With the lady I'm now married to, I told her the whole story about me and my gender "issues" after a just few dates and before we got too serious.
Since then she has confessed that at the time, her reaction was basically "Well, he's a nice guy and the sex is good, so we'll see what happens."
BUT - she did set some boundaries of what was, and was not, acceptable to her.
For the most part, I've tried to "color within the lines" and now we've been married 20+ years.
I guess I did something right, huh?