New Year New Begging

[Josieone79]

Apologize for long post

Were does one begin, I?m so glad 2022 is over, one of my most roughest years I ever had. Work just got out of hand, and added a stress like I have never experienced, life with home projects, cost of living and repairs add more stress, finally in 2022 I tried to suppress my crossdressing feminine side like I have never done. With all three combinations adding to my struggle and stresses in life, I started to drink more, I was moody, etc, for the first time ever in my life I thought about taking my own life, I know I know it?s wrong, it?s selfish, and not fare to the loved ones around me.
So I am married and my wife knew something was wrong, she could see that I was struggling with something and finally sat me down and wanted it all on the table. So I spilled everything, she has known about my crossdressing for years now and is accepting to a point that I keep it quiet, keep it a secret, and keep it private, and that I I keep Josie inside our house and when she is not home.
It?s amazing when you love and care about someone you try to make sacrifices for them, I knew she was ashamed of my crossdressing feminine side, wanted nothing to really do with it or see it which also made me feel a shamed of dressing or wearing anything feminine. Was the reason I tried so hard to suppress it.
Unfortunately what I found out is I can not suppress this side of me, I struggle with accepting the crossdressing side of me and it is who I am. But yet when I do wear feminine clothes bras, panties, lingerie, full dress as well the feeling is so unexplainable.
Well the wife didn?t say much after our chat she just listened to what I had to say and we went to bed. After a day or two she came to me and said that she was mad that I would even think about taking my own life, but then again she doesn?t realize what I?m going through. She asked me to seek help and therapy to try and help me accept and Embrace the Josie side of me appointment has been maid, Also she feels is I need to accept this side and suggest I wear or dress what makes me feel comfortable at home in the privacy of our home and hoping this will help with me accepting myself. She suggested I reach out to others, forums, clubs that can possibly help. She said stop fighting it and embrace it. It will be uncomfortable for her at times but she to wants nothing more then me to accept myself. She doesn?t want to be part of everything but will be there if I request.
She bought me a beautiful silky robe she asked if I would wear it when I?m wearing panties, bra or other lingerie in the house. I thought that was nice of her.
So hear I am now back on a forum reaching out and hopefully find some friends, others to chat with, maybe find some helpful suggestions how one can accept themselves.

Thanks for reading I look forward to 2023.

Have a great day

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Josie. Been there done that. The most important thing you have is your wifes support. Not everyone on this forum has that. There is no one size fits all easy answer to self acceptance. It can be a struggle. Therapy works for some but not all. . I would embrace the support of your loved ones .Assess the situation. You can live with it. A lot are in DADT relationships.I would not force the CD issue with your wife. Take it slowly and see what happens. Good luck for 2023.

[JennniferMcC]

It sounds like your wife is really trying here. That's wonderful but don't forget to go SLOW and COMMUNICATE if you want to grow her acceptance and support. It's too easy to mistake budding acceptance as full and total acceptance. Best wishes for your new beginning!
-Jen

[Josieone79]

Thank your for the advice

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes, your wife is really trying, and that is all we can ask of our partner/spouse. First thing, count your blessings and recognize that you are fortunate indeed to have a spouse who cares for you, despite the parts of you that may make you uncomfortable. Next, do as she requests, and make a serious commitment to therapy, with someone qualified to deal with gender issues. Be open, honest and prepared to answer difficult questions. Finally, by flowers for your wife. Do it today, then find some way to show her how much you appreciate her love and understanding. Think of those things as emotional investments, deposits on which you may need to draw at some point.
Best of luck to you.

[Josieone79]

Aunt Kelly spot on

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Josie ; Welcome to our Forum, When you are here You are Home.

What ever questions that you have, there is a 99.875 % chance that one or more of us will have an Answer for you,

>>>>>>>>Orchid**OO**

[Josieone79]

Thanks you blue, I definitely look forward to asking questions and learning

[Kris Burton]

Josie - you are a step up in that you have a wife who is understanding - its a good fortune many do not have. It's also good that you have followed her lead and are in the process of getting therapy. If you are prepared to dig deeply this can prove very beneficial (I did read your other post). You have asked for help, and appear serious, so you will receive it. You should proceed confidently.

[Josieone79]

Thank you Kris appreciate your comments

I am serious I need to find the strength and acceptance of my true self

[bridget thronton]

Keep talking to your wife

[Stephanie47]

I have always viewed the angst over wearing women's attire two fold; acceptance of self and acceptance by others. You are fortunate to have the support of a loving wife. That is the biggest fear of revealing our desires; How will a wife react? She has set boundaries for her own comfort level. Any of us has to respect those boundaries, and, if subject to change, have to be renegotiated. Don't take tacit acceptance as an OK to do everything. Any wife needs and should get an ample dose of her "guy time."

The other issue is self acceptance. You should seek out a qualified therapist to discuss your own self acceptance. Find out where you fall on the spectrum.

[Josieone79]

Appreciate your input Stephanie

[JulieC]

I would venture to guess for all of us crossdressers that the most difficult person to get acceptance from is...yourself. It is a huge struggle. Everything about crossdressing is so outside of expectations of who we are supposed to be as men. This has been a huge struggle for me, one that has been taking decades to unfold. I expect it will be always be a struggle.

One thing that has helped me gain better acceptance of myself over the last year or so is understanding that I am not a man. I'm not a woman. I'm not transgender. I've stopped labeling myself as anything other than...me. All of us in our interactions with people put up certain facades; at work you have certain elements you share with your co-workers, superiors, employees. They don't know everything. Same goes for people you might know at church. Same goes for friends. Even close friends won't know everything about you. We put up facades, elements of who we are to paint a picture of who want to be seen as to those people. In my life, there are just two people who know the complete me, and with whom I don't have incomplete facades. Thinking of it this way helps because the female aspects of me are part of that mix; few people know about it, but it doesn't make it any less of the whole picture of who I am, and thus is something I hold to me. Accepting it as just one of the many aspects of me that some will know and some will not equalizes it among all aspects of me, rather than shunning it/repressing it/despising it.

[Josieone79]

JulieC
Thank you for your comments, something I will definitely think about

[alwayshave]

Josie, I'm glad that your discussion with your wife went well and some degree of acceptance has been achieved. Welcome to the forum.