intro & I may have made a mistake with FaceApp

[dalearden]

Hello all, let me say I don't know if this is the right forums but here goes - I have been a lurker mostly in the cd forum as I never allowed myself to think this was anything more. As a cd, I have that "man in a dress" look, broad shoulders (but flat chest lol), too tall, etc. Anyway, so I have no one in real life to talk about what I feel, and I have felt not right since I was a teenager. I won't bore anyone with more as it seems a pretty typical story as I read the forums. I do have one girlfriend I met online in similar circumstances and we chat a lot. She recommended I try the FaceApp gender algorithm, which is likely my mistake! I know intellectually the computer makes changes to my face, opens the eyes, reduced rugged jawline, adds shoulder length hair which nicely frames the face, but - the first time I say that photo I started crying. I had to stop of course because of family in house but it was me! I mean the woman I see in the mirror when I can day dream, for maybe 40 years now. Like meeting a doppelganger or yourself from an alternative universe, except with xx not xy chromosome. I now spend a good part of my day day dreaming about what if? what if I was born as a genetic girl? What if I could transition and accomplish even 50% of the changes I see in this photo!! I am really torn now, I have a hard time concentrating at home and at work. I guess this is not really a question so much as I need someplace to write this down and vent a bit. I hope I do not waste anyone's time. Let me say I have spent some time reading past posts in this forum and am learning a lot. Thank you.

[mbmeen12]

This is the perfect place to post hun. Many folks here struggle and your not alone hun ie the outside doesn't match the inside. My recommendation, keep a journal, maybe seek counseling, go to a support group. Stay strong 🙏

[Jeri Ann]

Unfortunately, daydreaming about transitioning or being born a genetic female is not exclusive to transsexuals.

Threads like this are common to the Crossdressers section. I have moved it here. You will get more response.

[CharlotteCD]

I can totally relate. It was actually FaceApp that triggered my "relapse" into dressing after years of non-feeling and buried denials.

Seeing myself as a female, and thinking that was who I could have been if I'd been able to transition as a child was so painful, but so exciting

[Krisi]

You need to understand that you are, and always will be, a male. Daydreaming about being a female is not going to change things. It's fun to dress up in women's clothes and pretend to be a female, but you have to realize that the best you can do is pretend.

[GretchenM]

There is nothing wrong with the thinking the "what ifs" as it allows your brain to process that information generated by the release of the former blockages created by the interaction of your desire to be who you are in terms of sex and who you are in terms of gender identity. The fact is gender identity almost always wins this conflict. Gender is the big factor; not your sex.

But the question is what does that mean in the big picture of YOU? That is something that cannot be determined now - you just have to work through the process of identifying who you are in the big picture of self identification. The pattern of development in this regard is common and it usually resolves itself after awhile. You appear to be where I was 10 years ago. It slowly developed an identifiable pattern as I explored the many options available, including transition, for achieving a smooth picture of myself as I am without the various conflicts. I ended up quite comfortable in a mild non-binary mode but you may end up someplace else. It is a personal and unique journey well worth taking as you will come out of the journey as a bit different of a person once it is all defined and you can accept something more tangible and with much less jumping around here and there exploring different possibilities. Your brain and your body does not know what configuration is right but it always seeks that configuration in a step by step process. Don't jump to conclusions when you come across something that seems right at the moment. Your brain needs to work with it and try to see how it fits in the total picture and that process occurs in the vast volume of your brain where you are unaware of what is happening. In time you will consciously get a message as to whether it is a yea or a nay plus hints of other directions to explore. It is a bit like fermenting wine - it takes time and it goes through many steps you cannot see or even sense.

And you are not wasting anybody's time - that is what this forum is for - to help each other with the struggles by providing hints and images of alternatives in the almost infinite possibilities and combinations. It is just the kind of problem our brains love to deal with.

[Kris Burton]

You need to understand that you are, and always will be, a male. Daydreaming about being a female is not going to change things. It's fun to dress up in women's clothes and pretend to be a female, but you have to realize that the best you can do is pretend.

But - as Billy Joel sings - sometimes a fantasy is all you need.

[kimdl93]

I am personally not a big fan of faceapp. (Or FaceAnything, for that matter). I find I am better prepared to face reality without such illusion.

[Kitty Sue]

Hi delearden glad you are here. What you are going through is absolutely familiar. Over Christmas the women in our family were gifted some gorgeous clothes. I thought no matter what I wear I will never be a true woman. However, that does not mean I cannot enjoy the famine traits I do have.

[char GG]

I realize Faceapp is a fun app for people to play with. However....

Just a word of warning about Faceapp:

FaceApp is a photo and video editing application for iOS and Android developed by FaceApp Technology Limited, a company based in Cyprus.

I don't know what the rules are regarding using a company based out of Cyprus. I don't know of your information is confidential, sold, reused somehow. I really know nothing about it. However, I would not trust information that you want to keep private to a foreign country's rules.

[Linda Stockings]

I agree completely, Char. And the more I learn, the more I realize that anything one types into a computer can be resurrected by anyone clever enough and devious enough to do it. Security should be considered. When I used faceap I tried my best to use it as a makeup learning tool and NOT a facial feminization surgery tool to feed my imagination. I confess it is definitely tempting to see how one looks with a feminized figure, feminized facial bone structure, larger eyes, larger lips, and on and on. And I think Faceap uses all of us and the light ADDICTION we have to imagine ourselves with feminine features. So I'm happier using Faceap as a makeup tool rather than letting it grasp my imagination harshly and get me so disappointed with how I ACTUALLY LOOK vs how I COULD HAVE LOOKED had I been born a female. These are just my own opinions and thoughts. I hope they gave some good thoughts to the OP and the responders in this thread.

Hugs and best wishes,

Linda

[dalearden]

Thank you everyone for the responses! It will take me some time to process. I think perhaps I am confused as to the lines between cd v. tg v. ts etc, and where I fit in. I spent part of today staring at those photos...the more I look at it and flipped back and forth, the major changes it made (for me) were enlarging eyes and slightly raising the eyebrows, maybe a touch of color in lips, but it did not change lips, nose or jaw like I first thought. The hair of course is added, and oh am I thinking of starting to grow the hair out! If I did not have close family that would be hurt I would be tempted to spend some $$$ and time to see what the real life "girl" me would look like. I do agree with a couple other that posted that I know I will always be a man...I have XY chromosome in every cell of my body and that will never change. But still...these desired, urges, dreams are very strong.

[TAG]

Saying you have a family its best to leave all your thoughts a fantasy.
I know its a lot to of info to sift thru but please don't make any mistakes that may ruin the life you have.

[Geena75]

I know just what you mean, dale. When I started, especially when I got into the forum, I wanted so much to see what I could look like. For years I just worked on the body, even finding ways to cover my face (If you followed my posts, you know that I have been bearded for a long time). Then there was this on line app "What would you look like if you were a woman." I dove in, dressing and wigging and running the app, then photoshopping the results onto my full body. I was so encouraged! Then I found faceapp and was even more encouraged. Then, I took the plunge and shaved off the beard and saw reality -- and was so disappointed! I promptly grew it back. But I then took the disappointing results and ran them through faceapp and discovered things I did poorly and figured out some ways to improve. That made me better prepared when I shaved again and have become much more satisfied.

You figured out the flaw of the transformation tab in faceapp -- it changes things that you cannot readily change! The version I have used recently allows much more subtle changes, and can give notions of what you can actually do. If I compare the look I have achieved with the gender change in faceapp the differences are rather extreme. I'll never look like that idealized computerized image, but I can look pretty nice, and I much prefer my own look, and am enjoying developing it. I have found reality is much more fun than the fantasy image. I would advise you to work on your own look and maybe use faceapp to just enhance it and give you realistic ideas.

[dalearden]

good advice...as a follow-up, I have done more "research" such as it is. The app certainly did increase the size of my eyes and of course add gorgeous long hair, but I think one main issue may be the use of a "selfie." A close up has some perspective distortion, to the effect of slimming the face (and ironically making the nose bigger!). So to stay quasi-realistic, better to use a photo taken by someone else, like when you loan your phone to someone to take your photo, and they stand maybe 10 feet away, that should give a more accurate photo of how people see you.

[Diane P]

dalearden, off topic for one second, by your name I take it you are a Flash Grodon fan? Back on topic, Is the picture you have as your avatar the one that FaceApp modified or the normal you? I ask this because if this is the normal you, with the addition of a wig, you look fine. If you look at my avatar you'll see there is no way in the world, except with the addition of a Covid-19 face mask, that I can even remotely try to pass as a woman. I am who I am and with my feminine half, whose name is Diane, she introduced herself to me that way, I am quite happy being a crossdresser. Since you have a family please take the time to try and talk to your SO about wanting to cross dress. She may understand, shen may not, you might end up with a Don't Ask, Don't Tell situation, but the sooner you try to talk to her about it the less damage may be done to your marriage. Take your time and give things serious thought.

[dalearden]

Hi Diane, yes Flash Gordon fan! Glad you caught the reference. So the image of Dale Arden in those lovely gowns as the damsel in distress has stuck with me for decades! And yes, the avatar was my (faceapp) photo. I have changed it again to move as close to "real" (faceapp real) as I am comfortable with.

Here is what I have concluded after a few days thinking about this: it is not a mistake to use Faceapp, but can be if one does not understand what it is doing. Most important is the photo to start with (assuming one wants to minimize gender swap changes). Don't use the arms length selfie as it does (very nicely!) narrow the face. Instead, to more closely see what others see, use a photo someone else has taken (or use a tripod) from several feet away. Next, and this is just for me, I do note the eyes are larger and eyebrows lifted. Nice shoulder length hair has been added which minimizes receding hairline and larger face. All this helps me focus on the things I can do to look better (no surprise, lose weight, grow out hair). The effect of a light foundation in smoothing the skin is also wonderful. I still have "man in a dress" phobia but am coming to terms with it. It seems a process and I am moving forward.

As to the security concerns, I don't want to downplay those. I suppose the pink fog dominated when I first tried the app. Now I think about all the other photos of me out there, work and social media, etc., and am not going to get overly worried about this.

[Jenn A116]

I've played with Face App a number of times. Starting with a male persona picture and having FA do the gender conversion just to see what it would do. Played with many settings like hair color & length. Applied makeup in various combinations, etc. Really liked what I saw. So I decided I'd try to create that look in person as Jennifer.

Obviously not such an easy thing to do. But I went out and bought a wig that was similar in style & color to the one I liked best in the FA picture. Bought several makeup products. Practiced a bit. And finally achieved a fairly reasonable presentation as Jennifer in real life. Even now, I'll use FA when presenting as Jennifer to see what different looks could achieve. Or I use it when I didn't have time to do makeup during a dressing session.

So, FA for me is a fun thing.

[Sabine Janus]

The security issue is my concern as well

[Monique65]

The first time I saw my image through the My Twin filter on Snap Chat I was stunned! There was the beautiful woman I had been harboring for years smiling back at me. While I have no illusions that I’ll ever be able to achieve that look, it is comforting to know that she exists, if only virtually.

[Christie Camelle]

Sweetheart, you are not alone. I feel the same and I'm sure many more of us here do, too. With me, the face app is fun, but it's absolutely more the woman I see the mirror, even in guy mode. She looks back at me and I feel her sense of emptiness. The older I get (I turned 56 today), the more I feel her. Maybe it's testosterone loss in males my age. Or maybe she's' just getting "stronger". Regardless of what it is, it is. In my case, I am a chimera. I absorbed my female twin in the womb. We are both alive in me. I feel her sadness and she feels my guilt over being the one born. Anyway, you're among friends, dear. *Big HUGS*

[Karren H]

Sounds like software induced pink fog! Personally I am glad I never tried FaceApp.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I use faceApp and especially SNAPCHAT for another reason. I found I can download celebrity pictures I select and "rubber-mask" them over my own face. Some are quite "Fair" matches, or at least "compatible. I can and do use this to help me guide my own makeup application and achieve that celebrity's look in real life---to a fun degree anyways. I can even see their face in mine. Of course I do NOT use and POST the faceApp pics as ME on line, but I do post the real makeup results. It gives me more looks and new tricks to try with my makeup.-----I take pride in my REAL pics I post.

[helenejo]

I love it...this is me faceapped..I look uncannily like my younger sister

[dalearden]

Sweetheart, you are not alone. I feel the same and I'm sure many more of us here do, too. With me, the face app is fun, but it's absolutely more the woman I see the mirror, even in guy mode. She looks back at me and I feel her sense of emptiness. The older I get (I turned 56 today), the more I feel her. Maybe it's testosterone loss in males my age. Or maybe she's' just getting "stronger". Regardless of what it is, it is. In my case, I am a chimera. I absorbed my female twin in the womb. We are both alive in me. I feel her sadness and she feels my guilt over being the one born. Anyway, you're among friends, dear. *Big HUGS*

Christie your analogies are *perfect*! That is exactly how I feel, like my sister is in me trying to express herself and finally I am listening! (ps, also 56 here, its a perfect age!)