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Thread: Couples or what you?d want from and SO

  1. #26
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    I wouldn't call it selfish from your point of view. It could become selfish from his standpoint if he wouldn't share it with you and take the time you could have together and spend it alone dressing. Your involvement is not only for yourself, it is for the both of you. For me it is way easier knowing she knows about this and really comforting a i am able to be dressed around her at home without hiding. Because in the end this is me and I don't want to hide a large part of myself. I am happy my wife knows and accepts the whole me. I think it might make it easier for your husband to know you are supporting him and accept him the way he is and want to spend time with him. Regarding his "me time" I think this is not some hobby like gaming, sports or cars he can share with his buddies, at least for me. This is a "part" of him or even maybe this is him. This is something we can share with the forum here in the internet. But not everybody is able to share it with his wife. So knowing i am able to share it with her makes it even more fantastic. Your involvement right now is worth a lot!

  2. #27
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    Forget earlier post. That would be for much later in journey.
    Since you supplied a second entry in this thread, I will respond again.

    Ideas:

    daily: must put on moisturizer on face. Add interest by doing each other.

    Friday: him pedicure and paint, her pedicure, manicure and paint. So once a week new colors possible.

    Once a week: him apron and sous chef and cleanup. Add energy if a) panty hose and chemise/slip under apron, or b) thigh highs, thong and chemise, or c) [risk to being too stimulating] commando, i.e. only apron

    Gossip time: 5 minutes of sharing gossip re observations with heavy detail. i.e., female observations vs mail. Ask him to add details and colors and many descriptive phrases. Expect to be foreign and will be a fun time.

    Sat morning: shave each others legs and to add energy, add massage with lotion [risk of stimulation]

    Anytime: mop/vacuum wearing skirt/dress

    Once a week: him bikini/bra & thong: clean mirrors and/or shower

    Have him get rid of all male panties, except 3 pairs, for doctor visits. Only wear thongs/bikini/hipsters

    You can also have safe fun outside home:
    -- thrift store shopping, one/two items for sis, call her Liz. It's fun playing would sis/Liz like this? Note: for higher quality go to consignment stores
    -- have him go out wearing pantyhose/thigh highs, covered by socks to show/dinner/shopping/etc
    -- make him wear nude lipstick and go out
    -- make him wear a chemise/braless slip under shirt and go out
    -- top coat and/or nude polish on fingers and go out

    that should provide some starting ideas.

    Most importantly, you both need to have fun with this.

  3. #28
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    I want nothing, my wife lets me dress when I want, go where I want and stay out overnight in my local lgbt areas, I can leave the house dressed, only rule I have is "not to walk locally dressed", I always politely invite her along, but she isnt well and always refuses. But I cook, clean, do all the shopping, she wants for nothing.

  4. #29
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Uncomfortable,
    There have been a lot of interesting suggestions, but I have to suggest that you need to take into account your man's "reasons" for dressing.
    Now, I don't mean you need to get all that deep or psychological about it - just the simple stuff.

    Does he just like the look?
    Is it a form of turn-on for him?
    Does it fulfill some "feminine" yearnings he has?
    Does he want you to call him by a feminine name, or otherwise treat him like a woman?
    How far does he see this going? Never out of the house? venturing out? full time? etc.

    If the two of you haven't talked about all this, you should.
    If you already have, then great! You'll know where you both stand, and how to proceed.
    There are a lot of options open for the two of you - if you can find one you're both OK with.

    I wish you both all the happiness and fun adventures you can find.
    - and don't forget to check back in to let us know how it all works out. We're rooting for you!

  5. #30
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    It was too late to finish last night. Other ideas:

    Ditch PJ's and naked sleeping for chemise/babydoll/slip for sleeping attire. If too cold, add electric blanket and/or pantyhose.

    Wear matching jewelry for a bit.

    Get matching mats, leggings and tops and do yoga together in your place.

    Most important, next week let us know which of our feedback was helpful so we can be more in tune next time.

  6. #31
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    Read Dutchess's reply over and over.

    I've never been one to dress up and stay in, so I probably have no business replying, but why let that stop me!

    Nothing wrong with a dress up day, but this isn't an event or a one day thing. More important is how you (and he) deal with the every day, the never-ending, the constant. That's where real acceptance exists. Not that you have to let that run amuck, either. Just because you accept doesn't mean there are no boundaries. I've said a million times on here that I took it too far. I needed more boundaries/rules than I had. I don't know how you balance love, acceptance, encouragement, and freedom with rules and boundaries. It's different for everybody and almost nobody gets it right. It's a pretty safe bet he'll want to take it further than he should. Not just further than you're comfortable with,but further than he should for his own good and the good of the family. This is not a fully accepting world we live in. I wasn't totally blind to the lines I shouldn't cross, but chose to ignore too many of them. This thing we do is a powerful force. Don't ever underestimate that. I'm a thoughtful and pragmatic person in every other aspect of my life, except this.

    I'll add that I don't see how this stays in the house in the long run. Not even the short run. To me, some of the well meaning suggestions you've gotten are over the top. I think there's too much attention lavished on her. Too focused, too concentrated. Not my thing. But, one of the dangers of that is the after effects. There's a thing we do (or at least I did) that once you cross a particular bridge, it's crossed forever. It's scary the first time, but after she's done it once, particularly with your involvement and more particularly if your compliments and encouragement went along with it, she's good to go forever! It's HIGHLY likely that this is not going to stay in the house. One of these days (probably many days) she'll go out, with or without you (hopefully with!), and whatever you've allowed/encouraged/compliment on the dress-up day will be repeated in some hotel room before you go to a restaurant, shopping, whatever.

    Good luck! He's/she's lucky to have you. DON'T make it all about her. Don't lose yourself. Don't be too effusive in your compliments (she'll believe all of them!). Nothing wrong with a touch of reality.

  7. #32
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Dear Uncomfy, what MOST dressers would ike is to have their partner partipate in their CD activities. In fact, it's safer and easier if a dresser is accompanied on an outing by a natal female. Sort of a stamp of approval that says, "I'm not some freaky weirdo!"

    Do NOT assume he wishes to dress alone. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #33
    Member 1958Candi's Avatar
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    I think you have already given him everything that we could ever want from a spouse. Honesty is the only thing we really need, support is what we crave. You have given him that and he is a lucky "girl".

  9. #34
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    Rhonda had an important point. All my responses were to brainstorm answers to your original inquiry.

    But do NOT try to use all the ideas immediately. Maybe one idea every few months, but no more. It's like saying let's have 3 kids and going thru the adoption process and bingo, added 3 kids in one month. Not a good idea. Need time to adjust mentally AND emotionally. Just bring up the idea and see what he and you both like. A discussion is essential.

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacques View Post
    Hi,
    When I dress at home, in private, my wife and I don't do anything special, we just do the normal things we do at home whatever clothes I wear.
    This is exactly what we did, if we were not going out. Just exactly the same things we do at home when he wasn't dressed. Make and eat dinner, stream something, hang out in the same room reading and listening to music, all interspersed with conversation. We did try doing "girly" things early on, like painting each other's nails, but we both thought it was silly for middle-aged people acting like middle school girls. I did give him a few tips on makeup early on, but that just goes so far. I'm no expert in makeup, other than knowing what looks good on me, plus my style of makeup is minimal - just light foundation and mascara, which really doesn't take any pointers. In terms of discussing fashion, early on we did look at a few shopping sites but again, this only goes so far. After a few minutes I got bored and also, we have different tastes in clothes. Doing this certainly did not take up a whole evening. He did ask me a few times to take pics if he had received a new outfit, but again that only takes a few minutes and it was only occasionally ... not every time he dressed.

    So yeah, just hanging out doing the same things you both do when he is not dressed should be good.

    PS. Anything that had to do with shaving the body in the bath or applying lotion quickly lead to sex. ... although, he did need help with a quick shave of the upper back (what would show if wearing a neckline that is lower in the back than men's clothes) sometimes, but this happened only sometimes when we were getting ready to go out and it only took 5 minutes. Again, this is not an activity that takes up an entire evening.

    PPS. I just read Dutchess' post #22 and it is spot on! Don't lose yourself in this, and don't make the entire evening about the CDing or "being girly". Like Dutchess said, the CDing is not a medical condition or an illness. It's just one facet of who your husband is.
    Last edited by ReineD; 11-09-2022 at 04:35 PM.
    Reine

  11. #36
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Uncomfortable, My wife is accepting. Sometimes more than I am of myself. That being said, just that I can talk to her is a relief as I have hid this from everyone my entire life. Additionally, we go shopping together. She has also been out to bars and restaurants with me. She is my ally and I cherish her for this.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  12. #37
    Always been a GIRL. Michelle1955's Avatar
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    Do normal things around the house.

  13. #38
    Once upon a time... Veronica Lacey's Avatar
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    That's wonderful that you are making concerted efforts to adapt to your husband's recent disclosure.

    I regularly feel that it would be nice to do everyday activities with my wife while I wear whatever I feel like at the time just as she would. Playing games, watching a show, doing chores, time apart, sleeping, intimacy, having a laugh, making plans, sharing dreams, ideas and discussion as we always do anyways. It would not have to focus on me and my wardrobe, just she and I being ourselves while at home.

    I don't feel this idea would come easy even if I think it's the simplest form of acceptance. It just feels that this approach would direct the focus from it all being a separate act of "dressing" to the simple act of choosing what somebody feels like wearing at any given time.

    Perhaps something to consider? Just be yourselves at home and let the wardrobe choices roll for the most part. Maybe it will feel over the top for some time but perhaps it will settle down your husband's needs and help you find your true feelings about it all without becoming overwhelmed.

    Good Luck to you both!
    Part-time crossdresser, full-time human

  14. #39
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    Do You Have A Sister ??
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

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  15. #40
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    I agree totally with what others have said. Communication on the part of both you and your husband is vital.

    I was dishonest with my wife. I did not tell her about my CDing until after we married. That was dishonest and selfish of me. My wife has said I can dress around her and she would even do my makeup. I have chosen not to go down this path with her. It is my belief as my wife thought she was marrying a non crossdressing man, that is who I want to be around her.

    My wife is an incredible woman and very giving. She is a nurse and is more than willing to put the needs of others ahead of herself.

    I would suggest that you and your husband seek out support groups, either online or in person. This site is a great place to start.

    One thing I did was go and get a professional makeover. You and your husband could do that together. It was a lot of fun. I went to "Fairplay" in New York.
    Just another man in a dress

  16. #41
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I don't try to insist on my understanding on what women will want from us. Rather, all i can hope to do, is that we feel many of the same things that you women do. Just as much as you want to feel desired by the man in your life, we want to feel desired by the woman in ours (or the women we wish was i ours). Everyone wants to feel loved; whether it's from a current partner, or a desired one. We know that attraction is fleeting; that in a few years, our partner will start looking for another, as their desire for us wanes. But in the meantime, we want desperately for them to want US.
    So while you're with us, let us know, how much you like being with us, how much you enjoy being with us, and how much your appreciate the physical closeness we share.
    I guess the best times I experienced in my life, was with the women I loved so much, cuddling with them, either after sex or after coming home from a long day, dealing with the social responsibilities we faced as a couple.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

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