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  1. #1
    Member Betty70's Avatar
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    How to stop?

    Is there any way to stop crossdressing?
    I tried several times, but the urge is too strong and after a month, sometimes even shorter period, I start once again.
    All begun from my problems with gynecomastia.

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Nope. No way to stop. If there were then this forum would be a lot less crowded. Lol. Funny thing that I started crossdressing when I was 7 and then over the years worked on obtaining gynecomastia. Now I can’t stop obsessing over my breasts.

    Ps: Welcome to the fray!
    Last edited by Karren H; 11-14-2022 at 02:25 PM.
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

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  3. #3
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    You may not be asking the right group for an answer to that question. Anyone who has stopped cross dressing has likely also stopped frequenting this forum.

    In my opinion, and that is all it is, a motivated person can stop cross dressing. As someone who has tried to stop and succeeded for a while, I know how difficult it can be. I totally abstained for up to 18 months in a vain attempt to reconcile with my ex wife. I probably could have continued with abstinence beyond that time, but my motivation ended when it became clear that reconciliation was not in the cards.

    Motivation is really the starting point, so be clear with yourself on why you feel you want to quit cross dressing. Then remember that abstinence itself is a day by day endeavor. If you want to change any behavior, you really have to take it a day at a time and celebrate each daily success. And do not feel to badly if you slip up occasionally. Backsliding is just another step in the process.

  4. #4
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    It's just like stopping smoking. I've stopped hundreds of times, but when I wake up the next morning *******.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    You may not be asking the right group for an answer to that question. Anyone who has stopped cross dressing has likely also stopped frequenting this forum.
    Once again Kim has nailed it.
    IMO no you cannot ever stop, I tried and was I thought successful but after many years it came back very strong. Once I accepted CDing as a part of who I am I was much happier.
    Crissy

  6. #6
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    I like the analogy, an acholic must avoid the package store. It makes sense. My opinion is seek treatment from a specialists. From blood work and to gender specialist, your paster.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by mbmeen12 View Post
    I like the analogy, an acholic must avoid the package store. It makes sense. My opinion is seek treatment from a specialists. From blood work and to gender specialist, your paster.
    Crossdressing is not a sin as many organized religions will lead you to believe.
    You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.

  8. #8
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Statistics have it that the more you try quitting smoking the more chances you have that the next attempt will be the right one (this is why it isn't necessarily the end of the world to start smoking again, as long as you don't quit trying to stop). By that same measure, the more you try stopping the CDing the more chances you have to succeed one day.
    Now, is CDing an addiction?

  9. #9
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Your gender identity is part of who you are. That will not change. Yes, you can modify your behavior, to some extent, but the "urge" will never go away. Save yourself a lot of needless guilt and suffering and find a way to accept yourself for who you are.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  10. #10
    Member Betty70's Avatar
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    You probably have to consider it an addiction. At some point, my brain received a dose of endorphins in a CD situation and now craves it.
    In disguise, I feel happy and fulfilled.
    I don't accept it in myself, however.
    First of all, CD is a threat to my family life, work life, the areas most important to me.
    This is also the fundamental motivation to end CD.
    You can see that there come times that it's not strong enough.
    Life on a seesaw.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Dont stop until you get enough. But sometimes you need more than enough .I have been on and off the seesaw and rollercoaster for 50 years.Good luck.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Debs's Avatar
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    you cant its impossible.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I have been riding a wave of pink fog lately. I grasp each opportunity to get pretty and run with it. I know it will have to fade soon as opportunities become weaker. To cope with it I will have to focus more on the many other things I have available. Come spring I will have so many other things to do I will seriously have to more or less pack Geena away for a while. Time will tell.

    As far as getting consumed, for me a lot has to do with how well I am doing it. I have finally achieved a full look that satisfies me, so I'm doing things I had wanted to do for so long. I have checked off so many things lately that I'm not sure what I would do. No doubt I will think up something, but, in my circumstances, there is a lot that just isn't feasible. I set restrictions on when I could and when I can't, and let that guide me.
    www.flickr.com/people/196660660@N08/

  14. #14
    Junior Member GraceM's Avatar
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    Why would I want to?

  15. #15
    Member Lisa516's Avatar
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    I have stopped smoking 3 years now 2 packs a day. I have stopped drinking 17 years. Not so sure I would want to tackle cross dressing. It's associated with too many good feelings and would be extremely difficult for me.
    As many as 43 percent of all people with gender dysphoria attempt suicide in their lives. dont let yourself become part of that very tragic statistic.
    Balance-Dignity-Acceptance-Responsibility-

  16. #16
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    If one consciously suppresses it and does it long enough, it becomes an ingrained behavior. I think that is the closest one can get to "stopping".

    I managed to hold back for 30 years and, in hindsight, the thought of crossdressing was never far from my mind. Eventually, I realized holding it back was making me miserable and the reasons for suppressing it were, while not totally gone, considerably diminished, so I finally accepted myself as I am and relented.

    That was five years ago. I could have acted on it at least a decade earlier. Since I've accepted this part of me, I have acted on it and come out to a few select friends. I'm definitely happier now. I wouldn't recommend suppressing it, but there you are.

    I don't think comparing crossdressing to smoking is a good analogy. One's gender identity is in no way comparable to a chemical dependence acquired by one's own free will.
    Last edited by Patience; 11-14-2022 at 05:37 PM. Reason: Added the bit about smoking.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  17. #17
    Member shellybme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa516 View Post
    I have stopped smoking 3 years now 2 packs a day. I have stopped drinking 17 years. Not so sure I would want to tackle cross dressing. It's associated with too many good feelings and would be extremely difficult for me.
    Lisa hit this one on the nose! If you associate any habit crossdressing or not to good feelings you are not going to stop.
    There are ways to stop by learning how to stop habits.
    Any book about habit forming would help and just do the opposite.
    I wouldn't suggest purging and throwing it out on the chance later on you decide that you want to continuing dressing. Wishing you the best !
    [FO

  18. #18
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Mark Twain once said "to giving up cigars is easy. I've done it a hundred times." I might say the same about cross dressing. I've gotten a bit better at it lately which would make it that much harder to stop.

    I've said before, it is possible to quit physically doing it. Please pardon the comparison, but it can be a little like alcoholism. Someone may quit drinking, but they remain an alcoholic. You may quit dressing up, but the urge will remain in you.

    So, if you are convinced to quit, the first step would be to avoid this forum. This forum is an enabler! Here you are encouraged to dress up and enjoy it.

    Next, set small goals of not dressing, and keep stretching them. Do NOT purge, at least not for a while. Just store things away securely, in such a way that it would be an effort to get at them. Once you have succeeded in long periods of not dressing (months), you can discard some things. And reward your successes -- be it going out, a fun activity, anything you enjoy.

    The real question is whether you must stop or regulate it. Can dressing up be something you can enjoy occasionally? It is important to get it under control lest it control you.

    Best of luck with your efforts.
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  19. #19
    New Member TessK's Avatar
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    Gonna echo what most are saying: it's best to learn to accept yourself as you are. You will feel much better in the long run if you're not dedicating willpower to suppressing something that is just part of who you are. You can try some therapy to help you learn to cope and live with this, but I would warn against any therapist that claims they will "cure" you of it.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hi Betty,
    why do you want to stop?
    luc J

  21. #21
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    jacques asks a great question; why do you want to stop?


    I think there are plenty of men who try crossdressing. I've read before that more than 50% of adult males have tried it at some point. But, the actual percentage of men who are truly crossdressers is far smaller. For those who are not, it's a passing curiosity. This doesn't sound like a passing curiosity for you. Given that, I think it's highly unlikely you can stop. Further, the negative mental health aspects of trying to suppress it could be damaging in the long run, both to you and those around you.

    If we could stop, this forum likely wouldn't exist. I very much enjoy crossdressing, and can't imagine my life without it. But, if I could have a choice about being a crossdresser or not? Yeah, I wouldn't be a crossdresser. It's caused quite a few problems in my life, ones that I wish I had never had to deal with. Beginning age 23, I finally realized it was going to be impossible to stop. That began my journey of self acceptance that continues to this day, decades after that moment.

  22. #22
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Exclamation It's totally possible, Betty!

    I know, because when I first came to CD.com I was so excited all I could think about day and nite, was dressing! Being married with kids I could NOT let them know!

    But, I was consumed! Couldn't sleep or concetrate at work or on anything else!

    So, what did I do? I decided to dress every time I thot about it. In the middle of the nite when the family slept. At work in a store room. In my car, under dressing. In motels when out of town on business. After 3 months of this manic possession I was so exhausted and burned out, I completely st the desire to dress.

    For a time, I was sure it was gone for good! Of course, that's now how it works. But, 3 months later when the desire returned I made a deal with myself:

    I would dress whenever the impulse struck like I had during my manic period. And, just knowing that released me! Since then, over 10 years ago, I've found a few times a month is enuff to satisfy me!

    I strongly suggest my, "Excessive dressing", therapy method for anyone who needs to cut back!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  23. #23
    Amanda countrygirl's Avatar
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    No, the urge will always be with you. Strong or weak it is there. Don't fight it, let it guide you. And if you don't dress for awhile that is ok. But you can never totally get rid of it. I know I have tried.
    Amanda

  24. #24
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Instead of thinking that there is "Something wrong" with Crossdressing, perhaps you should discover "What crossdressing DOES FOR you". There is a possibility, then that you might substitute something else that will do the SAME THING for you that Cross-dressing does. Just do THAT (whatever it is) instead and you will no longer have to cross-dress.--- I have no idea what the answer is, but THIS change in attitude will redirect your thoughts, and help YOU find an answer, if there is one. Personally, I cross-dress to "detach" from my own self and "de-stress". If I could find something else that did that for me (like serious writing, etc) I could do THAT instead, but Cross-dressing does not bother me, and it works for me for what I need.-- I won't change unless I would HAVE to.

  25. #25
    Member Betty70's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing your experiences honestly, now I know that what I am experiencing in others runs similarly.
    I also needed such a "confession".
    I am already in my fifties. For years I successfully kept my inclination in check and suddenly something snapped.
    As I got older, my problems with gynecomastia intensified.
    I once tried on my wife's bra to convince myself that it wasn't so bad. The effect was the opposite, it fit.
    A few days later, the underwear was joined by a blouse and then a skirt.
    When my wife wasn't home for a few days, I took out from the bottom of the closet a wig that had been lying around for twenty years, put on makeup and left the house.
    If someone had pointed a finger at me, treated me like a freak, I probably would have been "cured."
    Meanwhile, completely no one noticed me, so the exits were repeated.
    One day I visited a second-hand store.
    There were a lot of ladies in it, picking through the sales. They were trying things on, advising each other.
    After a while, one of them included me in her group, handing me some clothes, with the statement that it was nice, but too big on her and just right on me.
    I returned home with a pile of blouses, skirts and dresses.
    I kept them hidden for a couple of months, when the opportunity arose - I tried them on, until I forced myself with difficulty and threw them away.
    The clothes I could throw away, the boobs I grew in my old age - no.
    Every day, when I see myself in the mirror, thoughts that I look like a woman are difficult to repel and the desire to repeat the adventure returns with redoubled force.
    I want it and I don't want it.

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