Following on fron my last post, helping my daughter choose a dress and heels for her Work's Christmas Night Out was always going to be a risky business for a cross-dressing guy with a passion for all things feminine.
Browsing clothing and heels online always ends in my seeing something I like and want and this time was no different. The dress I had helped her choose I'd previously seen and liked but I had been able to resist purchasing it for myself. In fact, I'd added it to my online shopping basket several times before suggesting it to my daughter.
My Daughter having purchased the said dress, had tried it on and was rather happy with how it looked and wanted to show it off to both me and her Mum for our approval. Seeing it up close there was an immediate rumbling inside of me, a mixture of envy and a lust for the dress, I loved it and I wanted it too.
It was the same for the heels I'd helped her choose too. They weren't on my radar until I saw them on the website whilst helping her choose a pair. Once I saw them up close I had that same rumbling inside of me. The longer she went around the house practising walking in them then the longer those rumblings went on and the more I wanted an identical pair for myself.
Later that evening inbetween checking out the blogs I regularly visit I found myself visiting the New Look website again and I was searching for those heels. I soon found them again and added them to the online shopping basket and was about to hit buy but I held back and switched off my laptop.
The following night I found myself back online and this time I was looking at the dress again and another battle ensued between buying it and not buying it. I resisted again but instead went and bought a pink metallic bodysuit and some green gem drop earrings I had previously seen, liked and wanted.
The following evening and I was at it again, back on the New Look website and hitting the purchase button for the same Butterfly dress that I'd helped my Daughter choose. I'd held out on buying that dress for about a week but in the end I had caved in.
Soon afterwards the temptation for those silver heels became too much and I was back on the New Look website yet again and they were back in the basket. About to make the purchase I decided no and left the site but within 30 minutes I was on the ASOS website looking at these silver heels:
I liked these and seeing that they were on sale, without hesitation they were in the shopping basket and I was hitting the Purchase button:
Seconds after paying a feeling of regret and guilt came over me. I knew I was losing the battle, the compulsion within was too strong for me to control.
Within the space of just half an hour I'd spent just over ?50. Adding that to the purchases the day before it totalled almost ?80.
I wasn't done either, there was another two days purchasing before I was finally finished.
The day after purchasing those silver heels from ASOS I was back on the New Look website ready to buy the same silver heels that my daughter had bought but I ended up purchasing a different pair along with a black halter neck cut out swimsuit which had been reduced in price:
Finally, the following day, later in the evening my daughter was breaking her heels in again and telling me how much she liked them. As they flashed by my eyes I couldn't hold back any longer and before I went to bed I went on the New Look Website one final time and bought an identical pair along with a pair of black patent peep toe stiletto heels I happened to like too:
That was another ?60 spent in the click of a button and if you add that to the ?49 the day before and the ?80 spent prior to that, it totals almost ?190 and all my savings gone.
I had been so good for the last couple of years with regards to self control and spending on female clothing and footwear but this week I have failed miserably!
I feel so guilty right now especially writing this blog entry and seeing the consequences of my actions. That money could have been spent on my Wife who really deserves it more than me. She's so loving and unselfish and yet I've been selfish yet again and let my judgement be clouded by my passion for all things feminine.
It's times like this that I hate what I am.
