Sexless marriage and CD

[nancy58]

My wife told me 5-10 years ago that crossdressing was a big turnoff for her, but it's not the only problem. Prostate cancer took a toll, as did my wife's hysterectomy and anti-anxiety medication. The last couple of years have featured added stress as my in-laws and my mother have needed help managing their affairs, plus my wife suffers from back pain. "It's a little bit of everything", as the song goes. My own libido feels weaker. These days, our relationship is mainly about being together and being kind to each other.

[andreanna]

In my opinion, being in a sexless marriage is what brought on the need and want to crossdress. Divorced now mainly because of the fact of being sexless and happy now that I can dress whenever I want.

[NancyJ]

I am reminded, reading these responses, that couples in strong marriages adapt to many challenges, including medical issues that interfere with sexual intimacy. Seems like those sorts of issues (medical) are much more often the cause of loss of sexual intimacy than crossdressing.

It does seem, though, that for some, as sexual intimacy declined that crossdressing increased. That sort of begs the question as to whether dressing becomes a substitute?

In any case, I am grateful for what I have, for sure. I will say that we have made it a point to keep this aspect of our marriage alive (granted we have not, yet, fortunately, had to face some of the significant medical challenges that others have). We have faced (endured) menopause, and we are of course dealing with aging (we are over 70). We have made maintaining our sexual intimacy a purposeful priority. Neither of us want to lose it. Like the saying goes, “Use it or lose it.” �� Nancy

[GretchenM]

I believe you are right, Nancy. It is a matter of adaptation to the changes in our lives. Fortunately, we humans are really good at adapting to changes. Not perfect by any means, but very capable.

However, there may be a flip side to that coin. And that is the impact of stereotypes that we adopt and cling to that really don't fit any longer. Those tend to create a counter current that hinders our adaptation. In that instance adaptation becomes a stressor that leads to disappointments and dissatisfaction.

In my opinion that is a good reason to move beyond behavioral stereotypes that cause stress. Simply accept that things have changed and one must change accordingly. That induces creativity in finding other more comfortable pathways that fit the new environment in which one lives. And following those new pathways can lead to finding other joys that fit the new environment our values exist in. It is a bit like forcing and escalation in our need for dressing - it is fine for us but not necessarily acceptable to others whose values keep them from being comfortable with our forcing. The other affected parties experience a different kind of dysphoria that makes them push back against us. And that leads to more stress and a downward slope in the curve that is not helpful. Thus the happy medium achieved by the people involved adapting to each other in ways that achieve compromises so each gets something they need without forcing the other to give up what is important to them.

Bottom line is that change happens and to keep the peace we must change. Don't simply resign oneself to the changes, but be creative in the adaptation to keep it from feeling like a punishment for something one did not do. And exercise a modicum of selflessness in the process.

[Monique65]

I would have to agree with Andreanna. My wife’s aversion to intimacy over the years has led to an increase in my need to dress. My need for the feminine presence has led me to seek to fulfill it my self. It’s as if I am striving to become my own woman.

[Jessica Secret]

In my case I have a boyfriend, and he loves my dressing in the bedroom (beautiful/romantic "wedding night" style lingerie usually) and our sex life couldn't be any better or more beautiful/sensual than it is. I feel for anyone who is going in a sexless situation, sex is a very important part of a relationship imo and I'm very lucky that my boyfriend and I have such a great relationship in that regard.

[Julia B]

For me an my wife I would say crossdressing adds intimacy. My wife is totally comfortable with me as a man or a woman during intimacy. It?s wonderful.

[Jade P]

My dressing and hiding it for so many years has caused my wife to lose attraction for me. She says I am not a man to her anymore. I said I am still a man and she said NO YOUR NOT. I do feel I am half man and half woman. We live as married friends but it has been very hard on my wife and I.

[Connie D50]

My crossdressing killed my sex life,wasn't that great in the first place. I also pushing too hard

[Shelly Lynn]

We have a sexless marriage but I think it is because of both us are in our seventies. I so miss having sex but life goes on. Our relationship is much more like girlfriends that live together that need and depend on each other.

[Rhonda Jean]

I was a turnoff for my (ex) wife. Frustrating for her. "I feel like I'm having sex with (different word we can't say on here) a woman!" I don't remember when she started saying it but she'd probably felt it long before she actually said it.

I always waited for her to initiate, which was a rare occurrence. I really thought I was being respectful of her by doing that. It also kept me from being rejected. Toward the end she succinctly summed it up. I told her I thought she just didn't like sex. She said, I LOVE sex, just not with YOU!" It was a very long time after the divorce that I realized exactly what that statement meant.

[Sometimes Steffi]

For me an my wife I would say crossdressing adds intimacy. My wife is totally comfortable with me as a man or a woman during intimacy. It?s wonderful.

It's more than "wonderful", it's "awesome".

My wife has never seen me dressed, even in pics, and she doesn't want to

[NancyJ]

Aside from a specific physical condition that precludes sexual intimacy, both males and females, if otherwise healthy, are capable of sexual intimacy virtually through the lifespan. We have set maintaining sexual intimacy as a goal, even as we age. We both have always enjoyed it and agreed that it helps us feel connected. We plan it as part of our lives, and due to being of retirement age, it does take longer than it used to, and we do it differently than we did in our forties and even fifties. Being that we are in an FLR, I can ask, but she decides when and if. But age has not stopped us, just caused us to get more creative. The only crossdressing involved is lingerie, but usually only underwear. She makes the rules in our bedroom. Nancy

[Misty_cder]

My wife and I are intimate, just not as much as we would like to be. Three teenagers, all in different activities, keeps us very busy with very little time for ourselves right now. My crossdressing is not part of our intimacy. My wife is not attracted to women and does not want me dressed when we are intimate which is fine with me.

[GaleWarning]

Medical issues have put paid to what was once a very active sex life.

[NancyJ]

Misty, probably the most sexually active and one of the most fun years of our marriage was the first year of empty nest! Enjoy the kids while you have them. Every life stage has pluses and minuses.

Gale, too bad that medical problems got in the way, but of course there is plenty more to being married than sex.

[docrobbysherry]

--------It does seem, though, that for some, as sexual intimacy declined that crossdressing increased. That sort of begs the question as to whether dressing becomes a substitute?---------

On point with me, Nancy! I was so uninterested in women and sex after my divorce I consuted a urologist to see if it was old age? I was 50.
My CDing began to take off about then, too. But, it took a couple years for Sherry to appear. When she did? My sexuality returned and continued to increase along with my dressing!

Now at 80, I'm still sexually active which she's often the inspiration for!

[Nancy Richards]

Not totally when but slowly she lost in intimatecy but it happened. We have stopped sleeping together I am a very active sleeper not good for sleeping together

[WendyCD]

Well, CDing is not something we do together, neither I, or her, want to. Our love life is a little off through the years (mostly mine, I am over 60, however her libido is still good) but our marriage is NOT sexless.

It is complicated, but she knows that I crossdress, we NEVER talk about it, however she is happy to wear lingerie and panties, etc., that I buy for her and that she buys for herself. We enjoy it when it is on her, not me, and I am extremely happy with that. We love trance music and a fire on date night.

I think she considers it self centered, CDing and all that, and she does NOT want me to be self centered on date night.