Man in a Dress

[CeCe]

Hi, gurlsI. I would love to hear more about our experiences as a man in a dress. I am thoroughly a MIAD, making no attempt to pass. I wear a beard and no wig or makeup so, when dressed, I look like a man from the neck up and a lady from the neck down.
My femme wardrobe increases slowly, yet the outerwear never leaves the apartment. I am comfortable enjoying my crossdressing alone at home. My new girlfriend knows about it but has not yet seen it. This is my comfort level at this stage.
Maybe in the future my life as a crossdresser will be different. I would love to be dressed in the company of other MIADs if I knew there was ever an event for us. So far, my girlfriend has seen me underdressed and has suggested strongly that she does not want me dressed in public. Maybe someday, if she is open to it, I will hang with her indoors while fully dressed.
What is your experience as a man in a dress?

[Sandi Beech]

I have gone to LGBT bars a few times in what I would call hybrid mode. It is not how I prefer to go out, but sometimes I have no time to fully dress but want to go out anyhow.

I recall one time in particular back before Covid, I went into a bar with a guy shirt and forms on with very short white shorts and pantyhose plus women?s shoes. I was sitting by myself and got approached by a couple of young women who wanted to hang out. The one said that she noticed me immediately when I walked into the room. It was an interesting reaction, but not something I have done in a while. Generally I am not approached as much as I am when presenting fully as female.

Sandi

[banzini]

My experience is more or less the same as it always has been though certainly a lot more looks from strangers. I've been going out in dresses for over 2 years now and no bad experiences to recount. Have even gone out with forms before - that definitely got some o_0 looks but no rude comments. My favorite reaction of all time was going to the bathroom (mens) one day in a simple summer dress and there was a guy coming out who said 'that's the dude's...oh, you are a dude...' I'm sure there have been worse looks and things said behind my back but everyone that I have had to actually interact with has been pleasant and a lot of the time they don't even seem to notice what I'm wearing.

[jacques]

hello CeCe,
I am a bearded man in a dress at home in private with my wife.
Sometimes I am a bearded man in women's jeans and a bra when I go out of the house.
I am always wearing something feminine even if it is just some socks, jewelry, perfume or natural coloured make up.
Life is good!
luv J

[alwayshave]

CeCe, I wear a utility kilt fairly regularly. But I am sure that's not what you mean.

[docrobbysherry]

CeCe, I have a beard and stash in most of my pix here. But, I can't wear a mask when I go out unless it's to a costume event. So, I shave and go out as a MIAD. But, not the kind u mean. I put on makeup and wear a wig!

I can think of a dresser that I met here on CD.com that I invited to join our Hamburger Mary's T girl nite gang in Long Beach. She simply threw on a dress and did nothing else. While I thot she was a nice person? The other T's were NOT pleased! I never heard from or saw her again!

[Stephj]

I am a 59 year old man with a grey beard I present as me while wearing my panties bra and female jeans everyday

[DianeT]

Not entirely related, but I made this funny dream last night that I was visiting customers and my jeans felt strange. At some point somebody observed that my trousers were not bending right at the knees (go figure what that could even mean...). At that point I put my hands in my pockets and realized they did not fit. And thought to myself: "sh..! I picked a lady's jeans from the closet this morning".
I woke up wondering what this meant. And remembered that when returning a few shirts from the dry cleaner lately I had included a female black shirt I use for CDing and had forgotten to return it to its original location in my basement suitcase... it is still hanging there and I have a lot of male black shirts... I think it's a reminder that I have to return it to that suitcase before my wife sees it (in fact I think she already did and didn't mention it, but I don't want to push it).

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

It would indeed be interesting and probably fun to be dressed with other MIAD's, but so far I've never had the opportunity.

Doc, is it appropriate to refer to a MIAD as "she"? Sounds to me like he was just a man in a dress.

[docrobbysherry]

---------------------------
Doc, is it appropriate to refer to a MIAD as "she"? Sounds to me like he was just a man in a dress.

I've met so many dressers of different types in my travels, OAG. But, never heard any of them say, "Please refer to me as he or him."

And, I personally know 2 very masculine looking T's that were not wearing makeup, forms, or wigs that went berserk when some poor, hard worker servers referred to them as, "Sir!"

[Krisi]

... my girlfriend has seen me underdressed and has suggested strongly that she does not want me dressed in public.

And for good reason. Once you let the toothpaste out of the tube there's no way to put it back. Anyone who sees you prancing around town with a beard but wearing a dress will notice and remember. What if it's a co-worker, your boss, your pastor, etc.? Or your girlfriend's parents?

If prancing around the house while dressed as a woman excites you, fine, do it. Before you let others in on your hobby, think about the consequences.

[DianeT]

And for good reason. Once you let the toothpaste out of the tube there's no way to put it back. Anyone who sees you prancing around town with a beard but wearing a dress will notice and remember. What if it's a co-worker, your boss, your pastor, etc.? Or your girlfriend's parents?

If prancing around the house while dressed as a woman excites you, fine, do it. Before you let others in on your hobby, think about the consequences.

It may be just me, but I sense a whiff of contempt about MIADs and home dressers in your words ("prancing", "excites", ...). Are you concerned about the consequences for a MIAD to go out and be seen, or is it the whole concept of MIADs in the open getting on your nerves?

I can't count how many times I have seen MIADs being lectured on these forums, seemingly because it would hurt the reputation of other males at birth trying to pass as women. Let's live and let live. The OP has never said he was "excited", nor that he would ignore his wife's requests ("Maybe someday, if she is open to it"). And if his wife agrees one day, I welcome him to go and see the wide open, friendly, accepting world we are all building together in these boards.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I've met so many dressers of different types in my travels, OAG. But, never heard any of them say, "Please refer to me as he or him."

And, I personally know 2 very masculine looking T's that were not wearing makeup, forms, or wigs that went berserk when some poor, hard worker servers referred to them as, "Sir!"

Doc, although it's unlikely we'll ever actually meet since you're in Cali and I'm in Florida but if we do, I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to me as he or him, because that's what I am, no matter how I'm dressed.

AT Rhonda: Long polished nails? LOL I can't stand my nails being even slightly long, they drive me crazy! I have a friend who keeps his nails long, when he cuts them they're still longer than mine are when I have to cut them because they're driving me insane. I don't know how ANYONE can have long nails without flipping out! BUT to each his or her own.

[Kitty Sue]

I have not dressed completely in a long time. These days usually just a pair or leggings or similar. So very much a man in a dress. In saying that if I go out in public it will most likely be fully made up. If I ever start dressing around my wife it will probably be something simple like women's jeans and t-shirt kind of thing. I kind of doubt I will really CD fully until daughter goes off to college. That is a few years away.

[suzanne]

In short, I go pretty much everywhere in a dress or skirt and heels. Like you, I make no effort to pass as a woman or otherwise fool people about who I am. I feel that if I did try to pass, I would end up looking like the world's ugliest woman and a tragic joke.

As it happens, I was "adopted" by the sales staff of a classy dress shop, who befriended me and showed me what looks best on me and why. I avoid shopping on line as much as I can. Whenever possible, I shop in person in brick and mortar dress shops, where nothing that looks bad on me ever leaves with me. I am ALWAYS treated with the utmost respect and kindness, and many sales ladies know me by my male name. Now, I sincerely believe that my best look is feminine, which has been confirmed many times by random women who stop to tell me how nice I look.

[Karmen]

That is my every day type of dressing at home. I dress as a woman, but without makeup and wig. Bra and silicone breast only when the dress absolutely demands that. I dress like that on a daily basis, because I live alone.

[Tamroi]

I think you are being sensible to be a MIAD with a beard.
I wear all the time, and going out, a bra, bandeau over it,
a skirt, bikini bottom, and hose. Long hair and a beard.
These are sensible clothes for a man.
I have no interest in passing.
My wife has gotten used to it
and warns me only when needed to not cause undesired alarm.
I think you do not want a wife you must hide from.

[AllieBellema]

I usually shave before I dress up, but I don't wear any makeup. So I'm pretty much a MIAD whenever I do dress up.

[CarlaWestin]

I usually shave before I dress up, but I don't wear any makeup. So I'm pretty much a MIAD whenever I do dress up.

Allie, at your age you face is a good canvas for makeup. If you're interested that is.

I love being out in the summer. Jean skirt, flip flops, painted nails, t-shirt, bra and forms, ball cap and purse.
I always shave first but I stopped facial hair at 30.

[Steph70kk]

I also do not try to pass as a woman. I mostly go out to queer-friendly bars (many in Amsterdam) wearing some light make-up, feminine tops, feminine pants or skirts, tights, boots, etc. Sometimes to regular bars. Never had an issue. Queer-friendly places are better to meet people. I think that most people would label me as gender-fluid.

[phili]

Hi Cece,
Thanks for starting a MIAD thread! THere are so many parts to your post- so...
1. Hearing more experiences
I was just like you totally -closeted until I retired and realized that I really needed to feel free. before I die, to put it bluntly! So I go to museums or other art venues like art classes at a community college, I go to the hardware store or whatever, or shopping - and the really good news is that in any civilized place, people are tolerant and it is kind of a non event. It is true that some will avert their eyes, or comment to someone else, or just be a little stiff in conversation, and that is just minority stress experieced by any minority where people are not purposefully inclusive. I have a trimmed beard and mustache, shave my legs and don't wear makeup, but I do have necklaces and bracelets. I am not embarrassed or reticent or waiting for anyone to give me permission or approval, I just appear and participate as if I am a normal person. That seems to work really well.

Kids sometimes rush to mom and say that man is in a dress, and mom shushes them or gives them a little lesson on their point of view. Some kids are very watchful and thinking hard, but never afraid or upset. Teens laugh and I sometimes go over to them to ask directions or something and they become embarrassed and or respectful, for a moment.

Lessons learned- everyoine should get out of the closet when and where they can! it is wonderful to finally be able to enjoy the good things of women's clothing, among other people. It confirms our dreams and it does feel good,and we can see ourselves in the world we dreamed of. It is not to be missed. I think for me the big thing was losing the stress of secretiveness. I also lost the special emotional edge of successful transgression.

But there is a burden.I found that clothing is a huge messaging medium and that people are all reacting. Some just see me as a poor deluded guy who somehow thinks he looks good in a dress, or maybe I am an artistic social provocateur to be reacted to . Sometimes people, usually young women- are VERY enthusiastic and positive about that - which is nice. But, in any case I am harmless, that is obvious and it has been a huge relief to just take my place as a gender non conforming person in society.

I also have a fundamental trans identification as a woman- which I think is rooted in embryonic development, but leaves me kind of a hybrid, and the body mapping part of it is also at play. I love fitted bodices and flares that provide me with hips I dont have and gathering around my breasts. I have come to accept and feel my body as a male type woman's body. No one else can understand this, but I realized that it is not really different from any other particularity about someone that others dont' find familiar or in a recognizable category, [except MIAD].

But, I also find that clothing can only absorb your attention for so long, and it becomes background to the other things we are doing. So it didn't take long for me to feel what so many women appear to also feel, that many items of women's clothes are decorative and not practical or even comfortable, AND that their choice of clothes will cause various reactions amongst the people they will encounter, so they choose accordingly. I totally get why women rarely wear dresses or heels except where the others are sure to be doing it or they have a social position where a big banner saying 'woman agreeing to wear a dress despite its drawbacks' or 'woman feeling safe to enjoy traditional symbolic presentation' is hanging around their necks. You can see when women are enjoying 'dressing up' and I find that friendly women will see me as reaching for that pleasure, and are happy to accept me in that view- while retaining awareness of all the other aspects of being female that are part of what being a woman means to most people, that I do not and never will share.

2. Enjoying our wardrobe
One big thing I did was concentrate on my wardrobe and I learned to sew so I could create ever better fit and flair since part of my desire was for artistic styling and not just anything that could be considered a dress. There are lots of patterns that do fit easily and attractively many body shapes, so go for it. In general, every woman has a big closet of clothes she wants to wear but the opptys are few. And being able to just dress and ENJOY it liberates lots of feelings and the longer we do it the more natural it becomes.

3. Girlfriends/SOs
Major problem is that gender is a big part of relationship, and while we feel we have our core being that is us and our gender is kind of a forced act, for others that gender expression is part of who we are to them. It is simple- if we are masculine, they can be feminine in a different way than they can be with someone expressing feminine to them. So it is a big leap and I'd say that few women can make the transition.Bedroom fantasy kink once in a while, yes, but daily grind no and being seen as the partner of a weirdo, no. THat is discouraging, but the good news part is that if you crave dressing you have to find a partner who is interested and supportive. Otherwise it really, as in my case- is a constant hard spot and distortion of the relationship. I was sure that the amount I worked hard to make my partner happy would pave the way for her to do the same for me, but ...no. It does happen but really, these things are clear the first day. Either she is yes or not.

4. Dressing with other MIADs
Very hard to accomplish. Here is the best place, or zoom calls. I set up a little album of short videos with the idea of encouraging guys to just enjoy dressing, but the irony is that no one really likes to see MIADs, even MIADs! We all want to feel we look more feminine, but the traces of manliness are deeply programmed in us to read 'male alert' ,as an evolutionary survival priority. Here on the site I tried a few times, and we are nice to each other. Posting pics is just static though compared to being with real people.

If your city as a PRIDE center the staff are usually pretty good about accepting people where they are with gender. THey may have events and such and you can be you with the motley crew of GNC folks - again- we are all indiividuals so finding a group exactly where we are is impossible I now think. It is fun to be fully accepted, and our defense hormones canturn off for an hour or so, which is great. On the other hand, it is not life.

I would say just go out and experience being with the world - hardly anyone these days has not been exposed to trans people or crossdressers, and the best thing we can do is not be embarrassed, just be who we are, at peace, and participating. That makes it easy for everyone to live and let live. We aren't uncomfortable to others if we are not looking uncomfortable in ourselves.

5. Bottom line- crossdressers are a minority, so trying to ceate a thriviong social life is not going to be easy, unless there is an active and inclusive LGBTQ scene you can access.

On the other hand, the critical factor I found was accepting our desires and our pleasure at face value and eliminating all internalized fears and criticisms. Once that is done, we feel normal, and we don't need to proclaim or prove or get permission or any of those things. We can just enjoy being ourselves in our private time, and make the best of the social opportunities we find. We are not alone in that- so many minorities of all kinds make their way.

BTW I am happy to message with anyone who is struggling with this and talk it through!

[kimdl93]

probably wise to go along with your GF's preferences unless and until these change.

[Heather76]

If I were sporting facial hair, I would never go out in public wearing feminine outer clothing. I don't care to be object of outright scorn or made fun of where I can hear the comments. Early in my CD journey, my wife and I saw an older gent, partially bald with a grey man bun, at LOWE'S 3 people ahead of us at the checkout counter. He was also wearing a spaghetti strap top, women's jeans, women's shoes, a bra and (I assume) forms (vs. implants). My wife whispered to me, "Don't you ever go out looking like that." I suspect/know I will never truly pass. I would like to blend and from a distance of 50' not obviously be a MIAD. I'm of the opinion that if I'm out shopping en femme and someone sees me from a distance, if it's not obvious I'm crossdressing, then I will register as female in their minds and they will pay no further attention to me even if/when we are 5' apart.

[ErikaH]

When Erika goes out, she wants to be her. She does not want her male side to show

[Geena75]

I'm sure this will sound odd, but here is my feelings. Many years ago, while I was just faintly dreaming of dressing up, I saw a photo from a gay pride parade of a guy in a pink ballerina outfit, but with short hair and beard. I felt revolted and buried urges to feminize for years. When I revisited my feelings and began to act on them, I always felt ashamed of my beard (when dressed. love it in drab) and kept behind closed doors. When I discovered how to use a mask to hide it, I found ways to further explore those feelings. All the while, though, all I had to do was remove the mask and wig and I was ready to change back to drab. I felt really good, as long as I don't have to see myself.

At the moment, I am running a stretch of being clean shaven and totally loving it when I can get out as Geena. I know I'll be growing it back (for reasons of my own) but I know I'll come back to this in good time.