You should be proud of yourself Ally for understanding what's important in your life and having your priorities in order, which your daughter is at the top of that list for you. In my case I'm in the closet more so because pretty much my entire wardrobe is romantic lingerie (can't wear that out lol!) and it I've never felt a thrill or desire from thinking about being out. My boyfriend knows about my dressing, I dress in front of him and that's all the thrill I need.
Been stuck in a closet since I was 14 and first tried on a pair of panties. That was five decades ago. You just learn to live with it.
I'm 99% closeted, but fortunately have a good friend who knows and encourages me. We've done a number of trips together and I always get dressed for at least one evening. I used to go out every weekend, but that's not possible any more.
I have zero need or want to share Michelle with my family.
I am there as well. Only the people on the forums know about Erika. Heck, I am still getting to know her, but I am enjoying learning about her!
Charlotte
Those constraints are real.
Look forward to the opportunities that come up, try to make them happen if you can(Why YES dear i support you going to see you mom) and until then dream
SJ
I have been in your situation. I single parented 3 children from diapers to adulthood. The kids are now in their mid 30s and out on their own. I would second much of what Di said. Clothes were not a good way to express my femininity during those years. I found the children needed me to develop my skills in nurturing and the other traditionally female parenting skills. That turned out to be the silver lining in that situation. Being the nurturing parent satisfied my feminine side and I became an all around better person. Other than cotton nightshirts and Halloween outings I did not need a lot of feminine clothing. Well, I also always played female characters in the kids video games. Message me if you would like to talk further. . . . Vale
Many times during a lifetime the priority is not self. For you right now it is being that "dad" to provide love and stability. Your day may come, maybe not. I'm 75 which is a good age to look back at life at its accomplishments and shortcomings. My counselor for PTSD issues told me after twelve years of meetings every two weeks that I think of everyone first and myself last. I don't regret my life, but I do wonder what would have happened if I made a different choice here and there.Originally Posted by SissyAlly
hello Ally,
the important thing is - what does or would your daughter think about your wish to transition. Or could you both live with you crossdressing in private?
It is not easy to be in your situation.
stay healthy!
luv, J
Ally, like a lot of folks on here I am also in the closet. My wife knows but isn't supportive so I keep Claire and her things stashed away for when she's not around. I sort of outed myself to her when my son was three. Here final comment in the discussion that day was "don't ever let your son find out. It will destroy him". The closet is a little bit "what you make it". Several have made suggestions of under dressing but there can be other opportunities. Maybe your daughter can sleep over at grandma's occasionally. You can do a princess tea party with her if she's into that. I had a boat moored an hour away from home for several years that ended up needing a lot of maintenance (at least once a month - year round).
As she gets older, your closet may get deeper if you stay on that route. She will probably ask a few questions, like if she sees women's panties in the laundry. Kids ask a lot of questions and are very observant, but they will also surprise you at how open and accepting they can be. Enjoy as many experiences with your daughter as you can as you only get one shot and they grow up so quickly. Only you will know what your closet will look like.
I used a similar analogy with a patient when explaining to him, how he should accept his bipolar condition. It's a medical situation that he can manage like any other with the appropriate treatments, instead of try to just tough it out and try to fight it and wind up going down in flames every so often.
I'm not stuck in the closet. I willingly stay here, where all my pretty things are, out of choice because I don't want to have to deal with all the potential ramifications that may occur if I out myself to the homophobic / transphobic world. I will let you front line warriors do that if you want, just as I let the soldiers and sailors go round the world and fight the good fight. I'll be here to tend to your injuries when you come back hurt, psychologically, physically, or both.
Now pardon me, while I go onto Amazon to get some queen size stockings, because I got a run in my last pair yesterday, and I don't want to wear these cute cheerleader socks with my nice dresses.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
bravo to you for putting your child first!
We all have tradeoffs and negotiations we have to make in our life. If its possible, it may be easier if view your current circumstance as your choice and try to focus on the beauty of why you make the choices you make. Not easy, I get it.
Oh, and underdress as much as possible!
I came out to my son when he was 22, turned out he had known since he was 14. Kids are inquisitive, and they don't always follow the conventions of privacy.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
Hi Ally, Well you have certainly be given a lot of good heart felt advice here. All I can do is tell you about me being pretty much a closet case too. Congrats for the love of your family, ultimately that's what it's all about. Depending where you live there are places you can go, people you can meet (I met my friends/helpers here on this site, "Places to go/Places to meet" on the main page) if you want to reach out. I was able to meet another member for coffee fully enfemme, I was terrified, but it went well. I am stuck in a similar place as you DADT (don't ask don't tell), but I don't have a daughter (big difference). I will never be who I fully feel I should be but I am happy for the love that I do have, and that is good enough for me. pm me if you wish, I am not here nearly as much as some. Wishing you nothing but the best. Brenda
Absolutely stuck! Between family, professional life, and a large upper torso idk if will ever come out. I am thankfully for sites such as this one that I can meet others and at least talk about it.
I'm not in the closet. I dress fully and go out. My wife is very understanding. She does not participate which is fine and she would prefer our friends not know. I could never tell my children. They would not understand and it would ruin my relationship with them and my grandchildren. You always have to balance your priorities in life. They are by far, along with my wife, mine. I'm somewhat sad that I can't come out fully but happier that I have a great relationship with those I love.
Posting Permissions
