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Thread: I Failed Miserably

  1. #1
    Member Charlotte Sparkle's Avatar
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    Nov 2021
    Merseyside, UK

    I Failed Miserably


    I wanted to share with you an entry I just posted on my blog today, it's about losing control and letting my judgement be clouded by my passion for all things feminine.

    Following on fron my last post, helping my daughter choose a dress and heels for her Work's Christmas Night Out was always going to be a risky business for a cross-dressing guy with a passion for all things feminine.

    Browsing clothing and heels online always ends in my seeing something I like and want and this time was no different. The dress I had helped her choose I'd previously seen and liked but I had been able to resist purchasing it for myself. In fact, I'd added it to my online shopping basket several times before suggesting it to my daughter.

    My Daughter having purchased the said dress, had tried it on and was rather happy with how it looked and wanted to show it off to both me and her Mum for our approval. Seeing it up close there was an immediate rumbling inside of me, a mixture of envy and a lust for the dress, I loved it and I wanted it too.

    It was the same for the heels I'd helped her choose too. They weren't on my radar until I saw them on the website whilst helping her choose a pair. Once I saw them up close I had that same rumbling inside of me. The longer she went around the house practising walking in them then the longer those rumblings went on and the more I wanted an identical pair for myself.

    Later that evening inbetween checking out the blogs I regularly visit I found myself visiting the New Look website again and I was searching for those heels. I soon found them again and added them to the online shopping basket and was about to hit buy but I held back and switched off my laptop.

    The following night I found myself back online and this time I was looking at the dress again and another battle ensued between buying it and not buying it. I resisted again but instead went and bought a pink metallic bodysuit and some green gem drop earrings I had previously seen, liked and wanted.

    The following evening and I was at it again, back on the New Look website and hitting the purchase button for the same Butterfly dress that I'd helped my Daughter choose. I'd held out on buying that dress for about a week but in the end I had caved in.

    Soon afterwards the temptation for those silver heels became too much and I was back on the New Look website yet again and they were back in the basket. About to make the purchase I decided no and left the site but within 30 minutes I was on the ASOS website looking at these silver heels:

    I liked these and seeing that they were on sale, without hesitation they were in the shopping basket and I was hitting the Purchase button:

    Seconds after paying a feeling of regret and guilt came over me. I knew I was losing the battle, the compulsion within was too strong for me to control.

    Within the space of just half an hour I'd spent just over ?50. Adding that to the purchases the day before it totalled almost ?80.

    I wasn't done either, there was another two days purchasing before I was finally finished.

    The day after purchasing those silver heels from ASOS I was back on the New Look website ready to buy the same silver heels that my daughter had bought but I ended up purchasing a different pair along with a black halter neck cut out swimsuit which had been reduced in price:

    Finally, the following day, later in the evening my daughter was breaking her heels in again and telling me how much she liked them. As they flashed by my eyes I couldn't hold back any longer and before I went to bed I went on the New Look Website one final time and bought an identical pair along with a pair of black patent peep toe stiletto heels I happened to like too:

    That was another ?60 spent in the click of a button and if you add that to the ?49 the day before and the ?80 spent prior to that, it totals almost ?190 and all my savings gone.

    I had been so good for the last couple of years with regards to self control and spending on female clothing and footwear but this week I have failed miserably!

    I feel so guilty right now especially writing this blog entry and seeing the consequences of my actions. That money could have been spent on my Wife who really deserves it more than me. She's so loving and unselfish and yet I've been selfish yet again and let my judgement be clouded by my passion for all things feminine.

    It's times like this that I hate what I am.
    You can read the full post at

    Has anybody else been through similar experiences? Has your judgement been clouded by your crossdressing hobby?
    Last edited by Charlotte Sparkle; 10-16-2022 at 10:03 AM. Reason: Spelling & Grammar

  2. #2
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    NY & PA
    Charlotte - I can totally understand your feelings and the "guilt" that you are feeling! You didn't fail, and sometimes Charlotte just needs a little something to perk up her day and what could be better than a new outfit with heels! Heels are my weakness and my wife is asking me to start listing on eBay again, as before the summer, I spent several months "thinning" out my collection (over 1000 pairs shhh) and I was able to sell over 300 pairs of shoes! She did see a couple of boxes arrive in the mail over the last month or so, and of course I was smart enough to purchase a pair of killer booties for her, as I could not find them in Maria's size (and she knows I have been looking for these for over a year now) so I do get it. I know that I don't "need" another pair of shoes, and when I see something from my favorite designer on sale, I simply can't resist....

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Nov 2019
    Southeast US
    Don?t beat yourself up so much as there are much worse addictions to have - for lack of better words. Depending on your finances, it could be a lot. It might make you feel better if you saved some money for a while on some other optional thing like not buying beer or whatever and spend it on the wife instead. Many of us get bitten by the shopping bug. You are not alone. I spent a LOT last year, and I mean a lot.


  4. #4
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Going to seed!
    Many times. For a time, buying clothes was almost an end in itself. And many times I ended up with items that really were not well suited to me or that I would have no opportunity to wear. In recent years I have become far more disciplined about purchases, focusing on what might look reasonably good on me rather than on a model or a much younger woman.

  5. #5
    Member AmeeJo's Avatar
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    Feb 2022
    Central Valley, CA
    OMG! I feel like I fail miserably almost every week! I have a seperate account I use for all of my hobbies. If I am spending on one, I can't spend on the others. Lately, I've only been buying stuff for AmeeJo. I am in a pretty thick pink fog bank at the moment. It's just so much fun!
    We can only achieve what we dare to reach for.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Nov 2021
    Merseyside UK
    Many times in the past. I find its worse when purchasing online as its so easy to keep adding to basket and losing self control.Also far too easy to spend when paying by card.I was rumbled due to the pink fog. Bought too much stuff years ago which was hidden and ultimately discovered. It didn?t go down well at all and resulted in a purge and suspension of activities.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Guilty as charged. A victim of total retail therapy. In the corner of the bedroom is three vertical stacks of 18 medium size USPS Priority Mail shipping boxes. They contain brand new panties. No self control at all. If I am or was down in the dumps retail therapy is great way to feel better. Over the last eighteen months my collection of nightgowns went from four to forty-one. Fortunately, none of my buying will put our finances in peril. I got a Bare Necessities email today and I've been already perusing the panty offerings of new colors.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Kerry Michaels's Avatar
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    Feb 2022
    Because I don?t go out dressed, every purchase feels like a waste and comes with a bit of guilt. We?ve likely all been there.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    Charlotte, Don't feel bad. After seeing my step-daughter modeling several saris, I bought one.
    Last edited by alwayshave; 10-16-2022 at 11:02 AM.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  10. #10
    Once upon a time... Veronica Lacey's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
    Had a similar experience with a dress my wife bought years ago. Something exciting about wearing the same item as the Missus but it's rare.

    The compulsion to complete a purchase looms large when shopping, you bet. It's just as rough in person as it is online, probably more so. If I've made the effort to go into the shop and I see something I like and looks like it fits, well, it's a done deal (rarely go in person now.)

    Online shopping can be sobering and plagued with guilt as there are so, so many sites. I've limited myself to a select handful of sites these days and they all kind of have their drawbacks (as much as their positives) and that helps me keep my pink fog corralled and in check. A little self-control is also employed similar to what kimdl93 expressed. So many beautiful and alluring items but will they really feel and look good on me? This process helps suss those bad purchases out and keep the check-out shock to a minimum.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Jan 2022

    I think a good percentage of the ladies here have at one time or another regretted spending $$$ on items they just had to have. You said you have been good for the last few years, so after this set-back you can now embark on another few years of being good! Don't hate yourself, nothing good can come of feeling that way.
    "I may be going to hell in a bucket baby but at least I'm enjoyin' the ride!" - Grateful Dead

  12. #12
    Junior Member Lucy B's Avatar
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    Oct 2022
    Great post Charlotte.
    So about 11 months ago my stash comprised of a cast off set of undies, a cast off skirt (so short it was only suitable for a 20 year old) and some supermarket tights. I’ve since spent around 1100 pounds on clothes. I don’t think I’ve spent that much on mens clothes in my entire life!
    I just keep seeing things I really like.
    Doesn’t help that Amazon deliver to a Dropbox at the local petrol station, although I have been buying in store a lot more recently.
    I really need to slow down. I didn’t realise clothes could be so addictive.
    There are some things I’ve bought and now think “why the heck did I do that”.
    You’re definitely not alone.

  13. #13
    Member Shiny's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    I used to have my spells but cured myself---especially these days in the new economic depression we are now all in. I buy food and keep gas in the car and stay ahead of bills and the rest goes in savings. I'd bought enough in the early years to dress and makeup any ten women! Yes, it was a problem! In the last 50 years I have bought enough women's things to pay for a new Caddilac or a pretty nice house free and clear!!

    The whole thing comes down to self control. If you overdo it you'll sweat paying back the bills as your penance including interest! No matter what your interest or "hobby" in this world is, if you want something there is someone out there willing to provide it for a price. It's a bit like gambling in a way and nearly as destructive if you don't get a lid on it. So think things over as you dial back for a while and start paying those bills off. Think hard!
    Last edited by char GG; 10-17-2022 at 09:28 AM. Reason: There are rules again talking about weapons.

  14. #14
    Member Charlotte Sparkle's Avatar
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    Nov 2021
    Merseyside, UK
    Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, much appreciated. Good to know I'm not the only one who fails miserably.

  15. #15
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    "Upstate" NY USA.... Site of the first crash of the "Vin Fiz"
    Fact is.. if anyone thinks that they are about the only one harboring a secrete about what they do and/or feel they are mistaken.
    Most have things that they prefer others do not know about... not that they are illegal or immoral.
    This is not to say that you should NOT advertise with caution to everyone what you do or feel.

    BTW it has often been said that we can not neglect our male self. If our female self gets all the clothes and nice things, then our male self will suffer.
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 10-18-2022 at 09:17 AM.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    I do a lot of retail therapy. Pretty clothes are really cheap if you are my size, as GGs buy XS clothes thinking their diet will be a success.
    I just spent $120 on five Lily Pulitzer skirts--four on ebay and one from their web site. Which is cheaper than an actual therapy session!
    I learned that size 00 is a tight fit. Size 0 is just the right size with my present waistline. XS has an elastic waistband.

    I like shopping, but not for guy clothes, as I'm too small to buy quality men's clothing.

    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 10-17-2022 at 08:22 PM.

  17. #17
    Junior Member Diane P's Avatar
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    Oct 2022
    Western Oklahoma
    Charlotte I've just started CDing and already have more women's clothes in my closet than men's. Too be exact, and this is just a small example to give you an idea, I currently have 54 dresses in the closet with 10 more on the way from Amazon. With online shopping it is so easy to buy a lot of things. I've gotten on there some times with the idea of buying a nightgown or two, but by the time I checkout I might have 10. So don't beat yourself up, we're all guilty, but it's a guilty pleasure.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    May 2021
    "a pink metallic bodysuit"

    Oh my

  19. #19
    New Member TessK's Avatar
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    Nov 2022
    We have all been swallowed up by the pink fog at some point. Best thing we can do is live and learn, harden your willpower from this.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    I'm in the same boat at the moment. As I geared up for a big Geena opportunity and discovered the Amazon pick up counter, I got several things I needed, and a couple impulsive but great items. My total only came to about $80 over 4 weeks but added to the $100+ I spent on the 3-day Geena vacation; it represents over a year of normal Geena budget. I will need to increase her allowance.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
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    Sep 2012
    lower right part of US
    Yes, I regularly search for various fem items on line. I'll often put them in the basket or at least mark them as favorite. But I seldom buy immediately. I try to avoid spur of the moment purchases and would rather compare to other options before finally deciding to buy.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  22. #22
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    bit sad now
    I have deep pockets and short arms, so find spending money difficult.
    Saw a lovely dress (about $50USD) tried it on - looked great, felt great, wanted it, went back the next day determined to buy it, had trouble opening my purse so tried again 2 days later, same issue.
    Think I ended up buying some exterior paint the wife wanted for the house.

    Grateful, I have daughter who share their clothes, which reminds me I need to get my foundation back soon.
    Last edited by Rachelakld; 11-11-2022 at 03:28 AM.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  23. #23
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Don't feel bad, Charlotte; after all,it's your inner girl expressing herself. Every GF I've ever known has had a closet (sometimes several closets) full of clothes that she practically never wears. 'Retail therapy' indeed.
    Helps us get through the day. It truly is a pretty harmless pasttime, though it might harm your credit rating if you go overboard!
    Being quite oversized, when I find something pretty that fits (which is rare), I usually buy it in ever color available. So one dress becomes six, or sixteen, and there goes another thousand dollars. I look at it, compared to my friends who buy a new set of golf clubs every so often, thinking that it will magically change their game into Tiger Woods.
    Or those who need to get every newer, hotter computer hardware so that they can see every pixel sooner than the other guy playing Crisis (I was, once upon a time, one of those guys: Today's hot video card is currently unobtanium, and over $1000).
    So I was happy when I got my latest 'care package' of bras from National Slip, and the damage was under $50.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Pacific Northwest
    Been there. Recently, I have been trying to inject some more delay or procrastination into this process that you describe. Occasionally, that behavior gets rewarded by a lower price. My fashion sense must be improving because lately, my procrastination has resulted increasingly in items being sold out still at full price before I reach the decision to buy.

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