I completely understand your point and that it is the reality for many CDers. I have lived a version of that myself. She never actually forbade me from dressing or issued any ultimatums because she's not the confrontational type and I'm not the type that accepts ultimatums. Secondly, her religious beliefs tell her that "until death us do part" means something and I'm not the In Your Face type.
My wife's initial feeling was "I'd rather see you dead than in a dress" and shut down any attempt I made to express my feelings. My feeling was that i couldn't hide my authentic self any more. So I made the decision to wear what I liked, to show her that nothing bad happens when I'm in a skirt and heels and that my personality doesn't change. That I'm the same to her, dressed or not.
The result? She gradually warmed up to me, even offering compliments for outfits she liked. I listened to any comments and preferences she offered, and wore more often those outfits she preferred. And the big one. She recently told me "I'm beginning to love the person you're becoming"
Members of this forum often say that the best way to go is to have open honest dialog from very early in the relationship. They're right, but I could never make that work regardless of how I tried. But with z lot of patience, love and respect, I found another way to make our relationship work.
