Panties 24/7 for 6 Months without Wife knowing

[secretpanties]

So I have managed to continually wear panties for 24/7 for over six months without, what I can only assume is, my wife's knowledge. I just wondered if anyone has any similar experience or story. New member here and just reading through many of these threads has been exciting. First of all, sorry that it is long but a little backstory:

***Tried to keep any intimate details within the rules but please let me know.***

I am in my late 30s. My wife and I have been married for 17 years. While we were engaged, I confessed to her that I liked to wear women's panties and had been attracted to the feel of nylon and silk since I was 5 or 6. It was a big shock to her and she didn't like it but we were still married after I told her I would guard against these urges. We have had a relatively good marriage. We have 4 children in the house (teenagers and under). 5 years into our marriage I got the urge and began wearing her panties when everyone was away. Although initially a sexual attraction and urge I predominantly enjoy wearing panties for the comfort, but there are still sexual attractions there when wearing. One of the big attractions was wanting to sleep next to her at night cuddled up both wearing panties. It just felt so comfortable and a way of feeling really close. After a night or 2, she eventually reached over and found out. She was pretty upset. I vowed to not do it again, then 3 or 4 years later caught me again while sleeping. Again each time she would throw away that panties saying that she couldn't stand the thought of seeing them knowing that I'd worn them.

About a year later (10 years into our marriage), she began using the silk & nylon lingerie, slips during intimate times in the bedroom (always her wearing them) knowing that they were a turn on to me. She even said, "I know you really like this and want you to be happy" encouraging me to get satisfaction from the soft and sensual silk feeling, feeling it on her as I touch and lay against her. That night as we were going to sleep together, I told her how good that made me feel, that she knew my turn ons and was encouraging me to enjoy the feel (again on her but of course me touching her). It really made me feel this super close feeling to her, that she was going out of her way to lean into my turn ons even after I had, in my mind, really screwed up my chances.

Around this time, I start changing from wearing boxer briefs to briefs, then a year later nylon/microfiber CK briefs and Jockey briefs. A few of the pairs had colorful patterns on them, something that she said she was not a fan of because she said they seemed girly. I told her that I didn't care about the colors at all and tried from then on out to buy only black pairs. Although she didn't love it initially, and would sometimes make comments about how girly they felt, she eventually said she got used to them. However I was still desiring to wear thinner and more silky panties around her. My attraction to panties, isn't ever really any lace or anything like that. Just the plain silky/nylon panties. She ended up buying 10 pairs of new panties for herself and continued to let me enjoy rubbing against her in them when she was not in the mood.

About a year or 2 ago, she had some hormonal issues where she really lost desire to be intimate for a while. She felt really bad about our mismatched levels of desire but kept saying that she couldn't get into it. That caused a lot of nights going to sleep feeling lonely and her feeling like a bad wife. One night, I fell into the temptation to get a pair of her panties and wear them to bed. She didn't catch me that night but I secretly wanted her to know that I'd worn them thinking that maybe she would say this was the concession that I needed. She found them that morning on the floor on my side of the bed. She confronted me, also feeling bad for her issues and basically just said "you can wear them but I don't want to know about it". I didn't really take her seriously because she was still upset about it all.

A few days went by and we talked again about it. She told me that she knows that she told me that but that she really didn't want me wearing hers. Also around this time, she had been wearing my shirts, sweatpants, and even some running shoes to run in. She would always act like that was totally acceptable. She would get upset if I would make any comment, even in a joking manner, about her wearing my stuff. She would say, "All wives do this kind of stuff and their husbands like it and think it's cute." Then she would go on to say about me wearing her stuff, "it's just my underwear. You can wear other things of mine. I just don't want you wearing my underwear." One day last winter, I was out shoveling the snow on a 0 degree day and found a pair of her leggings to wear under my jeans. I came back in and was going to shower and she saw that I had been wearing them and she asked about it, I told her because it was cold, and she again kinda rolled her eyes even though I had worn her leggings the winter before while we lived in a very cold farm house. Again she said stuff to me like, "I just don't like the idea of us sharing underwear."

Again around this time, she was still struggling with wanting to be intimate. Although when we are intimate, we are both very satisfied, I just have a higher drive than her. So on the nights that she doesn't desire it many times she would just say to me, "What would turn you on the most? I want to make you happy!" On a few occasions, she would find something silk of hers to let me rub against. So last spring, I began putting the last few years together and thought, "I need to buy my own panties". This is something I had done in the past but always purged within a few days out of guilt.

So I just began buying black nylon panties that looked similar to my mens nylon briefs. Normally the standard favorites from Vanity Fair, Warners, & Jockey. I would buy a pair every few weeks and even put them in my underwear drawer at the bottom. I started wearing them throughout the weeks mixed in with my mens briefs. I started to realize that she didn't suspect anything. Within the first few weeks, I went to spoon with her and she reached back and was like, "How can I make you happy tonight?" while touching and pulling the side of my panties! She didn't seem to notice. That night, I was able to get her into it and pulled my panties to the side and be intimate without her suspecting anything.

Since July 1st of 2022, I haven't worn my men's underwear at all. What started with a lot of nervousness has turned into almost total comfort. I've walked around our bedroom at night with just a t-shirt and panties, even taking my shirt off and her looking at me talking. Many times in the night, she reaches over to slide her hands underneath the band on the side of my panties. We've been intimate 20 or 30 times at least with her touching my panties. Most of the time she doesn't say anything. One time while wearing a pair of my Vanity Fair Beyond Comfort Hi-Cuts, she was like, "Did you buy knew underwear? These feel like pantyhose material." Another time, while I was wearing a pair of Warners NPNP, she was touching me in the panties and was like "These are just so silky and thin." Almost egging me on I felt like. I regret not saying anything then but I almost felt like even if she suspected it would be like what she told me a few years ago and be in a DADT panty wearing relationship.

I do feel that even if she knew now, she will have come to realization that I'm not gay, and all the other things that wives worry about at first. If she would be ok with me wearing panties 24/7 and possibly someday wearing silky slips or nightgowns to bed, I would be totally content. Right now, I'm just kinda wanting to see how long I can go without her knowing or waiting for her to broach the topic in a way that I think would allow her to understand my desires and her to accept them. I still continue to wash/dry my panties when I am home alone. And yes, I am putting a pair of my clean men's underwear in the laundry basket to not cause too much suspicion...

From what I have seen on these forums so far, I guess I am an underdresser and don't really fall into the full crossdresser. Again not saying that I wouldn't get a thrill out of shaving my entire body, wearing a sexy bra with breast forms, pantyhose, panties, and a nice dress but that just isn't something that I have a huge or regular desire to do right now. Are there any other Underdressers out there that have had an experience similar to mine with what I'll call 'Incognito Panties"? Any other experiences that have slowly coaxed your wife or SO into the idea of you wearing panties?

-Secret Panties

[Sometimes Steffi]

I did panties incognito for a while, but my wife could probably spot panties at 50 paces and she wouldn't be at all happy. I would sneak them on in the morning as I was getting dressed and take them off before bed. I would toss them into a dirty panty pile in the recesses of my closet.

The sneaking around got very stressful, but the final straw was never being alone in the house long enough to safely wash my panties.

[Laura912]

Push, push, push. Do you have no consideration for this woman?

[NancyJ]

This is so, so hard. It brings back memories to early in my marriage. However, fortunately for me, my wife never reacted so negatively to my desire to wear panties. In fact, this first came up between us in the first months of our marriage when I took my wife’s panties off of her in bed and slipped them on me. She saw my excited response and found it both amusing and exciting.

However, following that, my desire to wear panties all of the time and to crossdress led to some very difficult and sometimes tearful and even angry discussions. But, I am so, so glad that we had those difficult talks. Those talks forced us both to grow as a couple. She had to confront some childhood prejudices and I had to learn to really, really listen.

My advise to you: Have an honest talk about your desire to wear women’s panties. Encourage her to learn that this is not that unusual, and that it does not change who you are as a man, husband, or father. Challenge her and your relationship to grow, so that you can stop with the game playing and address this as two adults. It does sound like she wants you to be happy. Use the leverage of the positive feelings you have to be more assertive about what you want.

Know and believe that there is nothing shameful about a man wearing panties. Good luck, Nancy

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for posting, SP! It made me deleriously happy that I've never had to deal with a pantie fetish!

[Heather76]

I'm willing to bet your wife is quite aware you are wearing panties. Don't for 1 minute believe you can wear them while being intimate with her, and her touching them, that she is not smart enough to figure it out. " "Did you buy knew underwear? These feel like pantyhose material." Another time, while I was wearing a pair of Warners NPNP, she was touching me in the panties and was like "These are just so silky and thin." If she didn't know then, don't you think she might have gone thru your underwear drawer to check out her suspicions. However, whether she knows or not, the result is the same. You are wearing panties 24/7.

[JulieC]

I'm with others here. (1) Your wife knows, and (2) the attempt at deception is bad. Over and over again we've seen on this forum that wives tend to be considerably more upset at deception about crossdressing than the crossdressing itself. Further, both the Vanity Fair and Warners panties are clearly panties. You're not fooling her at all.

Also, stop promising you're going to stop. It's blatantly clear you're not going to. That's not a bad thing, but just accepting reality this is who you are. Promising you're going to stop is just setting yourself up for breaking another promise.

I'm sorry to be blunt.

[Crissy 107]

I have been wearing panties 24/7 for 9 years this month and absolutely love it. You need to have a talk with your wife, I agree she already knows, so get it out in the open. You will both be happier for it and if you are anything like most of us your Panty drawer will be full in no time.
Good luck and welcome to the forum.

[Geena75]

Does she know? It depends on how observant and deductive she is. I've been underdressing in leotard and tights to bed most nights for the past 4 months. If she knows, she ain't telling. I've been wearing panties under my shorts to bed for most of the last year.

[Debs]

Im not convinced that you will stop at panties, once she accepts that and it becomes the norm, youll then start wanting the next step in your journey. Believe me it never ends until your fully dressed with makeup and going out shopping and meeting other girls at the lgbt clubs and pubs, it may take many years to get to that stage, but it a desire that is unstoppable. This is my opion because that what happened to me. and it all started with underwear.

[mbmeen12]

My signature has been the same for years now feel free to read. You also should take your post and start a journal here. I would start with counseling for you and then both of you to work on bedroom to communication....Welcome to our sister hood hun and watch out for the pink fog....
PS

Allow her to dress sexy for her... encourage her, date night, floors etc.... enjoy life...

[Jade P]

Im not convinced that you will stop at panties, once she accepts that and it becomes the norm, youll then start wanting the next step in your journey. Believe me it never ends until your fully dressed with makeup and going out shopping and meeting other girls at the lgbt clubs and pubs, it may take many years to get to that stage, but it a desire that is unstoppable. This is my opion because that what happened to me. and it all started with underwear.

I agree with Debs that our dressing progresses. I started with pantyhose when I was 10 and 47 years later I now wear pantyhose, panties and nightgowns. I want to dress more feminine and have tried other feminine things but I limit myself because my wife does not want to see me dressed.

[GretchenM]

Welcome to the forum.

First of all, I agree with Laura to a significant degree. Pushing is not going to reduce resistance and increase acceptance. Discussing the matter as adults and talking about boundaries is the only respectful way to achieve a degree of acceptance on the part of your wife. Treat her well emotionally. As Debs says this seemingly innocent behavior can and often does expand to include other things, but it is not really predictable as to whether that will happen. If you get off on the wrong foot with panties and then find a need to expand that realm it is going to be rough for you and miserable for her. You even indicate a desire to expand this into other items. Prepare for that now by establishing an understanding about your needs if that does come up by using panties as the subject around which a mutual understanding is built. Most of all though don't push! Pushing in this realm often leads to couples therapy and eventual divorce. It is not the dressing that is the problem, but the way you think about your roles. Equality and mutual respect works - has for us for over 53 years with only comparatively minor problems and even recognition of my gender needs. We set boundaries and stick to them. Recognize that women these days, in general, do not take well to being forced into something by a male dominance attitude. It is a new world.

[NancyJ]

Im not convinced that you will stop at panties, once she accepts that and it becomes the norm, youll then start wanting the next step in your journey. Believe me it never ends until your fully dressed with makeup and going out shopping and meeting other girls at the lgbt clubs and pubs, it may take many years to get to that stage, but it a desire that is unstoppable. This is my opion because that what happened to me. and it all started with underwear.

Not necessarily true. I have never been out with other t-girls, have never been to a club, rarely fully dress, and there are many who underdress only. This idea that it starts with panties and progresses to full dressing and even a desire to transition is one of the greatest myths about crossdressing.

As to not pushing, I agree. However, that does not mean not asking for what you want and not being direct. You can tell her how you feel, provide information, and open dialogue without being pushy. In a marriage, it is important that both partners ask for what they want. Nancy

[Natalie5004]

My advise is to enjoy your panties.

[Di]

Push, push, push. Do you have no consideration for this woman?

Exactly and thanks Laura

If you want acceptance from your wife this probably will have the opposite result
The games and silliness not her thinking you are gay will be the problem.

At least you have grown up from wearing hers …..that’s the only positive thing I can say.

[Nicola H]

It?s difficult to know how it pans out. Like most of us it begins with knickers and tights. Now at 65 I dress everyday
as a woman. I?m lucky. My wife works and when I?m home alone, I adopt the female role. I do the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning.
I am a wife and I love it.
I have managed to stop at this. I do not go out. So it is possible to have line in the sand. I am lucky in that my wife knows and whilst I don?t dress with her, our underwear and clothes share the same wash !

[Stephanie47]

I think it is obvious she is fully aware you're wearing panties. She may have decided this is not an issue to make a definite stand. I also think there is some teasing going on when she started buying slinky lingerie to wear which obvious would excite you. Or, maybe she thought, if she were attired in materials you had a fondness for, you would stop wearing panties. My wife and I would peruse the lingerie racks in mid-town Manhattan and frequently she would find a nightgown that enhanced the bedroom experience. We even ended up buying several nighties for me. This tapered off after our son was born. That I understood.

How to resolve several issue? Sit down and discuss the issue. Ask her what the basis of her rejection may be. My guess, she is going to fall back on societal norms and expectations; Men do not wear women's panties! I'd also guess there is an element of "Am I not enough to turn you on?" I know my thoughts are bias, but if I was a woman and my husband became a roaring tiger and I got the benefits of his fetish, I'd be buying him panties. The biggest problem I personally have is my wife not wanting to be engaged in any shape or form in my desire to wear women's clothing. There is nobody to rein me and sort of control the impulses. If I were your wife and I was assured it was only panties, I'd be buying your panties.

[secretpanties]

I'm willing to bet your wife is quite aware you are wearing panties. Don't for 1 minute believe you can wear them while being intimate with her, and her touching them, that she is not smart enough to figure it out. " "Did you buy knew underwear? These feel like pantyhose material." Another time, while I was wearing a pair of Warners NPNP, she was touching me in the panties and was like "These are just so silky and thin." If she didn't know then, don't you think she might have gone thru your underwear drawer to check out her suspicions. However, whether she knows or not, the result is the same. You are wearing panties 24/7.

Yes, I've thought that she would definitely check through my drawers and find them, which is part of the reason I haven't tried to hide them more easily. She puts away clean laundry weekly and could easily see in my drawer if she wanted to. Because of this, and she hasn't brought it up, I kinda assume that she may be just trying to "know but not acknowledge". And I thought that by not bringing it up, I was helping her deal with it instead of what she may see as rubbing it in her face.

To be completely honest my wife and I have always differed about the difference between the feel of certain fabrics and silks. She would compare most of my men's nylon briefs with her very thin silky panties and say they were the exact same when I very clearly felt a difference. Not sure if she was saying that to try and get me to think I was wearing the same thing as panties (but made for men) even though I could still tell a difference. Although the Jockey Elance Microfiber Men's Briefs were very thin and silky on the back, they have the thicker double panel on the front. When she touched me in the front while wearing panties she didn't seem to notice. Again, not sure if that's because she didn't want to bring it up or because she really didn't notice. I guess if she ever reaches lower and feels the cotton crotch lining and doesn't say anything, that will be the real test. haha

[Gillian Gigs]

I don't think that your wife is that naive. You made comments about, "you can wear them but I don't want to know about it". As well as, "I just don't like the idea of us sharing underwear."

Be up front the honest with your wife, don't wear her underwear, GET your own.

[Rhonda Jean]

I've been wearing panties since I was a teenager, only keeping a couple of pair of male briefs for going to the doctor. Panties are such a silly argument on both sides. There are plenty of panties that are supposed to be "men's" that are available at mainstream places. A little off of mainstream like xdress or hommemystere and you can find bras and panties. Personally, if I had to choose between two identical pair, one marketed as men's and the other as women's, I'd choose women's every time at twice the price. I know it doesn't make sense, but just to set up the argument, I get it. So, as far as "It's the silky fabric"... BS. Identical fabric is available in men's. Now, I doubt if your wife would go for the fetishy stuff either, but if she insists on "men's", well there you go.

As Debs indicated, panties are kind of Crossdressing 101. Maybe there are those that are happy just wearing panties forever, and that's it. They're not on this forum. As much as I disagree with the "no panties" thing from your wife, she probably sees it (or projects it) correctly. Sure, panties feel good, but that's not the real attraction. I (and I suspect you) wear them because they're women's. I'll freely admit it because that's like a zero on a scale to ten of the things I've done/do. You're still in the " I like the silky feeling" stage. I'm way past "silky feeling".

It seems like an obvious and easy answer to just talk to your wife about it. Nobody ever seems to lay out the argument against that. If she is totally against it (as you apparently expect) she has effectively said no to your crossdressing ever getting off the ground. That, I believe, is her intention. Not only that, but you will have permanently damaged her opinion of you. She knows, and you know, that just because she refuses you on this it doesn't mean that your desire is erased. She'll never forget that you want to wear panties, and whatever that sets off in her imagination will always be there.

Other than the fact that wearing panties is probably (certainly?) indicative of something a lot bigger, the panties argument is just ridiculous. I know that there are women who think that panties wouldn't fit a male anatomy. BS. I know that there are some who think they'd be visible. BS. I've worn every conceivable type/style/shape/color of panties 24/7 for 50 years. Nobody can tell unless you want them to. Wear some thin, tight, white pants or wear low cut pants and a shirt that rides up when you bend over, yep, of course! But you'd only do that if you wanted them to show. At the office? Never.

[Maid_Marion]

When I had the talk with my wife about setting ground rules she was the one that suggested wearing panties!
What prompted the talk was me buying VS PJs and wearing them the day the arrived in the mail!

Marion

[Shelly Preston]

I think you are pushing the limits of acceptance.

Its one thing to sit down and explain your needs. However your are pushing her limits.

If you are not careful, there will come a point when what you have comes crashing down.

Please consider how your wife is feeling.

[Monique65]

I’ve had a keen interest in panties all my life, and when I retired I started wearing my wife’s full time. I’m sure she knew, but never mentioned it. When she did see me wearing them, she asked why and I replied that I like how they feel. She surprised me by suggesting that I get some of my own so I wouldn’t stretch hers. The next time we were at WM I reminded her of it and we made our way to the women’s section. I was looking at some plain white cotton granny panties and she suggested that I might like some satin Vanity Fair high cut ones. Of course, I agreed and have been wearing them 24/7 ever since. We don’t call them panties, though, they are my “undies”.

[Kitty Sue]

I did not tell my wife about my crossdressing until after we married. I try to remember that. She did not know she was marrying a crossdresser. I did not give her that choice. Today my crossdressing is set by her level of comfort and I don't want to exceed those boundaries.
I have yet to crossdress around her and I don't know if I ever will or not. However, she has told me I can.