Sexless marriage and CD

[NancyJ]

As a follow up to the thread on sleeping together, I have been doing some research on sexless marriages. Estimates vary between ten to twenty percent of U.S. marriages are sexless, but consensus seems to be about fifteen percent. Some research shows that the number of sexless marriages is going up, and it is just as often the guys issue as the woman’s. Here?s the question: Has your crossdressing negatively impacted or destroyed your sexual intimacy?

I will go first. At times it has challenged us and it has been my fault for pushing too hard. Fortunately, those awkward days are long past. We both seem to have matured past judging each other. Presently, as I have learned to respect the boundaries she has set, she allows a certain amount of crossdressing during or as a prelude to intimacy. And, fortunately, we remain sexually active and playful. Nancy

[Kitty Sue]

No change here. If anything intimacy sexual and otherwise has increased and I think that is a result of improved trust and communication. That started with me being honest about crossdressing. I have a sister-in-law and she and her husband have not had sex for 28 years. He has no interest at all. Sad really because that is not the kind of marriage she wants.

[kayegirl]

My marriage has been sexless for the past five years, but nothing to do with my crossdressing. In March 2018, I had surgery to remove my prostate, due to cancer. Although the surgery went very well, and I am totally clear of the cancer, there has been some side effects which have resulted in the lack of full sexual activity.
This does not mean a total lack of intimancy, or a deterioration in our married life, far from it, we retain our love and passion, for each other.

[Stephanie47]

When my wife and I were first married (she 20, me 24) I bought her a nightgown that was a "medium." I was dumb as a rock about women's sizes. It swam on her, but she wore it. One night after she discarded it after a romp I tried it on while she was asleep. I was drinking a glass of water when she walk in on me. "Why are you wearing my nightie?" I told her the truth which was I liked the feel of the nylon fabric. For many years, I wearing a nightie and also hosiery, was an experience enhancer. I ended up with several nighties for myself that were bought together during one of our many forays into mid-town Manhattan lingerie shopping. It was not until a bra was pulled out of the bottom draw of my dresser by our three year old daughter that "The Talk" ensued.

For a period of time she shunned sex. Also, she told me to NOT buy her anymore nightgowns. She said I was probably thinking how I would look in them; not true. She did mellow after a while. Any decrease in activity is attributable to the numerous medical issues my wife has experienced along with the aging process for both of us.

[Cheryl T]

Nothing has changed for us in that regard due to my dressing.
The only thing is that she prefers me not to be fully dressed. She's not into the lesbian aspect.

[NancyJ]

For a period of time she shunned sex. Also, she told me to NOT buy her anymore nightgowns. She said I was probably thinking how I would look in them; not true. She did mellow after a while. Any decrease in activity is attributable to the numerous medical issues my wife has experienced along with the aging process for both of us.

As with you, we had periods of time when we had no sex because of me and my pushing crossdressing. We, fortunately, eventually worked it out each of these times with my backing off crossdressing and agreeing to her boundaries. As far as aging, according to the Council on Aging, many couples experience better sex lives empty nest and post menopause and a “majority” of married couples continue to be sexually active well into their 70’s. We plan to be part of that group! But I realize various medical conditions like chronic pain and certainly prostate cancer can interfere.

She has accepted that a certain amount of femininity is just a part of me. I wish she would let me dress more, but I am plenty happy with what I have! Nancy

[Elizabeth G]

Our sex life had slowly been decreasing for some time when my wife learned of my crossdressing / gender issues and that decrease continued after the revelation until it eventually stopped. I can't say for certain whether or not the crossdressing was a factor but it certainly didn't help.

So while we no longer enjoy the sexual aspect of our relationship we still love and care for each other deeply.

[audreyinalbany]

we were never overly libidinous, but it certainly scaled way back once kids arrived

[Debs]

No sex her for over 12 yrs, but its due to my wifes illness not my dressing, I sleep in the back room which ive turned into a girlie room, no need to hide anything all my clothes are in wardrobes and drawers, I have full consent from my wife to dress whenever I want.

[shineyleggs]

Our sex life went by the way side, when my wife had to have a hysterectomy because of uterine cancer, she is healthy now, but no sex life since. She says her vag is dead. But she has not touched me since either, not from the under dressing. But still have to watch what I wear and when. I still wear bras and panties dailey, and sleep in a bathing suit and stockings, and a bra, so at least I get to relaxe when in bed.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Unfortunately, sexless. But, crossdressing was only part of the problem.

[Di]

Mod Hat on.

Anyone going into every detail about their sex life this thread will be done.
Some here like share every sex encounter they ever had with detail / no not happening.

For those that complain …...we are adults
Yes true but posting in the open section where anyone can read ( guests , curiosity seekers ect)
I never understand this when you have a private section why some want to share way to much.


So keep it light and within the rules we try our best to keep things open .
Fair Warning

ADD
I think it fascinating to understand if CDing contributed or not and important just please keep it to the OPs questions.
No play by play .
Thanks

[CharlotteCD]

It was positive from a sexual point of view, and then my wife discovered my crossdressing.

Since then, it's never recovered and is rare.
There was a GG on here recently who scoffed at the idea that women find their husbands less masculine and therefore attractive, however I firmly believe that this is the case due to the timelines and some comments.

[NancyJ]

It was positive from a sexual point of view, and then my wife discovered my crossdressing.

Since then, it's never recovered and is rare.
There was a GG on here recently who scoffed at the idea that women find their husbands less masculine and therefore attractive, however I firmly believe that this is the case due to the timelines and some comments.

Charlotte, We definitely had some abstinent times related to her discomfort with my dressing, but we kept talking, and I kept loving and trying to be present for her. Do not give up or give in. Our marriage is too important! Nancy

[RI Chrissy]

We haven't had sex in a couple years, she went through menopause, she has no interest in being intimate. My dressing has increased quite a bit, she hasn't said anything about it.

[BTWimRobin]

Here?s the question: Has your crossdressing negatively impacted or destroyed your sexual intimacy?

In the world according to Phil Rizzuto:
"OK, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here
Two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth
There's the wind-up, and there it is
A line shot up the middle, look at him go
This boy can really fly ... "

No, it has not changed our sex lives.

[alwayshave]

It has had no effect on my marriage, but my wife knew before we married. However, my former marriage, which ended over 20 years ago, was sexless and my ex-wife did not know I CDed.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I was never the greatest lover, but what there was of our sex life ended the day I told my wife about Giselle.
We are still best friends and married almost 39 years but the bedroom now is just for sleeping.

[Heather76]

We have been in a sexless marriage for about 10 years. Since I started crossdressing a mere 31 months ago, that is not the reason. I lost my prostate to cancer in 2007 and suffered the effect of not being able to attain an erection under any circumstance. We still enjoyed sex in other ways for a few years (use your imagination). However, about 10 years ago my wife started experiencing some minor, but unpredictable, anal incontinence. She wouldn't allow me near her as she felt "dirty." Regardless, our marriage is every bit as strong, if not stronger, than it has ever been. We both have a deep and abiding love for the other one.

[GretchenM]

We are now sexless in the most common sense yet we are not. As a result of various events in each of our lives (prostate cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer, and our advancing ages) the desire in each of us has vanished in the most direct sense. But we still express to each other the same feelings that previously drove us to have sex. In a sense we have replaced sex with other kinds of physical contact that we have found as satisfying or even more so in different ways. We were already traveling this road when I came out and my wife's knowledge of my gender variance had no impact on that affection, positively or negatively, except at the very first. Once we came to an understanding about that the short term negative effects faded away. But because coming out turned me into a different person in terms of personality as a result of self acceptance the effects were, in a round about way, positive on the totality of our relationship. Issues other than gender variance have been far more impactful and most of those had to do with medical issues.

But I do agree with your statement that a couple's sex life can get much more active when empty nesters and after menopause. It was great, but oh so long ago.

[WandaRae2009]

I don't thing my CDing has anything to do with it. I think it is strictly a hormone thing on her side. She just has no desire.
Actually, when she found out about my CDing, and we met with a counselor, and she came to terms with it, we were more active than we had been in a long time. If we do anything now, I have to start it with resistance, and that is getting tiring.

[docrobbysherry]

For me, sex and intimacy r related. After 10 years both of those stopped. The fact that I no longer found my wife attractive may have had some effect. She put on a lot of weight. And, maybe she grew tired of me as well. I proceeded with divorce after our marriage councelor recommended it!

My crossdressing only seriously began after we separated. It had no effect on my marriage issues or divorce.
It bewilders me how anyone can give up on their life and stay with someone they r no longer intimate with when they r still active and in good health!

Yes, divorce can be very traumatic and expensive. But, after it's done you'll be to free to live any way u like. In my case, that allowed me to become Sherry. And, at 80 Sherry allows me to enjoy my life in so many more ways than I could living as just another old man!

If you're in an unhappy marriage now, remember u could be living your dream life, too!

[Kelli_cd]

Not at all related to my CD. Medical issues with each of us, lack of desire on her part. While there isn't anything physical happening, I feel we are closer today than we've ever been. 37th anniversary next month.

[mbmeen12]

Has your crossdressing negatively impacted or destroyed your sexual intimacy?

No it actually enhances it...... shopping with her, home cooked dinner and drinks etc....G rated🥃

[Gi Gondin]

Can’t agree more with docrobby. i strongly believe we should pursue happiness and respect ourselves in a sense that this should come first.

In my case, back to the thread topic, CD is a great enhancement of our sex life. We both agree that without CD we may have not be together anymore.

Her version of complaining about my crossdressing is this: - you told me your were a CD when we started dating, that’s what I have signed for!