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Thread: So, u waited for your "woman inside" to appear. But, she didn't. Now what?

  1. #1
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Question So, u waited for your "woman inside" to appear. But, she didn't. Now what?

    When I arrived here breathless and excited many years ago, I read many posts about the woman inside trying to get out of many of u. And, I still read them.

    I have a number of CD/trans friends whose speech, mannerisms,demeanor, even personality changes when they r dressed.

    I am disappointed at not finding a woman inside. Except for my learning how to sit, walk, and look female, I'm exactly the same person no matter how I'm dressed.

    How many others have discovered u have no woman inside trying to get out?

    How have u dealt with that, or have u?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Assuming that the so called woman inside is a different person is a false assumption. My femininity is a part of me. It does not slip on or off like a pair of panties. No matter how I am dressed, I am the same person. Mannerisms, ways of walking and talking, etc., are part of gender role socialization that are learned and may even vary culture to culture. Being transgender does not come from the clothing. Instead, clothing is only an expression of gender. I know I am on the trans spectrum no matter what I am wearing. Nancy

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    I am not a "woman trapped in a man's body". I am simply a guy who enjoys the heck out of dressing and emulating women. I do feel somewhat feminine when I'm dressed and out and about which is exhilarating but it's not because I think I'm a woman.
    "I may be going to hell in a bucket baby but at least I'm enjoyin' the ride!" - Grateful Dead

  4. #4
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Like Fiona, I do not have a woman inside struggling to get out either. I do have a female alter ego however, who embodies a look I like, mannerisms I have learned, and imaginary personality characteristics I would like to have. However, I know she is me - a fantasy - just with female and other personality attributes amplified. I have no desire to integrate the two, I enjoy the duplicity and the taking on at least superficially of a feminine look and mannerisms. Yet, I know there is more going on psychologically than just clothes, and I am a much happier more well adjusted person for it.

    Of course, I speak only for myself and my own situation. It's my story and mine alone, and I'm sticking with it.
    www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/

  5. #5
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Hi Doc, I started a thread about this once. No feminine persona nor alter ego for me. At best I take a few poses when dressed and taking pictures so that it doesn't look too odd, but no mannerisms. I am a man in a female costume, and I like to look the part, because it's simply magical and fun to see. But it's a part.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    I have no woman inside me. I know I'm just an old man who really enjoys dressing in women's clothing. I also enjoy going out dressed to blend - if blending is possible. I have no illusions that I can pass other than most people seem not to notice Heather any more than they notice my drab self. I think Fiona's explanation is pretty much how I feel.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  7. #7
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Well Doc, the nails head must really sore right about now. We are who we are, the clothes can bring an escape, but never much more than just a temporary escape. It doesn't matter what clothes I wear, I'm still me. The only real difference is I have learned to like myself for who I am regardless of what I am wearing. Being a CD'er, a female impersonator, or what ever, we still have to find a way of accepting ourselves.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  8. #8
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I might be the same person, but I am treated so differently when dressed up, my confidence gets a big boost. I am happy to just have that.

    Sandi

  9. #9
    Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    I like feminine clothes, and I like to look somewhat feminine. But I'm not a female, and I can prove it by taking my pants off or by checking my chromosomes. I've never thought I was a woman, because I'm not. There is no "woman inside", and I never thought there was, because that would be lunacy. It would be fun if I could pass, or otherwise pretend to be a woman for a night, but there's not enough makeup in Hollywood to make me pretty, and even if there was, it wouldn't change facts.

    If, through a Harry Potter spell or a Star Trek alien device I could become or switch places with a woman for a weekend, I would in a heartbeat, just for the experience. But that's unlikely to happen, so I remain a guy.

  10. #10
    Always been a GIRL. Michelle1955's Avatar
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    Doc, I guess I’m on the other side of the fence. I had the girl/female thoughts in back of my head since around age 5 (1960)
    1st pair of panties was at a friends house (girl playmate that lived on the block)my age we actually switched underwear and panties in her bedroom. Then her mom called out to come to the kitchen and eat lunch. So we did quick change back, we did not get caught by her mother. Actually puberty was very hard on me. Ie girl in the wrong boy body. puberty late 60’s.

    Married 43 years, 2 kids, 1 grandson. Still an issue but I can manage the desire most of the time. I do undress daily.

  11. #11
    Junior Member NonbiNancy's Avatar
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    We're all so different, each with our place on the male/female spectrum. For me, though I've always felt non-binary I've lived my life as a male (kids and all). My ex-wife used to enjoy saying that I was the woman in the relationship (I would smile and nod in agreement). When I dress I just notice and enjoy my feminine side that's always there.

  12. #12
    Jayme jayme357's Avatar
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    What incredibly profound responses! Somehow it is reassuring to know so many of you who I so respect and admire have such an incredible grasp of reality. Actually it isn’t a question I have ever asked myself. For me the urge to dress simply is. My best guess is that I started when I was five. There are some possible reasons - I clearly identified with my mother as my father was an abusive heavy drinker and someone to be feared. Still, 83 years later I’m happiest when I can feel the weight of my make-believe breasts and feel my earrings dangling. Would I love to be beautiful and sexy? You bet. But I’m not and never will be. I remain a very happy person steeped in wonderful make believe.

  13. #13
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    I think as myself in female imagery as: sexuality extension ....Let's face it, a lot of female clothing is impractical lol but fun to express, at least in my case.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    One of the debates that arises regularly is prompted by someone writing something like," I feel womanly" the replies being you're not a woman so how can you know what it feels like.

    That then raises the question in regard to this thread, how would you know how your inner woman is supposed to manifest itself?

    Who, like me, feels going full time is something they could do but for personal circumstances, but wouldn't consider full transition. I'm as comfortable in femme attire as drab but I have no way of knowing what a woman feels even if we lived similar daily lives.

    I can feel greater empathy towards women as we experience similar issues. Even the process of getting dressed each morning as an example.

    So perhaps from what I (we) do we have found our inner woman. We just haven't realised it.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member
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    Great question, I tell myself Im just a straight married crossdresser but with age I sometimes wonder is there a woman inside. In male mode I do not have feminine mannerisms but that definitely changes when dressed I catch myself acting feminine without trying.

  16. #16
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    thanks for summing up so nicely.

    exactly how i feel.


    Quote Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy View Post
    I like feminine clothes, and I like to look somewhat feminine. But I'm not a female, and I can prove it by taking my pants off or by checking my chromosomes. I've never thought I was a woman, because I'm not. There is no "woman inside", and I never thought there was, because that would be lunacy. It would be fun if I could pass, or otherwise pretend to be a woman for a night, but there's not enough makeup in Hollywood to make me pretty, and even if there was, it wouldn't change facts.

    If, through a Harry Potter spell or a Star Trek alien device I could become or switch places with a woman for a weekend, I would in a heartbeat, just for the experience. But that's unlikely to happen, so I remain a guy.

  17. #17
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    It's not something I can turn on and off again. I am who I am. This has changed me. Yeah I'm still myself but a new combined version of myself.

  18. #18
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    When my wife and I had "The Talk" which was way before the internet and this forum I used that phrase or something close to it. My wife through back at me, "Tell me about it when you can have a baby!" Enter the forever "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I have no idea why I wear women's clothing. Yes, when en femme I do adopt some mannerisms that women display. Most seem to go along with the clothes; keeping the knees together when wearing a dress, crossing the legs at the knees and not the ankles, etc. But, waiting for some mentally feminine personna to appear? In my mind I think what has happened is a great part of society has come to the realization women can do anything men can do.

    It would have been unheard of in my parent's generation to see women in the combat arms of military service; enter professional field once dominated by men; the list goes on. Guys are becoming nurses and school teaches. Of course, there are too many people adhering to the confinement of social roles which, IMHO, is outdated and a relic of the past.

    Maybe, due to my age (75) and hormonal changes I do not get a "rush" when en femme. If I was left alone, probably on any given day, I'd be grabbing a pair of jeans and tee shirt of the closet rack or a pretty floral dress. I adhere to the concept that I have some dna within my genetic makeup that has me sliding along a continuum between male and female on any given day. None of this is black and white anymore. It's shades of gray.

  19. #19
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Steph, I'm still not clear from your post whether you've ever felt like a woman inside?

    However, I CAN tell u I'm 79 and that during a practice dress up session for Halloween last nite I got turned on! And, u know---
    Doesn't happen all that much anymore. But, I'm happy it still does!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #20
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    Great topic Doc -

    I'm not sure whether or not I have found the woman inside of me but I do live a very feminine life - I have a great boyfriend and I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed almost every night, so I definitely 'feel' like a woman whenever I'm dressed and even more so when I'm dressed and intimate with my boyfriend. Not sure what the actually criteria is for having a woman inside you appear, but definitely feel feminine most of the time which is good enough for me.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by DianeT View Post
    Hi Doc, I started a thread about this once. No feminine persona nor alter ego for me. At best I take a few poses when dressed and taking pictures so that it doesn't look too odd, but no mannerisms. I am a man in a female costume, and I like to look the part, because it's simply magical and fun to see. But it's a part.
    Dead on for me too

  22. #22
    Member Vale's Avatar
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    Hi Doc, I suspect the phrase ?have a woman inside? may have a half dozen different meanings to various people on this site. In my case I do seem to feel different, and have different behaviors when en femme. I have had 2 wives in my life, and both have told others that he definitely has a woman inside. Years ago, my first wife told our shrink that he doesn?t need a better half he already has one. That was not promising for the marriage. But I am also a full featured male. As a mathematician I have been accused of being a complex number, meaning I have both real and imaginary parts. As in math, the imaginary part often controls the behavior of the system. So I guess that is my woman inside. ?.vale

  23. #23
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    About twenty years ago I joined a CD/TG support group in order to help find the answer to doc's question. Their recommended attire was that of an everyday woman, casual or office or dress, whatever made sense. My annual Halloween dressing didn't fit the bill. So, I bought a lot of everyday clothing (shopping fun) and started attending meetings. I met a lot of great people and learned a lot about the individualized TG journey but pretty quickly determined that that was not my journey. No matter how I dress I think of myself as male. I'm definitely not alpha, and that might have clouded the issue back then, but I'm male non-the-less. I've been mistaken as a women a few times on a dark Halloween night (always men) but I never had a moment where I wished it was true. (Women seem to always get it right away, but are generally incredibly friendly.) My personal full-femme prep takes five to six hours (no joke). One night out will last me for months.

  24. #24
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica Secret View Post
    Great topic Doc -

    I'm not sure whether or not I have found the woman inside of me but I do live a very feminine life - I have a great boyfriend and I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed almost every night, so I definitely 'feel' like a woman whenever I'm dressed and even more so when I'm dressed and intimate with my boyfriend. Not sure what the actually criteria is for having a woman inside you appear, but definitely feel feminine most of the time which is good enough for me.
    Thanks for your post, Jessica. I'd say you're quite lucky. I always dress to the 9's and see sexy, gorgeous, women in my mirror and photos!

    Looking like a hot woman blows my hair back. But doesn't make make me feel like one!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  25. #25
    Junior Member jaquie's Avatar
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    When I have a girlfriend over it is a common occurrence for her to tidy up my house. If I was to invite a crossdressing friend over most likely they would leave and the place would be messier than when they arrived.
    I was out at the Tiffany's Triangles 2022 reunion in CT last Saturday. I was a bit surprised how much sexual talk was going on amongst the so-called ladies. When I am out with a bunch of ladies... and I am frequently because I am a social dancer, we never talk about sex.
    Men tend to be much more crude.
    When I am out as a girl I am much more touchy, feely and huggy. When I hug my bros it is kind of rough when I hug gurls hello and goodbye it is much softer and feminine.

    I am like your friends who \
    I have a number of CD/trans friends whose speech, mannerisms,demeanor, even personality changes when they r dressed.
    We all put on a persona. When I am girl I do my best to be a proper girl and find that more fulfilling...now if I could only get that girl in me to come out when I am cleaning
    Last edited by jaquie; 10-26-2022 at 11:56 PM.

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