubt saved my life. It was good too that I was no longer keeping anything from my Wife which I always felt guilty about.

    3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?

    She was relieved because she thought I was going to tell her I was having an affair and I was leaving her. It took her a while to get her head around it and there were the usual questions such as am I gay and do I want to become a woman. She told me there and then that she never wanted to see me dressed as it would mess with her head. Nowadays we seldom talk about it and I think she'd probably be happier if I didn't dress but understands that it's part of me and always will be. Her main concern is my excessive spending on womens clothes and the fact that my female wardrobe massively outweighs my male wardrobe.

  2. #52
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    She knew I did it a few times on Halloween but I never told I did it when she wasn't home.
    I stoped for about 25 years and after my kids moved out the "Pink Fog" came back.
    I then found this site and most of my self hate about dressing faded so I told my wife.
    Things went very bad and now I deep in the closet!
    Last edited by Judy-Somthing; 10-14-2022 at 08:07 PM. Reason: typo
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  3. #53
    Amanda countrygirl's Avatar
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    While I am not married. I will not hide this side of me at all. Every guy that I date will know this side of me and he will know this is a part of who I am. I am not asking for him to participate but I will not hide this side for any one. My ex boyfriend and I broke up because he couldn't accept this side of me. I am 41 years old and am of the mindset to either accept the fact of me needing to express my female side or not totally their choice but it is a part of whom I am.
    Amanda

  4. #54
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    I've been cross-dressing since I was 9 I've been through many girlfriends two marriages several events every time I would try and bring up the subject I would be told those people have mental issues they're this or that etc etc so I kept it hidden until I turned 56 and I have met an amazing woman as we first started dating I felt that I couldn't hide anymore and knowing that I could lose her I had to be honest and I told her everything it took her a couple days but she said she would give it a try after I dressed fully for her minus the makeup she liked it she started picking me out skirts and blouses at the Goodwill she bought me my first pair of heels she loves my taste and lingerie so she will wear some of my lingerie because I have nicer lingerie than her it's our special thing but this year for the first time she fully did my makeup and we went out together it was incredible we've been together four years and it gets stronger all the time and now we're talking about going on a vacation where I can be dressed I couldn't be happier

  5. #55
    Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    There was nothing to reveal, I had occasionally tried something on, but there was nothing to it. Until years later as it slowly grew.
    After I finally revealed myself, after years of flirting around the subject, she was ok with it (within reason). It slowly grew as acceptance grew.
    It's all good. I get to do 98% of what I'd like to do and she's happy with me in a skirt, shorts, jeans, or nothing.

  6. #56
    Member Jade P's Avatar
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    1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?

    I didnt reveal before marriage, It was very occasional then and I thought I would be able to stop.

    2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?

    It was a very bad decision, you need to be open and honest with your spouse. If they accept you great and you have found your true love. If they dont thats better for both of you to move on and be with someone else. When we divorce my wife said she will tell everyone about my feminine side. I am fine with that though, I accept and love the way I am and will be open about it when I am single again.

    3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?

    My wife lost attraction for me. She wants a normal man, we have had no intimacy for 4 years. I believe she is glad she knows even though she doesnt like my dressing it is wrong to keep crossdressing or gender issues a secret.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Diane P's Avatar
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    1. I never revealed to my recently deceased wife that I wore thongs on and off for the last 20 years. I only started wearing dresses, bikini panties, nightgowns etc recently and am loving the feeling of how normal, natural and wonderful it all feels.

    2. If I get into another long term relationship one of the first things that will need to be revealed and discussed is my CDing. I love myself and feel like a whole person since I started CDing and won't give it up, so I'll need to find someone who will be accepting of that part of my life.

    3. We'll have to wait and see.

  8. #58
    New Member wendylovescd's Avatar
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    Yes, but slowly before marriage.

  9. #59
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    My girlfriend and I do not plan to marry and may not ever live together. I struggled so much to reveal myself, but I confessed to her during our courtship that I am a crossdresser. Her responses over time have been both positive and negative. She has only seen me underdress, and if that is all she can handle, that is fine with me. I have enough me time to do what I want alone. If we ever decide to live together, I also hope to dress in her presence as much or as little as she can handle. I suspect she would be fine with me dressing at home but would not accept me going out dressed, and I am confident so far that this middle ground will suit me fine.

  10. #60
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    1. after
    2. fantastic
    3. my wife accepts it as my normal behavior

  11. #61
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    Told, before, then she denied I told her, left me after 30 years, Now have my time all the time

  12. #62
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    1.Did not reveal. 2. I was rumbled 11 years ago . I was out at work when wife found stash on top of wardrobe when decorating.I confessed and explained some men like to dress as cowboys, I like to dress like a woman.It didnt go down well. 3. Lots of screaming shouting and hysteria. Its not normal . The are you gay questions.Her solution was an enforced purge of everything. It was heartbreaking but I agreed as did not want to end marriage , lose wife, house and children.I tearfully told my mother. She could see my distress and agreed to let me dress at her home every weekend. This I did for nearly 10 years until she passed away. I then joined this forum. Now frustrated with minimal opportunities. Had to purge the wardrobe at my mothers when we sold the house.It is what it is, I am where I am.

  13. #63
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    1) First time round - revealed during marriage, actually found out rather than revealed
    2) it was a total disaster for me, wife hated it and decided I was gay
    3) my wife (now ex) hated it and likely still does

    1) Second time - revealed it when I knew we were starting to get serious
    2) it was a shock but just because she had never had any hint, she took it really well and is extremely supportive
    3) she is fully accepting it is part of who I am, she bought me some nice underwear for a special occasion so I guess she is on board

  14. #64
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    1. Within months
    2. Total non-disaster, we've been having sex with at least me in tights since almost the start
    3. I now have dresses, skirts, knickers, bras, suspender belt with her approval and enjoyment

  15. #65
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    When I got married, I hadn't crossdressed in over ten years; I thought either that it was just a phase, I outgrew it, or had 'beaten it' by adopting a straight life and being happy that way. I had no idea that all that was going on, was I had just subconsciously repressed the crossdressing/GID feelings deep into my mind so far that I thought they were gone permanently. Ha ha.
    Nope. Once overstressed, like a computer given too many tasks to do, everything came crashing down, and the crossdressing genie popped out of the bottle to remind me of all the feelings that I had managed to keep bottled up in the past.
    I had no reason to believe that I would ever feel the need to do it again, so I didn't tell my wife to be of all the horrible things that had happened to me in the past. We simply can't; there's no way to go over every single thing in our past with someone, it would take the entire lifetime of time to do that. So we leave out, things that we deem unimportant (after all, she didn't tell me that she was treated for major depression, or that she would have no trouble blackmailing me later on, either).
    We had been together for five years before the crossdressing desires reappeared; I tried my best to suppress it,but to no avail.
    When she eventually discovered, she went through all the stages, shock, disbelief, trying to adjust, realizing that she couldn't, and then anger. Then the fury, accusing me of intentionally trying to ruin her life. Then the blackmail and divorce.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  16. #66
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    I would think such a DRASTIC reactions would be indicative of a profound ignorance on sexually related matters, Possibly mistakenly equating Cross-Dressing with Homosexuality, and all the negative stereotypes associated with the same. She must need lessons in legitimate Psychology, and no longer depend on stories she learned from her equally ignorant peers in High School. Such ignorance is quite common in the general population and the reasons why trans and Gay folks have troubles. They also erroneously, equate the mere fetish of Cross dressing with one or the other two more serious conditions, causing many of us to retreat to the safety of the closet. So much trouble over never having bothered to look up such things and find out what they really are about.

  17. #67
    New Member TessK's Avatar
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    1. I revealed after. Despite it being something that was a part of me since I was young, it was never at the forefront of my mind until very recently. Looking back, if it was a bigger part of my life pre-marriage, I feel like I would have said something, but then again I'm not sure.

    2. I think it turned out as well as I could hope. She still loves me though this is very much a new thing we both have to grapple with. I think we are in a better place than where we were before the reveal, there's just a few wrinkles here and there.

    3. My lovely wife has been patient with this and I really can't ask for much more than that. At first she had a stance of accepting but not encouraging, and honestly that's all one can ask for. We have both been growing together through this, though, and every day is a new adventure. I couldn't ask for more in a life partner through this.

  18. #68
    Call me a cab...ernet!
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    I'm an "After". We were married for 15 years, 3 children and going through a difficult time in our marriage when she found some of my panties. That is when I told her about my desire to crossdress. It has been a struggle ever since as she is not accepting even though she rarely asks about it any more (40 years of marriage). I wish I had the courage and understanding when I was younger to know that this desire/need doesn't go away when you get married, or with time, or etc. But like many others who grew up before the internet existed, there just wasn't any easy to find information to help us better understand this side of us. I assumed, therefore, that marriage, kids etc, would cause this all to fade over time. How dumb I was! If I was more knowledgeable of the subject when I was younger, I would hope to have to courage to have told her in advance, so she could make an more informed decision on marriage, and so that I would have known whether she was supportive of this part of me before taking that marital leap.

  19. #69
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    “If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married??”
    Before. She was friends with some cross-dressers so she was more accepting than many other girls I?d dated.

    “If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view??”
    At times she questioned my sexuality and it was a part of why we got divorced, though not a big part. She thought that was why I had lost interest in her when in fact it was much more about her narcissism and drinking. The kids stayed with me and I’ve now told them I have cross dressed.

  20. #70
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    I revealed early when we dating. I wasnt going going thru another marriage in the closet (crossdressing is not why the first marriage split). Current wife surprised me while dating with gorgeous red bra and panties. So yea, I married her

  21. #71
    New Member Turquoise's Avatar
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    After. Though I hadn't done it since I was a teenager. Only recently did I realize how much it meant to me. My wife has taken to it well and we've had positive talks about it. I'm very lucky to have her.

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