Why does this happen?

[Maria 60]

I don't know why this happens to me, last night we went to the cleaners for my wife to get some of her clothes altered. My wife noticed a rack that looked like Halloween costumes and she asked the owner of the store if they were for sale. The owner doesn't speak very good English and she does amazing work but very hard to communicate with. She said yes they are costumes that she made and she sells them. My wife went over to the rack and told the owner that we are looking for a costume for me, I looked at my wife confused and when the owner went to pick up the a phone call I asked my wife why I was looking for a costume. She said they look amazing and why I don't get a maid or one of the sexy witch costumes just to have. My wife pulled out a long black dress that could have been a witch but it also looked like a dress that the actress Elvira would wear with the long split on one side. When the owner came back my wife asked her if she thought that costume would fit me and the owner told her that I could try it on and she could alter it. My wife told me to go try it on, I was alittle hesitate and in a low voice I told my wife that I'm wearing pantyhose and should I take them off so when I come out of the dressing room she doesn't see them. My wife told me to leave the pantyhose on and who cares what the owner thinks. I get into the dresseing room and I take off my pants and I see myself in the mirror and my body starts shaking. I had an episode like this a few years ago with my sister in law when I started shaking uncontrollably. It was happening again I could hardly put my legs into the dress, I was shaking like I was freezing and I couldn't control my teeth from grinding. I put the dress on and I open the dressing room shacking like crazy, my first look was at the owner who was surprised to see me wearing pantyhose and then my wife insteadly came to me and asked me if I was ok and asked me to sit down. My wife asked me what was going on and if I was having a stroke or heartache. The owner came with a glass of water but I could barely hold it in my hand. I told my wife I have to take the dress off and once back in the dressing room I started to calm down a little. When I got out the owner was relieved to see I was looking better and told me that the dress fit and looked amazing on me and with her broken English she pointed out what amazing legs I have. Thanks goodness we laughted it off and we bought the dress and once outside my wife asked me what happened. Was it excitement or because I was going be like that in front of someone else and maybe embarrassed or excited that the owner was going to see me wearing pantyhose. She thought it would have been fun for me to do that and the owner and herself were looking for a pair of shoes close to my size that she had there that women wear for her to get the proper lengths of dresses. I don't know why that happens to me, its the second opportunity missed because of this. My wife felt very disappointed for me but relieved that I was ok but told me how much I would have enjoyed it and how amazing I did look with that dress. Im just wondering if this ever happens to anyone else here, I don't know if it's excitement of what, it's just so uncontrollable.

[Kelli_cd]

It didn't hit me quite that hard, but the day I asked for a bra fitting I was trembling like a leaf,. Fortunately, the fitter was kind and put me at ease, teaching me all about bras and how they should fit.
If I ever have the opportunity to try on dresses with help from an SA, I'll likely have a similar nervous tremble, at least at the start.

[bridget thronton]

Sorry you experienced so much stress - your wife loves you and is quite happy to buy you clothes, I think she wanted to see joy on your face wearing a dress she picked out for you (Halloween is always a great cover for buying and trying on dresses)

[Laura912]

If you were experiencing slight shortness of breath, mild increase in heart rate, and some degree of perspiration along with the shaking, you may have been having a “panic attack” or anxiety reaction very similar to stage fright. It is of little concern unless it happens all the time in which case there are simple treatments that would require a prescription. However, you have not had this often enough to warrant any medications. Your simplest way of dealing with this, would be to sit down, close your eyes, and focus on slow, deep breaths with a pause between each. It should all be over in about five minutes, but they will seem like very long minutes.

[Stephanie47]

I'd say there was some degree of apprehension involved in how the shop owner would react to your presentation. I do wonder what her reaction would have been had you not be accompanied with your wife. I bet in your mind there was at least a subconscious fear of violating "a man is a man" routine in front of an unknown person.

[kimdl93]

I suppose its not hard to understand why you might experience anxiety about having your secret revealed. In this case you were totally unprepared for such an unexpected situation to arise. Perhaps the experience with your SIL was similarly unexpected.

My impression is that your wife is trying to get you to be less guarded and a bit more open about being a cross dresser. That’s great, but ask her for a little advance notice beforehand.

[Aka_Donna]

Definitely a panic attack. You have reported several of these. Suggest searching for how to deal with panic attacks.

This is what works for me:
1- stop, freeze body and breathe slowly for 20 seconds. It'll feel like forever, but necessary first step.
2- ask questions: what is worst that could happen? Really, how likely is that to happen?
3- what is best that could happen? how would that feel? What have you gained from the brief pain of anxiety.
4- move slowly and see if your body is back to normal a bit.

LATER, deal with the panic logically, so you can handle it better next time.
1- what is worst? How likely?
2- how would that impact your life?
3- what is best? How likely?
4- how would that impact life?
5- what is most likely to happen?
6- visualize the best happening and how that would make you feel. Draw a mental picture of the best attach a flag word to use to bring up the image for the next panic attack.

Just having to draw out A- the exact worst that could happen, and B- the likelihood of that impact go a long long way to my dealing with a panic attack. Most people have panic attack(s), so learn to deal with it like you learned to deal with a muscle cramp.

Good luck.

[NancyJ]

Agree that you experienced a rather classic panic attack. Scary but harmless. Your wife sounds so amazing!

[Sandi Beech]

Yep sound like a panic attack to me as well. Before i had one, I figured any kind of phobia of sorts could easily be overcome by focusing the mind on something else. Not true for me. The attacks can be quite serious as I found out. I started having them in confined spaces that are hot with stale air, once triggered I have to extricate myself from the area to settle down. After the first time I had one, I was more afraid of the panic attack than what triggered it in the first place so I avoid the kind of environment that causes me to get them. Fortunately crossdressing does not bother me and I rarely have them by avoiding the trigger mechanism.


Sandi

[NancyJ]

Sandi does a nice job of describing what therapists call Secondary Fear, essentially the fear of becoming anxious. Because of this secondary fear, people begin avoiding situations that they anticipate will trigger an episode and this is often how phobias are created. A person can learn to master the symptoms, like with the advice given below, and that is far preferable to avoiding triggering situations, as that solution only tends to make the world smaller. No one ever dies from panic attacks, although it van feel like it. They pass. Nancy

[Heather76]

I've never had anything like that happen to me. It does sound like a panic attack as others have described them to me.

[JulieC]

Many years ago, my girlfriend at the time voiced an interest in seeing me in pantyhose. We'd never discussed crossdressing in any respect, least of all me revealing to her that I do crossdress. I was absolutely, completely, utterly shocked and floored. I could not believe my ears.

So, back up a little bit...when I met her and dated her a few times, I realized she was someone I was going to be with for a long time, if not marry. I purged...got rid of everything. The above scenario happened after two years of dating. So to continue the scenario... since I had no pantyhose, I went and bought some a few days later. I got home, and could not believe the effect that putting pantyhose on after two years had on me. It was an absolutely intense feeling. I'm not referring to sexual. The feeling made me finally realize that crossdressing was part of me, and wasn't going to ever go away no matter how hard I tried. That was a watershed moment.

Later that evening, with the pantyhose still on under my pants, I went over to my girlfriend's apartment. When it came time to reveal to her that I was wearing pantyhose (even per her request), I ...like you Maria... became consumed with jitters and shakes. I could not control it. I was absolutely shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. I was overwhelmed by it. My girlfriend thought there was something wrong with me. She was the first person I ever allowed to see me in anything femme. Even then, I didn't tell her I was a crossdresser.

Fast forward 30 years, we're still very good friends (with my wife's complete knowledge and approval). She now knows I'm a crossdresser, and remembers that evening. But, she doesn't remember asking to see me in pantyhose. Odd thing, memory.