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Thread: I finally told someone!

  1. #1
    Member AmeeJo's Avatar
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    I finally told someone!

    Well, I did it! I have officially come out to someone directly. It was my Mom. A little back story. My oldest is a transgender female and has been going through the transition process for a year or so now. She came out to us a year before that and it has been a long bumpy windy road. She just moved out of the house a couple weeks ago and is living on her own now for the first time. My Mom called her yesterday and my daughter told my Mom everything. They had a very nice conversation and it was a great experience for both of them. Fast forward to today. My Mom called me and wanted to talk about my daughter's news and how she was so happy for her. She was talking about one finding one's self and how important that is in life. I agreed with her of course and then I went for it. I told her I have had some identity issues in my life and I said "Well, I'm just going to say it" and I told her that I like to crossdress. I don't think she was too surprised but she was very understanding and helpful. We had some phone issues and I had to call her back a while later. A few hours later we talked again and I went into more detail about my dressing and I even sent her some pictures. Her reaction totally blew me away! She exclaimed "Oh my God! You're beautiful!" I couldn't help it and started crying. It was one of the most touching moments of my life!! We continued to talk for about an hour discussing various makeup and fashion topics and I sent her some more pics. I feel so relieved to have finally come out and said it out loud. Although, we both agree, it is not quite time to tell my wife. It's on the horizon and it will happen, just not yet. Anyway, thanks for listening and always being there for anyone that needs it. I love this forum!!
    We can only achieve what we dare to reach for.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    You have an awesome mom AmeeJo! That's fantastic! I'm glad you have that kind of support.

  3. #3
    Junior Member NonbiNancy's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing your story AmeeJo. One really could not have hoped for a better outcome. I feel so happy for you. And yes, you are beautiful!

  4. #4
    Member AmeeJo's Avatar
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    I felt so good after my call with my Mom that I called my daughter and told her and her girlfriend too. This is really empowering!
    We can only achieve what we dare to reach for.

  5. #5
    Long Isnad, NY BLACK STOCKINGS's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing. I am one of the lucvky ones as my will is great wioth my dressing - she supports me.
    Just a girl fronm Long Island, NY .... always looking to meet others from my area.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    AmeeJo, I can understand your elation telling your Mom and then your daughter and her girlfriend. That said I think you are on thin ice if you do not talk with your wife soon. When your wife finds out that your Mom and your daughter knew before her she IMO will be very hurt.
    You know your situation better then us but be careful.
    Crissy

  7. #7
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Totally agree with Crissy. I'm very worried about this, AmeeJo!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
    Member AmeeJo's Avatar
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    Thank you! I really appreciate the concern. The biggest issue I have right now with telling her is that her sister and brother-in-law are here and when we have company, she is always go go go. I would not want to put this on her when she is already stressed out. It wouldn't end well. As far as my Mom and daughter knowing first, I don't think that will be an issue for her. She has always been one to talk about stuff with her family before bringing it up to me. It's her way to make sure she is comfortable with the info before passing it along. I've done it too and it was not a problem. I will have the discussion soon.
    We can only achieve what we dare to reach for.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    AmeeJo, Glad you told your mom and that she responded positively. Sometimes I think about whether I would have told my mom had she lived longer. I hope this gives you strength to approach your wife when your houseguests have left. I would think it may have been hard for you to remain silent about yourself when you were going through the process of transition with your daughter. At least your wife is familiar with trans issues, but she might fear losing you as a husband, but I still think there is too great a cost to keeping a secret that is bound to be found out. Nancy
    Last edited by NancyJ; 10-22-2022 at 08:27 AM.

  10. #10
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    AmeeJo,
    Just from a GG perspective I would be so mad everyone else close in your life knew before me/ that would be something I doubt I could forgive.
    I was excited at your moms response for you but when I read all these other people know …..yikes!
    I am glad you will be telling her soon , be careful.
    Last edited by Di; 10-21-2022 at 11:14 PM.
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    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


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  11. #11
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Your wife is your partner first .....Mother's always love their children...good luck👍
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Congratulations AmeeJo.I told my mom(mum in UK) after wife discovered stash. She was brilliant and facilitated my dressing for years when wife rejected it .Agree with the others. You need to tell your wife asap. Good luck and hope you have a positive outcome.

  13. #13
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Oh AmeeJo,

    I agree with those who feel you should tell your wife as soon as possible. Too many people that are close to you know what's going on. As much as you may think you are hiding your stash, eventually there may be an item left out. Letting her know before she discovers it on her own may be the best thing for you.

    As a GG, I agree with Di. If my hubby would have tried to hide this info, and other people in our lives already knew, I would be beyond furious.

    It's your life. You know your wife best. The members here are just trying to help you navigate what could become a difficult situation.
    Last edited by char GG; 10-22-2022 at 04:39 AM.

  14. #14
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Congratulations on opening up to so many and being accepted to some extent or other. But the situation with your wife not knowing is definitely a precarious one that you will need to face with extreme care. I think it could go either way. Anything from, "Oh, you too? OK." to "WTF! Everybody but me knows before I know? You don't trust me? That really hurts!" You have gone down that road and put yourself in a potentially bad position with the person who you should be most honest with. Handle with extreme care. Good luck.

    And it is critical that you get this out before someone else tells her about what you do. If that happens - well...

  15. #15
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    AmeeJo, not to pile on, but tell your wife. I tell my wife all the important things. Admitting that you have gender issues is very hard. Admitting to a spouse even harder as you have to deal with their response as well as your own. But this fundamentally effects your relationship and she deserves to know.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  16. #16
    Member AmeeJo's Avatar
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    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! to everyone's comments. You have given me much to think about. I do believe we won't have any issues with who already knows but, after thinking about it, I probably should have waited to tell my daughter. Our company is leaving next week and I'll plan the best time to have some time to ourselves and have a discussion. I'll let her rest up a bit first though. I hate that she runs herself ragged whenever we have company. It's not healthy. I know she will never change. She'll be fine in a couple days.
    We can only achieve what we dare to reach for.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    I understand why you would want to wait.

    However,every minute that goes by increases the risk of your daughter saying something by accident.

    I would suggest get your wife alone as soon as you can and tell her.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  18. #18
    Junior Member ScientiaMetallum's Avatar
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    Congrats, I know how hard it can be to tell your family. Glad that your family seems supportive.

  19. #19
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
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    I am so happy for you, and a bit envious. I wish I could tell my Mom, but I don't think it would go well. I have a gender fluid child (who I'll call J here) that she knows about, and my Mom is trying, but frequently gets J's pronouns wrong, and often tells me "I hope it is just a phase."

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