Or are you a secretive person in other aspects of your life?
I'm not talking private, because that's a different character trait
It's more about hiding expensive purchases from your partner, out of fear of judgement, or hiding your eating and drinking habits - a sneaky cake at work for instance?
Just wondering if being secretive is a character trait for closeted dressers?
No other secrets, with the exception of certain parts of my work because I have to.
Oh .. and then that great fishing hole. Not telling anyone about that!
- Suz
The short answer is, No! To the contrary concerning cross-dressing. It is my wife insistence/choice to totally ignore my desire to wear women's attire. Consequently, she has no idea of the extent of my feminine wardrobe. She sews and has tons of fabric stacked in crates that are clearly visible to anyone coming to our home. My wardrobe is stored in plain sight in Xerox boxes stacked up in our converted garage to living space.
Concealing other things? Again, to the contrary I have to beg my wife to take some interest in our family finances. If I were to drop dead today, she is totally unprepared to handle our finances which are really rather simple. No hidden credit cards or accounts. It's all there for her to see.
We've been married for fifty plus years, and, she has yet to open up on her secrets from before our relationship which has affected our marriage.
Last edited by Stephanie47; 01-23-2023 at 10:05 AM. Reason: spelling
I have some other adult interest that I have shared with some but only those that I truly trust.
Amanda
No, It used to be a habit of mine, but I became aware of it, and overcame it. I am an introvert by nature, but hard experience in the world has taught me how to deal with people, and I am grateful for that, however difficult the learning process has been. My gender identity issues are the one stumbling block in that regard.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
My wife, like yours, knows but chooses to ignore. I wish that wasn't the way it was. I wish she would take an interest in my crossdressing, I think it would enhance our relationship. Not my choice though so for now I wear what I want, out of sight, and we live our life.
Rather than a character trait, I see the secretiveness as a necessity measure for self-preservation in many circumstances.
Yes, cross dressing is the only part of my life I am not open about. Well the rather large stash of cloths,but I am putting that under cross dressing.
For the most part I've remained in the closet, other than my sister catching me in her dress when I was thirteen and the occasional journey at night I stay away from public displays. Other than that Halloween always seems like a good excuse. One Halloween party was quite the experience when my male friends said I looked a lot like Gloria Stienem. My girl friends asked me where I got my outfits. This was always before internet shopping, so I dared go to the store to buy my clothes, saying of course that it was for my wife, though I've never married. After 54 years of dressing it has become more of an addictive solitude.
Last edited by Ilsa; 01-22-2023 at 03:40 PM.
I think a lot of us have that secret cake or drink from time to time. I am and always have been quite open and honest about most things except CD. However when my stash was found that was no longer a secret
Charlotte
I don't think I have that many other things to be secret about, minimal drinking, no illicit drugs. I'm a eat-to-live kind of gurl, so no food hiding.
But the are a lot of CD-related secrets that are required to compartmentalize boy vs girl me.
Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 01-22-2023 at 08:53 PM.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Only my crossdressing is kept secret - I'm in a DADT relationship. I am open on everything else, and don't think being secretive is a character trait. I think societal beliefs and pressures cause us to keep that secret.
"When you come to a fork in the road, Take it!" - Yogi Berra
I guess I did!
Crossdressing is about the only thing I keep secret. My late wife was the only other person that knew about it and enjoyed it. I don't really keep anything else secret. If something happens to me ,my niece will find out.
Luckily I?m quite good at keeping secrets probably a good job I am !!!
I can definitely relate to everything said thus far. I don't have a lot of secrets but I have many things I don't choose to share. And lots of things influence that. I know quite a few people, and there a different groups with many differences and similarities. I consider myself a very heterosexual person who likes crossdressing. I share that with some groups such as this one. Some cis women know that, some cis men know that, some bisexual men know that, some bisexual women know that, some gay men, some lesbian women, and I could go on. Many of the people in each of those groups do not know that I dress. At least not to my knowledge.
Sneaky, well, I definitely tried to be in my past. I used to be very meticulous in lots of things, especially in being careful with clothes I've tried on that I was borrowing. I used to be meticulous with all of my own feminine attire. Clothing that appears untouched also appears to not be used very frequently. And if it appears undisturbed, how often is it being used or worn? I admit, that could appear to be a deceitful thing, even a case of lying by omission. But many things don't really require much information from the owner. If someone looks at my heels, a casual glance at the soles would scream "I get worn a lot!". And a heel tip definitely shows how much it's been worn. Didn't this skirt still have the tags on it? I just saw it 2 weeks ago...and this stack of tops was shorter last time I saw it. Anyone can figure things out like that. By not drawing someone's attention to such things, am I lying? I'll accept sneaking, which has some implications of guilt...lying? I don't think so, not when the observer knows what's going on, and not if it's within within any agreed upon boundaries. And some arrangements evolve. I don't advise assuming that if nothing is asked about it that it must be okay. Bad assumption...it could adversely affect levels of trust. And trust is a critical thing. And it's very easy to lose but difficult to regain. And sometimes a loss of trust is gone forever.
Definitely an interesting thread...and set of responses. I look forward to reading more.
Linda
When I was a young teen (or maybe a preteen) I used to try on my mom's lingerie when I was left home alone. My mom had a very neat and well organized drawer. I would draw a very detailed map of everything that I took from her drawer so I could put it back exactly the way I found it. After I put everything away in its proper place I would tear up the map into small pieces and flush it.
One time I opened here panty drawer and it was uncharastically messy. I knew that I wouldn't be able to put it back together again. I also thought it might be a test to see if anything was moved while they were gone. I closed the lingerie draw and found some other clothes in the basement to try on.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
This sums it up well for me. We aren?t quite in a strict DADT, but I still try to shield her from as much as I can just so as not to upset her. If she asks, I generally tell, but otherwise no other secrets or secretive characteristics. I think she would even be more okay with it, but for societal opinions on cross dressing and how it reflects on her, not just me.Originally Posted by Taylor Dame
I have a number of personal issues, but my gender issue is the only one I don't share readily with most people. That seems to be loosening up a bit lately, a little bit at a time.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
I have no secrets whatsoever from my wife and I sincerely believe she has none that she keeps from me. With regard to spending, I keep track of our bank accounts and keep income/expense spreadsheets on my computer. Once a month I email them to her so she is always well aware of money we've spent. I don't specifically share what I spend on crossdressing as she's not interested in an itemized list. But, she can readily see what my credit card payments are. If she were to ever ask what I spent on a particular item, I wouldn't hesitate at all to tell her. I'd also tell her specifically how much of my credit card bill was related tom crossdressing if she ever asked. Anything either of us would think to spend over $100.00 for (other than normal household bills/groceries/) would be discussed with the other one beforehand because that's just how we've always been. I suspect that goes back to the early days of our marriage when our budget was tighter than a 32" belt on a 38" waist.
Privacy and secrets we keep from other people are just that. She and I really need to know everything about one another. Family and friends don't have that need. In fact, something that has surprised over my lifetime is when I learn that others discuss their private sex life within their marriage with friends and/or family. HUH? I honestly have always believed that the intimacy my wife and I share is nobody else's business and not appropriate for the public domain. I also feel that way about our family finances. Fortunately, my wife feels the same way on these topics.
It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.
Heather,
I really respect your response. I am sure your wife appreciates the honesty in your relationship.
While I am a pretty private person, I would have to say that crossdressing and things related to crossdressing are my only secrets. (..... anything else, if I told ya I'd have to kill ya!!)
I have some passwords and secret handshakes that I will take to my grave.
Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".
Honestly I am the opposite. I am to busy to keep up with all the things a person has to to be secretive. I like the feeling of knowing that there is very little that I need to be secretive about
My wife doesnt know how much I spend on motorcycle parts.
No Heel is Too High.... When it's Pointed at the Ceiling
I am supposing the main thrust of the question is regarding the spouse. The cross-dressing is the only major thing I keep secret from her. Oh, I have some minor issues that I keep to myself rather than give her concern (a temporary rash or odd pain). I have never divulged to her some details from previous relationships -- don't see any need for that, any more than I want that sort of disclosure from her. There are a couple of things that happened to me in my youth that I will most likely take to my grave.
Beyond the wife, though, I have any number of things I keep to myself. I had a couple of indiscretions in my younger days that I regard as a "need to know" issue, which very, very few know about.
So, all in all, I guess I do keep some other things secret and hidden. I haven't had any good reason to be open about them, but I most likely would tell if it were warranted.
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