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Thread: How to stop?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Betty70's Avatar
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    How to stop?

    Is there any way to stop crossdressing?
    I tried several times, but the urge is too strong and after a month, sometimes even shorter period, I start once again.
    All begun from my problems with gynecomastia.

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Nope. No way to stop. If there were then this forum would be a lot less crowded. Lol. Funny thing that I started crossdressing when I was 7 and then over the years worked on obtaining gynecomastia. Now I can’t stop obsessing over my breasts.

    Ps: Welcome to the fray!
    Last edited by Karren Hutton; 11-14-2022 at 02:25 PM.
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  3. #3
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    You may not be asking the right group for an answer to that question. Anyone who has stopped cross dressing has likely also stopped frequenting this forum.

    In my opinion, and that is all it is, a motivated person can stop cross dressing. As someone who has tried to stop and succeeded for a while, I know how difficult it can be. I totally abstained for up to 18 months in a vain attempt to reconcile with my ex wife. I probably could have continued with abstinence beyond that time, but my motivation ended when it became clear that reconciliation was not in the cards.

    Motivation is really the starting point, so be clear with yourself on why you feel you want to quit cross dressing. Then remember that abstinence itself is a day by day endeavor. If you want to change any behavior, you really have to take it a day at a time and celebrate each daily success. And do not feel to badly if you slip up occasionally. Backsliding is just another step in the process.

  4. #4
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    It's just like stopping smoking. I've stopped hundreds of times, but when I wake up the next morning *******.

  5. #5
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Statistics have it that the more you try quitting smoking the more chances you have that the next attempt will be the right one (this is why it isn't necessarily the end of the world to start smoking again, as long as you don't quit trying to stop). By that same measure, the more you try stopping the CDing the more chances you have to succeed one day.
    Now, is CDing an addiction?

  6. #6
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Your gender identity is part of who you are. That will not change. Yes, you can modify your behavior, to some extent, but the "urge" will never go away. Save yourself a lot of needless guilt and suffering and find a way to accept yourself for who you are.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  7. #7
    Junior Member Betty70's Avatar
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    You probably have to consider it an addiction. At some point, my brain received a dose of endorphins in a CD situation and now craves it.
    In disguise, I feel happy and fulfilled.
    I don't accept it in myself, however.
    First of all, CD is a threat to my family life, work life, the areas most important to me.
    This is also the fundamental motivation to end CD.
    You can see that there come times that it's not strong enough.
    Life on a seesaw.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Dont stop until you get enough. But sometimes you need more than enough .I have been on and off the seesaw and rollercoaster for 50 years.Good luck.

  9. #9
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    you cant its impossible.

  10. #10
    Junior Member GraceM's Avatar
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    Why would I want to?

  11. #11
    Member Lisa516's Avatar
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    I have stopped smoking 3 years now 2 packs a day. I have stopped drinking 17 years. Not so sure I would want to tackle cross dressing. It's associated with too many good feelings and would be extremely difficult for me.
    As many as 43 percent of all people with gender dysphoria attempt suicide in their lives. dont let yourself become part of that very tragic statistic.
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  12. #12
    💝😍💘💕💗❤️*🔥💔❤️*🔥💗💕💘😍 💝 Patience's Avatar
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    If one consciously suppresses it and does it long enough, it becomes an ingrained behavior. I think that is the closest one can get to "stopping".

    I managed to hold back for 30 years and, in hindsight, the thought of crossdressing was never far from my mind. Eventually, I realized holding it back was making me miserable and the reasons for suppressing it were, while not totally gone, considerably diminished, so I finally accepted myself as I am and relented.

    That was five years ago. I could have acted on it at least a decade earlier. Since I've accepted this part of me, I have acted on it and come out to a few select friends. I'm definitely happier now. I wouldn't recommend suppressing it, but there you are.

    I don't think comparing crossdressing to smoking is a good analogy. One's gender identity is in no way comparable to a chemical dependence acquired by one's own free will.
    Last edited by Patience; 11-14-2022 at 05:37 PM. Reason: Added the bit about smoking.
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  13. #13
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Mark Twain once said "to giving up cigars is easy. I've done it a hundred times." I might say the same about cross dressing. I've gotten a bit better at it lately which would make it that much harder to stop.

    I've said before, it is possible to quit physically doing it. Please pardon the comparison, but it can be a little like alcoholism. Someone may quit drinking, but they remain an alcoholic. You may quit dressing up, but the urge will remain in you.

    So, if you are convinced to quit, the first step would be to avoid this forum. This forum is an enabler! Here you are encouraged to dress up and enjoy it.

    Next, set small goals of not dressing, and keep stretching them. Do NOT purge, at least not for a while. Just store things away securely, in such a way that it would be an effort to get at them. Once you have succeeded in long periods of not dressing (months), you can discard some things. And reward your successes -- be it going out, a fun activity, anything you enjoy.

    The real question is whether you must stop or regulate it. Can dressing up be something you can enjoy occasionally? It is important to get it under control lest it control you.

    Best of luck with your efforts.
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  14. #14
    New Member TessK's Avatar
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    Gonna echo what most are saying: it's best to learn to accept yourself as you are. You will feel much better in the long run if you're not dedicating willpower to suppressing something that is just part of who you are. You can try some therapy to help you learn to cope and live with this, but I would warn against any therapist that claims they will "cure" you of it.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hi Betty,
    why do you want to stop?
    luc J

  16. #16
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    jacques asks a great question; why do you want to stop?


    I think there are plenty of men who try crossdressing. I've read before that more than 50% of adult males have tried it at some point. But, the actual percentage of men who are truly crossdressers is far smaller. For those who are not, it's a passing curiosity. This doesn't sound like a passing curiosity for you. Given that, I think it's highly unlikely you can stop. Further, the negative mental health aspects of trying to suppress it could be damaging in the long run, both to you and those around you.

    If we could stop, this forum likely wouldn't exist. I very much enjoy crossdressing, and can't imagine my life without it. But, if I could have a choice about being a crossdresser or not? Yeah, I wouldn't be a crossdresser. It's caused quite a few problems in my life, ones that I wish I had never had to deal with. Beginning age 23, I finally realized it was going to be impossible to stop. That began my journey of self acceptance that continues to this day, decades after that moment.

  17. #17
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Exclamation It's totally possible, Betty!

    I know, because when I first came to CD.com I was so excited all I could think about day and nite, was dressing! Being married with kids I could NOT let them know!

    But, I was consumed! Couldn't sleep or concetrate at work or on anything else!

    So, what did I do? I decided to dress every time I thot about it. In the middle of the nite when the family slept. At work in a store room. In my car, under dressing. In motels when out of town on business. After 3 months of this manic possession I was so exhausted and burned out, I completely st the desire to dress.

    For a time, I was sure it was gone for good! Of course, that's now how it works. But, 3 months later when the desire returned I made a deal with myself:

    I would dress whenever the impulse struck like I had during my manic period. And, just knowing that released me! Since then, over 10 years ago, I've found a few times a month is enuff to satisfy me!

    I strongly suggest my, "Excessive dressing", therapy method for anyone who needs to cut back!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  18. #18
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Instead of thinking that there is "Something wrong" with Crossdressing, perhaps you should discover "What crossdressing DOES FOR you". There is a possibility, then that you might substitute something else that will do the SAME THING for you that Cross-dressing does. Just do THAT (whatever it is) instead and you will no longer have to cross-dress.--- I have no idea what the answer is, but THIS change in attitude will redirect your thoughts, and help YOU find an answer, if there is one. Personally, I cross-dress to "detach" from my own self and "de-stress". If I could find something else that did that for me (like serious writing, etc) I could do THAT instead, but Cross-dressing does not bother me, and it works for me for what I need.-- I won't change unless I would HAVE to.

  19. #19
    Amanda countrygirl's Avatar
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    No, the urge will always be with you. Strong or weak it is there. Don't fight it, let it guide you. And if you don't dress for awhile that is ok. But you can never totally get rid of it. I know I have tried.
    Amanda

  20. #20
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    You may not be asking the right group for an answer to that question. Anyone who has stopped cross dressing has likely also stopped frequenting this forum.
    Once again Kim has nailed it.
    IMO no you cannot ever stop, I tried and was I thought successful but after many years it came back very strong. Once I accepted CDing as a part of who I am I was much happier.
    Crissy

  21. #21
    Junior Member Betty70's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing your experiences honestly, now I know that what I am experiencing in others runs similarly.
    I also needed such a "confession".
    I am already in my fifties. For years I successfully kept my inclination in check and suddenly something snapped.
    As I got older, my problems with gynecomastia intensified.
    I once tried on my wife's bra to convince myself that it wasn't so bad. The effect was the opposite, it fit.
    A few days later, the underwear was joined by a blouse and then a skirt.
    When my wife wasn't home for a few days, I took out from the bottom of the closet a wig that had been lying around for twenty years, put on makeup and left the house.
    If someone had pointed a finger at me, treated me like a freak, I probably would have been "cured."
    Meanwhile, completely no one noticed me, so the exits were repeated.
    One day I visited a second-hand store.
    There were a lot of ladies in it, picking through the sales. They were trying things on, advising each other.
    After a while, one of them included me in her group, handing me some clothes, with the statement that it was nice, but too big on her and just right on me.
    I returned home with a pile of blouses, skirts and dresses.
    I kept them hidden for a couple of months, when the opportunity arose - I tried them on, until I forced myself with difficulty and threw them away.
    The clothes I could throw away, the boobs I grew in my old age - no.
    Every day, when I see myself in the mirror, thoughts that I look like a woman are difficult to repel and the desire to repeat the adventure returns with redoubled force.
    I want it and I don't want it.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    I enjoyed wearing panties for many years, starting when I was 12. I didn't wear often, but when the desire hit, there was only 1 cure.
    A little more than 22 years ago, I was able to start buying my own panties. 6 months later I felt guilty about having my own panties and I purged them all. Within a week or two, I had restocked my stash. The cycle continued: buy, purge, buy, purge, for about 17 years. My collection had grown to 70+ panties.
    That's it. I've had it. I'm done. No more. My final purge tossed out so many pretty panties!
    I was good for about 6 months. The desire was b burning strong, i HAD to wear panties. Society seemed more accepting of those who are different. My decision now was to stop wearing boxer briefs and to wear panties every day.
    Now, 6 years later, I wear happily every day. I discovered the joys of wearing bras shortly after.
    The desire to fully dress is strong, but I have many obstacles. My bras and panties help keep that desire in check. I know I can't stop. I don't want to stop any more. I've accepted that I wear what I like to wear.

  23. #23
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It all depends on why you dress in the first place. For most the motivation rests very deep in our sense of who we are. But if you are among those who do not actually have those deep sensations and it is simply a habit or a fetish then, with work and effort, one can stop in the same way that you can break a habitual behavior. Then it is simply like stopping drinking, smoking, etc. Hard but entirely feasible. Otherwise it can be managed but not eliminated. The motivator is more likely a fundamental part of you rather than a habit or an addiction. That is why if you go to a therapist few will help you quit but most well help you to accept it and adapt it to your environment. Often one session is all they need to determine whether it is habitual or fundamental to your personality characteristics.

    If you manage it by repressing it and it is fundamental then it is likely the pressure will build and the desire will affect you more and more deeply, possibly leading to the formation of a depression which is where, after awhile, your brain adapts to that stress, considers it normal, and alters the brain chemistry to keep you in a depressed state. In other words, you need to have an outlet for that internal need to avoid falling into depression. Once in awhile you need to connect completely with that part of your total identity. And the more that part of your identity dominates your sense of self the more you will need to satisfy that aspect of your identity. It looks like a habit but isn't. A gender therapist can help you identify which it is. The habit is uncommon; the need is far more likely. In idealistic theory nobody should desire to express as the opposite sex, but idealistic theory is, well, idealistic and does not recognize the finer points of the reality.

    I rarely ever dress fully the way I frequently did in the past. But for me this part of me is a bit different than others. For me it is very internalized and so bits and pieces dressing is usually sufficient because for me it is more a psychological process whereas for many others it is both psychological and physical. Nevertheless, it often builds to the point where I do need to use a complete female-like expression to restabilize. Thus for others the need to dress is much stronger - sometimes 90% of who they are. It is all part of the tremendous variation in people like us. We are all different.

    The gynecomastia was likely a trigger for the possible presence of a predisposition to identify, to some extent or other, as female-like and engage in female-like behaviors to satisfy the effects of the now active predisposition. Then there is the question of why the gynecomastia happened in the first place. Hormones? Maybe. But, if it is a triggered predisposition is the case then you are superficially stuck - most predispositions, once activated, are next to impossible to turn off. Few seem to have off switches. You can only adapt to its requests and/or demands. If the longer you do not dress the more intense the desire becomes, even with management techniques, then the more likely it is an activated predisposition and not just a feel good habit or addiction. Testing the behavior by consciously trying to stop and seeing what happens is the way you can identify its basic demands and how they work. It is part of accepting it as a part of you. Takes time and will power, but the truth will be revealed. Either you will lose the desire (if habitual) or it will grow stronger and stronger and affect you more intensely. It is a part of what has been called Gender Expression Deprivation Disorder. Once the deprivation is addressed the "disorder" disappears but the need for expression remains and is a stable and acceptable part of you.

  24. #24
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    The only way I know is to put yourself in a situation where there is no female clothing around. You may think about wearing women's clothing, but there would be nothing to wear.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betty70 View Post
    ?.Every day, when I see myself in the mirror, thoughts that I look like a woman are difficult to repel and the desire to repeat the adventure returns with redoubled force.
    I want it and I don't want it.
    Seems like Mother Nature wants it for you as well. So, maybe the next step is to try and sort out and what you want. You could attempt this yourself or with the help of your partner, a trusted friend or a counselor. Think about in terms of pros and cons/ risks and rewards, values or as simply as how you feel about yourself when you dress as compared to how you feel when you do not. Maybe the answer will reveal itself through that sort of analysis. There is no wrong answer, just choices. And certainly more than one either or choice.

    If that sort of armchair analysis does not work, you can go the path of real life experience, whether its setting aside a few hours a day, days per week, or 24/7 for a length of time. This approach has a built in bias, I suppose, because in my experience spending time presenting as a woman just feels so darn good that it is difficult to stop and frustrating to abstain.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 11-15-2022 at 01:56 PM.

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