How common is this and does it mean much?

[Uncertain&Unsure]

Hey everyone. My uncertain feelings about my gender aren't as common as they were last time I posted. I actually wonder if they're fake and my OCD is just trying to make me feel that way. I was basically a normal boy as a child. I had no strong feelings about my gender: I took it for granted that I was a guy. I had mostly male toys as a kid, with the only girl toys being a baby doll and a dollhouse. I was also masculine (although average and not anywhere near macho) and I enjoyed rough play, although I never had an aggressive personality. Regardless, I have a question to ask. How common/normal is it for a boy to try on his mother's shoes and boots as a child? I mentioned it in my introduction thread, but didn't really provide much context. I I did it when I was 11-ish. Multiple times in fact. I was in particular fascinated by her boots if I remember correctly. My mom says it's common and normal among cis guys when they are kids, but is it really? That was the only crossdressing behavior I displayed as a child/preteen. I'd like an outside answer.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Here, on this forum, you'll probably find that most if not all boys tried on whatever they could find as a kid. If you were to ask "normal" guys who don't CD, I suspect the percentage will be much lower, but that's just a guess since it's a topic that doesn't really come up when you're out with the guys.

[Helen_Highwater]

Men are notorious for not sharing in the same way women do so standing in the pub with your mates and asking if as a kid your wore your mom's things isn't likely to be part of the conversation and if asked likely to drawn far more mocking comments than truthful ones.

I seem to remember being drawn to girdles and slips but not much else and only in a passing curiosity. The desire to dress came more in my late teenage years.

[mbmeen12]

When someone initially puts on an article of clothing, it's the base line of all who have questioned their gender identity. Ie crossdressing and or fetishes etc etc....in my opinion of course.....

[alwayshave]

Uncertain&Unsure, I tried many items of my sisters and mother clothing and shoes. It is probably a common story here.

[Crissy 107]

What you did is common and normal for us here on this site, I started with my Moms things at 11-12. My guess is many young guys did the same also.
There is nothing wrong with that and if you feel like trying something more, we all did, go for it.

[jacques]

Image130.gif
Hello Uncertain,
You are quite normal, most of us crossdressers start before we are 14 years old. Some pre-puberty and some at puberty.
my advice from experience - enjoy your journey rather than obsess about why you are doing it.
luv J

[GretchenM]

Welcome to the forum.

You may not find your answer here because people here are inclined toward this behavior to various degrees and in different ways. Few actually fit the "normal," whatever that is. For starters the modern concept of gender is based on the findings that almost everybody is a bit "transgender" in that males have gender traits and characteristics that are primarily found in females; and the reverse is equally true. However, in most people those aspects are far from being a dominant aspect and appears to be there for incidental uses when necessary.

But a synonym for biology is "variable" or "diverse." It is almost never one-size-fits-all. Some people, for some reason, have a lot more of those opposite gender traits and that influences their behavior to sometimes be moderately to greatly like the opposite gender. Even to the extent of identifying as the opposite gender even when their sex is not consistent with that.

As to frequency, it is really hard to tell how many are this way to some defined degree, but in general it is considered to be between 1% and 5%, but it varies with the definition used. So if it is 3 out of 100 that shows it is pretty common, but the big variable is how this behavior pattern is expressed. It is entirely possible that there are more like this but their conformance with social standards keeps them from expressing these gender reversed feelings. But how does one identify those people if they are hush hush about it? That primarily why the frequency is little more than an educated guess supported by good but very incomplete data gathered in a sampling scheme that can easily miss the behavior if the person is keeping it secret. Mind readers don't exist.

As for your behavior in youth it sounds pretty normal to me. As Ursula said, kids are curious. And they are often painfully honest because they don't have the constraints to hold them back from doing what they Feel. Also, some who have some potential degree of gender reversal may not let that out or even recognize it until they are much older. Various things in their life constrain the triggering of the gender reversal into an actual behavior until some high threshold is reached which doesn't happen until they are much older than most. That assumes this is a predisposition which may not even be the case. The point is it is still only vaguely understood and based on a lot of assumptions.

But how can you tell what is what? You really can't. It is entirely possible that different processes trigger the gender reversed behavior in different people. There is still far, far more that we do not know or understand about this than we know. Much of it is still theory at best and possibly only hypotheses being the most likely level of understanding. Two things are certain though - gender reversal has little do with the person's sex and most of it is a function of the brain and how it adapts to establishing consistency or compromise between certain genetically defined generalities of your inheritance and simple adaptation of the brain to produce a consistency between the environment, social expectations and whatever the limits are for variation, assuming there actually are individualized limits imposed by genetics. However, even that is questionable to some degree.

I suggest you read posts and threads here and see what rings bells and what falls to the floor with a thud. That way perhaps you can better define something about yourself with regard to your gender configuration which drives your total gender identity. This is a great place to do that kind of "research" to define yourself more clearly. It is OK no matter how that comes out, but if you sense there is something there then there very well might be. Or not. The important thing is to find a sense of self that is comfortable for YOU. There is no normal; just variation.

[Maria 60]

When I was 9 or 10 I will never forget the slap in the face I got from my father when I tried on my females cousins shoes. The problem was I don't know if anyone remembers when wedgie shoes were in style, and I remember I wore them because they resembled the high boots that the band Kiss would wear. I thought I was so cool walking around with those shoes pretending I was playing the air guitar when out of nowhere I got a back hander from my father. My intention was in no way to resemble a women or was I trying to act like a women. But in my fathers eyes he made sure it wasn't intended like that. Well the shot in the face didn't work, here we are.
I don't believe trying on your mothers shoes had anything to do with it but then again I'm not a professional in this field

[kimdl93]

The short answer is, yes, it is very common for males to try on available womens items in childhood. Whether at 3 or 13, its a normal part of learning about the world and finding ones place in it.

Answers to the why question are really just speculations. We do no know enough about the interplay of myriad genetic, developmental and experiential factors and we may never know. Could OCD play a part? Perhaps. Or it could be that some set of individuals who are gender variant coincidentally are OCD, or left handed.

[Krisi]

You are asking on a crossdressing forum so you are not likely to get an accurate answer here. If you want an accurate answer, you need to ask a more general group of people, not crossdressers.

Maybe create a poll on Facebook.

[Aunt Kelly]

I have to echo Krisi's observation. This a CD forum. We all tried on mom's shoes as a kid. That said...
Gender identity can be a complex thing to sort out. If it's really bothering you, seek the services of a counselor qualified to deal with such issues. Otherwise, don't sweat the small stuff.

[Stephanie47]

I see from your bio info that you're 22 years old. At least you and your mother grew up in a more enlightened time period than the aged, like me at age 75. I could, and have, posted your words. My youth was similar to you pre-teen or pre-puberty age. I was rough and tumble and all boy. I had no use for girls. My younger sister was born when I was eleven. I developed an attraction for my mother's full slips. I would take them off the drying clothesline in our apartment and slip into them. I loved the feel of the nylon fabric. I had no desire to be a girl. It was purely the fabric. My desires also extended to the one long nylon nightgown. It wasn't until puberty that my interest began extending to my mother's undergarments; panties, bras, girdles and nylons. Those years were full of shame, self hatred and disgust. It was not helpful that society seemed to equate cross dressing and homosexuality are one and the same. It was not helpful that my parents were homophobic and tried to catch me wearing my mother's clothing. If I were to have been caught my butt would have been blistered and tossed out of the house after high school graduation.

[nancy58]

As a kid, as soon as I was aware of gender, I wanted to be like Dad. Interest in Mom's things didn't come until I was a teenager, after countless hours browsing the Sears catalog's lingerie section, not thinking about the clothing for me but about the models wearing it. The desire to become a woman is, for me, something that happened in middle age. But I believe there were times when I was little that I did try on Mom's shoes -- and probably Dad's, too -- before I learned that "real boys" don't wear girls' clothing. My experience notwithstanding, I believe it's very common for children to experiment with whatever clothing they can get their hands on, and I'd be surprised if there aren't plenty of boys who stopped playing with Mom's clothing about the time they got out of kindergarten and never looked back.

[docrobbysherry]

Uncertain, Despite what Auny Kelly and others say here? "Normal" boys and men never even think about trying on women's things!

How do I know? Because until I hit 50, I was one of them. I had countless opportunities to try on sister's, mother's, girl friend's, and wive's clothing for 50 years. So, why didn't I? Because men without gender issues DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!

And, the only thing straight men think about women's clothes is how to get them out of them!

If u were compelled to try on ladies things often as a kid? I would say you're trans!

[Veronica Lacey]

Have pondered this ages ago and sought the answer to "Am I normal to be trying on such clothing at any age" question. Certainly I pondered my gender amidst all the searching and very easily and quickly determined that I was heterosexual and was not attracted to boys and men. From my viewpoint I was an average boy who, around puberty, certainly was drawn to girls and not boys.

I feel that kids are drawn to any number of items and activities naturally (they just try something because it's there) and socialized (offered and/or encouraged/discouraged to give something a try) and I do believe that clothing could be included. In retrospect I was drawn more to my mother's attire because she was kinder and friendlier so I perhaps thought "why not dress like her, wear those things as I feel good." My father was much more serious, gruff, at times volatile in temperament. "Why would I want to wear those boots or that suit when it makes me angry?" Kid logic, maybe, yet kids do emulate many characters for many reasons and I have come to believe this to be valid for my dressing origins.

So is it normal for "normal" boys to try dressing as girls, try on their things, wear their mother's shoes and anything readily available regardless of gender? Nothing definitive but there seems to be some logic to say perhaps, yes.

[Michelle1955]

Uncertain & unsure,
The urge will typically come and go for most people in my opinion. Research the pink fog, the urge comes and goes. Sometimes it will hit you like a brick wall and consume you and cause disruption on you every day life. Ie you my feel,in a bad way.

I am one of the few that it started when I was 4 or 5, at my friends house/ bedroom she and I switched each other underwear until her mom called us to come to the kitchen for lunch. At a young age 90% of my friends were girls my age, within walking distance from our house. So was,around a lot of girls things /activities. Only boy on the block.

Basically felt female forever, puberty was very bad mentally for me. Been doing this for 62 years, typically underdress daily.

Yes, i come to accept the female feelings and still have the pink fog at times.

[Heather76]

I never even thought about trying on my mom's shoes/heels. But I sure did try on her bras, girdles, and hose. That said, I always thought of it more as childhood curiosity. I didn't start crossdressing until age 74. Is there a correlation? I really don't know and really don't care.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Uncertain, Despite what Auny Kelly and others say here? "Normal" boys and men never even think about trying on women's things!

How do I know? Because until I hit 50, I was one of them. I had countless opportunities to try on sister's, mother's, girl friend's, and wive's clothing for 50 years. So, why didn't I? Because men without gender issues DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!

And, the only thing straight men think about women's clothes is how to get them out of them!

If u were compelled to try on ladies things often as a kid? I would say you're trans!

Naw, I have absolutely no gender issues. Male, with the genes and the junk to prove it. I just like women's clothes even though I'm not a woman, and I've been fascinated with such clothes as long as I can remember.
I know people who like to wear superhero outfits, yet they know that they're not really superheroes. Same thing.

[TheHiddenMe]

We all have our own stories, but our story isn't your story.

I don't think it matters much what you thought about as a child or what you tried on, it matters what you are thinking TODAY.

And based on your ID, you don't know where you are on the gender spectrum. I think you should consider talking to a professional about your gender issues, because none of us know you or the issues you are dealing with.

Just my two cents.

[BrendaPDX]

Well all I can say for certain is I was dressing in women's clothes off and on pretty much most of my life.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is common for little kids to try different things that when they are older they may not otherwise. It isn't that unheard of for a little boy to try on his mom's shoes because he is curious, as he is curious about the world in general. At 11, you probably did it because you found something about her shoes appealing or attractive. This isn't a terrible thing, I was about the same age when I developed a desire to wear high heels. Around that age you develop an idea of what you find attractive and appealing.

I think you are concerned that the fact you found (and still find) women's shoes attractive might mean you are a transsexual. It doesn't (and it doesn't make you gay of course.) It just means you have an interest in women's shoes. There are cis men who enjoy women's shoes, on their partner and/or wearing them themselves (but are not interested in anything else that is feminine). You might be a crossdresser in a general sense, or a "fetishistic transvestite", meaning you only have an interest in certain feminine items just because you find them attractive and choose to wear them.

On the downside, if you decide to pursue your interests, it can greatly complicate your relationship with women. There are plenty of stories on this site about that. Not to be a downer, but as a young man you should keep that in mind if finding a wife and having a family is important to you.

[Ressie]

Another good question would be: how many male crossdressers didn't first get the idea to try female garments on their own? IOW, either someone else dressed them or there was peer pressure to try something on.

As a child, my first time was when my mother had me wear my sister's coat on halloween. There was also a childhood experience of trying on high heels because the kids I was playing with were playing dress up. I believe some CDs don't remember that someone dressed them in something fem as a toddler.

Why some men cross dress and others don't hasn't been studied enough for anyone to really know for sure. We can assume that for most it started at a young age, but why?

[JulieC]

I agree there's precious little research into crossdressing. It's almost like it's a taboo research topic. It's sad.

So far as I know, I was never intentionally dressed by anyone in women's/girl's clothes as a child. I was my mom's last chance at a girl. The only thing I know she did in relation to that was that she kept my hair quite long while I was young, long enough that I was mistaken for a girl. I finally insisted on having it cut when I was in 3rd grade.

Crossdressing for me began on my own. Some of my earliest memories are wrapped up in crossdressing. I didn't act on these thoughts though until I was about 8 or 9 and started trying on my mother's pantyhose. I was absolutely hooked on them from that day on.

[NancySue]

I believe most boys in their youth are ?lingerie curious?. This can include, lingerie rummaging, sniffing, borrowing, etc. With some of us, it went further to wearing. The first few things I tried were no big deal, until I slipped on pantyhose. It was like a lightning bolt. That experience started my journey. My golf buddy told me he?s worn pantyhose while hunting and did remark how comfortable they felt. I said nothing, but smiled inside.