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Thread: Anyone else stuck in the closet?

  1. #1
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    Anyone else stuck in the closet?

    I?ve wanted to be a girl since my earliest memories. I wish I was brave enough to tell my family at a young age. Fast forward to now, I?m 28 and a single dad raising my daughter on my own (with the help of my family thank god) and I know that forever I?m going to be stuck as a man (pretty sure I?m trans).

    I quit dressing for 5 years but find myself buying more and more clothes that I keep in a safe (it?s getting out of hand). I?m okay with knowing I?m probably trans but also accepting that transitioning is never going to be in my cards. I?m kind of ranting. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels like they?re stuck. Stuck never truly getting to be who they are

  2. #2
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I'm in a closet (neither spouse, nor family or old friends know anything about my 'peculiar pastime'), but my closet has an escape hatch. Although getting all done up and hanging out there isn't feasible, it does make a good base for getting out as Geena. I have to coordinate things carefully to make it happen, but I can do it.

    Still, I do feel a little constrained at times, not being able to dress or even talk about it if/when the mood strikes me. I recognize that a) I have a lot of rewarding things to do at home with the family and b) I have Geena inside me and can let my mind create outings and situations (which I might be able to realize some other time). All I can advise is to stay the course and be mindful of opportunities.
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  3. #3
    Junior Member Diane P's Avatar
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    I guess you could say I'm stuck in the closet, no one else knows that I CD. Of course I just started CDing, dresses, night gowns, etc. after my wife passed in Jul. I had been CDing a little, wearing thongs under my regular clothes, off and on for 20 years. About 2 months after my wife passed I decided to go to the store to get some thongs, since I had thrown out all that I had about 10 months ago. As I was driving to the store the thought slipped into my mind that "I wonder what I'd look like in a dress".

    So I bought some bikini panties and a dress and tried them on as soon as I got home. It was amazing how natural and normal I felt in the dress. Of course I've bought more dresses, shorts, tops, night gowns and bikini panties in the last couple months. I CD only at home because I have a beard, which I have had since I retired from the Air Force in 97. So to go out en femme would be immediately reveled to be a man in a dress. I'm comfortable and happy with just CDing at home and love all the women's clothes that I have bought for myself.

  4. #4
    Junior Member NonbiNancy's Avatar
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    Hi SissyAlly, I can share that I was stuck, hiding my true (non-binary) identity even from myself (even though I started CD when I was 10). I obviously don't know you or your life but I can share that in my situation VERY slowly opening up to those I love was more liberating than I could have hoped for. This forum is filled with kindness and wisdom. I think it can help you find your path (in or out of the closet).

    You're not alone here!

    -NonbiNancy

  5. #5
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SissyAlly View Post
    I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels like they?re stuck. Stuck never truly getting to be who they are
    I believe there is a whole bunch of us here that think like you do. I often wonder if I knew what i know now when I was younger my life would have taken a totally different direction..

    At my age and with my family and where I am in life I am just going to stay in the closet, with one high heel dangling out once in a while.

  6. #6
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    SissyAlly, although I do not identify as trans nor have I ever wanted to be a girl, I repressed my desire to crossdress for decades. I only recently embraced my identity as a closet crossdresser. While I would not use the term "stuck," I would say that my journey.may take me to new places. For the first time, I have a girlfriend who knows about my crossdressing. I have revealed my crossdressing to a few more friends in recent years. I am still in the closet, but not stuck because I see that the door is opening slowly..Hopefully, in time, you will have opportunities to live your true self.

  7. #7
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    why are you all stuck in the closest ?, its called travel, travel 40 miles to your next town or destination, book a hotel room for the night, get dressed and be the person you really want to be, and yes find excuses why your going out of town for the night, and yes when your out there dressed, dont stay in your room, go for a walk, but most of all, use google, plan your night out, check where its a friendly lgbt area, then you can have an amazing night out dressed. just takes a bit of positive thinking.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    It's always so easy ^^^

    Except for those of us who have a child, and one car, and don't have the money to just book a hotel room for the night.

    Plus trying to explain why you're going away for a night, when the house needs work doing to it, but you've been saying you don't have the money.

    Or why you're taking a big bag with your outfits, wig, makeup, brushes etc away with you, when you normally just take a single backpack for your work nights away.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    SissyAlly -I don't think you are stuck at all - I don't see any impediments to your coming out. It strikes me that the key to opening that closet is your own self acceptance. If that is very difficult, you might find it helpful to speak with a gender therapist to answer those issues. You're a young person with many wonderful years ahead of you, it would be tragic to remain in a prison of your own making.
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  10. #10
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum SissyAlly.

    I give you lots of credit for raising a young child on your own, which is extremely difficult but a very important job.

    Just remember that eventually, she will grow up and you will have more time for yourself.

    Best wishes to you.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-18-2022 at 06:10 AM.

  11. #11
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Welcome,
    I think it’s wonderful you are raising your child on your own, I had to do that myself with my three.
    You can still be you around your child right? Very nurturing, planning their meals, schooling what most women do. So look at it like that. That is the most important thing in life,
    Raise them to be understanding and accepting of others.
    You are doing a role that most women do.
    You can make friends here , talk through pm, do things you love to do with your child, wear gender neutral clothing, paint your nails just live your life and if you feel stuck talk to a therapist.
    The only limit you have is what you limits you put on.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


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  12. #12
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Charlotte, just make excuses all your life, if you want it , youll find a way, I did, and so do many more

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Yes, many of us are in the closet. Good for you for being a responsible dad and putting your daughter first. Like you, I have always wanted to be female and believe I am trans, but I have lived a male life and raised my kids and stayed in my marriage because I love my wife. She knows and allows some level of dressing.

    You have a lot of life yet to live and perhaps some day you will meet an accepting life partner and be able to live more of your dreams. It has helped me to accept that I will never BE a woman. I can only admire and imitate (wear female clothing when I can, always underdress, and emulate femininity). Know that there are many like you! Nancy

  14. #14
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    sorry might have been a bit harsh, but you cant fight it all your life, it will bite you if you dont sort it out

  15. #15
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    SissyAlly glad to hear your putting your daughters needs ahead of yours Char is correct eventually you will have more time to yourself remember you are very young and have many great years ahead.

  16. #16
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Welcome! You are in a good place where you can talk about your feelings and your situation and not fear retribution. Not everybody is transition material; in fact a majority are not. So you do what is wise for your situation.

    Once again I find Char and Di say it well. ("Who are those gals?") You are mom and dad and that is a tough role to follow effectively. Your daughter is fortunate to have a parent that can effectively be male-like and female-like as needed. A special person, indeed. You need to provide for her the role image of both dad and mom. Of course she still needs to have true female contact as well; it is a very rare transperson who can provide that and also do the male part. But if you feel you need an expressive outlet (some kind of dressing) then the gender neutral clothing is likely the way to go, as Di suggested.

    I wanted to be a girl when I was very young, up to about 7 to 9. My mother caught me playing with her clothes and makeup and I admitted to her my desire to be a girl. This was the mid 50's. It did not go well and her gentle (her view) rejection drove me into the closet for almost 60 years where I lived in fear of being found out and suffered many mental and social difficulties in the process - DO NOT GO THERE. You haven't done the big reveal and consider it carefully in the context of your situation before you do it. It is hard, but it appears you do have a good reason to restrain yourself.

    As Di so wisely said, you are doing the job of a woman. You don't actually need to dress to do that. You just do it! That is pretty much the way my life is. My wife loves it and tolerates my bits and pieces approach to expression. But for me, doing the role is far more important than looking the role. Dressing does not define my identity; my identity is there no matter how I dress or even if I am "buck necked." Just a suggestion of something you might want to consider. Being dad and mom is, in my book, something a woman would do.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Debs View Post
    Charlotte, just make excuses all your life, if you want it , youll find a way, I did, and so do many more
    Feel free to explain how those "excuses" are solved, and I'll do it. As explained, I have to prioritise the leaking bathroom that I currently don't have money to fix, and I don't have any friends I can stay with unless I outright lie to my wife about staying at another woman's house, so that only leaves a hotel. I can't afford that because the house comes first. I also can't get there by car or I will be leaving my wife without a car, which has an app that tells her exactly where it is. Again, you may be comfortable with the amount of lying I would have to do to "find a way", but I am not comfortable with taking actions that would result in starting the divorce process.

  18. #18
    Member Shiny's Avatar
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    Well Ally, you are only 28, I hit 65 this fall and let me assure you, you're a freak! Just like the rest of us! Doesn't change, doesn't get better and it never goes away. You are stuck with your "condition" like being a left-hander or blue eyed. Period. Diabetics need shots once a day or so to maintain, CD's have their needs too, to dress and the sensation hits them on their own level and you satisfy this urge to deal with it then you move on. Instead of worrying about this "condition" I, years ago, turned it into a "hobby." It's different, it's weird and nobody but us here and our "type" will ever understand. That's just the arena you now find yourself in. You deal with it and move on. Just plan on spending way too much money on this hobby, buying larger and larger storage containers and keeping your secret like the location of pirate gold. You just do the best you can and move on. Not really a simple or satisfying answer but as I have said for over 20 years here, it is what it is.

  19. #19
    Junior Member NonbiNancy's Avatar
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    Hi again SissyAlly, I left out an important part. My ex-wife went to school at night when our three kids were pre-teens. I was Ms. Mom for over four years, and those years were wonderful. I loved making meals, driving the girl's volleyball and soccer teams in our minivan, chatting with the other moms during the games. To me it was a daily expression of my gender neutrality. As many have shared, there are many ways to be in the closet and still express our true natures. And when everyone is asleep SissyAlly gets to have her own time.

  20. #20
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    Thank you so much everyone for the kind words. I am stuck by my own choice because I feel my daughter need dad to be dad, and I?m a father first and foremost. Maybe I?ll come out when she?s grown

  21. #21
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Ally, Good point in post #20, you will know when the time is right
    Crissy

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    You can be a loving and competent dad and wear panties. I did! Nancy

  23. #23
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    I do wear them under my clothes lol panties are so much better than boy undies

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    Hang in there Ally

  25. #25
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Hi SissyAlly glad you are here. One thing I will repeat is the old cliche "never say never." We really don't know what the future holds for us. When I was 39 I gave almost everything I had away. I was single, never married, no kids. I thought I will just travel the world. My big travels got me an hour away from my home, and a little over a year later married with a child.

    No matter what happens with your life you are not alone and you will find a lot of great support here regards CDing and Trans subjects. I agree that being a dad is important. I too have a young daughter and keep my CDing closeted as I don't think she would understand. My wife however, is very supportive.

    Anyway all the best and once again glad you are here.
    Just another man in a dress

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