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Thread: Couples or what you?d want from and SO

  1. #1
    New Member
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    Oct 2022

    Couples or what you?d want from and SO

    As the Wife of a CD I?m looking for ways to include myself in this part of my husbands life. He?s a stay at home dresser and at this time I?m not comfortable with the idea of him leaving the house dressed nor is he. So he?s been dressing when I?m at work which has been working for us. I just found out 2 months ago so we?re both finding our way still. This past weekend we stayed home together Friday night and I did his make up and showed him some of my make up quick tips. It was a really nice activity for us to do together. Looking for more things like this we could do together that?s nothing sexual or leaving the house?.Just fun things to do together.

  2. #2
    Stephanie Lake StephanieLake's Avatar
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    Feb 2022
    Southern and Central CA (I have 2 homes)
    Go shopping with him. I love it when I go with my wife. When I first started dressing, she would explain the different styles and how they would look on me. She sometimes still will ask if I like something and if I say yes, in the basket it goes. Even if we don't buy anything, it's still fun shopping together. I know you said no leaving the house, but you can do it while he is in drab. That's what we do since she won't allow me out dressed.

    Now if I could get her to do my makeup like you do, I'd be thrilled.
    Last edited by StephanieLake; 11-07-2022 at 04:45 PM.
    Dressing up. There's never a wrong time for it, just enjoy being you.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Jan 2022
    Coastal SC
    I would offer a few things I wish my wife would like to do.

    1. Continue helping him master the art of makeup.
    2. Go shopping with him even if it means driving out of your home area.
    3. Encourage him to give you fashion shows at home whenever he buys something new.
    4. Consider leaving home on a Saturday morning, driving 100 miles or so from home (whatever distance you're both comfortable with), get a motel room for the night, and help him get dressed up for dinner and a date with you. On Sunday morning, have him dress up again and go sightseeing, shopping, or whatever both of you might enjoy.
    5. When appropriate, please, please compliment him on his choice of clothing. Affirmation is very important.

    A personal note: Thank you for being so accepting and supportive. He is a lucky lady to have a lady like you with him.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Emily in the south's Avatar
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    Aug 2022
    NW Arkansas
    Possibly a girls night in, watching a movie you both like, maybe with a nice glass of wine.
    Some special treat or meal that you both share making in the kitchen. Then enjoying.

    I too thank you for your support and open minded interest, you are a very nice lady..


  5. #5
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    Sep 2008
    East Yorkshire UK
    When I dress at home, in private, my wife and I don't do anything special, we just do the normal things we do at home whatever clothes I wear.
    I wish you both well on your journey together,
    luv J

  6. #6
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
    Looking for more things like this we could do together that?s nothing sexual or leaving the house?.

    You indicate that you don't want to leave the house but do things together. I suggest that you don't make this all about him.
    If you do a fashion show, both of you do one, take turns.
    Same with makeup, don't just help him with makeup but do your makeup together.
    Go on Amazon or an online site together and review the options for clothing that both of you like and think would be flattering for both of you.
    Experiment with different styles.
    You could give each other a manicure/pedicure.
    You may want to turn some music on and dance at home.
    You could enjoy making a meal together.
    Watch a movie and hold hands.

    In my situation, we talk more in the car. So, eventually, you may find staying home boring and want to take a drive and chat.
    Maybe stop through a drive-through and eat a meal while viewing a pretty site/park.

    Typically, do things that you would normally do but do them together. Don't go off to different parts of the house while he dresses, and you do your own thing.

    I would like to stress this: Most of all, don't lose yourself trying to accommodate him. It takes two to make it all come together.

    EDIT: My hubby wanted to add that your acceptance isn't permission to dress all the time at home. Make sure there is a balance between guy hubby and girl hubby.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-08-2022 at 04:16 PM.

  7. #7
    Junior Member Misiokaku's Avatar
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    May 2021
    I think an important part is just being able to openly discuss it. To discuss what you you want and what he wants. To tell what your boundries are but also help him to achieve a style of dressing that suits him, a style that makes him comfortable and looking feminine but also one that makes you comfortable and is also "satisfying" or "attractive" for you to look at. I for myself have no problem when my wife loughs because I bought something that clearly doesn't suit me because of my body type. I want her to express her opinion on my looks because I think she has a great taste so I want to know her thoughts on my look. And not everything you see while browsing feminine fashion outlets on the internet ends up looking good on a male body. The makeup is a great idea. Spend an evening together while he is dressed just watching movies or cooking.
    For me one important part is being able to be dressed at home and knowing there is nothing special about it. No special behavior, no special treatment. just spending time together while I can be dressed the way I prefer to be. I love this feeling. But you also have to be ok in this moment. I wouldn't feel right if I knew I was forcing something on my wife. The most important part of this whole setting is the knowledge of my wife being comfortable with this situation.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    Jan 2009
    surprised no one has suggested this, but maybe you two ought to cook together. Find some new recipes to experiment with then sit down and have a lovely dinner together

  9. #9
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
    It is just about enough that you are accepting!

    Do with him what ever girls would do, cook, drink wine, makeup, wine, do each others nails, wine, do each other hair, wine, dig through each others wardrobes and play dress up, wine....

    Shopping is good, even in drab. My wife and I shop together for each other often.

  10. #10
    Member Aka_Donna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Sacramento Valley
    Perhaps in a new separate thread, you could provide some insight on what is uncomfortable about this to you so we can share our experiences with the comfort and uncomfort of cross dressing.

    To the point of your posting question, an idea no one has mentioned is to find a site that allows upload your face/figure photos and then to add clothes for sale on that model. This is not an interest of mine, but I have heard these sites exist and it may be fun to merge your photos with clothes. Don't make it just him, have some for you as well. Worst case you can get a photo of you both, but make it with mininum hair, so you add wigs/hair styles as well. Make this a bottom layer photo. Then take an image of the clothing, edit it with a photo editor to make it translucent and crop to just the article of clothing. [there are free photo editing software apps/programs available]. Put the clothing as the next higher layer.

    Note well: many guys are not comfortable talking about this but enjoy playing games. IF it's not fun, try something else.

    Another fun game to play goes like this:
    1- we have $XYZ to spend this month, say between $80 and $130. If that is less than want to spend, then you can save up several months to get the dream addition to wardrobe
    2- can't be just for one of us, need something for both of us.
    3- both need to select something for themselves and the other. One item only, but within budget.
    4- compare shopping lists and discuss options
    5- a common add is to make one month naughty, another month blending, another month nice but bold, etc.
    6- most important, get the wardrobe addition with the provision, if you like the actual item, the one item in current wardrobe must be disposed of. This is to prevent wardrobe hoarding.

    Let us know if any of our comments make sense and/or are helpful so we can be more in tune with your needs.

    Almost forget, get to the 10 posts and then consider joining the SO forum for females only to discuss this part of partners life.


  11. #11
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Feb 2012
    Play some board games but try to build up to it like a Friday evening ie date night. Just take it slow quality vs quantity.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  12. #12
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    Hi Jennifer and welcome to the forums. I have little to no experience of doing things together with my wife (and per mutual agreement we probably won't ever) but we openly talk about it, which is already something important to share.
    I don't think you mentioned if your husband disclosed this at the beginning of the relation or if you accidentally found out. If you found out, know that it takes most wives years to adjust to it, and some will never adjust anyway, just not their thing. In my opinion, you really put the turbo on trying to adapt and make your husband feel comfortable about it, and if you rush it, there is a possibility to lose yourself in the process. My wife would tell you that women are educated to please others and neglect their own comfort. If you give or yield things now that you may regret later, taking them back will be more difficult. You already put a few boundaries (sex, going out) which is good. My advice would be to go very slow, and each time you add something to the mix, give yourself some time to think about it, listen to your feelings, and talk boundaries again with him. It's wonderful that you try to accept your husband and make the dressing a couple activity, but your husband should return the favor too, in any way he can.

  13. #13
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    Uncomfy, I have some suggestions u may not like. Your situation is too new for both of u to know where it will lead. But, in time it WILL LEAD SOMEWHERE!

    I was seeing a girlfriend on and off for over 30 years. Finally, we were both divorced and seeing each other openly. Then, Sherry showed up out of the blue!
    At first, she seemed very accepting and encouraging regarding my excitement with dressing. But, that dimmed after a year or so.

    I don't know if she was jealous of Sherry or simply that I was so captivated with my new "hobby". But, she broke it off with me and I haven't heard from her in 10 years!

    Don't lose yourself in your SO's newfound interest. Communicate how u feel often. So you'll both be aware of your feelings. Which may change directions as his CDing developes.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Uncomfortable, my wife and I are in a very long "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. She has not said "boo" about my cross dressing. That does not mean I do not have thoughts about how I would like to be accepted. I am totally dresses and heels; not a pair of pants in my wardrobe. I would love to have a "girls night in" which would include both of us getting totally dolled up; dresses and heels. Activity? Preparing a leisurely meal together and sipping a glass of wine. Definitely, keep it out of the bedroom. Keep that for boy-girl time. One has to be careful that there is not a system overload; too much of anything may kill the mood. Definitely, if it starts to bother you, say something. Don't lead your man on.

  15. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Your husband is a very lucky crossdresser to have such a sweet wife! How nice of you to help with makeup tips if your ok with it just helping with outfits and accessories would be great.

  16. #16
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Yes agree make it about BOTH of you
    We used to try things on and try different accessories, take pictures, do each other’s nails, face masks, foot massage, play music and dance, cook together , look up makeup tips for CDs on YouTube and practice ( things are different like beard cover and shading) but great you gave him your tips…..that’s the idea make it fun
    I enjoyed these things TOO so think of things you would enjoy and do that.

    We used to shop together but since y’all are staying home why not shop together online…..window shop ( but online) see what’s in style, what you like and what he might like .
    Have to make it about both of you

    Enjoy, take it slow and remember he probably has felt like this many years, you just now are now figuring it out ….take your time .
    Last edited by Di; 11-08-2022 at 09:36 AM.
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  17. #17
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Some good suggestions have been posted although I'm not sure everyone really understood your post.

    I am going to add just one thing: If he doesn't already have a female name for when he is dressed, come up with one and then call him by it when he is dressed.

    I wish my wife would do this.

  18. #18
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Southern Illinois
    I?m also a daily ?stay at home? dresser.I have her full support. I totally appreciate all her help tips, ideas, and critiques. Even though I?m underdressed daily, (panties, bra, thigh highs and a touch of makeup). We, too don?t go out when I?m fully dressed because of our small, nosy town, police, accident, flat tire, etc. This is fine with both of us.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    First of all, bless you for being such and understanding and supporting soul.

    If you're happy to stay in, anything two girlfriends would do is fair game. Movie night, mani-pedis, fashion show, slumber party, etc.

    Char and Di make a very good point about the activities being about both of you. If it's always all about him, it will get old for you, and neither of you should want that.

    I would encourage you both to consider going out though. It's not as risky as you might think, especially in larger metropolitan areas, where tolerance and understanding is more prevalent.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  20. #20
    Member Bluesman's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    Los Angeles
    Have a girls' weekend. Have him stay dressed (while at home, of course - if he goes out, underdressed) from Friday to Monday. Full female attire, including makeup, during the day, night gown or femme pjs for bed.
    Last edited by Bluesman; 11-08-2022 at 01:23 PM.

  21. #21
    Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    Jul 2021
    I love it on the rare occasion when my wife surprises me with a purchase or compliments me on an outfit. Love it on the rare occasion when she's painted my toes (I have reciprocated when she's been in the mood as well). I'd love it if she were to ever suggest clothes, or accessories, or whatever, but I don't expect that to ever happen.

    She's surprised me with a couple of anklets, which I wear in public proudly as opposed to the ones I've bought for myself (My wife bought this for me, cool, eh?)

    But at odds with Krisi's post above, my wife always calls me by my real name, never calls me a woman, because I'm not a woman and don't want to be. Just an aging cute (used to be, anyway) guy in cute clothes. I'd suggest you find out where your hubby stands on that issue before changing his name or calling him "girlfriend".

    What I've hated that she's done: a couple times when I pushed the envelope (for example, when I put on a toe ring) she said "Maybe you really do want to be a woman." Later she apologized for that, and now likes my toe ring, but it hurt when it happened.

  22. #22
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    Hollywood & Vine
    If I had to do it over again I would've set better stronger boundaries and stuck to them and not apologized for anything I thought or said... It became our whole lives 24/7 we did nothing but this and finally the marriage was no longer sustainable and we lost everything . It caused me to see this differently than I once did.
    You know your husband .. some men can handle this fine some cannot ..its up to you when to say no..but don't be afraid to say no if you need to..if I had things would not have gone so wrong .. I DianeT said above was raised to take care of everyone first and it got WAY out of hand..
    Don't lose you.. this is not a medical condition nor an illness.
    Affirmations are ok but don't just do it because you think you should and not I said above some cannot handle it.
    Last edited by Dutchess; 11-08-2022 at 04:16 PM.
    IG : Knightress Oxide

  23. #23
    Senior Member Fiona_44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2022

    Please don't forget about yourself during this process. Integrating a cross dressing husband into a marriage is not easy and to be successful it must be about meeting the needs and wants of both parties, not just those of the cross dresser. Don't be hesitant to set rules and boundaries that you are comfortable with and will help ease your way through this situation. All the best,

    "Care about what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu

  24. #24
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    NY & PA
    Since you are new to "this", just keep doing what you are doing. I am sure that your actions are appreciated and that when you stay by your spouse's side, that is the most important and supportive thing that you can do. I "closet dressed" for many years until I was caught by accident after we were married, and while it has been many years, she recommended that I venture out a little bit with a meetup group that she found and it was wonderful. She was happy to let me go, happy to see me go, but refused to come and finally did just before everything shut down with the pandemic...she met several of the girls that I became close with, she noticed the uncomfortable feelings that I was experiencing when getting ready and those who were a little too much at the bar, and overall had a good time. It's been over 30 years of knowing but not going out or socializing as Maria and the only request she had was no wigs and makeup but if the kids were gone, it was fine. I also wear heels as much as possible as they help with my back injury and pain, and can still out walk her ... she was amazed that I wasn't clumping around like the other girls at the party and that I didn't complain of pain and walked just fine

  25. #25
    New Member
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    Oct 2022
    These are all amazing suggestions, I?ll definitely write up something soon on what it is I?m uncomfortable with because a lot of people had those questions in they?re response. I just want to thank everyone for replying and giving suggestions. This is new to me and my husband so I?m just interested in what there is for us to do together. How this can be shared between both of us and not just for him. It?s terribly selfish if you look at it from my point of view I?m hijacker?s his new ?me time?.

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