Chatting about being "busted", and, "closet dressing"!

[docrobbysherry]

I've read so many posts about those of us that have been "Busted", at the mall, with their nail tech, etc., etc. But, were they REALLY busted?

I do NOT consider anyone "outed or busted" if the person who sees u dressed is a stranger and doesn't know u, your family, personal friends, or neighbors!

As a result I consider myself a closet dresser. Because I don't dress near home and none of the 100's+ folks who've met Sherry knows anyone or anything to do my male persona. Only my immediate family know about my dressing. None of whom who live with me anymore.

Tell me if u think I'm off base regarding being busted and closet dressing?

[Majella St Gerard]

Being "busted" and being "clocked" are two different things. IMHO

[AmeeJo]

I don't think you are off base at all. I have been out partially dressed many times and I'm sure I was noticed. Not by anyone I knew so, it really doesn't matter. I wasn't really hiding anything, just being subtle. I only fully dress at home, for now. My wife knows I dress but she has not seen me, and doesn't want to at this time. I will probably venture out fully immersed in AmeeJo at some point but, I'm not sure when that will be.

[JC]

many soule s just write about anything to prove that they are active....... they write about what they are dressed including name and brand and model of panties, etc. ever ask wht spouse is wearing and never get data to this level.

[docrobbysherry]

Being "busted" and being "clocked" are two different things. IMHO

I believe we r clocked about 99% of the time. R you're saying these dressers in the posts I refer to r naive enuff to believe they pass the rest of the time!?

[Heather76]

I pretty much agree with your premise, Doc.

[Natalie5004]

My wife tells me that there is no way people do not see a man in a dress.

So what, it is what it is. I am going out to shop for groceries and cigs.

[GretchenM]

Sherry, I think your concept is within the "acceptable" boundaries of definition variation and application. Nothing is cast in bronze and variations are useful in that they help us see other perspectives that can make a tight definition more versatile. I think society in general has loosened up enough now to realize that cross-gender expression is a common thing these days in both males and females. And I think a majority realize that how a person expresses their sense of self in clothing or other aspects can vary widely. Makes life interesting. Sadly others are still as rigid as a giant redwood - they are the ones who still think males and females are creatures that are effectively from different planets. They can get nasty.

[MonicaPVD]

There are two levels of being clocked or busted or whatever you prefer to call it. The first, most basic, level is when people recognize that you are not a cis woman. I hate to break it to you, but this will happen 95% of the times we are out in public. Even if you are gorgeous and small framed, we simply have a difficult time emulating all the behavioral cues that a woman has picked up over a lifetime. Period. The second level is when an acquaintance recognizes you. This is far less common and, in my own experience after nearly two decades of going out dressed, almost nonexistent. The exceptions are, of course, if you are accompanied by mutual acquaintances, if you are recognized getting out of your car or walking out of your home (familiar context), or if you engage in a conversation with them, and they actively pay attention to you.

That last piece is the key. Most people go about their day without actively paying attention to the humans around them. So maybe they caught a glimpse of a crossdresser, whatever. That doesn't mean you're busted. People are remarkably self-absorbed. No one is thinking about you. Don't worry about being busted and just enjoy yourself.

[Cheryl T]

Sherry I tend to agree with your assessment.
Busted is like Lois Lane seeing Clark changing into Superman.
Clocked is some stranger realizing that you are not the woman you appear to be.

I was "busted" once by my wife. Luckily for me that began a journey to acceptance.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u for your excellent explanation of the two, Cheryl!

Gretchen, the reason I so dislike going out dressed to vanilla venues is NOT because I fear for my safety. But, when I go out just to shop or eat? If I'm dressed I find all the critical looks, raised eye brows, smirks and snickers to be stressful and distracting! And, I don't enjoy it when servers and SA's go overboard trying to prove they aren't disgusted helping me!

When I go out in drab no one notices me. I'm just another old man out. That's perfect!

[MarinaTwelve200]

Reading all of this, I can't think of any better reasons for STAYING CLOSETED. The potential for all sorts of "hassles", "embarrassments" and "events" are just too much to contemplate for me------I CD to Relax and escape. Being out would defeat my efforts. Kudos for those brave enough to take the risks, I am sure they get their "excitement" out of that, but it's not for me.

[Joanne108]

I do not care if someone clocks me while I am out in the wild. I have been perceived as a trans woman even though I am a cross dresser. But I just do not care what others think. My wife has caught me somewhere between presenting as man and woman in several occasions.

[Sandi Beech]

To me:

Outed - someone , who knows me and was previously unaware of my crossdressing activities, is made aware by direct or indirect means such as a friend told a friend. Now they know and can spread the word.

Busted - reserved for those in my closest circles. They may or may not be aware of my crossdressing desires, and somehow I am caught either red handed or by evidence found implicating the activity is alive and well. Also this person would be someone who disapproves and therefore negative implications follow. For others, it could be a first time event or repeat occurrence as in the wife caught me again when I said I would quit - as an example.

Nothing else really matters. For those whose lives do not cross with the male me, who cares. That is why I try to separate the two.

Sandi

[MonicaPVD]

You do what you feel comfortable with. This should be enjoyable, not nerve-wracking..

Reading all of this, I can't think of any better reasons for STAYING CLOSETED. The potential for all sorts of "hassles", "embarrassments" and "events" are just too much to contemplate for me------I CD to Relax and escape. Being out would defeat my efforts. Kudos for those brave enough to take the risks, I am sure they get their "excitement" out of that, but it's not for me.

[docrobbysherry]

Marina, exactly how I feel!

Sandi, I have to agree with your definitions!