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  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Are you comfortable in the closet?

    Greetings, girls. At this stage in my journey, I am comfortable dressing at home alone as basically a man in a dress. I am not interested in going out dressed among strangers or even coworkers. I think about what it would be like to be dressed among friends, however. I guess I am more concerned about their comfort level than mine. Do many of us go through this stage of getting comfortable in the closet?

  2. #2
    Reality Check
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    Going out dressed among co-workers would be a very bad idea. Most people think of crossdressers as "perverts" and this could affect your job and career.

    Many crossdressers never leave the safety of their own homes and that's fine. On the other hand, many of us do get a thrill by going out in public while presenting as a woman. Some, of course, can do this better than others.

    The key is, to dress and act like a normal woman and to make sure that our presentation is good enough that we won't be recognized as our male selves by people we know.

    Then, there are some of us who just don't care and just go out and let people know that they are crossdressers. If you are 6' 4" tall and 260 pounds, you're not going to fool anyone anyway.
    Krisi

  3. #3
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    As this is something that is about YOUR comfort/pleasure, it's really up to you.

    I stay in. The risks outweigh the benefits for many of us.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    I?m in the closet except to my wife and my therapist. I am comfortable for the most part, but I seem to become more and more introverted as time goes by. I?m not sure that?s a good thing.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I am staying in the closet. I am out to my wife, although there has been some thought of letting our daughter know.

    I don't venture out of the house. The biggest reason is I wouldn't pass in a dark alley, and I have accepted that fact. My facial features say "man" loudly!

    Also the risk to benefits ratio is to low to venture out. I don't see the point of going out. It does interest me to some degree, but knowing I would just be a MIAD the interest goes away. If I could blend in better I would have more interest in going out, but even then I wonder why. My voice is also completely male! It would take a miracle to sound fem.

    I do venture out in women's boots and jeans, but to do the full deal it will not happen.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member KymG's Avatar
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    No im not comfortable in the closet.
    But I wouldnt be comfortable out of the closet either.
    Probably less so.
    So I just struggle on.

  7. #7
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    I'm in the closet with the exception of my non-accepting wife who absolutely is not interested in living with a woman. My comfort zone is being a home-body doing domestic chores; baking, gardening, vacuuming, etc. At six foot and 200 pounds I am sure any inquiring eyes will see I am a man in a dress. As a male I have no interest in wandering the malls. As a female it would be the same thing. In the past, when my wife was out of state for seven to ten days visiting friends, I would get all dolled up in dress and heels and go for an evening stroll in a safe residential area of my small city. A half hour of strolling usually got the pent up demand to get outside satisfied.

  8. #8
    Member Jade P's Avatar
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    My closet is my bedroom or under male clothing. My wife knows I crossdress but doesnt want to see me in feminine clothing. So my feminine side must be hidden around the house and outside the house, so nightgowns only in my bedroom and underdress every day in panties and pantyhose.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Closets are for clothes

  10. #10
    Member Monique65's Avatar
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    I have been firmly in the closet for over fifty years and am very comfortable with it. I do fantasize about going out, but the reality of my situation dictates otherwise. I might add that this website has helped tremendously in my acceptance of this.
    Honoring the woman within

  11. #11
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    I stay in because I like to chill out once dressed, it's my way to enjoy it. Made up and dressed, and do any stuff I'd do in male mode, hours on end, with this added strange vibe. Like a fish out of water, taking its time and enjoying the ride. I'm social in male mode, but when I dress I want to be on my own desert planet. Alone, and at peace.
    Last edited by DianeT; 11-10-2022 at 04:53 PM.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Although I recently began to venture out publicly, the only other person who knows is my accepting wife. I like it that way, no one else is on my needs to know list. I guess you could say I'm still in the closet, but she is in there with me.
    www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/

  13. #13
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    The only disadvantage I find with the closet is the lack of interacting with others. THIS SITE fixes that little inconvenience and give me a bit of a "vent" should I decide I need it. I don't HAVE any need to go out.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member WandaRae2009's Avatar
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    I am now in the closet based on my wife's desire. She has a fear of something happening to me. I really have a desire to go out and mingle with others. I did go out a couple of times before my wife found out, but have been in the closet since she found out. I think I can talk her into allowing me if it were with a support group of some kind.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member
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    No, being in the closet does not work for me. I think its natural to start there, but some of us feel a stronger need to go beyond dressing alone in the privacy of home. For me, stepping out the door was like stepping out of a prison cell.

    But that may work very well for others. Its not a contest.

  16. #16
    Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    In the closet other than my wife and daughter. Would I like to dress in front of friends? Sure, but it's not worth the risk. More than likely they would not be cool with it. Unless one of them is also a closet dresser, which I would kill to find out about!

    So Yeah, I'm comfortable in the closet

  17. #17
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    I have an interest in going out dressed. However, I do not want to be dressed while with friends or relatives other than my wife. I am 100% certain a lot of friendships would suffer and my wife would suffer total embarrassment. If I wanted to live as a woman, that would be a different story. I don't have that desire at all. I just enjoy being a MIAD. So long as I can occasionally go out of the area where we live and dress en femme, I will be happy. Real honestly, I much prefer shopping en femme for feminine things vs. shopping in drab mode. Taking female items into the ladies' dressing rooms is easier than taking them into the men's dressing room. And, I wouldn't care to go into the ladies' dressing room dressed in drab.

    Anyway, I'm fine being in the closet so far as family and friends are concerned. I do have 1 relative and 1 friend that know about Heather. They have both seen pictures of her but have not met her in person. I doubt they ever will; but, it wouldn't be a problem if they did. Their discovery of Heather were under somewhat strange circumstances; but, it happened and they were both cool with it.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    I am ok in the closet. The only people that knew were my non accepting wife and my late accepting mother.. Friends and family dont need to know. What they dont know cannot hurt them.. I would like to attend a support group again in the future to meet fellow sisters.Maybe up my game and regain lost confidence.

  19. #19
    Member Marcelo's Avatar
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    That's a tricky one for me. Yes, I'm pretty much in the closet with most of those who really know me. But as far as staying inside, not the case at all.

    Decades ago, I watched a documentary on crossdressing. One statement that always stuck out was "the need to be seen." That's how it is with me.

    Only a handful of my friends know what I do and I think only a few of them know that I go all the way with it. I can't remember the last time I just sat around my apartment fully dressed with no intention of getting out.

    If you follow my posts, you'll see that when I do go out I don't try to blend in at all. In fact, I pretty much only go out to volunteer or the occasional outing to a haunted house (did a WTA tournament recently) and Halloween, of course, and I wear a cheerleader uniform when I do.

    I don't even try to pass, either. I WANT be seen as a man being a good sport but taking things a bit too far. I'm pretty sure at least one person gets that message every time I go out. I do, however, get lots of compliments as well as comments that people thought I was a woman at first glance.

    I also love the interaction I get when I go out volunteering. When I volunteer in drab, I'm just another volunteer. But when I go out as Marcy, it's a whole 'nother ball game!

    If staying inside is your thing then more power to you! As far me, it's showtime or no time! (Hey, that's a new one)

    Cheers!

    Marcy

    PS Posing with people for selfies is also lots of fun!

  20. #20
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    I'm very comfortable in the closet, I wear beautiful lingerie to bed almost every night so I'm very satisfied with enjoying dressing just at home, and pretty much my entire wardrobe is romantic lingerie so can't wear that in public anyway! I've never had a "need to be seen" type feeling when it comes to dressing.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I guess what you mean by in the closet. My wife knows, but no-one else does, other than you lovely ladies and the girls in my meetup group. I am pretty comfortable in my closet.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  22. #22
    Member Erin Lafleur's Avatar
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    Yes, I am quite comfortable to be in the closet, so to speak.
    I am in my mid sixties and I really don't care to wear the type of clothing that would be required for me to blend publicly with other women my age. Seems a bit boring to me.
    I dress, first and foremost, for me. Dressing to conform with the expectations of others seems almost oppressive to me and I can think of no good reason to want to please others before myself. I love feminine and I love pretty.
    Satin, lace, chiffon etc are what I truly enjoy so...I won't be prancing down to the mall anytime soon lol!
    The most common form of despair is not being who you are. - Soren Kierkegaard

  23. #23
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    I agree with Jessica for the same reasons. I can also experiment and take photos too.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I have accepted being in the closet. I have found a level of comfort with it, especially because we have adopted a lifestyle where I choose to put my wife and her wishes first. However, if things were different, if I lived alone, I would want to be part of a CD community and go out dressed. But, I am very happy to sacrifice such possibilities to be with my wife and have what she gives me. Nancy

  25. #25
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    In as few words as possible:

    It's confining and uncomfortable - but safe.
    And my wife guards the door.

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