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Thread: Over thinking your appearance?

  1. #1
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    Over thinking your appearance?

    Over the last 52 years I have gone out in public in all kinds of areas, rural, city, and commercial settings. When I first started I wasn't thinking of getting clocked and as far as I know I never was. I was a lot smaller and my hair and face was easily styled and made up to a pretty fair feminine appearance. Ignorance is bliss along with confidence. Then I started to go out with my second wife and the same was still the case. But I had become aware that CDing wasn't well excepted and therefore took on a more guarded demeanor. Fast forward to the past decade or two and I gained weight and lost that natural ability to put on that appearance. I still have and do go out with a little forethought and planning. I find that dressing to blend and age appropriate will let you go about your way without drawing unwanted attention. Simply by the old "keep on moving" and "keeping your mouth shut" policies. There are ways with a little help from a spouse or friend to assist with the talking to do most anything. But the biggest thing is to act like you belong there and have the confidence to just be and act normal in the persona you are projecting.
    Last edited by franlee; 10-22-2022 at 04:11 PM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    My experience being out in public is very limited. Today happened to be the 5th time. I went to a Pride in the Park event. There was a section of streets blocked off to traffic. As I was walking near the barriers, a lady and (likely) her young granddaughter were approaching the barriers when I heard grandma say, "Oh, the street is closed." Dressed 100% en femme. my unmistakable male voice said, "Oh that's just to keep vehicle traffic off that road; but, you're welcome to walk there" to which she said, "Thank you." End of conversation. No double takes, No shielding her granddaughter from the crossdresser. BTW, I don't believe they were there for that event. They were heading in the direction of a farmers' market. Anyway, in my very limited experience, I believe you're right - just own it 100%.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
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  3. #3
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Generally, yes, I try not to overthink when I am going out. I do spend maybe a half hour on makeup and try to choose blend-y outfits. I also step out the door with the assumption that I will be read, but if I present and conduct myself with dignity, I will be well received. It seems like that is the case.

  4. #4
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    FWIW....

    I am now 76 years old.
    The older we get as humans, the more our facial features tend to get more or less gender neutral.
    Keep in mind that an older woman is not expected to look like a young beauty and all humans age differently.

    So just present the best you can at any age as all ladies have to do. The point is, it can get easier as you age

  5. #5
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    I never could get a handle on my appearance or hold a proper image in my mind.---It is only since the development of digital photos and video that I got a fair image in my head of what I look like. I have to say its not bad. could be better but quite attractive for a 73 year old guy.

  6. #6
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    I’m an engineer, I overthink everything!
    Come over to the dark side - We have cookies!

    .......My Photos

  7. #7
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    There is a huge difference in passing and being tolerated and/or not being noticed, Franlee.

    I've said this countless times, "If u think u passed? U didn't!"

    Because I have a few rare times and people treat u very different when they think u r female without a doubt!

    But, u r correct about one thing, trans r accepted/tolerated more at vanilla venues when traveling with a GG!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Own it. Exactly. People perceive insecurity and fear from a mile away, and it immediately draws their attention. Common sense helps, too. Most cis women don't go for solo strolls in the middle of the night. Most people don't care what you look like, or even care to give you a second look. Finally, you don't pass and you don't have to. You just have to look your best and own it. The rest will take care of itself.

  9. #9
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    ^^^^
    I agree

  10. #10
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Sometimes, I think we compare ourselves unfairly to the the CDs/TGs we admire, and unless we achieve that level of physical beauty we can't possibly measure up. Like with stage fright or the inability to speak publicly, this negative way of thinking compromises our confidence. It's important to remember that most people, especially in a casual daily environment like a restaurant, mall or park are not there to garner attention for their extraordinary beauty, they are just going about their business. So unless your goal is to get as much attention as you can, just look your best (and isn't that fun in itself) go about your business as everyone else is, and enjoy!
    www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/

  11. #11
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Sometimes I think we harbor a strange dichotomy in which on the one hand we want to create a look that we like to look at, but on the other hand we don't want too much attention, forgetting that if we like to look, others will also. Finding that middle road can be tricky. I know I haven't mastered it yet.

  12. #12
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    U explained it beautifully, Geena!

    For many of us, if we have to compromise how we look when going out to vanilla venues? We'd rather just go out in drab with no stress or worries, than dress to blend and both worry about the ruckuss we may cause AND despise the way we look as well!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #13
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    Your last line says it all. Act like you belong. With just that, you can rock any presentation you choose. You may encounter men whose facial expression says "WTF?". Ignore them. They don't matter. Because much more frequently, women will give you a smile and maybe even a compliment. Those precious people are giving you an honorary membership to the girls club.

  14. #14
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I used to over think things. Especially when I first began going out in public.
    I'd worry about my height, my clothes, my makeup and everything else I suppose. Then I realized that women come in all shapes and sizes. There are women taller than me, which was my big thing. Then I said what the heck and began wearing my heels proudly. People stare at anything that isn't the Norm (whatever that is). If you are taller, shorter, skinnier, fatter, younger, older, walk with a limp, have odd colored hair. Whatever it is they will stare. Just be you, be proud and belong.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  15. #15
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    FWIW .
    As I always say, most woman are not a classic beauty........ but they can still be pretty and sexy.

    If you ever watched "Shark Tank"...
    Shark Laurie Greiner is not a classic beauty and a case can be made that she has a somewhat masculine face.
    However, she has learned to make the very best of what she has and she has made herself very attractive and sexy.

    So, some can be beautiful the moment they get out of bed in the morning and need no make up, etc but, some have to work on it to one extent or another.

    Of course, how one carries themselves is all important.
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 10-25-2022 at 11:37 AM.

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